The Chicken
- Thread starter fntguy
- Start date
Quoll
Area 25
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
Why did the chicken cross the road?
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough for us.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR:
I dream of a world where all chickens are free to cross without having their
motives called into question.
ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.
CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2005, which will not only cross roads, but
will also lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your
chequebook.
EINSTEIN:
Did the Chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
What, I missed one?
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough for us.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR:
I dream of a world where all chickens are free to cross without having their
motives called into question.
ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.
CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2005, which will not only cross roads, but
will also lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your
chequebook.
EINSTEIN:
Did the Chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
What, I missed one?
Cathleen
Summer breeze...
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2004
- Posts
- 31,006
Re: Re: Re: The Chicken
He crossed half way because he wanted to lay it on the line.
That is imaginative...... but nope....fntguy said:I would say the chicken fell from a plane carrying chicken...so the chicken had to cross halfway across the road.
He crossed half way because he wanted to lay it on the line.
Ezzy
Insignificantly Important
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2000
- Posts
- 2,252
Re: Re: Re: Re: The Chicken
A small error in you line of thought here...either the gender of your chicken is wrong (make chickens don't lay eggs) or there is a female (or male if the chicken was gay) missing from the story about him "laying" it on the line, or the indefinable "it" needs defining!
Why did the chicken carry a feather half way accross the road?...because he wanted to lay it on the line. You will instantly see that by defining the "it" the joke makes more sense.
Cathleen said:
A small error in you line of thought here...either the gender of your chicken is wrong (make chickens don't lay eggs) or there is a female (or male if the chicken was gay) missing from the story about him "laying" it on the line, or the indefinable "it" needs defining!
Why did the chicken carry a feather half way accross the road?...because he wanted to lay it on the line. You will instantly see that by defining the "it" the joke makes more sense.
Halo_n_horns
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2005
- Posts
- 3,535
The previous night the chicken had gone out drinking with the rest of the chickens from the hen house. At the country/western club, "Suuuiiieeees," the chicken in question met up with an attractive Rhode Island Red Rooster named "Doodle Doo."
The hen and the rooster drank and square danced the evening away and eventually became amorous with one another. Soon they slipped away unseen and found a spot behind the barn that was only lit by the full moon.
The hen, known affectionately by her friends as "Lazy Egglayer," took Doodle Doo's cock gently into her beak and began slowly stroking while caressing his chicken nuggets with the feathers at the tips of her wings. Soon Doodle Doo was flat on his back staring at the stars and receiving the best peck job he had ever known. Unfortunately his tailfeathers were only inches from the broad side of the barn which placed Lazy's head almost right up against one of the boards on the side of the barn. Their noises were getting more and more audible as Doodle Doo was now hen-pecking Lazy's dripping-hot egg shoot.
Just as the two of them were about to experience simultaneous orgasms, their loud and lustful clucking had gotten on the nerves of an old gray mare on the inside of the barn. The old gray mare, not being what she used to be and therefore unsympathetic to the clucking lovebirds, kicked the board that just happened to be only a fraction of an inch from the back of Lazy's head.
There was a loud and high-pitched crowing that no one at the party heard over their own barnyard noises and Lazy was knocked unconscious.
Hours later it was almost daybreak. Lazy awoke with a splitting headache and a strange taste in her beak. She climbed off of her seemingly asleep one-night-stand. Her head was buzzing and she was quite dizzy. Her eyesight was blurry and she was disoriented, but able to recognize that she was long past needing to get back to the hen house.
Stumbling around the barn she saw a number of animals sprawled out from having drank too much the night before. Slowly she made her way to the edge of the dirt road and prepared to cross to get back to the large hen house and her nest within.
Just then there was a huge commotion behind her. The farmer's son was hollering at the top of his lungs in a language that Lazy simply didn't understand. The old farmer emerged from the house and followed his boy behind the barn. Moments later the farmer emerged from behind the barn holding Doodle Doo's lifeless body up by his legs. His tailfeathers and belly were soaked in blood that still ran freely from his groin.
Suddenly Lazy realized that she didn't just have a strange taste in her beak, she was clamped down on something in her beak. She spit it out and quickly realized what she was looking at lying in a pool of blood on the ground...
Yup, for the first time since the original there had been a "World According to Garp" castration and Lazy was the perpetrator.
She looked up in a panic and saw the old farmer emerge from his house with a shot gun. Lazy looked back down again and realized that her normally white feathers were covered in blood and she was going to be the farmer's target of retribution.
Slowly she began backing up across the dirt road as she watched the farmer and his son look around for signs of Doodle Doo's killer. Eventually they came around the same side of the barn that Lazy had stumbled around only minutes earlier, and they saw the trail of blood that led up to the dirt road, then they spotted Lazy and her bloodied feathers.
Lazy started to panic and was now backing across the road faster as the farmer and his son were approaching her and trying to coax her into coming to them. She was nearly all the way across the road when suddenly, "HONK! HONK! BLAM!" and Lazy's lifeless body was thrown the rest of the way across the road by the milk man's truck speeding back to the dairy farm from his morning deliveries.
Twice in less than six hours Lazy didn't know what hit her. But at least now she was in piece, soon to be reunited with Doodle Doo in the frying pan.
Now we know why she crossed the road.
The hen and the rooster drank and square danced the evening away and eventually became amorous with one another. Soon they slipped away unseen and found a spot behind the barn that was only lit by the full moon.
The hen, known affectionately by her friends as "Lazy Egglayer," took Doodle Doo's cock gently into her beak and began slowly stroking while caressing his chicken nuggets with the feathers at the tips of her wings. Soon Doodle Doo was flat on his back staring at the stars and receiving the best peck job he had ever known. Unfortunately his tailfeathers were only inches from the broad side of the barn which placed Lazy's head almost right up against one of the boards on the side of the barn. Their noises were getting more and more audible as Doodle Doo was now hen-pecking Lazy's dripping-hot egg shoot.
Just as the two of them were about to experience simultaneous orgasms, their loud and lustful clucking had gotten on the nerves of an old gray mare on the inside of the barn. The old gray mare, not being what she used to be and therefore unsympathetic to the clucking lovebirds, kicked the board that just happened to be only a fraction of an inch from the back of Lazy's head.
There was a loud and high-pitched crowing that no one at the party heard over their own barnyard noises and Lazy was knocked unconscious.
Hours later it was almost daybreak. Lazy awoke with a splitting headache and a strange taste in her beak. She climbed off of her seemingly asleep one-night-stand. Her head was buzzing and she was quite dizzy. Her eyesight was blurry and she was disoriented, but able to recognize that she was long past needing to get back to the hen house.
Stumbling around the barn she saw a number of animals sprawled out from having drank too much the night before. Slowly she made her way to the edge of the dirt road and prepared to cross to get back to the large hen house and her nest within.
Just then there was a huge commotion behind her. The farmer's son was hollering at the top of his lungs in a language that Lazy simply didn't understand. The old farmer emerged from the house and followed his boy behind the barn. Moments later the farmer emerged from behind the barn holding Doodle Doo's lifeless body up by his legs. His tailfeathers and belly were soaked in blood that still ran freely from his groin.
Suddenly Lazy realized that she didn't just have a strange taste in her beak, she was clamped down on something in her beak. She spit it out and quickly realized what she was looking at lying in a pool of blood on the ground...
Yup, for the first time since the original there had been a "World According to Garp" castration and Lazy was the perpetrator.
She looked up in a panic and saw the old farmer emerge from his house with a shot gun. Lazy looked back down again and realized that her normally white feathers were covered in blood and she was going to be the farmer's target of retribution.
Slowly she began backing up across the dirt road as she watched the farmer and his son look around for signs of Doodle Doo's killer. Eventually they came around the same side of the barn that Lazy had stumbled around only minutes earlier, and they saw the trail of blood that led up to the dirt road, then they spotted Lazy and her bloodied feathers.
Lazy started to panic and was now backing across the road faster as the farmer and his son were approaching her and trying to coax her into coming to them. She was nearly all the way across the road when suddenly, "HONK! HONK! BLAM!" and Lazy's lifeless body was thrown the rest of the way across the road by the milk man's truck speeding back to the dairy farm from his morning deliveries.
Twice in less than six hours Lazy didn't know what hit her. But at least now she was in piece, soon to be reunited with Doodle Doo in the frying pan.
Now we know why she crossed the road.
original_cinnamon
Virgin
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2005
- Posts
- 4
Hah haaaaaaaaaaah!
That's hilarious - and strangely poignant.
Cin xx
That's hilarious - and strangely poignant.
Cin xx
Similar threads
