The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and Wile E. Coyote gets flattened.

I put in a Saguaro forest...

and the duty torturer smiles evilly


I put in an English Oak

 

[stickygirl]

and the duty torturer smiles evilly


I put in an English Oak

and out sails the Mary Rose

I throw in a lifebelt and an EPIRB

 

[Handley_Page]

and out sails the Mary Rose

I throw in a lifebelt and an EPIRB

The ghosts of the Titanic dead reach out for them


I put in a large, WW2 bomb.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

The ghosts of the Titanic dead reach out for them


I put in a large, WW2 bomb.

and, over time, everything looses its fizzle.

I put in a can of coke, straight up!

 

[stickygirl]

and, over time, everything looses its fizzle.

I put in a can of coke, straight up!

and your eyes start watering

I put in a Yak and a hair drier

Hi BAbs

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and your eyes start watering

I put in a Yak and a hair drier

Hi BAbs

and the hair dresser just can't shut his gob.

I put in a pound of ghee...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the hair dresser just can't shut his gob.

I put in a pound of ghee...

and the curry will be that much the better - we hope


I put in some Turmeric.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the curry will be that much the better - we hope


I put in some Turmeric.

and get a tasty and healthy curry.

I put in a quarter-cup of fresh coriander...

 

[stickygirl]

and get a tasty and healthy curry.

I put in a quarter-cup of fresh coriander...

and the curry is really cooking

I put in some crushed garlic, onions, black pepper and sliced tomatoes

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the curry is really cooking

I put in some crushed garlic, onions, black pepper and sliced tomatoes

and you get a signed copy of Mrs. Balbir Singh's Classic Cookbook.

I put in a picnic in Provence...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a signed copy of Mrs. Balbir Singh's Classic Cookbook.

I put in a picnic in Provence...

..and you get pretty summer dresses and boys tipsy on Breton cider

I put in a sliced salami

this is all making me feel very hungry

 

[Tio_Narratore]

..and you get pretty summer dresses and boys tipsy on Breton cider

I put in a sliced salami

this is all making me feel very hungry

and the girls would have preferred it whole.

I put in a hot Genoese...

Have you been eating enough lately, Jane; you've been posting a lot about food, yo know.

 

[Handley_Page]

and the girls would have preferred it whole.

I put in a hot Genoese...

Which chills too fast and shrivels up.

I put in a bottle of cold tea

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Which chills too fast and shrivels up.

I put in a bottle of cold tea

and the VM looks at you quizzically.

I put in a glass of iced tea and a cup of hot tea...

 

[stickygirl]

and the VM looks at you quizzically.

I put in a glass of iced tea and a cup of hot tea...

..and all your teeth fracture and fall out

I put in an NG tube and a pint of Guinness

 

[Tio_Narratore]

..and all your teeth fracture and fall out

I put in an NG tube and a pint of Guinness

and you taste the porter anyway.

I put in a colonoscopy tube...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you taste the porter anyway.

I put in a colonoscopy tube...

which directs the stream well away from the play area


I put in a valve-powered amplifier

 

[stickygirl]

which directs the stream well away from the play area


I put in a valve-powered amplifier

That would be a valve regulated amplifier but the sound is SO sweet the birds fall silent

I put in a copy of the IRPCS and a Jolly Roger

 

[Tio_Narratore]

That would be a valve regulated amplifier but the sound is SO sweet the birds fall silent

I put in a copy of the IRPCS and a Jolly Roger

and your eyepatch precludes depth perception.

I put in a Coast Guard Cutter...

 

[Handley_Page]

and your eyepatch precludes depth perception.

I put in a Coast Guard Cutter...

but it doesn't cut paper as well as the scissors.


I put in a Stallion
[ here ]

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it doesn't cut paper as well as the scissors.


I put in a Stallion
[ here ]

and Sly's lawyers threaten you for copyright infringement.

I put in Rocky XXVI...

 

[stickygirl]

and Sly's lawyers threaten you for copyright infringement.

I put in Rocky XXVI...

And the ex governor of California 'comes out'

I put in the channel tunnel and a bottle of washing up liquid

 

[Handley_Page]

And the ex governor of California 'comes out'

I put in the channel tunnel and a bottle of washing up liquid

and the train skids on the rails.


I put in a lump of granite

 

[Noor]

and the train skids on the rails.


I put in a lump of granite

and you get a bag of coal

I put in one grumpy man

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a bag of coal

I put in one grumpy man

and you get an unhappy woman.

I put in a couples' weekend...