The Art of Begging

[serijules]

D has liked hearing me beg lately. Sometimes formally, sometimes not so much so, but either way, begging has become a part of what is expected of me when asking permission, and sometimes simply just because it's what she wants to hear.

This is something I've never been able to do with anyone else before, and it is still a struggle for me. I tend to lock up and be unable to form the words because I get gripped with fear that they will be the wrong ones and I will displease her, although no words at all certainly doesn't please her either. So it is something I have to work at.

I've decided to write an essay on begging to help me formulate my thoughts more and learn something, however, in writing it I've realized that what I'm writing about is limited to my experiences and my Dominant's desires. For learnings sake, I'd like to hear about your begging experiences, both from Top/bottom (or PYL/pyl... whatevah) point of view.

How and for what does your top expect you to beg? How do they let you know? How does it make you feel to beg?

Tops...what and when do you like to hear begging? What does it do for you? How do you teach your bottoms what pleases you most in regards to begging?

Those are just a few general questions, feel free to add your own input however you damn well please lol.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Tops...what and when do you like to hear begging? What does it do for you?

i like the catch, stumble, whatever you call it when that submissive brain gives up the last vestige of pride to please. i prefer it when i decide to change gears for a sadistic orgasm. Nothing quite compares to the agony in a voice begging you to continue wreaking havoc on her body through tears, hitching sobs, and screams.

How do you teach your bottoms what pleases you most in regards to begging?

Rinse and repeat baby ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/twisted.gif

 

[serijules]

Rinse and repeat baby ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/twisted.gif

oh my, that is an evil grin if I've ever seen one...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

oh my, that is an evil grin if I've ever seen one...

Not evil, but i'll compromise on wicked. i reserve that particular smiley for topics that beg my focused attention. You brushed by a hot button.

 

[SueJ]

Serijules, I'm interested in this topic as well. Thank you for posting it. I too must ask/beg for permission to touch/fondle/suck my husband. But I've not dared to ask for anything in return for whatever pleasure I can give him. Well.....that's not entirely true. This morning I begged for lube, but the request was denied. Perhaps the Doms can assist here.

 

[Silverlily]

I am particularly fond of the clenched teeth, ragged breath "please". It's not so much the words closen but how they are said and the emotion and need behind them.

That desperate pleading to, as AA put it, wreak more havoc is a lovely thing indeed.


How do I teach that? Cause and effect. Do it right, get what you want. Do it wrong and we keep trying until you get it right. To be honest with you, it's never taken more than an attempt or two to get the desired result.

 

[TaintedB]

I'll talk a little bit about my begging experience. I think it is a bit different for a woman than for a man because, as someone on the general board said recently, "women have the pussy and who controls the pussy has the power" so for a submissive woman begging often involves unlearning some habits of pride and control. How was begging initiated by my dominant? Nothing special about it; he was absolutely straightfoward: just told me to beg for whatever he wanted me to beg for. Begging for something you want or need badly is very different from begging for something unpleasant to stop. The second sort of begging is much easier to do, and it'll come naturally to anyone's lips if they're in enough physical distress. The first sort was hard for me (and sometimes is hard for submissives I know), because I started from that basic vanilla premise that gets so reinforced in women because of the way most men act around them: that I am special and privledged, I have what the man desperately wants, I control the dispensing of sex, the entrance to my body, etc. and he is the one who, therefore, does all the abject begging for it. But when you've been ordered to go completely without any sort of stimulation for a week or two or three and then you're aroused by some very hot humiliation and a hard beating (or whatever else turns you on as a submissive), it's hard to hold onto that pride in never having to beg for sex. Yes the words are hard to bring out at times. Women aren't just fighting their pride when they do this, they also don't know what to say or how to say it right. (The point is of course, there isn't a right way to beg--it's however you invent it.) But bringing those words out when you're also groveling, squirming and abasing yourself is even harder! Some dominants for kicks will make you beg like some animal, like a puppy. That's a little easier to deal with, although you do tehd to feel pretty stupid on your knees with your "paws" in front of you making little doggy whiney noises. I guess it could be worse. What if you were ordered to beg like a frog? Now that would be tuff!

 

[sunfox]

Ahh, begging.. something I love to hate.. and sometimes just hate.

C likes to make me beg to be fucked, which isn't something I mind nearly as much as I mind begging to be allowed to orgasm... in no small part because I hate to be inarticulate, and at that moment in time, words are difficult to even formulate, much less make audible. It humiliates me and excites me at the same time.

My begging can become quite lackluster, btw, if I frequently get what I'm asking for... I become uninventive and repetitive if he doesn't make a habit of saying he's changed his mind, or simply no. That helps to reinforce my submission in my mind, because I am, by nature, a proud creature, and I tend to get pretty uppity after a few days if I'm not reminded.

 

[shy slave]

Great Topic

I am not skilled at begging it composes of the same repetitive words until I can no longer articulate them.

TaintedB thank you sharing, I had not thought of differing types of begging, I have no idea how to begin begging for something i want without starting to sound like I am being anything other than sincere.

Sunfox I am already uninventive and repetitive whether he allows it or not

Silverlily and AA both have a way with words that sends a shiver down my spine just reading about there controls to elict the begging they desire to hear.

God I hope he nevers asks me to beg like a frog.........

 

[AngelicAssassin]

God I hope he nevers asks me to beg like a frog.........

Better a ribbit than a rabbit. Imagine trying to beg as a rabbit. They infrequently make sound other than when highly agitated, or in agony. It's a cross between mewling and a scream.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I am the worlds worse beggar, I hate it with a passion, but have to beg for everything. I can't seem to get the words out, and when I do they either, 1) sound insincere, or, 2) condescending, like I'm giving in.

Of all the interaction with SweetDommes, this is the one act I loath.

I should have made it a hard limit

 

[serijules]

some more random thoughts of my own...

D has expressed a desire for me to be her kitten...and beg her like one too, begging to be pet, complete with meowing, crawling, etc. The thought makes me blush....and purr.

I always am expected to ask permission to orgasm, or if not with her, to touch myself at all. Sometimes she will order me to *beg* her for it, which is harder for me than simply asking, "permission to come Ma'am?". However, the desperation of those moments usually makes it fairly easy for me to articulate an acceptable beg, if not a fairly spectacular one. *grin*

However...lately she's been ordering me to beg her for other things, and I find this much harder, especially when I am unsure of her intentions or desires. If she expresses a desire for me to entertain her by begging, I feel pressured to come figure out what she wants. Does she want me to beg her to hurt me? Beg her to make me suffer? Beg her to tease me? Beg her to allow me to pleasure her, to use me as her fuck toy and leave me wanting and used? I never know, and for some reason this pressure paralizes me sometimes, although I'm determined to get over it and focus on the knowledge that if my answer isn't the one she wants, she *will* correct me until I get it right, and she will be pleased with me when I do. It's hard (although I personally feel it shouldn't be as hard as I let it be). I too fear falling into a rut and finding myself uncreative and unarticulate, so I'm always striving for ways to keep my begging fresh and entertaining...yet still sincere.

The other day she had ordered me to entertain her by strapping my own freshly shaven cunt with a razor strop when we were texting back and forth while she was at work. She didn't specify the number or when to stop. At one point I was begging her to allow me to stop, although not directly but through a few rather desperate please, Ma'am, it hurts. She asked me if I was taking them for her, which I agreed that I was, and she replied "Good girl...I forgive you for asking to stop." That sent shivers up my spine, and I get goosebumps now thinking of it. Sometimes begging can be quite the mindfuck, even in the most subtle of examples.

I do look forward to perfecting my skills in this area, even if they do make me blush and want to stick my head in the sand sometimes...

 

[serijules]

I am the worlds worse beggar, I hate it with a passion, but have to beg for everything. I can't seem to get the words out, and when I do they either, 1) sound insincere, or, 2) condescending, like I'm giving in.

Of all the interaction with SweetDommes, this is the one act I loath.

I should have made it a hard limit

I used to feel like this about begging big time before my relationship with D. A previous Dom friend delighted in trying to teach me to beg, and every session was filled with embarassment and loathing on my part, and a mix of humour at my discomfort and exasperation with my inability to do something he deemed "so simple". Godddd I hated it.

When D first asked me to beg, all those old emotions came back full force but soon I realized how very much it pleased her to hear me address her like that, the ultimate show in respect and gratitude. Remembering this has helped me greatly in feeling more at ease with begging. Although I still feel often that the words I choose make me sound insincere, which ironically is what stops me from being able to freely form them. I loathe "fake" displays of respect and submission from anyone much less myself, and its hard to not feel begging puts me into that category no matter how much I am pleasing her with my words.

As an afterthought...it is something completely limited to her however. I can't see myself ever begging someone other than her unless she ordered it. Luckily, I can't see her ordering me to share such a deep display of submission with someone else, soo...

 

[witcha]

Ok..I suck at begging ...mean honestly....I turn red and that's bout it..also even when I'm in 'distress' I can not bring myself to beg S to stop it..I'll just lay still or bite my lip to blood...but not beg...He said we'd work on it later..but doubt it'll help really. I do have the words to beg and if it's his wish I ty to do it,but he says he can sense or hear an immediate change in my voice and it sounds more like I don't put my feelings into it.

I find it a bit humiliating...but that's nothing compared to what I had to do in my past...so am kinda lost as to why it never sounds sincere


just my 2 cents



witcha

 

[arctic-stranger]

Ok..I suck at begging ...mean honestly....I turn red and that's bout it..also even when I'm in 'distress' I can not bring myself to beg S to stop it..I'll just lay still or bite my lip to blood...but not beg...He said we'd work on it later..but doubt it'll help really. I do have the words to beg and if it's his wish I ty to do it,but he says he can sense or hear an immediate change in my voice and it sounds more like I don't put my feelings into it.

I find it a bit humiliating...but that's nothing compared to what I had to do in my past...so am kinda lost as to why it never sounds sincere


just my 2 cents



witcha

I am not into role playing that much, or play acting. I would hate for begging to become a ritual, like if you want an orgasm, if you want to touch yourself, you have to beg me first. Then it just becomes part of the routine, and i am not so crazy about routine.

so, in terms of Begging, when i say no, at times i mean it, and i dont want to hear anything. At times I may change my mind, and begging is one way to try to convince me. Not the only way, but one way. But in any case, i want it to be real.

Did you get that French Girl?

 

[serijules]

I am not into role playing that much, or play acting. *snip*
But in any case, i want it to be real.

This is another reason why it is hard for me...I *hate* roleplay, play acting, or anything remotely fake or false, so I'm striving for my begging to be real, the emotions and words sincere. However, since sometimes I am being ordered to beg for something I really do not want, it's contradictory...

Although my desire to please her with my words is not false and is very much something I want, so perhaps they balance each other out.

 

[cellis]

Begging has always been hard for me, too. In fact, it is my personality not to beg for anything at all. I would rather clam up and not say anything rather than beg. He taught me how much it pleased him to hear me beg.

I still don't do it well and have not had any opportunity to do so recently... but I am hoping that will change in the near future.

 

[s'lara]

Begging. Hard to do when embroiled in a distracting act. You find yourself being pulled out of the safe retreat in your head where you just endure/wallow. You instead become smacked into the reality of what's happening and are made to play verbal typographer to your own use.

What's even better is when one is made to repeat some of the most heinous, self-deprecating words imaginable while being made to perform a degrading act.

Tweak indeed.

lara

 

[Caitlynne]

This is another reason why it is hard for me...I *hate* roleplay, play acting, or anything remotely fake or false, so I'm striving for my begging to be real, the emotions and words sincere. However, since sometimes I am being ordered to beg for something I really do not want, it's contradictory...

Although my desire to please her with my words is not false and is very much something I want, so perhaps they balance each other out.

WOW! This is so true. It is just so hard to beg for something you don't really need or want. The only thing that makes it almost 'ring' true is the desire to please by begging. But then I get all caught up what kind of 'begging' will actually please in that moment. It can amount to too much thinking and not enough 'feeling' in my case. If I'm thinking too much, I'm often already out of mode entirely. Then I begin to panic that I've failed miserably, not just to find the right words but to remain focused.

 

[serijules]

WOW! This is so true. It is just so hard to beg for something you don't really need or want. The only thing that makes it almost 'ring' true is the desire to please by begging. But then I get all caught up what kind of 'begging' will actually please in that moment. It can amount to too much thinking and not enough 'feeling' in my case. If I'm thinking too much, I'm often already out of mode entirely. Then I begin to panic that I've failed miserably, not just to find the right words but to remain focused.

Bingo

 

[SweetDommes]

I am the worlds worse beggar, I hate it with a passion, but have to beg for everything. I can't seem to get the words out, and when I do they either, 1) sound insincere, or, 2) condescending, like I'm giving in.

Of all the interaction with SweetDommes, this is the one act I loath.

I should have made it a hard limit

I have never felt that you sounded insincere, or condescending. This is definately something that we need to discuss privately.

 

[YinandYang]

I find it really easy to beg for something I really want, like orgasm for instance, thats when my head goes all goey and I'm not really sure what ramblings come out of my mouth at those times. And very easy to beg for something to stop, like punishment. But then all I have to do is look at the evil look in my SO's eyes, and that gets me off anyway. Kind of swings and roundabouts, the actual act of begging, knowing I am probably not going to get what i want instantly can go on for however length of time he wants, and the denial of that pleading can sometimes be more erotic than actually getting to the end result. If its a punishment then the begging and pleading comes naturally, and that kind of feels better than role play begging (as said in previous posts). Its a mind thing for me, knowing that someone can take me to a place of 'real' begging is the biggest turn on. If I pleaded and begged for something, and he instantly gave me what I wanted...there would be no fun in that!

 

[taipa]

I have only ever had to beg once and before that I didn't think I could do this, but it was done sincerely, my whole mind was filled and I was begging!
I have never touched him without looking at him first for his permission, nor made a move towards him unless he told me.
Once at the end I asked to kiss him, I have never asked to kiss anyone before and this shocked me, but then before I never really understood a kiss and how intimate and passionate this could be.

 

[kiten69]

*breathes a sigh of relief*

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has trouble with begging. It's not that I don't want to do it...I just freeze up. I can see the words in my head, but they never seem to make it out of my mouth. He says I think about it to much...

Great topic...I think I'll hang around and see what I can learn...

 

[intothewoods]

Interesting. I love begging. It's one of the things I always did as a vanilla.

This is another reason why it is hard for me...I *hate* roleplay, play acting, or anything remotely fake or false, so I'm striving for my begging to be real, the emotions and words sincere.

I actually do love role play, and always have -- not so much literal role play like, I will be this, and you be that, but playing girlish. It's not about being fake for me. It's more that in ordinary life, it would be unthinkable for me to be weak and needy. The role play makes it ok: I didn't really beg. It was all part of a game.

In other words, I wanted all these things, but it was inconceivable to me that I wanted them. So my brain just invented a way for me to ask for those things and have it not be "real."

As far as being ordered to beg for something I really don't want...wow, that would be interesting. Come to think of it, at one point, I was asked to imagine a certain act that I didn't really want to do, but knew he wanted. And I think one component was that I would need to not just do it or comply, but also ask for it. It is quite a challenge, because you have to will yourself to want this thing. Obviously, in this exercise, I was just thinking about it, not doing it. But I had to allow myself to sort of let go into the focus on him, and in that headspace, I could start to want what he wanted.