The Psychology of the "Disinterested Handjob"

[cdstefi]

One of my favourite porn channels is Maya's Handjobs. She always looks kinda not into it and somewhat bored (sometimes she does a cute little smile) but then gets a big cumshot out of the guy anyway.

She does seem to have varied the output recently and included more BJs and full sex but I seem to remember when she started off it was all bored looking CFNM handjobs and strangely arousing for it.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Though this thread has been going for a while I will add my voice to those that have correctly identified the kink of as a subclass of the dominant—read femdom—handjob kink. Yes like CFNM handjobs, foot on face handjobs, or desinterested footjobs for that matter. They all add vertical distance in status/power/consent/control between perpetrator and target. And to me enjoying it while failing to acknowledge sounds like a shame driven denial of a femdon kink. Common among those that feel malesub desires somehow emasculate them.

See, that's very interesting to me. Because I like reading and writing femdom too, but I feel like the style of femdom I enjoy writing has so little in common with anything "disinterested".

I suppose, as you said, this is just one subset of the category, but it seems so much different from the stories of female dominance that I've written and read.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

See, that's very interesting to me. Because I like reading and writing femdom too, but I feel like the style of femdom I enjoy writing has so little in common with anything "disinterested".

I suppose, as you said, this is just one subset of the category, but it seems so much different from the stories of female dominance that I've written and read.

I think often the range of emotions/attitudes of a Domme is too narrowly understood. Everybody understands the disdainful/scornful Domme. But that “angry” version of a Domme is only one version. Some remember there is also the deriding/mocking Domme. And that “amused” Domme certainly carries sting. The final disregarding/desinterested Domme is often forgotten. But many a true malesub will admit that “bored” Domme carries the greatest sting of all. Other than of course, the Domme with performative range, which is hottest of all. Dancing between angry, amused and bored for maximum effect.

 

[intim8]

There's a lot of things that can be behind this depending on the specific circumstances, attitudes, etc at the moment.

Yeah, the gift aspect of it can be a big thing. The "I don't really want to do this, but I really want to do this for you."

As some said, there can be a light femdom aspect to it, of her making him endure this, especially if it means depriving him of oral or penetrative sex. There can also be a domination aspect the other way, what I call "obligatory" sex, as in losing a game or a bet or trading sex for position, status, or money. Though it is voluntary, she has to do this, for reasons other than enjoying it.

And related to the gift idea, there's the "first time" aspect of it. Often, for a guy, the first time he gets anything it's a hand-job, often from a girl who is herself inexperienced -- and so her interest in it is at least muddled -- or a more experienced woman who is introducing him to sex, making her interest more about him than her own enjoyment. Reliving that relatively innocent loss of innocence by an act less intimidating than full on penetrative sex, whether a real or a made up "memory", can be a turn-on.

The "quickie" aspect can play into it. It can be a five-minute thing, possibly in risky circumstances, often with a 'lets get it over with' attitude from the other person. That kind of no-prep sudden thing, which pretty much negates the other person getting much out of it, can be a turn on

And there's the fact that the guy doesn't have to try, he can focus entirely on what he wants, even to the point of fantasizing about something other than what is going on. Being allowed to be purely selfish about it is a turn-on.

 

[nice90sguy]

This is a long thread, and I'm hungover, so forgive me if I'm repeating what someone else has said: I play a femdom porn game whre that's my favourite scene, and an "ignore handjob" is a common, and for me, sexy trope in femdom games (and stories).
A lot of WTFs occur around femdom. Makes me kind of proud of my knks.

 

[oneagainst]

I think often the range of emotions/attitudes of a Domme is too narrowly understood. Everybody understands the disdainful/scornful Domme. But that “angry” version of a Domme is only one version. Some remember there is also the deriding/mocking Domme. And that “amused” Domme certainly carries sting. The final disregarding/desinterested Domme is often forgotten. But many a true malesub will admit that “bored” Domme carries the greatest sting of all. Other than of course, the Domme with performative range, which is hottest of all. Dancing between angry, amused and bored for maximum effect.

This plays into tease and denial a lot, and then the often-used plot twist of whether the receiver is going to get to his goal or it's hands-off at the very last moment. Big thing in femdom plots, and it's definitely a power play: you're not allowed to touch, I'm allowed to touch, and I'll decide if you get to completion.

TBH this feels a long way away from OP in that it sounds more like the reverse is going on: submission from the wife giving the guy his finish even though she's not into it, i.e. there's a control aspect to it but it's Mf rather than Fm.

 

[Britva415]

in the strictest sense: she is literally kind of reluctant. Good point

Not in the “consent” sense, though. The subject of this thread seems orthogonal to me to the subject of consent/nonconsent/CNC/reluc.

 

[MichelleSwan]

So a girlfriend of mine was talking to me recently about this topic. Apparently, she gave her husband a "disinterested handjob". And he loved it??

I'll explain the scenario as best I can:

Their young kids were up, and the two didn't have time for any real sexy times. But he was really horny, so she agreed to help him out. That said, she wasn't really into the act, and she didn't pretend to be. For some strange reason, he was totally fine with that, and he got off fairly quickly. It was almost as if her disinterest in the act was a feature of the act, rather than a detractor.

I have to say, I can't fully understand the logic of that. But a quick google search of "Disinterested Handjob" (with moderate safe search on, thank you kindly) brought up plenty of videos, although I'm not really interested in looking into it much deeper than that.

Does anyone understand the allure behind such a sex act? I've heard plenty of guys online say that they don't even enjoy handjobs because their own hand is so much more experienced. Putting that opinion aside, why would a guy actively want a disinterested sex partner?

My only guess at the appeal would be the honesty behind the act? A woman acting super exited about a handjob would likely be pretending, and that might detract some from his enjoyment?

Contrarily, a disinterested handjob is as honest as it gets. It's like a completely selfless gift, with no deception about the emotions behind it. Something like "Hey babe, I'm doing this for you because I love you, and not because I particularly like it."

I don't know. That's honestly my only guess. Does anyone else have any insight into this (slightly) unusual kink?

Providing a hand job is a nice jesture that implies reciprocation is not necessary or wanted. The fireworks can be notable but usually I'm thinking about what I'm going to make him for breakfast or finding a statement at work until he ejaculates. Men love to be nurtured and not that I mind providing oral but there is alot of effort and concentration involved and of course I will want to climb the peg myself. Sometimes I just need to get on with my day.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I have three stories ready for the 750 word challenge, one of which is a quick trio about Angela. An 18-year-old with a fetish for public disinterested hand jobs. Yes, all the yank-yanky are quick lil' tales.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

The psychology is simple: A Disinterested Handjob is MUCH better than No Handjob.

A Disinterested Handjob occurs when He wants sex and She wants solitude. A lover that's in tune with his partner knows that, no, there's not going to be any loving tonight. But she gives a disinterested handjob just to shut him up. Hey, that's a profit on anyone's ledger.

I can't speak to any kink aspect of it. However, from a relationship aspect, I can understand a certain appeal. She recognizes that he is really in the mood for something he recognizes that she isn't. In most relationships 'No' trumps 'Yes'. Yet, she is willing to give him something. She loves him enough to give him something, even though she wants nothing for herself. It's not exchange, she's not asking for anything, she's just giving something. There is power and emotion in that gift, even though it seems like nothing on the surface.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

When I red the scenario, the first thing that clicked for me was "Their young kids were up, and the two didn't have time for any real sexy times."

No humiliation no femdom, or bdsm, this reeks of TABOO, the risk of getting caught, the danger adrenaline rush. He was probably thinking of that time when they were dating in high school when she did the same thing in the front seat of his Mustang in her father's driveway.

Just my two cents...

As for boobs, I love small to medium and natural. The irony is, since I've started transition, my opinion of my own is that I want larger ones.

 

[MillieDynamite]

My dear @ShelbyDawn57, it isn't necessary. I say you'll be just perfect however you are, no matter how you end up. But if you want fake go for it.

When I red the scenario, the first thing that clicked for me was "Their young kids were up, and the two didn't have time for any real sexy times."

No humiliation no femdom, or bdsm, this reeks of TABOO, the risk of getting caught, the danger adrenaline rush. He was probably thinking of that time when they were dating in high school when she did the same thing in the front seat of his Mustang in her father's driveway.

Just my two cents...

As for boobs, I love small to medium and natural. The irony is, since I've started transition, my opinion of my own is that I want larger ones.

 

[ElectricBlue]

As for boobs, I love small to medium and natural. The irony is, since I've started transition, my opinion of my own is that I want larger ones.

Perfection always starts with little things. It's very zen. You'll be fine .