Teaching our kids about masterbation

[starfire30]

How many people believe in teaching our children about masterbation? I am interested to know others views on this subject.

Starfire

 

[kotori]

first thing

we teach them it's spelt with a "u". I know; I'm a master.

 

[Bindii]

Its a touchy subject (pardon the pun). When my daughter first asked me what masturbation was I was honest with her, I also made the point that it is a natural thing and nothing to be ashamed of (as long as she doesn't do it in public that is ).

Thank god she hasn't asked about tecniques yet!

 

[Bindii]

Re: first thing

we teach them it's spelt with a "u". I know; I'm a master.

So its not true?

*refer to my thread*

 

[alexandraaah]

Re: first thing

we teach them it's spelt with a "u". I know; I'm a master.

Don't you mean you're a mastur.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Gaddamn you grammer freaks! I just had to go correct my spelling on a different thread...

 

[T.H. Oughts]

My son found out when he was about 5 years old that when he lay on the couch in the mornings watching TV that if he rubbed himself up and down on the pillow it felt real good

So I just tell him if he is going to do that he should go to his bedroom and do it as we don't want to watch him. I didn't tell him it was wrong, but just to do it in his bedroom

He is 8 now and he has a right old time in his room before going to sleep at night, just got to convence him to keep the bedroom door shut now, lol

 

[Mister Ryder]

Both of my children have been told that mastubation is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. I refuse to raise my children with the same old fashioned ideals that my parents tried their darnest to instill in me.
Every time I masturbated I was filled with a sense of shame until I hit my late twenties, even now sometimes I feel guilt.

 

[coolr]

i say dont' teach them about it, they'll easily figure it out for themselves, if they ask you about it, just be honest, it's not llike you need to give them pointers or anything

 

[T.H. Oughts]

How many people believe in teaching our children about masterbation?

I don't think you have to actually "teach" then about it. Just answer questions when they ask and treat it as a natural thing.

 

[Bindii]

I agree with the not teaching statement. I didn't bring the subject up, my daughter did. I always try to answer her questions as honestly as possible.

 

[SilverVeil]

My 16 yr old knows quite a lot on the subject lol

The 2 yr old has discovered she has something pretty neat down there and is at the stage of wanting to show off where she makes pee pee from to everyone after she goes on the potty.

 

[Andreina]

i wish that sex in my family was not a "taboo" topic.... my mum or dad never told me anything, we never talk(ed) about boyfriends, sex or relationships.
luckily i have developed a close, almost motherly friendship with an online friend since about a year or so - it is like having a mum with whom i can talk about those things and who comforts me. don't get me wrong, i love my parents to bits but i wish they would have been there for me and open with a few things when i had the need to talk to them, ask them questions and get straight answers. that's so important for a child.

sex is the most natural thing and so is masturbation. my right hand even got a name - she is my best friend


Halo

 

[Allexus_TN]

When my friend's oldest discovered his penis felt good when he rubbed it, she was so calm. She explained that masterbation was normal, but not something you do in public. She told him it was alright to do this in his room or the bathroom. She hasn't had any trouble with him trying to do this in front of anyone since then. I think that honesty is best if the subject comes up, however, I don't think that we should bring it up to our children. Most children discover it on their own at a certain age anyway.

 

[Nicole25]

Just my opinion but.... having grown up in a home where sex was never discussed I can tell you from my prospective that I think it should be. I had no idea about sex and masturbation besides what i learned from my friends. I think I would prefer my child to come to us and ask.

 

[WhiteRose]

At the age of eight, I was already masturbating to orgasm quite regularly, and no one had to teach me about that. I probably started a year or two earlier, but I don't have any real memories of it before the time I was eight. But I also never had to be told not to do it in public or where other people could see me. It wasn't anything I was ashamed about, in fact my parents never talked to me about sex at all, which meant they also never told me there was anything wrong with it, so it's always been very natural for me. I've always felt it was something I did just to pleasure myself, so doing it in public wasn't anything I ever really thought about, I chose to keep it private. Well, except the one time I did it in class in 7th grade, but I was really bored

 

[IA951]

I'm not a parent and have no intention of becoming one.

I do,however, fully support discussing masturbation as a
alternative to sexual activity, and that is there is nothing wrong with it.
I once was told "it's much easier and far cheaper to do it yourself." And it is.

 

[WhiteRose]

I once was told "it's much easier and far cheaper to do it yourself." And it is.

And the ultimate safe sex. Well, if you're only using hands or fingers anyway.

I believe in being fairly open and honest with children about sex (there are some topics that really don't need to be discussed in detail with a child, some of which are covered here on this board), but I'd never start volunteering too much information before they begin asking about it. Some kids just aren't ready to talk about things as early as others are.

On the other hand, if they finish grade school and haven't started asking questions, it might be the time to start asking THEM if they have questions about things. IF my parents had asked me if I had any questions about sex, I'd have said no because even though it's never been something we discussed, I knew it would be very uncomfortable to talk to them. We're all pretty private in that way in our family, and it was a lot easier talking to friends or reading about it than it would have been talking to my mom.

 

[Lady_Sam]

If he asks I'll tell him about it. Or if I see him touching himself in public.

Right now I'm more concerned about....how the hell does a single mom teach a 3 year old boy that eventually he'll be peeing standing up?!?!

 

[freescorfr]

Boys find out the mechanics themselves without too much difficulty and probably don't need to be taught this. In my Jesuit school it was considered seriously sinful even to entertain sexual thoughts let alone allow them entertain you - which for an adolescent is a real screw-up, especially if you believe it as I did.

Mishka, Lavender and other lawyers - have I a case for a law suit?


I met a nun, fairly aged, some years ago who in her convent school encouraged all the girls to sit in front of a mirror, in private, and examine themselves. She informed them about the clitoris and orgasms. She was not screwed up herself and I suspect many of those Catholic girls learned quite a bit. My understanding is that a lot of women do not arrive naturally at masturbating to orgasm and need some help from their mums or other girls.

Chad Varah, the founder of the Samaritans, believed that teaching the value of masturbation was important for the mental health of people. He, too, was a clergyman.

 

[WhiteRose]

I met a nun, fairly aged, some years ago who in her convent school encouraged all the girls to sit in front of a mirror, in private, and examine themselves. She informed them about the clitoris and orgasms. She was not screwed up herself and I suspect many of those Catholic girls learned quite a bit. My understanding is that a lot of women do not arrive naturally at masturbating to orgasm and need some help from their mums or other girls.

Hurray for that nun! I can't imagine what the girls' parents said if they were told about it, but good for her! I suppose I started masturbating a bit early for girls, but I'd been introduced to oral sex earlier that year or the year before by a 12 year old boy (him performing it on me and trying to get me to perform it on him...like I was going to put my mouth on THAT!) Maybe part of the difference is that most of the female equipment is inside or at least not in plain view, whereas there's pretty easy access and line of sight to male genitalia. Guys can see what they're doing a lot better than most females, especially since most girls who masturbate seem to do it at night under the covers. And too, girls have traditionally been trained to be more private about their bodies. Separate stalls in the bathrooms and all, rather than public urinals.

 

[sch00lteacher]

About all I taught them was to make sure the damned door to their bedroom is locked.

I am never going to embarrass them. I haven't a clue as to what I would discuss with my daughter. No it is wrong, you'll grow hair... here in my house.

Both know a lot about birth control also, I let the wife take care of that.

 

[starfire30]

I think that everyone here has made some good points. I think that sex should not be a taboo subject, especially in this day and age when sex can kill.

I have a twelve year old step-daughter and she is starting to discover her sexuality, her mother doesn't discuss sex, boys or anything with her. I am trying desperatly to fit the bill. I have known her since she was very small so that is making it a little easier, but sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. I am very grateful for everyone who has put out on this subject so far, and I thank in advance anyone else who wishes to jump in here add some more food for thought.

Starfire

 

[Rubyfruit]

Very interesting topic, Starfire, and one I've been giving a lot of thought to lately. The bigger picture as well, not just masturbation.

How to raise responsible, sex-positive children?

I am like many others here in that I was raised in a household where sex and our bodies were never discussed. I think my mom would have prefered to drink Draino than talk about masturbation to her kids.

With my kids, body parts are called by the correct names, penis, vagina, vulva, nipples, ect. My almost 6-year old son has been masturbating since he discovered his penis at age 1. The only thing I've told him is that it's something we do in private, in our rooms, when we are alone. The message is starting to sink in, slowly.

My almost 3 year old twin girls have been exploring their vagina's for a while now, but I wouldn't call it masturbation. They touch their vulvas as they would their belly-bottons.

I'm also not hung-up on nudity. They all shower with either myself or my husband and frequently follow me into the water closet as well. Just yesterday one of my girls asked why the water was red. They are intensely interested in what I deposit in the toilet and must comment - "oh, mommy go poo poo?" Very fun in a public restroom. *g*

I explained as best I could to a 3 year old that when girls get bigger they bleed once a month. She said, "oh," and that was that.

It made me stop and think about how I first learned about mensus. It wasn't from my mother, of course, but on the playground in 4th grade. A friend explained that I would bleed and have to put a stick up inside of me. I was horrified and confused.

I think it would be a very good idea to tell my girls about masturbation when they get older. I didn't know about it and didn't know how to do it. I also wasn't orgasmic until my early 20s, after I'd read a book called "For Yourself," and taught myself to masturbate and have an orgasm.

I am determined to raise my children without shame of their bodies or something as natural as sex.

 

[freescorfr]

Lucky kids, Rubyfruit. I'm convinced you can offer kids any info and they only relate it to their own experiences and, if these have been largely ok, then it's all positive. So I imagine, there's nothing to hold back from your kids.
None of my kids have ever been shocked by sex or nudity and I've been really pleased that in their teens they can say what they want if they've a problem and keep their own secrets too.