The Doms true calling

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

Looking to explore more deeply what the true power center of the Dom is, I have opinions based on my own life, but would like to explore and debate it further here.

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

The force of a true Dominant,

The more I think about this, the more I realize that there is such a similarity between a good Dominant and a good Leader; with a capital “L”. A submissive seeks the leadership of her Dominant, she knows that she is a good follower, and must be given a good lead to follow.

The power, then of a Dominant is that of control, over self, over situation, and then – and only then – can he truly have control over his submissive. The truth is that he must dive deep inside of himself and gain full control of that within him that which will tear his control apart. He must be in full common terms with all the sides of his own personality and it’s quirks. There can never be a moment when he looses control of himself or it will shatter his control over the situation and over his submissive. This is true in life; in business and so too for the BDSM lifestyle he chooses to participate in.

Most people lack the true understanding of the id and the ego to be in control of both impostors, just as the poem by Rudyard Kipling says, “…If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster: And treat those two impostors just the same; …”. Think of what that means. Triumph is truly an impostor; it makes you feel like you are invincible and can make no mistakes. That’s a very bad step to make if you truly want to be a good dominant. Triumph, like luck, is a matter of preparation – in all its forms – and opportunity. If you don’t have that preparation (the mastery of your self) you won’t have the prerequisite to triumph over the situation at hand.

The same is true for “Disaster”; it too is an impostor. It tends to sap your energy and your self confidence: Unless you understand it. Failure is part of success. It is the part that often comes just before success. Think of it as the price of success. You must know how to fail, examine it thoroughly from every angle and use it to prepare you for the next time you face a situation, and with that new knowledge – and the associated confidence – you are now ready to succeed.

Don’t fear either of these impostors as you journey down the true path of the Dominant, you must know that there will be times that your submissive is going to test your control. You must know that for her to grow, she must test you and you must take joy in her testing you while you maintain that control. She will admire you, because she’s put her trust and love in your hands, and she knows that you can make her feel good – better than anyone else can – but you must look deep within her and see where she needs to grow. Then, through your knowledge, experience and preparation, you must usher her in that direction so that she becomes a full person – who happens to trust and enjoy being Your submissive.

I look forward to the comments of both experienced and newby sub’s and Dom’s alike…

 

[rosco rathbone]

There can never be a moment when he looses control of himself or it will shatter his control over the situation and over his submissive. This is true in life; in business and so too for the BDSM lifestyle he chooses to participate in.

A pleasant fairy tale....

 

[Netzach]

My bedside book while I was sick all summer was Stephen Mitchell's very zen buddhist flavored translation of the Tao.

This has a lot in common with the idea you just put forward, except I like the fact that it also extends the idea of compassion to the point where you have compassion for yourself and don't browbeat yourself, simply accept things as they are and move on from where you are. It doesn't behoove us to judge every action so harshly or every circumstance.

I think the essence of Mastery is to live in a way that points people toward their truth, without trying too hard to control them or interfere.

 

[Netzach]

A pleasant fairy tale....

I agree.

What if he acts unreasonably then realizes there's a better way to act and just moves towards it?

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

There are always Dominants, and Masters that call themselves "true", based on their own experiences, they decide that they are "true", and therefore better than a plain old Dom/Master. It's kind of like they are a legend in their own minds. If any of you have attended any type of scene, it seems "true" Doms are the ones with the biggest bag of toys, when the majority of the time, this could not be further from the truth.

I agree that a Dom has to have control of their own situation before they can take on the responsibilty of a sub/slave. Many people who identify as Dominant, find this out at an early age, they may not call themselves a Dom, or a Master at that time, but when they interact with others they find themselves in a leadership role.

My father was a Dominant, we had long discussions about this, and the role of the man in the family. He didn't tell me directly that he was a Dom, and he may not ever called himself one, but he was a leader, he ran a successful business, was a leader in the community, had a position of importance in his Temple, and was without any doubt, the king of his castle.

I don't think you become a"true" Dom by going to the Popeil's School of Domination, it is what you are, what you know in your heart of hearts. I think the only person who can call you a "true" Dominant is your charge, and their definition of true could be 180 degrees different from another.

Due to the restrictions, and limited capabilities caused by my current health status, there are days that I question my ability to be a competent Master of my household. There are times that my little girl has to take a superior position and make crucial decisions regarding my care, and how certain aspects of my care are to be carried out. I struggle with that because I feel I am not in control at those times, but I am reminded by her that it is only through our discussions, that she is actually just carrying out my wishes.

I guess what I am trying to say is to be a "true" anything, you need to be true to yourself first.

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

I agree.

What if he acts unreasonably then realizes there's a better way to act and just moves towards it?

Good point, however, let me add something for the sake of the conversation and debate. If, as you say "...then realizes there's a better way..." has he not maintained control of himself, recognized that he was heading towards failure and then made the necessary correction? Whereas, if he does not have control of himself (or the situation) he may become stubborn and thus loose control of everything...

Just a thought...

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

It's kind of like they are a legend in their own minds.

A friend of mine used to say, "...I'm a legend in my own shower...'' your comment rerminded me of that.

For clarity's sake, I used "true" in the full meaning of the word. One, as your father and mine for that matter, that has a fully developed sense of who (s)he is and where the path is for the two of them.

Good points, and thanks for the response...

 

[Caitlynne]

I think the essence of Mastery is to live in a way that points people toward their truth, without trying too hard to control them or interfere.

I'm just gonna sit here and lust after Netzach if you all don't mind.

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

I'm just gonna sit here and lust after Netzach if you all don't mind.

I don't mind at all... I'll just sit here comfortably looking at both of you... enjoy, I certainly am...

 

[RJMasters]

The more I think about this, the more I realize that there is such a similarity between a good Dominant and a good Leader; with a capital “L”. A submissive seeks the leadership of her Dominant, she knows that she is a good follower, and must be given a good lead to follow.

The power, then of a Dominant is that of control, over self, over situation, and then – and only then – can he truly have control over his submissive. The truth is that he must dive deep inside of himself and gain full control of that within him that which will tear his control apart. He must be in full common terms with all the sides of his own personality and it’s quirks. There can never be a moment when he looses control of himself or it will shatter his control over the situation and over his submissive. This is true in life; in business and so too for the BDSM lifestyle he chooses to participate in.

Most people lack the true understanding of the id and the ego to be in control of both impostors, just as the poem by Rudyard Kipling says, “…If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster: And treat those two impostors just the same; …”. Think of what that means. Triumph is truly an impostor; it makes you feel like you are invincible and can make no mistakes. That’s a very bad step to make if you truly want to be a good dominant. Triumph, like luck, is a matter of preparation – in all its forms – and opportunity. If you don’t have that preparation (the mastery of your self) you won’t have the prerequisite to triumph over the situation at hand.

The same is true for “Disaster”; it too is an impostor. It tends to sap your energy and your self confidence: Unless you understand it. Failure is part of success. It is the part that often comes just before success. Think of it as the price of success. You must know how to fail, examine it thoroughly from every angle and use it to prepare you for the next time you face a situation, and with that new knowledge – and the associated confidence – you are now ready to succeed.

Don’t fear either of these impostors as you journey down the true path of the Dominant, you must know that there will be times that your submissive is going to test your control. You must know that for her to grow, she must test you and you must take joy in her testing you while you maintain that control. She will admire you, because she’s put her trust and love in your hands, and she knows that you can make her feel good – better than anyone else can – but you must look deep within her and see where she needs to grow. Then, through your knowledge, experience and preparation, you must usher her in that direction so that she becomes a full person – who happens to trust and enjoy being Your submissive.

I look forward to the comments of both experienced and newby sub’s and Dom’s alike…

I use to have such lofty ideals but I traded them at the pawn shop for a pack of gum. Now at least when I chew on something, I can taste the flavor of it across my tounge.

As generalizations, I would agree with some of the things you said, however the finality of it is absurd due to the fact a Dominant is still human. I think its safe to say that anyone who recognises where they are at and has achieved a degree of "self-control" is doing well. I believe the first step in being a Dominant person, is being honest about who they are in both strengths and weaknesses.

Most would agree that a person should be in control of themselves before attempting to control another. Yet here we see the statement break down in that no one is ever in complete control and so we then come to a place where relative argument insues. What degree of control is needed, and by who's judement should we use to decide? Some would use ssc or risk as it applys to the lifestyle...what ever. It boils down to maturity and you either have it or you don't.

I have run this circle too many times and walked this path enough to know it leads back to the beginning of itself and in the end has little value except for vain intelectualness.

Give me a tingling hand and don't spare the gravy. There is truth and then there is reality and the latter is the one I have to look at in the mirror every morning.

 

[stirbird]

I use to have such lofty ideals but I traded them at the pawn shop for a pack of gum. Now at least when I chew on something, I can taste the flavor of it across my tounge.

As generalizations, I would agree with some of the things you said, however the finality of it is absurd due to the fact a Dominant is still human. I think its safe to say that anyone who recognises where they are at and has achieved a degree of "self-control" is doing well. I believe the first step in being a Dominant person, is being honest about who they are in both strengths and weaknesses.

Most would agree that a person should be in control of themselves before attempting to control another. Yet here we see the statement break down in that no one is ever in complete control and so we then come to a place where relative argument insues. What degree of control is needed, and by who's judement should we use to decide? Some would use ssc or risk as it applys to the lifestyle...what ever. It boils down to maturity and you either have it or you don't.

I have run this circle too many times and walked this path enough to know it leads back to the beginning of itself and in the end has little value except for vain intelectualness.

Give me a tingling hand and don't spare the gravy. There is truth and then there is reality and the latter is the one I have to look at in the mirror every morning.

Snort! Once a fool, always a fool. Congratuations on being the first in my ignore list... you were the first to make it on my other ident as well. Ride 'em Cowboy, yee hah!

 

[graceanne]

I use to have such lofty ideals but I traded them at the pawn shop for a pack of gum. Now at least when I chew on something, I can taste the flavor of it across my tounge.

As generalizations, I would agree with some of the things you said, however the finality of it is absurd due to the fact a Dominant is still human. I think its safe to say that anyone who recognises where they are at and has achieved a degree of "self-control" is doing well. I believe the first step in being a Dominant person, is being honest about who they are in both strengths and weaknesses.

Most would agree that a person should be in control of themselves before attempting to control another. Yet here we see the statement break down in that no one is ever in complete control and so we then come to a place where relative argument insues. What degree of control is needed, and by who's judement should we use to decide? Some would use ssc or risk as it applys to the lifestyle...what ever. It boils down to maturity and you either have it or you don't.

I have run this circle too many times and walked this path enough to know it leads back to the beginning of itself and in the end has little value except for vain intelectualness.

Give me a tingling hand and don't spare the gravy. There is truth and then there is reality and the latter is the one I have to look at in the mirror every morning.

Yay! I agree, but you know that. Just cause someones dominant doesn't make them perfect. You give me a dom/me that claims perfection and I'll give you a hypocrite. (While I run the other way.) lol

 

[Netzach]

Good point, however, let me add something for the sake of the conversation and debate. If, as you say "...then realizes there's a better way..." has he not maintained control of himself, recognized that he was heading towards failure and then made the necessary correction? Whereas, if he does not have control of himself (or the situation) he may become stubborn and thus loose control of everything...

Just a thought...

I'd say he has the humility to realize that only a very very small and highly trained subset of the world retains Jedi Master cool through all onslaughts. It's chicken-egg. We're talking about someone with a general level of wanting to improve and be better -- someone who cares enough to evaluate, but someone who is able to give up enough of the notion of "control" and "better" to actually improve.

 

[stirbird]

The more I think about this, the more I realize that there is such a similarity between a good Dominant and a good Leader; with a capital “L”. A submissive seeks the leadership of her Dominant, she knows that she is a good follower, and must be given a good lead to follow.

The power, then of a Dominant is that of control, over self, over situation, and then – and only then – can he truly have control over his submissive. The truth is that he must dive deep inside of himself and gain full control of that within him that which will tear his control apart. He must be in full common terms with all the sides of his own personality and it’s quirks. There can never be a moment when he looses control of himself or it will shatter his control over the situation and over his submissive. This is true in life; in business and so too for the BDSM lifestyle he chooses to participate in.

Most people lack the true understanding of the id and the ego to be in control of both impostors, just as the poem by Rudyard Kipling says, “…If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster: And treat those two impostors just the same; …”. Think of what that means. Triumph is truly an impostor; it makes you feel like you are invincible and can make no mistakes. That’s a very bad step to make if you truly want to be a good dominant. Triumph, like luck, is a matter of preparation – in all its forms – and opportunity. If you don’t have that preparation (the mastery of your self) you won’t have the prerequisite to triumph over the situation at hand.

The same is true for “Disaster”; it too is an impostor. It tends to sap your energy and your self confidence: Unless you understand it. Failure is part of success. It is the part that often comes just before success. Think of it as the price of success. You must know how to fail, examine it thoroughly from every angle and use it to prepare you for the next time you face a situation, and with that new knowledge – and the associated confidence – you are now ready to succeed.

Don’t fear either of these impostors as you journey down the true path of the Dominant, you must know that there will be times that your submissive is going to test your control. You must know that for her to grow, she must test you and you must take joy in her testing you while you maintain that control. She will admire you, because she’s put her trust and love in your hands, and she knows that you can make her feel good – better than anyone else can – but you must look deep within her and see where she needs to grow. Then, through your knowledge, experience and preparation, you must usher her in that direction so that she becomes a full person – who happens to trust and enjoy being Your submissive.

I look forward to the comments of both experienced and newby sub’s and Dom’s alike…

Give it up, guy. This place was severely poisoned years ago with "The Lazy Fuck's Way to Domination" ideology and anybody who suggests anything else is accused of being a "one-true-wayist" (you know, any way that isn't theirs is of course "THE ONE TRUE BULLSHIT WAY"--lol) or "totally full of himself...for daring to think he might be better than US!"

Lazy fucks can't have anybody else around being unlazy, lol, it makes them look bad. ;o

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

I'd say he has the humility to realize that only a very very small and highly trained subset of the world retains Jedi Master cool through all onslaughts. It's chicken-egg. We're talking about someone with a general level of wanting to improve and be better -- someone who cares enough to evaluate, but someone who is able to give up enough of the notion of "control" and "better" to actually improve.

Netzach, you make a good point. Luke Skywalker I am not! Yoda (only in looks). I appreciate the debate in the board. The more I read and try to answer the clearer my meaning becomes - at least in my mind.

Somehow I think that my choice to use the word "true" has caused a slight distortion in my meaning. Let me see if this makes more sense - I'd appreciate your comments.

The journey to becoming a Dominant, in my opinion begins with a journey into myself and to understand what it will take to be as consistant as I can be for my Sub's sake. If I cannot maintain control of myself and my emotions, my anger or myself, then I'll make my submissive misserable, because she is driven to please her Dom and if he's unpredictable she never knows whether she's doing the right thing, or the wrong thing. It then becomes frustrating for the sub because she's often wrong and does not know why, and for the Dom because in his heart it's her pleasure he seeks to bring out in her. In the end, if he looses the battle for internal control, they are both frustrated.

Does any of this make sense to you?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

If I cannot maintain control of myself and my emotions, then I'll make my submissive miserable, because she is driven to please her Dom. If he's unpredictable, she never knows whether she's doing the right thing, or the wrong thing. It then becomes frustrating for the sub because she's often wrong and does not know why. In the end, if he loses the battle for internal control, they are both frustrated.

Does any of this make sense to you?

i agree with the majority of what you've said above if you drop frustrating and replace it with nerve-wracking, to the point of having a nervous breakdown. While tasty on the rare occasion (and then only if totally in control while doing so) for the sheer sadistic mindfuck aspect, too often (or out of control) will leave you with a broken toy, broken trust, and broken jaw if your playmate snaps. While a kink aware physician may understand the circumstances, you don't gain any points on your quest for Mastery.

 

[RJMasters]

Netzach, you make a good point. Luke Skywalker I am not! Yoda (only in looks). I appreciate the debate in the board. The more I read and try to answer the clearer my meaning becomes - at least in my mind.

Somehow I think that my choice to use the word "true" has caused a slight distortion in my meaning. Let me see if this makes more sense - I'd appreciate your comments.

The journey to becoming a Dominant, in my opinion begins with a journey into myself and to understand what it will take to be as consistant as I can be for my Sub's sake. If I cannot maintain control of myself and my emotions, my anger or myself, then I'll make my submissive misserable, because she is driven to please her Dom and if he's unpredictable she never knows whether she's doing the right thing, or the wrong thing. It then becomes frustrating for the sub because she's often wrong and does not know why, and for the Dom because in his heart it's her pleasure he seeks to bring out in her. In the end, if he looses the battle for internal control, they are both frustrated.

Does any of this make sense to you?

Now we talking. The only thing I would add here is a balance. Meaning when you say for my sub's sake, I would add for your sake too.

When you say:

"...begins with a journey into myself and to understand what it will take to be as consistant as I can be..."

That's where you need to put the peroid. And "if" you do that, then the Sub sake's gets taken care of automatically. There is a subtle difference in the motivation of why. Expressed by many subs who would say..."I don't want you to be this or that for my sake, I want you to be who you are for you and that will work out just fine."

 

[Netzach]

Netzach, you make a good point. Luke Skywalker I am not! Yoda (only in looks). I appreciate the debate in the board. The more I read and try to answer the clearer my meaning becomes - at least in my mind.

Somehow I think that my choice to use the word "true" has caused a slight distortion in my meaning. Let me see if this makes more sense - I'd appreciate your comments.

The journey to becoming a Dominant, in my opinion begins with a journey into myself and to understand what it will take to be as consistant as I can be for my Sub's sake. If I cannot maintain control of myself and my emotions, my anger or myself, then I'll make my submissive misserable, because she is driven to please her Dom and if he's unpredictable she never knows whether she's doing the right thing, or the wrong thing. It then becomes frustrating for the sub because she's often wrong and does not know why, and for the Dom because in his heart it's her pleasure he seeks to bring out in her. In the end, if he looses the battle for internal control, they are both frustrated.

Does any of this make sense to you?

Makes sense. Heard it many a time. Done it. Have T shirt. It's a very largely popularized school of thought in the BDSM community which I've been involved in and trained in for a period of 9 years. When I decided to stop pretending to myself that someday I will be a paragon of organization, someday I will be running my life more effectively than every submissive I encounter (some of which are, literally, CEOs with 6 figures) and I decided I would be better off recognizing what I'm good at and going with it, I grew into my own as a D and that was what made me aware and mature enough to go for it. When I stopped feeling beholden to other people's definitions.

What if you take a journey into yourself and learn that you are, by temprement, not a consistant person? Or by circumstance? As an example I was chronicly and seriously ill last december and well through this summer. I was on medication that altered my body, my personality, my mind, my outlook. To sit back and say "but I'm in control" would be utterly ludicrous. Should my submissive husband have ditched on me, lost faith, lost trust?

Are you now out of the running when you're not consistant and can't make or keep a promise to do dishes let alone make the decisions?

Are you now unfit somehow to be what you know you are?

Or do you just have other qualifying strengths?
I've actually found that the good qualities in a Dominant are shockingly akin to the good qualities in a submissive. Either are as likely to be good or bad Leaders cap. L.

 

[sphynx's dragon]

<snip>
I've actually found that the good qualities in a Dominant are shockingly akin to the good qualities in a submissive. Either are as likely to be good or bad Leaders cap. L.

I would have to agree with Netzach on this point. I am a submissive. I am also a Leader, definitly capital L. I have to be. I am in the military. For me leading is essential, I lead when life and death is being decided. I don't think it's as much the qualities you have as it is the mindset you have that would lean you one way or the other. Also due to certain circumstances that happened when I was growing up and later I have had to learn an unbelievable level of self-control. I have achieved a level most people can't even dream of. I chose not to take a drug regimen to overcome a chemical imbalance. I learned to control it myself. <shrug> I only could do so because of what I experienced as a child. Do I think less of people who do take medicines to control it? No. They merely took a different path. Sometimes I wish I had, it'd be a lot easier on me. I don't know why I insist on this but I do. So I say self-control is also equally important for both. I guess IMO it all comes back to your mindset, I am more complete in my homelife as a submissive, my Lady is more complete as a Domme. We share many of the same qualities but use them in different manners to compliment each other.

 

[Lord Crimson]

I guess what I am trying to say is to be a "true" anything, you need to be true to yourself first.

IYM, your statement above can be described as the corner stone that every Dom or Master should lay in His relationship with His girl. I also understand your earlier statement concerning Your health and her decisions concerning Your care - but, it was Your training Sir that allowed her to make those decisions.

Good evening and Good Health

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

I truly appreciate everyone’s input. This is far better than I thought the conversation would go.

Allow me to take a slight tangent here, because of the comments on the similarities between Dom’s and subs that are brought up in the discussion.

Let me pose the concept of a continuum of assertiveness, on the one end is Ask assertive and on the opposite end is Tell assertive. The first thing that comes to mind is that in both cases there is assertiveness. The Dominant, in my opinion is very much the Tell Assertive in the continuum. He knows what he wants, understands what she will want and uses His “tell assertiveness” to guide her to the pleasure she seeks as a sub (please don’t limit this to sexual pleasure, I believe there is a wide variety of pleasures that a sub seeks, only one of which is sexual and the Dom should not limit Himself to sexual pleasure). At the other end of the continuum is the submissive who knows what she wants and needs (even though in some cases she can’t exactly put her finger on it), and she asserts herself in a different way, she does it in an “ask assertive” way.

All in all, the two partners in the exchange of power have the assertiveness that they need to achieve their desires, they both simply go about it differently; one asks, the other tells.

Am I getting the gist of what you are talking about?

 

[splashum]

sticking my nose in ...late...

I read the following initial comments…

The more I think about this, the more I realize that there is such a similarity between a good Dominant and a good Leader; with a capital “L”. A submissive seeks the leadership of her Dominant, she knows that she is a good follower, and must be given a good lead to follow.

…and was reminded of a similar (simplified) situation:

I love the idea of dancing; the movement, expression, play…a number of things, yet I can’t dance alone. Learning the steps as a follow separated from the lead helps with the theory, but not the execution. Now put me in the arms of a competent, trustworthy lead and I can match them step for step around the dance floor. But moments after I lose contact with the lead I become hesitant and unsure in my solo execution.

I don’t have it in me to be a lead. Calculating the next move, keeping track of the song, protecting the follow from errant dancers, knowing the depth and experience of the follow and planning the steps accordingly, and showing the follow off to their best advantage; they are admirable skills that I can appreciate, but can not mimic.

Yet there are duties as a follow that come naturally to me; keeping my frame guidable --not simply bendable, being aware of my place in the leads frame and the signals they are subtly sending, and trusting their lead enough to follow.

As for the current direction…

....All in all, the two partners in the exchange of power have the assertiveness that they need to achieve their desires, they both simply go about it differently; one asks, the other tells.

…it makes sense to me (in my limited experiences). Neither is going to be happy if they cannot honestly express their individual expectations in regards to themselves, their partner, or their relationship.

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

I like the dance analogy. I think you have a nice way to put it. IF - and sometimes that's such a big if - both partners work to gether, one in the lead, and one who choses to follow amazing things can be accomplished.

Thanks for your input.

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

I wonder if I can get new replies to the modified original entry.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The more I think about this, the more I realize that there is such a similarity between a good Dominant and a good Leader; with a capital “L”. A submissive seeks the leadership of her Dominant, she knows that she is a good follower, and must be given a good lead to follow.

The power, then of a Dominant is that of control, over self, over situation, and then – and only then – can he truly have control over his submissive. The truth is that he must dive deep inside of himself and gain full control of that within him that which will tear his control apart. He must be in full common terms with all the sides of his own personality and its quirks. There can never be a moment when he looses control of himself (at least He must strive to minimize those times – even more than a non-Dom) or it will shatter his control over the situation and over his submissive. This is true in life; in business and so too for the BDSM lifestyle he chooses to participate in.

Many people lack the true understanding of the id and the ego to be in control of both impostors, just as the poem by Rudyard Kipling says, “…If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster: And treat those two impostors just the same; …”. Think of what that means. Triumph is truly an impostor; it makes you feel like you are invincible and can make no mistakes. That’s a very bad step to make (or impostor to trust) if you truly want to be a good Dominant. Triumph, like luck, is a matter of preparation – in all its forms – and opportunity. If you don’t have that preparation (the mastery of your self) you won’t have the prerequisite to triumph over the situation at hand.

The same is true for “Disaster”; it too is an impostor. It tends to sap your energy and your self confidence: Unless you understand that failure is actually a part of success. It is the part that often comes just before success. Think of it as the price of success. You must know how to fail, examine it thoroughly from every angle and use it to prepare you for the next time you face a situation, and with that new knowledge – and the associated confidence – you are now ready to succeed.

Don’t fear either of these impostors as you journey down the true path of the Dominant, you must know that there will be times when your submissive is going to test your control. You must know that for her to grow, she must test you and you must take joy in her testing of you while you maintain that control. She will admire you, because she’s put her trust and love in your hands, and she knows that you can make her feel good – better than anyone else can – but you must look deep within her and see where she needs to grow. Then, through your knowledge, experience and preparation, you must usher her in that direction so that she becomes a full person – who happens to trust and enjoy being Your submissive. It is a gift she give You!

I look forward to the comments of both experienced and newbie sub’s and Dom’s alike…