The Contradictions of BDSM: Open, As Long As You Don’t Deviate ?

[YourGentleDom]

The idea for this thread came from a discussion in the 'Reflections on Gentleman Doms' thread. Normally, I'm the one who submits - but for a week, I took over my Dom's account. I am a woman. Not a man, as perhaps a few insensitive people might have assumed.


I purposely asked, as a supposed Dom, about the necessity of a safeword because it's a topic that sparks emotional and controversial debates.

Some people agree, especially those who rely on intuitive communication and trust. Others argue that a safeword is a crucial safety mechanism and see anything else as a red line. Personally, I don’t think a safeword is necessary - not out of carelessness, but because I’ve long realized what a true gentleman my Dom is. He’ll pay attention to nonverbal cues long before a safeword would even be needed. For me, those cues are more meaningful than words.

So the question isn't whether a safeword provides absolute safety - because it doesn’t. It's an important tool for maintaining control and clarity when other forms of communication fail. And what happens when words aren’t even possible? In some scenarios, like with a gag, nonverbal communication is already key. But I understand that it might be different for others.

Honestly, I’m only shocked by the comments. BDSM is all about the idea that every preference and boundary can be openly discussed. But as soon as an opinion doesn’t fit the mainstream, you're ignored or excluded? That completely goes against the core values of BDSM - openness, communication, and mutual respect. Or is it only openness as long as you don’t deviate? As a woman, am I not allowed to decide for myself what I want - or don’t want?

 

[YourGentleDom]

Call me Subica, I had an AI edit my picture so my Dom would need a safeword
I’m domming the Dom. And he doesn’t even know it.

[Image removed per Literotica image posting rules.]

 

[BrendaBear]

Call me Subica, I had an AI edit my picture so my Dom would need a safeword
I’m domming the Dom. And he doesn’t even know it.

View attachment 2488994

Good for you!! You go girl!

 

[YourGentleDom]

Good for you!! You go girl!

You’re saving both my evening and my day... in more ways than one

 

[TXRafe]

As a woman, am I not allowed to decide for myself what I want - or don’t want?

you literally answered all your own questions and argued against yourself with that simple statement. if you are in fact a woman that's wonderful. "going undercover" was certainly not the way to handle it. i bet you feel super smart. as a woman, or a man, or a sub, or a dom you are ALLOWED to decide for yourself "what (you) want - or don't want)...however all you did in the gentleman dom thread is argue against removing that choice completely because YOU intuitively know exactly what your partner needs at EVERY moment. even your simple ridiculous arguments in the other thread have caused numerous people distress and have acted as triggers. you are an absolute red flag walking as has been pointed out by numerous well known and established people and creating your own thread under the guise of deception doesn't change that. good luck to you, because i am pretty sure NO ONE i know will continue to entertain your nonsense.

 

[YourGentleDom]

I respect your opinion, but this kind of response isn't the kind of conversation I expect or want in an open and respectful space. BDSM is about communication, trust, and mutual understanding, and I believe we can disagree without attacking or belittling one another. What’s interesting is that in foreign forums, there are different takes on my point of view.

 

[TXRafe]

I respect your opinion, but this kind of response isn't the kind of conversation I expect or want in an open and respectful space. BDSM is about communication, trust, and mutual understanding, and I believe we can disagree without attacking or belittling one another. What’s interesting is that in foreign forums, there are different takes on my point of view.

1. then go to the foreign forums to find people who will be yes men and agree with you?
2. maybe go to the bdsm section? like a whole entire section for discussions like this?
3. while many people that spend time in the playground participate in bdsm relationships you werent too keen on them expressing their universal points of view on the subject.

 

[MiaBabe23]

I’m not the only one who found your tone patronizing and at times unpleasant when people disagreed with you. Your being a woman pretending to be a guy doesn’t change that
You weren’t excluded. It just happened that many had some important points to make that you seemed offended by.
And if your priority is openness, why pretend to be a guy?
If your arrangement works for you, that’s fantastic. But I’m still seeing red flags
And I’m gonna do myself a favor now and use iggy

 

[YourGentleDom]

All I did was question the need for a safeword. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone can have their own opinion. I’m open to other perspectives, but mine isn’t being accepted. Do I, as a sub, really need a safeword?

 

[YourGentleDom]

@TXRafe

Your comment now in the other thread 'Just in case anyone needs a good laugh or feels like starting a fight ' is exactly my question about understanding of BDSM. Different opinion, chase her. Congratulations

 

[TXRafe]

@TXRafe

Your comment now in the other thread 'Just in case anyone needs a good laugh or feels like starting a fight ' is exactly my question about understanding of BDSM. Different opinion, chase her. Congratulations

people have you ignored, just giving them the chance to respond. no need to @ me.

 

[YourGentleDom]

You wrote 'Just in case anyone needs a good laugh or feels like starting a fight ' and not anyone else. I’m not really used to this kind of thing in discussions, but hey, it’s always a pleasure to be ‘enlightened’ this way

 

[YourGentleDom]

Just for those who don’t immediately get scared and think, ‘How irresponsible, advising against a safeword or not having one,’ here are my thoughts:

I expect a man not to rely on a safeword, but to read my reactions and notice if there are any signs that might raise doubts about whether everything is okay. I don’t want a safeword because it prevents me from fully letting go. I’d have to keep focusing on whether a safeword should be used or not. Plus, I can communicate normally during a session.
And as a true BDSM romantic, the submissive side of me resists the idea of having the final say in control during a session.

If there’s no play involving pain or potential danger, then a safeword really isn’t necessary. The NoGos and taboos are already discussed beforehand. If BDSM is practiced in a way that involves open communication, then it’s also not essential to set a safeword.

Have fun with everything that’s allowed - whether with or without a safeword !

 

[Neanderthal247]

 

[barefootgirl69]

Call me Subica, I had an AI edit my picture so my Dom would need a safeword
I’m domming the Dom. And he doesn’t even know it.

View attachment 2488994

AI isn't allowed on Lit.
Please read Forum Rules.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I respect your opinion, but this kind of response isn't the kind of conversation I expect or want in an open and respectful space. BDSM is about communication, trust, and mutual understanding, and I believe we can disagree without attacking or belittling one another. What’s interesting is that in foreign forums, there are different takes on my point of view.

Trust? You pretended to be your partner, and deceived people in that thread, and you want to talk about trust?

Pointing out that you aren't trustworthy isn't an attack or a different POV - it's showing your own reflection in a mirror.

Untrustworthy.

 

[EvaLane]

If you were truly conducting an experiment, you received an overwhelming majority consensus that a safe word is beneficial for both the submissive and Dominant party in the dynamic.

Coming into this space posing as a Dominant who is speaking from experience is dangerous when there are many young/new to the scene submissive people who are looking to confirm their own misled conceptions as to what BDSM is. I think that is why you were “dogpiled” on, because many of us have been manipulated or led astray in a similar fashion.

I’d be curious to know how your Dom feels about this activity and if his own opinion has been swayed by the multiple respectable forum members who have put their effort into educating “him”.

This is giving “we can all have an opinion” when the opinion you’re trying to propagate is harmful and destructive in nature. This is supported by your statement that you purposefully asked a controversial and devisable question. You didn’t do anything in good faith, which is weird. Forget red flags, it’s just weird.

I appreciate users who call it out and look out for the more inexperienced members and lurkers - unfortunately(?) for you, this means being ostracized and dismissed after repeated attempts to communicate in an effective manner.

What more do you want from the community? Isn’t this the exact response we as submissives should hope to see for younger generations?

 

[Saltfountain]

Does your sub know you're posting her pic on the internet and pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man?

 

[cascadiabound]

I still have you on iggy, but I just want to say that it is impossible to take someone seriously who pretends to be an expert while also masquerading as a Top/D/male (whatever you were pretending) when you now say you are a submissive/Top/female.

There is no reason for anyone to believe anything you say. You've blown your credibility. You've failed to be respectful and accept that other people are wary/refuse to operate the way you have represented works awesome for you. No one said to you - you have to have a safe word- but a lot of people said they wouldn't be willing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't value/use them. You persisted in arguing with them. You refused to take the gentlemanly position of agree to disagree. You triggered a bunch of people. Not cool man.

Your profile continues to identify you as male and so forth. You might want to update that if you want people to now believe you are actually a woman.

As for me... I don't care who you are. You have proved yourself untrustworthy in a whole bunch of ways. It's a bad look to play a game/experiment/con a bunch of people who are genuinely trying to figure complicated stuff out. You definitely didn't help.

Do better.

 

[barefootgirl69]

The idea for this thread came from a discussion in the 'Reflections on Gentleman Doms' thread. Normally, I'm the one who submits - but for a week, I took over my Dom's account. I am a woman. Not a man, as perhaps a few insensitive people might have assumed.

The unfortunate part of all this is that you've made your dom look foolish. Many have put him on ignore and this username will be a redflag around here. How will we know which one of you is posting?

How do we know this isn't another "test" and you're pretending to be the submissive in this thread?

Honesty and integrity are important. You've both failed.

 

[Mrtenant]

https://media4.giphy.com/media/nu62a1e89uIE0/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952fixdjv6d88qdg6cnzftx6sg3cs93b9rvt08flyve&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

 

[YourGentleDom]

AI isn't allowed on Lit.
Please read Forum Rules.

Before any confusion arises: At present, AI-generated images are not allowed in Illustrated Stories. Otherwise, 99% of Avatars would already be banned. So, I am not violating any guidelines. But I appreciate that you're engaging with this topic - especially since reposting freely available photos or captions from the internet in a separate post is, in any case, a criminal copyright violation. But reporting anyone is the last thing on my mind.

As Literotica seems to assume, copyright violations are not only subject to US law (such as the Digital Millennium Copyright Act – DMCA) but also to the laws of the country where the image is accessed and viewed. This is known as the principle of territoriality, meaning that copyright laws apply separately in each country, and violations can be prosecuted in the jurisdiction where the content is made available.

The unfortunate part of all this is that you've made your dom look foolish. Many have put him on ignore and this username will be a redflag around here. How will we know which one of you is posting?

How do we know this isn't another "test" and you're pretending to be the submissive in this thread?

Honesty and integrity are important. You've both failed.

I’m allowed to use his account for a week - maybe he’ll punish me, maybe he won’t. I’ve always been fascinated by role-playing. Part of my BDSM. But I never pretended to be a man - no one asked. I simply wrote from an account that sounds like a man’s. I also believe the reactions would have been different if it had been clear from the start that I’m a woman.

Red flags or being ignored don’t bother me at all. I stand by Voltaire, just like my Dom: ‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’ Or maybe Noam Chomsky put it best: ‘If we don’t believe in freedom of expression even for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.’

 

[Saltfountain]

Before any confusion arises: At present, AI-generated images are not allowed in Illustrated Stories. Otherwise, 99% of Avatars would already be banned. So, I am not violating any guidelines. But I appreciate that you're engaging with this topic - especially since reposting freely available photos or captions from the internet in a separate post is, in any case, a criminal copyright violation. But reporting anyone is the last thing on my mind.

As Literotica seems to assume, copyright violations are not only subject to US law (such as the Digital Millennium Copyright Act – DMCA) but also to the laws of the country where the image is accessed and viewed. This is known as the principle of territoriality, meaning that copyright laws apply separately in each country, and violations can be prosecuted in the jurisdiction where the content is made available.


I’m allowed to use his account for a week - maybe he’ll punish me, maybe he won’t. I’ve always been fascinated by role-playing. Part of my BDSM. But I never pretended to be a man - no one asked. I simply wrote from an account that sounds like a man’s. I also believe the reactions would have been different if it had been clear from the start that I’m a woman.

Red flags or being ignored don’t bother me at all. I stand by Voltaire, just like my Dom: ‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’ Or maybe Noam Chomsky put it best: ‘If we don’t believe in freedom of expression even for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.’

And I stand by Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet

"Fuck you, you fucking fuck"

Deliberately deceiving people whilst preaching the how important trust is is bullshit.

 

[YourGentleDom]

I still have you on iggy, but I just want to say that it is impossible to take someone seriously who pretends to be an expert while also masquerading as a Top/D/male (whatever you were pretending) when you now say you are a submissive/Top/female.

There is no reason for anyone to believe anything you say. You've blown your credibility. You've failed to be respectful and accept that other people are wary/refuse to operate the way you have represented works awesome for you. No one said to you - you have to have a safe word- but a lot of people said they wouldn't be willing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't value/use them. You persisted in arguing with them. You refused to take the gentlemanly position of agree to disagree. You triggered a bunch of people. Not cool man.

Your profile continues to identify you as male and so forth. You might want to update that if you want people to now believe you are actually a woman.

As for me... I don't care who you are. You have proved yourself untrustworthy in a whole bunch of ways. It's a bad look to play a game/experiment/con a bunch of people who are genuinely trying to figure complicated stuff out. You definitely didn't help.

Do better.

I don’t consider myself an expert, and no one even asked who or what I am. Everyone just assumed that only a man could say something like this. Maybe you should reread the thread.

No one explicitly said that a safeword is always necessary?
And my opinion - that a partner should notice discomfort long before a safeword is needed - triggers people? Good.

And are games and experiments not part of BDSM? Pushing boundaries? I see it differently, but I respect other opinions. A serious discussion about complex topics requires audiatur ad altera pars - let the other side be heard.

And I stand by Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet

"Fuck you, you fucking fuck"

Deliberately deceiving people whilst preaching the how important trust is is bullshit.

Ahhh, a Blue Velvet quote - how original! Nothing screams 'deep intellectual argument' quite like a curse from a David Lynch film. If only Dennis Hopper had given a lecture on ethics, maybe we could be having a truly high-level discussion here.

Does your sub know you're posting her pic on the internet and pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man?

And you're seriously implying that I, as a woman, can't present myself in pictures however I want?
Or that my Dom would share pictures of me without my consent?
I really hope you're not a Dom.

 

[Taegul]

I think everyone should petition site ownership to start a separate BDSM forum. Wouldn't that be a great idea?