Kasumi_Lee
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 2, 2013
- Posts
- 267
Did you ever hear about the president with three marriages and five children who lost an election, cried foul, and instigated an attempted coup by his followers who stormed the legislature, caused lots of property damage, and had to be cleared out by federal security forces? So you've heard of Brazilian ex-President Jair Bolsonaro too! I recently and randomly remembered reading about an incident in which then-Federal Representative Bolsonaro told an audience that he had four sons before having a "moment of weakness", resulting in the birth of a daughter.
Now, the boring truth is that this "joke" reflects nothing more than the crass misogyny of a man who once argued that women should be paid less because they can get pregnant and going on maternity leave costs their employers more money, but still found it in his heart to extend nepotistic favor to his then-second wife when she worked as his secretary. And it hardly compares to that time he clapped back at a female legislator that she was too ugly to deserve to be raped. But because acknowledging all that would be boring, I'm going to pretend that this comment reflected an unguarded admission of something deeply personal on Bolsonaro's balls (I mean behalf).
So what happened to dear Jair? Was he feeling a little less supremely masculine when trying to impregnate his third wife? Did something happen to knock his confidence in the inherent superiority of men over the mothers of their children? Perhaps this weakened sense of machismo virility somehow feminized his sperm and resulted in the conception of a daughter? Who knows?!
My idle and half-baked research for this post revealed a bunch of articles about how conceiving couples can try for a girl or a boy. The first thing to say is that this is almost entirely pseudoscience and any suggestion derived from it should be treated as a joke; but in keeping with the title of this thread, I'm not going to do that! The one thing they do get right is that a baby's gender is determined by the man's sperm, since they carry either a Y or X chromosome, so to the extent that Bolsonaro's siring of a girl is the result of a moment of weakness, it's his own damn fault!
The basic idea pushed by these articles is that "boy-sperm" are sprint swimmers that swim fast but get tired quickly whereas "girl-sperm" are marathon swimmers that swim slower but have more stamina. With this vaguely plausible piece of conceptive folk wisdom in mind, two suggestions in particular caught my eye. One is to avoid deep penetration when trying for a girl because when the man cums, his semen will be deposited further away from the cervix, resulting in a longer swim to the egg, and tilting the race in favor of the girl-sperm. The other is for the woman to not orgasm because the orgasmic muscular contractions draw sperm into the womb, making for a shorter race to the egg which would bias the race in favor of the boy-sperm.
So, if you want to have a girl, don't let your man thrust too deeply or vigorously and don't make your woman cum. This leads to the conclusion, equal parts insulting and hilarious, that half the human race owes its chromosomal existence to the other half's underperformance in the bedroom.
But what if all of this is mistaken? Perhaps the third Mrs. Bolsonaro knows something that her two predecessors didn't? Did she discover the secret to inducing moments of weakness in her husband, punishing him for his misogyny by causing him to sire a girl? If so, then Mrs. Bolsonaro III owes it to the rest of womankind to reveal her secret so that we can all learn how to induce moments of weakness in our menfolk, resulting in the birth of more girls who will form a tidal wave of women to overwhelm the patriarchy, smash all the glass ceilings, and take over the world!
Until the men figure out how to counteract these moments of weakness and master the discipline to father only sons and thereby overwhelm us with a tidal wave of men who'll take back control and re-establish the patriarchy, and all will be lost! Or maybe this is all nonsense and I'm just typing extemporaneously and men and women will remain numerically equal halves of humanity.
By the way, I was tipsy when I created this thread. I look forward to reading your replies!
Now, the boring truth is that this "joke" reflects nothing more than the crass misogyny of a man who once argued that women should be paid less because they can get pregnant and going on maternity leave costs their employers more money, but still found it in his heart to extend nepotistic favor to his then-second wife when she worked as his secretary. And it hardly compares to that time he clapped back at a female legislator that she was too ugly to deserve to be raped. But because acknowledging all that would be boring, I'm going to pretend that this comment reflected an unguarded admission of something deeply personal on Bolsonaro's balls (I mean behalf).
So what happened to dear Jair? Was he feeling a little less supremely masculine when trying to impregnate his third wife? Did something happen to knock his confidence in the inherent superiority of men over the mothers of their children? Perhaps this weakened sense of machismo virility somehow feminized his sperm and resulted in the conception of a daughter? Who knows?!
My idle and half-baked research for this post revealed a bunch of articles about how conceiving couples can try for a girl or a boy. The first thing to say is that this is almost entirely pseudoscience and any suggestion derived from it should be treated as a joke; but in keeping with the title of this thread, I'm not going to do that! The one thing they do get right is that a baby's gender is determined by the man's sperm, since they carry either a Y or X chromosome, so to the extent that Bolsonaro's siring of a girl is the result of a moment of weakness, it's his own damn fault!
The basic idea pushed by these articles is that "boy-sperm" are sprint swimmers that swim fast but get tired quickly whereas "girl-sperm" are marathon swimmers that swim slower but have more stamina. With this vaguely plausible piece of conceptive folk wisdom in mind, two suggestions in particular caught my eye. One is to avoid deep penetration when trying for a girl because when the man cums, his semen will be deposited further away from the cervix, resulting in a longer swim to the egg, and tilting the race in favor of the girl-sperm. The other is for the woman to not orgasm because the orgasmic muscular contractions draw sperm into the womb, making for a shorter race to the egg which would bias the race in favor of the boy-sperm.
So, if you want to have a girl, don't let your man thrust too deeply or vigorously and don't make your woman cum. This leads to the conclusion, equal parts insulting and hilarious, that half the human race owes its chromosomal existence to the other half's underperformance in the bedroom.
But what if all of this is mistaken? Perhaps the third Mrs. Bolsonaro knows something that her two predecessors didn't? Did she discover the secret to inducing moments of weakness in her husband, punishing him for his misogyny by causing him to sire a girl? If so, then Mrs. Bolsonaro III owes it to the rest of womankind to reveal her secret so that we can all learn how to induce moments of weakness in our menfolk, resulting in the birth of more girls who will form a tidal wave of women to overwhelm the patriarchy, smash all the glass ceilings, and take over the world!
Until the men figure out how to counteract these moments of weakness and master the discipline to father only sons and thereby overwhelm us with a tidal wave of men who'll take back control and re-establish the patriarchy, and all will be lost! Or maybe this is all nonsense and I'm just typing extemporaneously and men and women will remain numerically equal halves of humanity.
By the way, I was tipsy when I created this thread. I look forward to reading your replies!
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