I need help with a few paragraphs from chapter 2 of I Own Myself

[bejjinks]

These particular paragraphs that I'm struggling with are not erotic in any way. I really wish I could just skip these few paragraphs so I can get on to the good stuff, the stuff that is fun to write. But I really can't skip it.

I haven't written the paragraphs yet but this is what needs to happen: Jason and Noah have been hanging out together and they stopped somewhere for lunch. I need them to talk a little about their future plans but when Noah tells Jason about renting himself out as a gay sex slave, Jason needs to react very badly. I don't want Jason to do anything violent but I am struggling figuring out what I want Jason to do. Jason needs to leave Noah feeling utterly rejected.

Please help me figure out these few paragraphs. I've tried looking in different places for ideas but I can't find any.

Edit: I think a big part of the problem is that I am still trying to figure out who Jason is. Something I started doing recently is describing characters by their preferred breakfast. So here is the main cast's breakfast choices:

Noah: cream cheese on a bagel with avocado and orange juice

Dad: waffles with butter and syrup

Nathan: Honey Nut Clusters cereal

Finnegan: black coffee and a stick of beef jerky

Canmore: a poached egg, crepes and darjeeling tea

Corona: fries

Jason: I don't know. He's kinda like Dad, kinda like Finnegan and kinda like Noah. But what would he have for breakfast? I'm really struggling trying to figure him out.

Edut 2: I'm also pondering the idea of making Jason's reaction have something to do with his dad. Maybe Jason's dad had some kind of involvement with slavery and so Noah has just touched a very sensitive spot in Jason's psyche, stirred up some old wounds regarding his dad.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Okay, but who are these two? All you’ve said is that they’ve been hanging out together. A bit of character and backstory would help.

 

[mildlyaroused]

Consider who you characters are, both in terms of Jason's reaction and Noah's reaction to Jason's reaction.

If Jason is shy, trodden or a chronic people-pleaser, maybe he doesn't say anything. Maybe there's no verbal confrontation but the two of them are awkward for the rest of the lunch. In real life these moments can be some of the most hurtful, when both people know something's wrong but neither wants to talk about it. Their day of companionship is tainted.

If Jason is more headstrong, maybe he walks out and leaves his lunch half-finished. Takes an Uber home. If you need your characters to get somewhere, you could use Jason's anger as an excuse to move the plot forward. If Jason is headstrong and skint, he'll take his lunch with him because he doesn't want to waste the money.

Noah's character is important too. If Noah has a history of this, maybe Jason is exhausted by the return to this lifestyle. What are Jason's priorities? Is he jealous? Is he worried about Noah's safety? Is he a rampant homophobe?

And how does Noah react to Jason? Does he run after him begging for forgiveness? Does he mirror Jason's silence? Does he demand that Jason stop judging him?

It doesn't have to be a 'big' reaction for Noah to feel rejected. If he had to really pluck up his courage, but got a bad reaction, he will feel rejected. Maybe tease the audience with the two characters' anticipation of a lovely day spent together, mentioning all the fun activities they have ahead of them, then bring everything crashing down when this argument ruins their plans.

 

[bejjinks]

Okay, but who are these two? All you’ve said is that they’ve been hanging out together. A bit of character and backstory would help.

Well you can read chapter 1 to find out that Noah is the main character of the story. I do struggle writing character descriptions. It's much easier for me to let the reader get to know the character through the character's actions so this is what Noah has done so far. Noah put himself up as collateral on a loan. This means that he has signed a contract giving him the legal status of a slaveling but he owns himself so he is going to rent himself out to make money. He has already been surprised to learn there was more to being a slaveling than he imagined. Chapter 2 starts with him waking up the next day and telling his dad and brother about the contract while having breakfast. His dad flipped out and argued with him but Noah stood his ground causing Noah and his dad to settle into a truce on the matter. Then Noah went out to hang out with Jason his best friend and they practiced tricks using pogo sticks, jump ropes and flags. And then they stopped for lunch.

Jason has only just been introduced. Jason is Noah's best friend and they love to invent strange tricks using all kinds of things that they keep in duffle bags. Part of the problem I'm having is that I am still figuring out who Jason is myself. I know he needs to leave Noah feeling rejected because Noah is supposed to long for him for the next few chapters wondering when Jason will come back.

 

[EmilyMiller]

No one can write your story about your characters for you. I doubt many people have the time to read your first chapter either.

Sometimes writing is just about trying your best. Try to put yourself in the position of each character, based on how you envisage them, how would they react, what would they say?

Good luck.

Emily

 

[SimonDoom]

There's no way others can write this for you, because only you know all the things you want to accomplish with this scene.

I'll just say this: start small, and build up the scene as necessary. Don't have Jason do anything more than is necessary for you, the author, to convey, his rejection. He could simply get up from the table and walk away. Say something like, "That's stupid." The way he responds will convey the sort of person he is, the sort of friend he is, and his attitude, and it will help explain Noah's reaction. But start small, and build from there. Strip away everything that is unnecessary.

 

[lustychimera]

I need them to talk a little about their future plans but when Noah tells Jason about renting himself out as a gay sex slave, Jason needs to react very badly. I don't want Jason to do anything violent but I am struggling figuring out what I want Jason to do. Jason needs to leave Noah feeling utterly rejected.

Why does Jason react badly? Is he concerned about how friend's safety or mental health? Is he strongly morally opposed? Does that line come out of nowhere and shock him?

You can't figure out a character's actions without understanding their motivations.

 

[bejjinks]

No one can write your story about your characters for you. I doubt many people have the time to read your first chapter either.

Sometimes writing is just about trying your best. Try to put yourself in the position of each character, based on how you envisage them, how would they react, what would they say?

Good luck.

Emily

I am not asking anyone to write this for me. I'm only asking for tips.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am not asking anyone to write this for me. I'm only asking for tips.

What several of us say up above…

Emily

 

[StillStunned]

I am not asking anyone to write this for me. I'm only asking for tips.

Just the tip, that's how it always starts...

 

[samhasstories]

Sometimes when a scene isn't working, but I need the information in it to be imparted, I find it can be useful to change its circumstances. So maybe instead of having this conversation over lunch, they're doing something else: having a drink, moving a couch, throwing axes, whatever. Try out some different scenarios and see if you can get your characters to cooperate. If their setting is different maybe the answer will work itself out as you're writing.

 

[orangecurious]

i can'r even work out what I will have for breakfast, let alone, anyone else.

saying that, my latest submission did have a lot of pastries

 

[Paul_Chance]

You've already determined that Jason is going to react negatively but not physically, and the end result is going to be Noah feeling utterly rejected.

1. Jason can react by instant rejection. Simply getting up and walking out mid-lunch with a look of scorn.

2. Jason can react with cutting words, spmething like "What the hell are you thinking? Why in the world would you want to be a whore?"

3. Jason can react with condescending judgement. "Why would any self-respecting person do that? I like you, but if you decide to do that, I'm done with you. I'm not associating with someone with so little self-respect."

 

[intim8]

Breakfast is fine, but I think a lot of other questions need to be answered. Is Noah actually gay? Does Jason know this? Is Jason gay? What is the dynamic between them? Any sexual tension? Any overcompensation? Does either of them have a parter? Why does Noah want to do this - money, thrills, something else? Why would Jason object - jealousy/feelings for Noah, moralism, concern for safety... ?

What @samhasstories said is good advice. Lunch is bland and safe and politie. Bring them to a situation that already has some kind of tension and a vibe to it. They're at a football game, or they're at a titty bar, or have just successfully fled the police in a high speed chase. Maybe have Noah's statement come out of nowhere, maybe something in the vibe of the situation draws it out of him and also informs Jason's reaction.

You've given us nothing to go on, but maybe that is better. Teach a man to fish rather than give him a fish...

 

[bejjinks]

You've already determined that Jason is going to react negatively but not physically, and the end result is going to be Noah feeling utterly rejected.

1. Jason can react by instant rejection. Simply getting up and walking out mid-lunch with a look of scorn.

2. Jason can react with cutting words, spmething like "What the hell are you thinking? Why in the world would you want to be a whore?"

3. Jason can react with condescending judgement. "Why would any self-respecting person do that? I like you, but if you decide to do that, I'm done with you. I'm not associating with someone with so little self-respect."

I think the third option is the direction I want to go. Thank you.

 

[bejjinks]

Breakfast is fine, but I think a lot of other questions need to be answered. Is Noah actually gay? Does Jason know this? Is Jason gay? What is the dynamic between them? Any sexual tension? Any overcompensation? Does either of them have a parter? Why does Noah want to do this - money, thrills, something else? Why would Jason object - jealousy/feelings for Noah, moralism, concern for safety... ?

What @samhasstories said is good advice. Lunch is bland and safe and politie. Bring them to a situation that already has some kind of tension and a vibe to it. They're at a football game, or they're at a titty bar, or have just successfully fled the police in a high speed chase. Maybe have Noah's statement come out of nowhere, maybe something in the vibe of the situation draws it out of him and also informs Jason's reaction.

You've given us nothing to go on, but maybe that is better. Teach a man to fish rather than give him a fish...

Both Noah and Jason will discover that they both enjoy gay sex. Whether that means they are gay or bi or something else, I don't care. I never liked labels anyway.

Right now, neither of them knows this about themselves. Right now, they both think they are straight but not homophobic. This story will bring aspects of themselves to the surface that they weren't aware of.

Noah and Jason are best friends and neither knows they want to be more than just friends.

Currently, no, neither has a partner.

Noah thinks he is doing this for money.

Why would Jason object? That is the question I am struggling to answer.

The football game, titty bar and police chase is not something either Jason or Noah would be involved in but I am open to thinking about other settings besides lunch.

"Teach a man to fish" is one of my favorite sayings. It goes along with a saying I coined myself: "Help does not mean doing it for someone. Help means assisting someone to do it for themselves."

 

[intim8]

Why would Jason object? That is the question I am struggling to answer.

I can't even imagine trying to design a character that is there to take a specific pre-determined action.

I assume a lot of very good writers do, but it's just foreign to me.

The best I can give you here is to think about what form the action will take, and then how what that is will color the remainder of the plot, Noah's mental states, and the relationship between Noah and Jason, then make Jason the kind of person that would take that action and have those effects.

You could take my questions and turn them inside out. "Why would Jason do this?" Becomes "What kind of person would do this this way," etc.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think the third option is the direction I want to go. Thank you.

Glad it helped. Best of luck with the writing!