The Birthday Blonde

[lucky-E-leven]

If you're reading this, and you're not vella_ms, please feel free to drop your favorite blonde joke (or any kind of joke, for that matter) into this thread to make my wife smile on her birthday.



***

If you're reading this, and you are vella_ms:

Happy Birthday, Blondie!

I lurve you to pieces and I can't wait to unleash all the birthday surprises the girls and I have in store for you. Gawd knows you deserve it. Thanks for being you, thanks for loving me, and thanks for the great excuse to have CAKE!


All my love,
~lucky

 

[DrFreud]

Happy Birthday Vella!

Wishing you all the possible happiness. Hope you enjoy being lurved to pieces, and getting eaten out, errrr, eating cake!


No blondes jokes from me. But here's a I trust you know what one does with it

 

[Penelope Street]

I'm not good with jokes, but I would like to wish Vella the best birthday ever. And I sure hope both wives smile. It's only fair considering how you two make everyone else smile.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[matriarch]

Happiest of birthday wishes to my second favourite blonde.

Wishing I could be there to give you a smackeroonie of a birthday kiss won't make it happen, but you know I'll be there in spirit......that hand on your arse you can't explain?? That's me, Vella-mia. That's me. I've been practising thought projection. Let me know if its working.




Ooops............forgot the joke:

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?

The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her so I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, Now go to town cowboy... "

And here I am.

See, blonde men do exist!

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Happy of Happiest Birthdays, Minion.

Instead of jokes, I give you a song from you-know-who:

when the game of life makes you feel like quiting it helps a lot if you,
kill a kitten
mark my words cause from were im sitting you cant go wrong if you,
kill a kitten
theres no crime that you'll be commiting, i know the law you can,
kill a kitten
and if you need yarn for that scarf you're knitting you'll get pleanty if you,
kill a kitten

feed it turpin-tine
or break its spine,
crush it with your shoe
as long as you
kill a kitten

if the one you love isn't quite as sh-mitting, she'll like you more if you
kill a kitten
and i quote the bible cause that's where it's written "if ye loveth jesus ye must
kill a kitten"

flush him down the can,
hit him with your van,
throw him at a train,
make him snort cocaine,
drown him in a lake,
bake a kitty cake,
sick some TNT,
up his cat booty,
do what you must do,
as long as you
kill a kitten

killing kittens isnt easy
if the thought makes you feel quzzy
grab a pitch fork from the shed
and kill a puppy dog instead

kill a kitten
kill a kitten
kill a kitten
fluffy kitten
you gotta kill a kitten
kill a kitten


meow

P.S. It's passing 10,000 words, but it is getting written.

 

[erise]

Happy Birthday, http://www.my-smileys.de/smileys2/smilie_girl.gif!

 

[Brinnie]

asdfasdf

 

[lil_elvis]

The most happiest of birthdays vella!

Big smooch

 

[impressive]

Birthday greetings from Ocean City, MD ... where I sit on the balcony overlooking the Atlantic with my coffee and my wireless connection and thoroughly enjoy the sunrise. In a few minutes, the chaos will wake and blast it all away.

Have a good one, gorgeous!

 

[carsonshepherd]

happy birthday, beautiful Vella

 

[ElizabethWest]

Happy Birthday, Vella!​

I hope y'all have a great day. No jokes from me either, but loads of and 's.

 

[Guest]

Happy Birthday!!!

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/sweetsubsarahh/weloveyoubirthday.gif

 

[cheerful_deviant]

VEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!

I'm sure that the Luckster already has the Birthday spankings covered so I'll just say *MWAH*! Hope you have a great day Babe.

 

[minsue]

Happy Birthday, gorgeous! (from two blondes that spent a good hour trying to figure out if they were in NM or TX yesterday. )

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Or....
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. (editorial comment: )




*MWAH!*

 

[rgraham666]

Happy birthday vella, you lovable babbling blonde!

OK, blonde joke.

A brunette and a blonde jump off a building. Who hits the ground first?

The brunette. the blonds has to stop and ask for directions.

I guess that means we guys are safe. We never ask for directions.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Happy Birthday, dahlink.

I'll think of you when I'm at Chuckie Cheese today.

 

[sophia jane]

Happy Birthday Vella!!

 

[McKenna]

Happy Birthday, Dingus!

 

[cloudy]

Happy Birthday, O Leader of the Ebil Baginas!!!

Love you, girl.

http://bestsmileys.com/birthday2/4.gif

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Though you are now in a state with just one star,
I think that I can spit that far,

If I was there I'd give you a quickie,
buy you a drink and slip you a Mickey.

Even though you are my goiter sister,
I still suspect you were once a mister.

No comments about your bleach blonde hair,
I'd rather make fun of your derrierre.

I'll sing praises of your girth,
on this celebration of your birth,

and though you are no longer by the sea,
you'll always be a hag to me.

I'm sure out west you'll work your charm,
on your armadillo farm,

I wish I was there to make you a cake,
(inside I would hide a rattlesnake)

perhaps some day I'll come out on a trip
we'll go into town for some coffee and sip,

while making fun of the locals in Texas
with longhorns glued to the front of their Lexus,

but as it is I'm still condemned to Hell,
So I'll send you long distant wishes of well,

for happiness, love and all things vella,
Happy Birthday from your friend Cruella.


I was actually going to say someting sweet here, but it burned.

So.........yourstillaslaginfestedmaggotfarm.

 

[AppleBiter]

Happy Birthday, Vella!

 

[oggbashan]

Happy Birthday vella!

Q. How does a blonde turn the light on while having sex?

A. She opens the car door.

Q. Why does a blonde prefer a stick-shift?

A. Because at least one knob is hard, no matter what she does.

Og

 

[Guest]

Happy Birthday vella!

Q. How does a blonde turn the light on while having sex?

A. She opens the car door.

Q. Why does a blonde prefer a stick-shift?

A. Because at least one knob is hard, no matter what she does.

Og

Og!

I'm shocked.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I'm sending her a car:

 

[English Lady]

Happy Birthday Vella love!

I'm not so good on the joke front, but lets see what I can come up with

"Waiter,waiter! There is a fly in my soup!"

"Shhhhh everyone will want one!"