Tasks for Subs and SO

[N2outdoors]

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[seela]

I had to wear something red every day. It was a simple but effective task that also allowed for getting creative. It could be as little as wearing socks with red dots or red nail polish or lipstick. Or it could be red underwear, dress or a red hair tie.

It was simple enough to keep going for a long time but it was still an active thing that I had to think about every day. Making the choice and having to figure out how to incorporate red into what I was wearing made it feel more like active submission to me than wearing jewelry that was symbolic, because I could just put on the piece of jewelry and never take it off. A simple way to exert control.

 

[Scareltt]

Borrowing...

The closest thing I can think of to tasks outside of sexual activity? I had my fiancé drink lots of water all day and report his bladder & bladder holding status back to me. It's not an everyday thing since it's not good for your body, but it's fun to exercise bathroom control every now and then, and it's something that can take hours to truly manifest. I once made sure he went to bed without peeing so that he'd wake up ready to start. Lots of toilet avoidance orders!

Perfect way to dominate him, in my book.

Such a wonderful idea.

 

[skirt_chaser]

I'd ask my girlfriend to piss and wet herself in what she was wearing. Weekdays after work in her slacks, skirts, dresses and stockings. During the weekend wetting her jeans or shorts. She always gave a detailed description how she pissed herself.

 

[Shenanigans90]

I love to have her tease or edge herself for a day without orgasm before we have a date.

 

[77fbird400]

I read where people who are on the Dom side of the equation assign tasks to their sub, significant other, partners, whatever term you use. Subs and Doms, I think it would be interesting to read what tasks you have been assigned or assign to your partner, etc. I don’t want it to be restricted just to those who identify as a sub or Dom. My wife is submissive to me in the bedroom, but we aren’t in the Lifestyle, nor do we necessary refer to each other as Dom, or sub.

Sometimes I tell my wife she can't wear panties the next morning. I only do that if [a] she is not ovulating (mid point of cycle, body temp rises, super wet and fertile) she has a day off work. Adding to that, I've also told her to wipe herself with her panties, not shower so she smells like me. I like to take her panties with me to work in a zip lock bag.

Before anyone trashes me again, if she doesn't want to do it, she'll just tell me to fuck off. We're not sub or dom either, Just sexy fun.

 

[N2outdoors]

Sometimes I tell my wife she can't wear panties the next morning. I only do that if [a] she is not ovulating (mid point of cycle, body temp rises, super wet and fertile) she has a day off work. Adding to that, I've also told her to wipe herself with her panties, not shower so she smells like me. I like to take her panties with me to work in a zip lock bag.

Before anyone trashes me again, if she doesn't want to do it, she'll just tell me to fuck off. We're not sub or dom either, Just sexy fun.

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[Lady2020]

I would guess there are a variety of reasons for tasks. For me, tasks need to be realistic, reasonable, reciprocal, and fun.

 

[N2outdoors]

I would guess there are a variety of reasons for tasks. For me, tasks need to be realistic, reasonable, reciprocal, and fun.

Delete

 

[MissMandy86]

I think its really stupid and just proves the dom is insecure

For me.. i have a dull time job and i am a single mom ... i got enough stupid shit to do in a day ..

Having to help someone reenforce their dominant side ..

As soon as a dom mentions daily tasks .. that my que to start ghosting him ..

If you are the real deal you should be confident in your abilities...

dominance starts and ends with the mind not the body

I want a dom to have real control over things that matter .. not have me spend 20 minutes in the morning searching the laundry for a pair of blue panties

When people are good at what they do .. they just do it .. they dont need anything to be proved or shown off
.

 

[Lady2020]

Do you have any you’ve done that you would be willing to share, Lady?

No.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I had to wear something red every day. It was a simple but effective task that also allowed for getting creative. It could be as little as wearing socks with red dots or red nail polish or lipstick. Or it could be red underwear, dress or a red hair tie.

It was simple enough to keep going for a long time but it was still an active thing that I had to think about every day. Making the choice and having to figure out how to incorporate red into what I was wearing made it feel more like active submission to me than wearing jewelry that was symbolic, because I could just put on the piece of jewelry and never take it off. A simple way to exert control.

I like this suggestion a lot. I think it would work very well in an LDR, too. For me it would help me feel close to him.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

The key thing, as noted, is that BDSM explicitly involves voluntary compliance; the sub always has the right to say No. The dom’s problem is to find things that push their sub’s boundaries: a) without physically forcing them and b) without those tasks being so far over the line that they feel compelled to use their safe word. This becomes a balancing act involving trust, prior discussion and boundary awareness. It also means that it will differ for each dom/sub and that things will change over time.

Some suggestions for sub tasks:

• Filming themselves shaving their pretty parts. Advanced - View the video together. Have them narrate and describe their feelings as you do so. Remember that BDSM is about power imbalance; enforced openness like this this can make the sub feel very vulnerable - this can for the right people be very powerful.
• Masturbating themselves in front of you, stopping short of orgasm - their orgasm is yours to grant.
• Wearing some form of sub symbol in public. Depending on your relationship, it may or may not be visible. In other words, a man wearing a ball ring or a woman wearing a bondage harness under street clothes could qualify. They and you will know it’s there. If you’re not into that sort of thing long-term, have them do it while just running down to the local store just before a session starts.
• CFNM/CMNF, as applicable, at home. A sub symbol - collar, harness, cuffs, etc - is optional.
• Giving you a massage on a regular, scheduled basis. Erotic massage with a happy ending is wonderful, but even a simple foot rub every day is fine. The point is that they are serving you physically, their hands serving and pleasing your body.
• Have them research sex acts by watching porn and writing you a list of things they would like you to do to/with them. This can, FWIW, be a bigger ask than it might appear, especially if shyness or propriety are present.
• Have them bathe you in bath or shower, preferably with their bare hands. Again, intimate physical service.

+ + +​

MissMandy, I’d like to think that good doms are developed, not born. Everybody has to start somewhere. I hope you find the one you want.

 

[seela]

I like this suggestion a lot. I think it would work very well in an LDR, too. For me it would help me feel close to him.

It worked well when in different countries.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I think its really stupid and just proves the dom is insecure

For me.. i have a dull time job and i am a single mom ... i got enough stupid shit to do in a day ..

Having to help someone reenforce their dominant side ..

As soon as a dom mentions daily tasks .. that my que to start ghosting him ..

If you are the real deal you should be confident in your abilities...

dominance starts and ends with the mind not the body

I want a dom to have real control over things that matter .. not have me spend 20 minutes in the morning searching the laundry for a pair of blue panties

When people are good at what they do .. they just do it .. they dont need anything to be proved or shown off
.

I totally get not needing one more thing to think about and do in a really busy life. I’m curious about why you’d rather ghost someone than tell them though?

I like this suggestion a lot. I think it would work very well in an LDR, too. For me it would help me feel close to him.

Me too and it also made me think of the red bow on my right arm when I started going to ballet classes way before I’d learned what was right and what was left.

 

[Explorer99]

Work

Years ago, Amelia and I worked at the same place. She was Head of HR, I was one of the Tech. engineers. We were both in other 'relationships' but one day when I knew we could have some time together later, I had her wear a particular dress to work - but ONLY the dress - she had to be completely naked underneath.

By the time we got out of work that evening, we were ready to eat each other!!!

That's when this photo was taken (amongst others.....)

 

[ToughTaskmaster]

You definitely can’t go overboard because it will be too difficult to keep up over the long term. I prefer picking one thing and having them do it for the day but not an every single day thing.

Things like:
No panties the next day
Masturbate in the restroom or at their desk while at work
Take a sexy pic in a semi-public place
Writing on body parts under clothes

 

[Explorer99]

My thinking exactly!

You definitely can’t go overboard because it will be too difficult to keep up over the long term. I prefer picking one thing and having them do it for the day but not an every single day thing.

Things like:
No panties the next day
Masturbate in the restroom or at their desk while at work
Take a sexy pic in a semi-public place
Writing on body parts under clothes

We all have lives and there are very few of us who can (or even want to) devote large parts of our time to sexual fantasy! The deeper you get into the BDSM world, the more people you find who still think (and dream) that their ideal would be to own a castle in the south of France and keep naked women on hand day and night.

Highly unlikely!

Even to a lesser extent, I still can't understand the ones who think it's sexy to have their submissive sleep on the floor or in a cage and the end of the bed. I'm not super-into it but I know I'd get bored and no matter how submissive, I'd still want to cuddle her when we're done with our 'scene'!

One I DID enjoy a lot was with a very submissive woman who had a penchant for shopping in a large and well-known mall in Manchester (Trafford Centre). She had very sexy feet (amongst other things) and had only recently learned how much pleasure they could bring.

We couldn't see each other nearly as much as we'd have liked so I had to come up with little things for her.

Her task one day was to visit a large shoe shop and to spend half an hour browsing - BUT she had to spend the entire time barefoot - and send me photo 'evidence' as she did so.

We thoroughly enjoyed it - to the extent that she rang me from the car and and asked my permission to cum while I listened. I hadn't made that a rule - that was just how she felt - but it was pretty powerful!!

 

[base10]

We all have lives and there are very few of us who can (or even want to) devote large parts of our time to sexual fantasy! The deeper you get into the BDSM world, the more people you find who still think (and dream) that their ideal would be to own a castle in the south of France and keep naked women on hand day and night.

Kink aside, the castle in the south of France sounds pretty good to me

 

[Explorer99]

Kink aside, the castle in the south of France sounds pretty good to me

It works for some!

If you Google 'Suzisoumise' - they're actually an English couple who moved to France and their 'abode' seems to suit their lifestyle admirably!

 

[Explorer99]

Another that I really like.......

Long ago (probably almost 20 years now) I was having a thing with a submissive woman quite a bit older than me. In her late 50's at the time, she was quite something - her body was at least 20 years younger than her actual age - and so she caused quite a stir wherever she went yet she was monumentally insecure about herself and I think that - to some extent - fuelled her submissive side as a kind of quest for validation.

She's the one I mention in my previous post in this thread.

Anyway, when we first got together her job was delivering vehicle parts to garages for which she drove a small, car-derived van (Escort - for UK readers!).

In the warmer months, she'd wear spray-on stretch jeans, little lycra tops and no bra. She didn't have bit tits but she did have amazing, 'chewy' nipples - much like Amelia (see my/our other posts) which were quite obvious and conspicuous.

Most of what she did was dealing with motor trade guys and there were always tales of the things they said to her and even on occasions how someone had helped himself to a handful of whichever part of her was nearest!!

On one particular summer day, we'd been exchanging texts and I knew she was driving a borrowed van as hers was in for service. Consequently she had to return it by a specific time and collect hers.

A plan was hatched!

I asked her if she had a lipstick in her bag? I was pretty sure she would - and I was right.

"Why?" She asked.

"When you take the van back, stop before you get into the yard. Colour your nipples with the lipstick then make a print on the van."

I knew their vans were white.

"When you take it back, DO NOT wipe it off! Take a photo AFTER you get yours back and text it to me. I WILL check the time!"

She did exactly that - handed the van back to a bunch of guys who she worked with every day - and with a perfect and unmistakeable print of her nipples on the side next to the driver's door!

There's no way they wouldn't know what it was!

After work, she called me from the car asking for permission to cum. As I probably mentioned before, I never told her to do this - it was just something she felt 'belonged'.

Wish I still had that photo - or any that I took of her for that matter!!

 

[njlauren]

Interesting thread

This thread actually does raise valid points about real life and BD/SM or D/s, that we live in the real world. Erotic BD/SM fiction is full of tales like 50 Shades of Gray (I know, I know, it is a POS, etc, not arguing) or the femdom fiction with the well off woman who has her male/trans slave(s) and can keep them as full time slaves, do what she/he wants to do with them, etc.

Thing is most people live in the real world. If you are a dominant woman married to a sub male and you have kids, both work, it is very hard (for both I would add) to have stringent D/s requirements where the dominant is in total control, and honestly given that women still have a lot of the burden with child rearing, how many of them are going to have the energy to have to tell their husband/sub/slave what to do in a het relationship? The point is we all have 'real world' things to do that end up taking precedence . It would likely be different with a F/F D/s in some ways but again real world gets in the way of the fantasy. One interesting observation, and it is just my limited experience, with M/f D/s where the F is dom and they have kids, the s ends up being more involved with the kids in terms of things the mom is still expected to do a lot of times, they are a lot more focused on helping getting the kids fed, babies changed, etc.....on the other hand I also know F D's who complain their supposed sub partner doesn't get it with kids *lol*.


Tasks like this can be a way of keeping the D/s vibe going, it is things relatively easily done that won't attract unwanted attention. Not saying everyone should do this, the beauty of D/s relationships outside the 'true believer crowd' who claim there is some right and pure path (god, the endless discussions about what a TPE was or wasn't, who was authentic, on the old ALT. x boards in the old internet days, *gag*) , you get to create a dynamic that is yours. I can also understand why something seemingly simple like a task won't work for some people, that is the point, it is what works.

Doesn't even have to be a regular thing. A lot of men even in this day and age are self conscious about things like women's personal products (tampons, etc) and buying them for a spouse, having a male s get that for their domme can both have them stretch into doing something uncomfortable for them and do something specifically for her. I knew one F/F couple where the D was femme and the s was not really, and the D used to have her s buy her makeup, ask for recommendations from makeup counter people, because she knew it was not something the s enjoyed doing other than to serve her.

 

[Acktion]

Way back when I was young (as young as I ever was anyway) and stupid(er), while I was finishing college, I kicked off a career in the detention units. Maybe that has something to do with it. But, while the control factor and (voluntary!) power exchange is important in my relationships, something I need, I'm not really all that into micromanagement. And the overwhelming majority of tasks I assign have a purpose beyond "because I said so" or I just can't be bothered.

Drinking water, for example, has historically been a big one for me. Water. H20. Not tea. Not soda. Not wine or whatever the fuck other liquid they want to wet their whistle with. But, water. Oh, they can have those others. As much as they want. So long as they start with sixty-four ounces of water, and then add double however many ounces of caffeine or sugar or alcohol or carbon dioxide laden fluids they intake on top of it.

It's a health thing, on a lot of levels. Caffeine is a diuretic and fosters dehydration. Carbon dioxide ties up the hemoglobin that should be transporting oxygen. I could keep going, but the research is out there for anyone who cares to look. And the results are that the human body needs water to function properly. Digestive function. Cardiopulmonary function. Neurological function. Sexual function.

"Sexual function?!"

Oh, yeah. So, a gal is supposed to "get wet" when she is sexually excited, right? And just how is that supposed to happen if her body does not have the hydration to divert away from higher such as brain function? And, believe it or not as you choose (I couldn't really care less which), when I go to get my groove on, we're gonna be here for hours. Possibly even days when time allows. So, it's pretty important that there is an effort to see she is well hydrated before, during, and after.

Also, dehydration can fuel exhaustion and depressive episodes, neither of which is conducive to sexual arousal occurring in the first damn place.

I could keep going. Reams of research dating back decades. But, it's out there for the interested to googlify. And the ones stuck on "but the taste" aren't going to be swayed anyway or they already would have.

However, for me (and mine) the basic premise is "if you piss and the toilet water isn't just as clear after, then you need more water."

I'm not, however, interested in potty patrol. It's just not my thing. First, I had to do that shit when I was working the detention units, control who got to go and when. And not just when it was time to piss in a cup either. Also, I've known too many people that ran into health issues because they were in the habit of retaining too long. UTIs for example. So, in the rare cases that I have gotten involved in "commode control," it's typically been to send them more often than they would have gone on their own. Roughly about every hour. ***shrug*** That's just me. And I'm not interested in being the "fun time police" for those that are into "toilet training tasks" either. If everybody actually involved is into it, then whatever floats your boat.

My point is that it is an example of a task that has been assigned for probably 90% or better of relationships that shared any "power exchange" aspect for me. And it's also a sample proof that a typical task for me has an underlying reason that has also been for them, and probably more so them than me.

Another example would be a frequent "assignment" that they capture a picture of something beautiful they run across in the process of their day to share with me. Now, disabled and virtually housebound for about a decade now, this is somewhat for me as it allows me to see something outside these four walls. It is somewhat for us, as it is a way for us to feel that we are sharing an experience, a way to foster closeness.

But, it is also for their mental health.

It is amazingly easy for the human animal to fall into patterns of dealing with problems. Work problems. Household problems. Relationship problems. Transportation problems. And it is remarkably easy to fall into the pattern where all we see is the problems to be handled, hurdles to overcome, obstacles to adapt to. It is remarkably easy to fall into the pattern where when we do see something good, we interpret it as one less thing we have to manage as we look past it to the next oncoming problem, the next we have to do.

Not knocking planning. "Prior planning prevents piss poor performance." But, if this is all you do, go through life anticipating the bad... this is draining. It's exhausting. It's depressing.

So, in an effort to break that pattern of thought, I will assign the task that they have to find something beautiful, pause to capture a picture, then share that picture. This causes them to shift their attention from all the problems and pause to actually look for the positive, causes them to notice it and to focus on it. And, for the few seconds they spend looking for it, spotting it, capturing it, and sharing it, they aren't focused on something negative, some problem to be solved.

On the other hand, maybe it is pure selfishness on my part, since... well, as one particularly brilliant babygirl and servant has said to me multiple times, "happy people are less likely to fuck with my happy." I don't think so, though, since it is a habit I hope to ingrain that will persist after I shake the dust of this existence off my boots.

Pictures of meals... sure, I'm a frustrated foodie. Due to medical issues that have impacted my mental abilities as well as physical, it hasn't really been safe for me to get my gourmand on for quite awhile now. The third time my tremors caused me to cut myself, my late wife and submissive of two and a half decades put the kibosh on sharps. Forgetting what I was doing and wandering off and nearly getting us all with smoke inhalation was a pretty seminal moment, but it was catching the microwave on fire that got me banned from the kitchen... until she became bedridden. Living alone since her death,... well, I try not to be stupider than I can avoid. And that means respecting the limits of my new normal. Oh, which on top of all of the above means being aware of issues swallowing even when just drinking fluids.

So, yeah. Pictures of meals give me, personally, a little something that is missing since I no longer do anything that takes more than an hour prep to finish and even then am limited to what esophageal muscle control loss can handle. (Not to mention it can remind me to eat since I have a tendency to forget and not eat for several days.)

But!

But, it also contributes to making them make sure to eat something a little healthier than a handful of popcorn because "I don't have time! I'll eat something later." And then later comes and they're too tired... Oh, come on. You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you don't.

Oh, it doesn't have to be a meal like the ones I used to make before my health spiraled that several people tried to get me to change career tracks to doing it for a living, much less an audition for Iron Chef. (And, yes, as a matter of fact, my chicken spaghetti parmesan or my chili relleno casserole were pretty much guarenteed panty droppers back in my hay days) And I've been kicking my tin can down the side of this gravel road long enough that I'm not about to get involved in trying to convert a carnivore to herbivore or vice versa. But, so long as it shows some thought and an attempt at taking care of themself (even if I disagree about the granola and kale shake), then I'm happy. (Although I have lost enough people to anorexia nervousa and/or bulimia that I will come full bore at anyone I care about even looking like they are peering down that particular path and feel not the slightest bit of regret for doing so.)

Any road, the point is that most "tasks" that I've assigned over the decades of playing in this sandbox are typically;

1) a long term benefit for them, as much if not more than my personal pleasure
2) something I don't have to keep track of (since I have problems remembering I got up to go to the bathroom and end up in front of the refrigerator these days), but they can (quickly and easily) provide "proof of compliance" that I can then easily track even on the days I stand in the grocery aisle at the store lost and wondering where I am, and
3) something I will care enough to keep up with in two weeks, two months, two years, and two decades. It just baffles me the tales I've heard over the decades of Dom(me)s that assign a task to assert their control, but quickly lose interest in following up that it was done.

But, maybe that last wasn't so much my time in the detention units as when I came to my senses and moved on to education for my second career... and rather quickly figured out that whatever I assigned to students, I then had to grade. And if I don't care to keep up with what a playmate is doing, then what the hell was I tasking her to do it for anyway?

As far as the more sexual "fun" stuff... I hardly think you need some faceless stranger on the infernal nets to tell you what gets your motor runnin'. I'll just say that for me there's been a line between pushing boundaries for both of our mutual satisfaction and pushing past what she can enjoy in the moment that erodes my own enjoyment.

***shrug*** Just my nickel about what has worked for me. Mostly. Not always, of course, since more have balked or rebelled (or wanted more) than haven't. But, I think it's pretty well normal for more relationships (power exchange or no) to not work than do as we move through the world trying to match the shattered ends of our own needs, desires, what we'll put up with, and what we wont.

And if we aren't trying to make a go of something between us, then... well, "there ain't no good guy. There ain't no bad guy. There is only you and me, and we just disagree."

And I wish nothing but the wind at your back and the sun out of your eyes for a brighter tomorrow than yesterday. That you'll have all you need and enough that you want, as well as little enough that you don't, to mark it a good day.

 

[KimGordon67]

The last couple of long distance things I've had with guys who were somewhat dominant, I really explicitly rejected any chance of them telling me what to do outside the sexual realm ... but the last tiny dalliance I had with someone like that (which didn't end up going anywhere), he asked to wear specific things a couple of times, and I kind of liked that.
The last guy I was seeing, who wasn't really that dominant, the last time we saw each other, during the day I messaged him and just asked 'underwear or no underwear tonight?'. I think he quite like that he got to choose. (Even though the choice was obvious.) So it doesn't always have to be a big thing.

 

[Roughscrewu]

I like to assign tasks of what a MILF should wear when we meet for drinks.
Short skirt or dress with sheer bra and panties on the top of the list.