The Corner

[Soron]

Time for ol’ Soron to throw his two cents in to all that has gone on here the past few weeks. I see that some people have thin skin and take all of this upheaval to heart. And, I do understand why. Look around people, there’s ‘The Playground’ and ‘The General Board’ where you can go have all the fun you could possibly want. I don’t have to list all the sex and fluff threads that are there. Hell, you’ll find me posting at the ‘Fuck’ thread on some days. And, I'm not saying there aren't serious threads there.
But, ‘BDSM Talk’, this is where I come to post my thoughts about my chosen lifestyle. And, if I can help someone who is new to D/s or interested in BDSM all the better. Instead, I see pissing contests and flame wars. Very little substance do I see here anymore. If that’s what you people want, that’s fine. Me, I just ignore all the bullshit and post to the subjects that, have meaning for me. I do however feel for new people who are seriously looking for something tangible here, whether it’s on a practical or emotional level. I like to have fun as much as the next person, but not at someone elses expence.
It is obvious that there are some people here to stir up shit. It’s also obvious that there are people here who fall right into it. They get pissed off or take something personally and fire back. I find it amusing myself. What is ironic to me is that people on both sides of this piss and damnation contest are intelligent people who could do some good here. And, some have. I’ve actually seen it.
Excuse me though if I sit in my corner and stay out of it. Have fun y’all.


FAREWELL ANGELINA
(Bob Dylan)

Farewell Angelina
The bells of the crown
Are being stolen by bandits
I must follow the sound
The triangle tingles
And the trumpet play slow
Farewell Angelina
The sky is on fire
And I must go.

There's no need for anger
There's no need for blame
There's nothing to prove
Ev'rything's still the same
Just a table standing empty
By the edge of the sea
Farewell Angelina
The sky is trembling
And I must leave.

The jacks and queens
Have forsaked the courtyard
Fifty-two gypsies
Now file past the guards
In the space where the deuce
And the ace once ran wild
Farewell Angelina
The sky is folding
I'll see you in a while.

See the cross-eyed pirates sitting
Perched in the sun
Shooting tin cans
With a sawed-off shotgun
And the neighbors they clap
And they cheer with each blast
Farewell Angelina
The sky's changing color
And I must leave fast.

King Kong, little elves
On the rooftoops they dance
Valentino-type tangos
While the make-up man's hands
Shut the eyes of the dead
Not to embarrass anyone
Farewell Angelina
The sky is embarrassed
And I must be gone.

The machine guns are roaring
The puppets heave rocks
The fiends nail time bombs
To the hands of the clocks
Call me any name you like
I will never deny it
Farewell Angelina
The sky is erupting
I must go where it's quiet.

 

[cellis]

Soron, please don't think you are alone in your thinking.

There are many of us who are refusing to be drawn into any more flaming.

I, too, am just posting to those threads that are of an interest to me.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Soron,

Welcome back, it's good to see you again.

While I understand your frustration with the turbulence of recent days, may I suggest that you read the new Sticky, the revised old Sticky, and Nemo Alia's new informational-archive project? The forum isn't hopeless, we're just in a growth period. It's coming around, don't despair.


RisiaSkye
Forum Moderator

 

[Soron]

Soron,

Welcome back, it's good to see you again.

While I understand your frustration with the turbulence of recent days, may I suggest that you read the new Sticky, the revised old Sticky, and Nemo Alia's new informational-archive project? The forum isn't hopeless, we're just in a growth period. It's coming around, don't despair.


RisiaSkye
Forum Moderator

read and duly noted

 

[Soron]

Self-esteem

Over my cup of coffee this morning I was perusing an erotic novel a friend had given me a few weeks back. Besides the fact that it was far from being a realistic novel about BDSM I also noticed that the main character, a female, had very low self-esteem and the so called Dominant in the story relished that fact and used it to his advantage.
I see this all to often in 'play' parties that I go to. A young submissive who is looking for someone to pay attention to them will sometimes do almost anything to get some type of recognition from a Dom, even though they are new to the scene and have no idea what they're getting in to. Thankfully, there are other people there who recognize this and will make sure that this person does understand just what type of 'play' situation they have agreed to participate it.
In my experience self-esteem is not something even a strong Master can give to a submissive. Sure, they can help by showing pride and respect for their charge. But, it still has to come from within that person to recognize that they are what they are and they do have something special to offer no matter what they look like, or what social skills they have, or their education.
There are no magic solutions. But, the answer is simple. If you can't accept who you are and want to better yourself in ways that are practical, it's up to you to do it. And, in the ways you can't change things then accept and concentrate on your strong points. If you sit around wallowing in self pity you will never acheive anything but more self pity and doubt about yourself. Be proud of who you are.

 

[MissTaken]

I have to say Sorn, without knowing what novel you were reading, I have seen this in other works as well as in chat room type interaction.

I think for a sub to truly benefit him/herself or Dom/me, they must have a strong sense of self. In order to truly surrender, they need to feel comfortable with who they are and their ability to make good choices for themselves etc.

Unfortunately, there are many people out there who require a significant other (vanilla or BDSM) in order to feel complete. They find their self image in their partner's approval or in simply having a partner. They may do anything for attention at play parties, use tears or bad days for attention, be insecure in their daily travel through life and can't grow until they do the work.

No, a Dom/me cannot give one self confidence and self image. They can only be a party to listening, perhaps guiding and supporting the sub through tasks that can help them to build self esteem, but the real work is up to the sub.

Great post and great thoughts.

 

[Lancecastor]

Perhaps it was always this way and I simply didn't notice, but I find that low self-esteem is very common in women between 25-35, be they BDSMers or Vanilla.

 

[rosco rathbone]

WHen I saw the title to this thread, I thought it was going to be about the use of corners, as in "go stand in the.....".

I think girls should be made to stand in the corner more often, until they get bored and fidgety enough to do something they can be beaten for. That is what I have to say about the corner.

 

[boz]

Perhaps it was always this way and I simply didn't notice, but I find that low self-esteem is very common in women between 25-35, be they BDSMers or Vanilla.

I note similar observations myself, although maybe more of the 20-30 range. Methinks I needed to be out of that age range myself to be able to see it.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Perhaps it was always this way and I simply didn't notice, but I find that low self-esteem is very common in women between 25-35, be they BDSMers or Vanilla.

Falling in your age range (and boz's), I've seen this in myself and my peers for years.

We are the confused generation. I think it's because between the Baby Boomers & Generation X, we have no idea what to make of our role models. Somewhere between Betty Friedan and Pamela Anderson, it got really confusing to be young and female. Too many options, none of them really "right," and always with the caveat that you're 'supposed' to have it all--whatever that means.

Of course, that's just my opinion, etc.

 

[A Desert Rose]

To self esteem I say: Suck it up little camper, life's a bitch all over.

Rose

P.S. thank you Risia for honoring my request.

 

[Lancecastor]

I'm not so sure, Boz. When I was in my 20's, I bought my first house, started my first business, built a cottage and did all sorts of "adult, responsible" things compared to the current crop of late 20-somethings. (I also travelled, etc)

I think Risia has a good take on it. "Confusion" and, in my observation, less optimism , seem to be hallmarks of the GenX and Echo generations.

Maybe I'm just getting old. "When I was their age, I had to crawl 25 miles over broken glass to spank a sub."

Ha!

Lance "Establishment Man" Castor

I note similar observations myself, although maybe more of the 20-30 range. Methinks I needed to be out of that age range myself to be able to see it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Perhaps it was always this way and I simply didn't notice, but I find that low self-esteem is very common in women between 25-35, be they BDSMers or Vanilla.

That's funny, I see lots of low self esteem in men too. Same age range, even a few younger, and a few older. They feel threatened by a woman with high self esteem and positives goals and accomplishments.

Eb

 

[Trainerman]

Maybe I'm just getting old. "When I was their age, I had to crawl 25 miles over broken glass to spank a sub."

Ha!

Lance "Establishment Man" Castor

LUXURY !! In my day we dreamed of finding a sub within a 25 mile glass crawl !!

Okay, okay...enough of the Monty Python humour. Just chipping in to say that I also have noticed the confidence and uncertainty issues in the 25 (ish) to 30 something age group. Like others, I have put this down to people not having a clear idea of role, life direction and so on.

Now in the old days........


Dave

ok..own up. WHO said "yaaaaawnnn" ??

 

[CatEyes]

Perhaps it was always this way and I simply didn't notice, but I find that low self-esteem is very common in women between 25-35, be they BDSMers or Vanilla.

Do you really think self esteem issues are more prevalent in that age range or could it just be because the people you talk to are in that age range that you notice it in that group.

I always thought people developed low self esteem much younger than their 20's or 30's. My guess would be more in the teens or even younger.

CatEyes

 

[Never]

Re: Self-esteem

Soron:
"In my experience self-esteem is not something even a strong Master can give to a submissive. Sure, they can help by showing pride and respect for their charge. But, it still has to come from within that person to recognize that they are what they are and they do have something special to offer no matter what they look like, or what social skills they have, or their education. "

Yes, self-esteem, ultimately, comes from within. However, it’s much easier to find worth in yourself when others help you see it. A Master, or a s/o, or even a friend can make an enormous difference in a person’s life, just but letting them know they are valued.

 

[Soron]

Re: Re: Self-esteem

Soron:
"In my experience self-esteem is not something even a strong Master can give to a submissive. Sure, they can help by showing pride and respect for their charge. But, it still has to come from within that person to recognize that they are what they are and they do have something special to offer no matter what they look like, or what social skills they have, or their education. "

Yes, self-esteem, ultimately, comes from within. However, it’s much easier to find worth in yourself when others help you see it. A Master, or a s/o, or even a friend can make an enormous difference in a person’s life, just but letting them know they are valued.

I completely agree.

 

[Soron]

Now, for something completely different

Since it is my birthday tomorrow I get to spank all of the single submissives right?

 

[Rubyfruit]

Getting in line for a spanking from Soron......oh wait, you said single.

Drats!

Happy birthday sweet man.

 

[Soron]

Getting in line for a spanking from Soron......oh wait, you said single.

Drats!

Happy birthday sweet man.

damn, let me amend that to say all the available submissives.

thank you Ruby

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well Happy Early Birthday Soron.

I can see the line has formed. Save the almost best for second to last...... that will be me. I believe best and last will be saved for your love. ~smiling~

Now back to work--- darn it.

 

[lost]

Re: Now, for something completely different

Since it is my birthday tomorrow I get to spank all of the single submissives right?

I have truley entered a new world where the birthday boy gets to spank others

Happy Birthday Soron

 

[Parklife]

damn, let me amend that to say all the available submissives.

thank you Ruby

woohoo!! *stands in line*

or... umm.... do you have to re-amend your amendment to say all available female submissives..

watch what you ask for.. you just might get it

Park~

 

[RisiaSkye]

Happy birthday, Soron. Many more.

~~~
Ebony, I agree that self-esteem issues appear in men (some of whom may feel their masculinity and sense of "manhood" is challenged by women's growing public power). I *do* think, though, that Lance has a point: there's an overwhelming self-esteem chasm in women in my age range. I think it's part confusion. I don't think there's less responsibility being taken by the young, either--at least, not among those I know, including myself. However, there's a pervading sense of futility to those acts--education, career, marriage, family, all of it. That takes its toll, too.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Now, for something completely different

Since it is my birthday tomorrow I get to spank all of the single submissives right?

Happy birthday Soron!

Eb