LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Tell a Joke

Man Stuff..

TOOLS AND HOW TO USE THEM




SKIL SAW :
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER :
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.


WIRE WHEEL :
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench
with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses
from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'.


DRILL PRESS :
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock
out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer
across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you
had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.



Channel Locks :
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.


HACKSAW :
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course,
the more dismal your future becomes.



VISE-GRIPS :
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.


OXYACETYLENE TORCH :
Used almost entirely for igniting various
flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire.
Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel
hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW :
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch
wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK :
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
you have installed your new brake shoes,
trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW :
A large stationary power saw primarily used
by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces
that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on
the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.




TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST :
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.


PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER :
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and
splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,
as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.


STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER :
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable
screws and butchering your palms.


PRY BAR :
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip
or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.


PVC PIPE CUTTER :
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.


HAMMER :
Originally employed as a weapon of war,
the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod
to locate the most expensive parts adjacent
to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE :
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
delivered to your front door. Works particularly well
on contents such as seats, vinyl records,
liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks,
and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing
work clothes, but only while in use.

And lastly ……..

SON OF A B * TCH TOOL :
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across
the garage while yelling 'Son of a b * tch'
at the top of your lungs. It is also,
most often, the next tool that you will need.
 
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..

_________________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
 
Interesting...

The Solar Roadways project is working to pave roads with solar panels that you can drive on. Co-founder Scott Brusaw has made some major steps forward since our first visit back in 2007. We visited him again for an exclusive update on the project, including the first ever video recorded of the Solar Roadways prototype! This Solar Roadway project is highlighted as one of many planet-friendly solutions in the feature film by YERT - Your Environmental Road Trip

Solar Roadways: The Prototype
Uploaded June 2, 2010


https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Ep4L18zOEYI
 
It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,

"Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu.

I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said,

"OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....



Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year."


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
 
Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican?
A: They steal all the green cards.

Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
 
Knockout Game--True!

After months of silence regarding the black-on-white violence common to the "knockout" game in states like New York and New Jersey and cities like Chicago and DC, federal authorities have charged a white man with a hate crime for targeting a black victim in the "knockout" game.
 
BusyAfternoon said:
Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican?
A: They steal all the green cards.

Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
Click to expand...

I stopped at most of your posts, I enjoy you greatly. :D
 
A good one!

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ..."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"



"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
 
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
 
Take it from me - just get a job at an insane asylum, you'll really like it.

What? Are you fucking nuts?
 
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off of.”

The second guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

The third guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

"I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the bum and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning — intercourse or golfcourse —’

She said, “Don’t forget your hat.”
 
Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.
 
A pervert walks over to this sorority girl, he said "Bend over and spell run."
So she bent over next thing she new there was a sharp pain she said "R U N"
The perverted guy said "As far as I can go."
 
This would be a lot more funny if it were not so true!
What a Deal!

I got an email the other day from a Nigerian prince…;

He’s got a MILLION DOLLARS and he wants to give it to me for FREE!

.....And all I have to do is give him all my bank account numbers so he can transfer the money!

I was about to do it, but then I got ANOTHER email…;

It’s from a KENYAN prince, and he wants to give me FREE healthcare for life!

… and all I have to do is give him all my bank account numbers so he can make it happen!

Sounds like a heck of a good deal, right?

At least with the Nigerian prince, you only get robbed once.

With the Kenyan prince, you get continually robbed for the rest of your life.
 
This is really funny...To bad the alarmists do so much damage..
MSM Glosses Over Irony of Global Warming Scientists Trapped in Antarctic Ice
By P.J. Gladnick | December 28, 2013 | 18:46

A A

Somewhere far, far to the south where it is summer, a group of global warming scientists are trapped in the Antarctic ice. If you missed the irony of that situation, it is because much of the mainstream media has glossed over that rather inconvenient bit of hilarity. As an example here is an Associated Press story that avoids mentioning the real mission of the scientists aboard the icebound Russian ship:

The Snow Dragon icebreaker came within 7 miles (11 kilometers) of the Russian ship MV Akademik Shokalskiy, which has been stuck since Christmas Eve, but had to retreat after the ice became too thick, said expedition spokesman Alvin Stone.

The Akademik Shokalskiy, which has been on a research expedition to Antarctica, got stuck Tuesday after a blizzard's whipping winds pushed the sea ice around the ship, freezing it in place. The ship wasn't in danger of sinking, and there are weeks' worth of supplies for the 74 scientists, tourists and crew on board, but the vessel cannot move.

So what was the exact mission of these scientists? AP is rather vague about this reporting only:

The scientific team on board the research ship — which left New Zealand on Nov. 28 — had been recreating Australian explorer Douglas Mawson's century-old voyage to Antarctica when it became trapped. They plan to continue their expedition after they are freed, expedition leader Chris Turney said.

Um, there is a bit more to the expedition than merely following in the footsteps of a century-old voyage. But what that mission really is, AP won't say. If AP is vague about the mission's purpose, Reuters provides even less information.

Since the MSM isn't forthcoming as to the real purpose of those scientists traveling to Antarctica, we turn to Watts Up With That for more insight:

The expedition is being led by Chris Turney, “climate scientist”, who has “set up a carbon refining company called Carbonscape which has developed technology to fix carbon from the atmosphere and make a host of green bi-products, helping reduce greenhouse gas levels.” The purpose of the expedition is “to discover and communicate the environmental changes taking place in the south.”

It seems they found out what the “environmental changes taking place in the south.” are.

Finally, National Geographic bluntly states the mission purpose:

...The current crop of explorers are hoping to document some of the same data and compare them to Mawson's numbers, "using the twist of modern technology," Turney told National Geographic earlier this month.

As may be expected, global warming might play a role in this, he suggests, particularly with respect to melted ice in the East Antarctic.

Ah, so now we see why the MSM reluctance to flat out state why the scientists are in the Antarctic. Anything to avoid an inconvenient (but accurate) headline like this:

GLOBAL WARMING SCIENTISTS TRAPPED IN ANTARCTIC ICE
 
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith.
So they loaded up John's minivan
and headed north.

After driving for a few hours,
they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady
who answered the door
if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there
and I have this huge house all to myself,
but I'm recently widowed,'
she explained.
'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk
if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said.
'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And if the weather breaks,
we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed,
and the two men found their way to the barn
and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later,
John got an unexpected letter
from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out,
but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney
of that attractive widow
he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked,
'Keith, do you remember
that good-looking widow from the farm
we stayed at on our ski holiday up north
about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er, happen to get up
in the middle of the night,
go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said,
a little embarrassed about being found out,
'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name
instead of telling her your name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did.'
'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'


And you thought the ending
would be different, didn't you?
 
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