Teach me

[NotWise]

This is not my first story.

Ride the Southwest Sexliner was my entry in the Summer Lovin' contest. Something went wrong. It's had a decent number of views, but fewer votes than any of my other stories. Among its small number of votes, it got three 1* votes. One was removed in an early sweep, but two were left as valid ratings.

I don't look at 1* votes as troll voting or as meaningless votes. I think many of them are punitive votes. I.e., something in the story triggers a reader, they go to the end, vote 1*, and leave. Of course, no-one who did that commented with why they did it.

I'm requesting your opinions on: what made readers bail out without voting, what may have triggered voters into scoring 1*.

The story is six Lit pages plus a few pargraphs. It's a two-hour read. That may be one answer, but I have longer stories without either of these problems.

The story is in group, and while there are multiple characters having sex, there are no scenes with three or more characters having sex at the same time. There are three-ways "off-camera."

Your feedback would be appreciated, as i have no other way to learn from the experience. You can reply here or by PM. I don't need feedback left in comments.

Thanks for your help.

 

[Britva415]

The story is six Lit pages plus a few pargraphs. It's a two-hour read

If you wrote it in such a way that that would take two hours to read, I'd feel kind of 1* about it too.

Seven normal Lit pages with normal, non-Joyceian language would take me about 40 minutes. If that.

 

[NotWise]

If you wrote it in such a way that that would take two hours to read, I'd feel kind of 1* about it too.

Seven normal Lit pages with normal, non-Joyceian language would take me about 40 minutes. If that.

I keep my language simple.

It's 22,000 words. Reading that in 40 minutes is 550 wpm. That makes you one of the fastest readers in the world. Seven Lit pages (call it 25,000 words) would by 625 wpm. Normal is like 200-250 wpm. Two hours is what it took for an app to read it aloud.

 

[StillStunned]

One issue strikes me at a glance: you repeatedly refer to the characters by name: Beth six times and Mark seven within the first seven paragraphs. If I see that, and then notice a 22k word count, I'm clicking back.

 

[NotWise]

One issue strikes me at a glance: you repeatedly refer to the characters by name: Beth six times and Mark seven within the first seven paragraphs. If I see that, and then notice a 22k word count, I'm clicking back.

Might be a little excessive.

 

[Britva415]

Two hours is what it took for an app to read it aloud

Or, presumably, a real live person with their own voice.

Is that where your wpm figures come from? Reading out loud?

I don't read out loud to myself. I just use my eyes. I don't even move my lips. And you can't be surprised that that's a hell of a lot faster than saying all the words out loud.

 

[NotWise]

Or, presumably, a real live person with their own voice.

Is that where your wpm figures come from? Reading out loud?

I don't read out loud to myself. I just use my eyes. I don't even move my lips. And you can't be surprised that that's a hell of a lot faster than saying all the words out loud.

No, my figures came from a google search for reading rates, and from the length of time it took to listen to.

I think a normal reading aloud rate is like 150 wpm, compared to the average 200-250 wpm for reading for self.

The story's long enough that I'd expect people to read it in more than one sitting, but a lot of Lit stories are longer.

 

[NoTalentHack]

You also put it in Group Sex, which has a pretty low readership as a whole. Low readership + people 1-bombing/2-bombing means you had a lot to fight, numbers-wise. Not as bad as putting it in LW, but it's not far off.

 

[TheLobster]

The story is in group, and while there are multiple characters having sex, there are no scenes with three or more characters having sex at the same time.

Without a closer look at the story, this is an immediate warning sign. You put it in Group Sex when there is no group sex in it? Don't get me wrong, the category doesn't require full-blown orgies — my two stories there feature a threesome in one, and two couples separately but in the same room in the other — but if you don't even try to adhere to the spirit of the category, you can't be surprised with poor reception.

 

[NotWise]

Without a closer look at the story, this is an immediate warning sign. You put it in Group Sex when there is no group sex in it? Don't get me wrong, the category doesn't require full-blown orgies — my two stories there feature a threesome in one, and two couples separately but in the same room in the other — but if you don't even try to adhere to the spirit of the category, you can't be surprised with poor reception.

There's partner-swapping and off-screen trios. And I misspoke, there actually is an on-screen three-way, but it's near the end of the story.

 

[NoTalentHack]

There's partner-swapping and off-screen trios. And I misspoke, there actually is an on-screen three-way, but it's near the end of the story.

Yeah, that's probably the biggest hit to the story. I did a Nude Day story about an older couple reconnecting by spending the weekend naked that I put in E&V, and it honestly should have gone in Mature; a lot of the negative comments were that they were only around each other. It did reasonably well, but I'm convinced if I'd put it elsewhere that it could have had a shot at winning.

 

[NotWise]

Yeah, that's probably the biggest hit to the story. I did a Nude Day story about an older couple reconnecting by spending the weekend naked that I put in E&V, and it honestly should have gone in Mature; a lot of the negative comments were that they were only around each other. It did reasonably well, but I'm convinced if I'd put it elsewhere that it could have had a shot at winning.

Have you read the story?

 

[NoTalentHack]

Have you read the story?

I have not, but if it’s 22K words and there’s only one “real” group scene, that’s certainly a strong possibility.

Another strong possibility is the “wife swapping” tag, which is like catnip to the anti-cuck brigade.