The art of wooing someone by email

[Lovepotion69]

Any hints on this? I've been exchanging a couple of emails with the photographer I met at my friend's wedding in MN.

He seems cool, and I'd like to get to know him better. Problem is his emails are quite short and he hasn't really said anything personal in them. Thought I had scared him off when my second email was 5-7 paragraphs instead of previous three paragraphs in the first email. And they weren't long paragraphs!

So, now I'm aiming to keep the emails shorter (if he continues to reply at all), and wait longer between times of emailing him.

Now, if anyone's got any ideas how to lure him out of his shell, please tell. I want to get to know the guy a little! Not just talk photography with him (although that's good too).

/LP

 

[Guest]

Any hints on this? I've been exchanging a couple of emails with the photographer I met at my friend's wedding in MN.

He seems cool, and I'd like to get to know him better. Problem is his emails are quite short and he hasn't really said anything personal in them. Thought I had scared him off when my second email was 5-7 paragraphs instead of previous three paragraphs in the first email. And they weren't long paragraphs!

So, now I'm aiming to keep the emails shorter (if he continues to reply at all), and wait longer between times of emailing him.

Now, if anyone's got any ideas how to lure him out of his shell, please tell. I want to get to know the guy a little! Not just talk photography with him (although that's good too).

/LP

_______


Include a link to one of your stories?

You'll know right away if there's something there to share.

 

[TheEarl]

That doesn't sound overly hopeful to me LP. Have you your heart set on him? A man who flinches at 8 paras and replies in monosyllables is either a man scared shitless or a man trying to back away from an approach.

The Earl

 

[Lovepotion69]

_______


Include a link to one of your stories?

You'll know right away if there's something there to share.

LOL If I did he'd probably definitely be scared off! He hasn't told me anything personal by email at all. The little I know about him he told me at the wedding, and that mainly was about his time in Sweden.

 

[Dar~]

My approach is very direct. I would tell him that I am interseted in him relationship wise. I would also tell him that I wouldn't be hurt if he didn't feel the same interest, but that I felt it only fair to let him know. Then I'd wait impatiently checking my email nine or ten times every couple of minutes to see what he responds.

 

[minsue]

Much luck to you. If you figure out how, LP, please let the rest of us would be woo-ers know.

 

[Guest]

LOL If I did he'd probably definitely be scared off! He hasn't told me anything personal by email at all. The little I know about him he told me at the wedding, and that mainly was about his time in Sweden.

_______

Then, again, he could be hiding a secret hobby (too shy to share unless prodded a bit)--he could be an author from Lit.

 

[Dar~]

Min, your issues are entirely separate from hers. We already know she loves you.

 

[TheEarl]

_______

Then, again, he could be hiding a secret hobby (too shy to share unless prodded a bit)--he could be an author from Lit.

He could be Svenskaflicka!

<starts running>

The Earl

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Any hints on this? I've been exchanging a couple of emails with the photographer I met at my friend's wedding in MN.

He seems cool, and I'd like to get to know him better. Problem is his emails are quite short and he hasn't really said anything personal in them. Thought I had scared him off when my second email was 5-7 paragraphs instead of previous three paragraphs in the first email. And they weren't long paragraphs!

So, now I'm aiming to keep the emails shorter (if he continues to reply at all), and wait longer between times of emailing him.

Now, if anyone's got any ideas how to lure him out of his shell, please tell. I want to get to know the guy a little! Not just talk photography with him (although that's good too).

/LP

Try to get him on an IM service of some sort. Email, despite it's mystique, isn't natural conversation friendly. It is exactly like old style mail currently and thus it usually lends itself better for big things because the turn-around is slow for "how are you, tell me about yourself, joking around" and stuff like that.

So yeah, yahoo chat, AIM, MSN messenger, whatever you can get him to sign on to.

Either that or you might have to get low-tech and ask for his phone number or give him yours and have a phone conversation (Horror of horrors).

That should open him up little more because it'll be more like talking to you instead of playing Gone With the Wind.

 

[Lovepotion69]

That doesn't sound overly hopeful to me LP. Have you your heart set on him? A man who flinches at 8 paras and replies in monosyllables is either a man scared shitless or a man trying to back away from an approach.

The Earl

Earl,
I don't really have my heart set on him. I won't even take it personally if he doesn't send me any more emails. Got a feeling he's not the emailing type.

Can't say he replies in monosyllables. The two replies I've received are kinda short but somewhat sweet.
I figure he's either A) not interested in keeping touch B) don't mind keeping in touch with the occasional email, but no interest in disclosing too much info C) not the emailing type

I'm realistic enough to know there's no point in hoping for some hot email correspondence (I wish!) I'm mainly after maybe making a new friend. If he really didn't want me to contact him, he should have been smart enough to not give me his business cards with the words "email me when you get back to Sweden!"

 

[Guest]

He could be Svenskaflicka!

<starts running>

The Earl

________

You have an evil streak in you, Earl.










I like that.

 

[Dar~]

I still think being straight forward is best.

 

[Lovepotion69]

My approach is very direct. I would tell him that I am interseted in him relationship wise. I would also tell him that I wouldn't be hurt if he didn't feel the same interest, but that I felt it only fair to let him know. Then I'd wait impatiently checking my email nine or ten times every couple of minutes to see what he responds.

Dar, I'm not even interested in a relationship! I'm just in for a bit of flirting, general banter and getting to know each other. A relationship is out of the question when he lives in Minneapolis and I'm in Sweden! And it wasn't sparks flying when we met, more friendly talk.

Oh, and I did check my email waaaay too many times after I sent the first short email!

Manx, oh my, he COULD be from Lit! Hm, any people on Lit who works in Minneapolis and occasionally shoot weddings?

Lucifer, the IM idea isn't bad. No clue if he's into all that, but I can always ask if he has Yahoo or MSN. Doesn't hurt to ask.

 

[TheEarl]

[threadjack]

LP69: You can be as wooed as you like with me darling.

[/threadjack]

Sorry. Gone now.

The Earl

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Oh, and I did check my email waaaay too many times after I sent the first short email!

Lucifer, the IM idea isn't bad. No clue if he's into all that, but I can always ask if he has Yahoo or MSN. Doesn't hurt to ask.

I'd say no shit you should especially if you are doing that with the email. Email is a check every couple day thing and victorian wooing devices whereas IM and phones are instant access and full conversation devices. Much more comfortable for social.

 

[sophia jane]

One thing to remember (and no offense to the men here) is that not all men are great with writing things out. So short emails are probably pretty normal for most of the male population. I agree that an instant message type thing is probably your best bet.


SJ

 

[Lovepotion69]

[threadjack]

LP69: You can be as wooed as you like with me darling.

[/threadjack]

Sorry. Gone now.

The Earl

So, are you going to send me any hot emails then?

 

[Lovepotion69]

Sophia, yeah, that's what I was thinking too. I think I've been spoilt with the men on Lit and their writing talents.

Lucifer, will ask him in the next email (if there'll be one). If he's not the email type though, he may not be the IM type either. Still, doesn't hurt to ask.


My luck to meet a cute, nice guy who's into photography, but of course lives in US.

 

[Guest]

One thing to remember (and no offense to the men here) is that not all men are great with writing things out. So short emails are probably pretty normal for most of the male population. I agree that an instant message type thing is probably your best bet.


SJ

____

No offense taking, and even going one step further, most are not good at writing things out nor expressing their feelings.


Hmmm . . .



So, maybe, LP could should send him erotic pictures . . . he is, after all, a guy and a photographer.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Sophia, yeah, that's what I was thinking too. I think I've been spoilt with the men on Lit and their writing talents.

Lucifer, will ask him in the next email (if there'll be one). If he's not the email type though, he may not be the IM type either. Still, doesn't hurt to ask.


My luck to meet a cute, nice guy who's into photography, but of course lives in US.

Don't lump all online correspondence in the same basket. IM and email are both quite different in their fields.

My point is don't dismiss it or him as "not being into online talk" before you ask him or possibly introduce him to the form.

I know from personal experience that it feels different talking through different means online. On email I am often more formal in my writing and I often come out sounding like a smart and on-top of the ball kind of guy. Whereas those of you on this forum know that I'm really a crude dumbass and bastard. It's the form dictating the voice.

 

[yui]

LP69, I have no effective advice. I tried the email sort-of-wooing once and while it didn’t fail spectacularly, it did kind of dwindle. I think the IMing is a great suggestion.

[begin quasi-threadjack]

Speaking of IMing, I relatively new to it and I would love to know what the etiquette is for when it’s acceptable to IM someone. It sounds stupid, but I don’t want to bother people; so even if I see they are online, I don’t often contact anyone. Even when I really want to. It’s just so hard to gauge if they’re sitting on the other end, rolling their eyes, thinking, “Oh god, not her again.”

This sounds like a Dear Abby letter, but I would genuinely love a crash course or two from any IM regulars/semi-regulars. It doesn’t bother me when I get IMs, but I just feel like such a clueless newbie when I want to send one.

[end quasi-threadjack]

Luck to you, LP69! And so sorry for the threadjack.

Yui

P.S. Luc, I don't think you are "a crude dumbass and bastard." I think you are quite nifty.

 

[sophia jane]

LP69, I have no effective advice. I tried the email sort-of-wooing once and while it didn’t fail spectacularly, it did kind of dwindle. I think the IMing is a great suggestion.

[begin quasi-threadjack]

Speaking of IMing, I relatively new to it and I would love to know what the etiquette is for when it’s acceptable to IM someone. It sounds stupid, but I don’t want to bother people; so even if I see they are online, I don’t often contact anyone. Even when I really want to. It’s just so hard to gauge if they’re sitting on the other end, rolling their eyes, thinking, “Oh god, not her again.”

This sounds like a Dear Abby letter, but I would genuinely love a crash course or two from any IM regulars/semi-regulars. It doesn’t bother me when I get IMs, but I just feel like such a clueless newbie when I want to send one.

[end quasi-threadjack]

Luck to you, LP69! And so sorry for the threadjack.

Yui

P.S. Luc, I don't think you are "a crude dumbass and bastard." I think you are quite nifty.

Yui- I have this same problem, but I find that people generally like to be imed. If you see they are online, they are probably willing to chat. Also, from the group chats, I know you're lots of fun and everyone likes you, so I'm sure they would be glad to get ims from you!

SJ

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Can't help you Yui. I worry about the same thing myself, so I rarely initiate a conversation because I'm afraid they only answer to be polite.

 

[carsonshepherd]

LP69, I have no effective advice. I tried the email sort-of-wooing once and while it didn’t fail spectacularly, it did kind of dwindle. I think the IMing is a great suggestion.

[begin quasi-threadjack]

Speaking of IMing, I relatively new to it and I would love to know what the etiquette is for when it’s acceptable to IM someone. It sounds stupid, but I don’t want to bother people; so even if I see they are online, I don’t often contact anyone. Even when I really want to. It’s just so hard to gauge if they’re sitting on the other end, rolling their eyes, thinking, “Oh god, not her again.”

This sounds like a Dear Abby letter, but I would genuinely love a crash course or two from any IM regulars/semi-regulars. It doesn’t bother me when I get IMs, but I just feel like such a clueless newbie when I want to send one.

[end quasi-threadjack]

Dear I-M-Clueless,

I would say the etiquette is based on your knowledge of the person. I, for example, am a non-contactor. If someone wants to talk to me they can IM me first. The people on my IM list know this and always IM me first.That's just my anti-social way; however it doesn't apply to best friends. I annoy them without prejudice.

If you IM someone and they seem abrupt or annoyed, it's polite to bow out. Make an excuse and say you need to run, talk to you later. If someone does NOT want to be contacted by you, they'll have you blocked; if they're truly busy, they'll have their status set to busy, or they will tell you they're otherwise occupied.

Don't sweat it and don't allow your feelings to be hurt. Sometimes people are busy or they're IMing someone else already. That's the beauty of the internet. The snubs aren't real if you don't let them bother you!
carson