FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2005
- Posts
- 29,460
Warning: Emotional attachment is likely to occur on both sides of a good (or bad) onl
Steg,
I'm absolutely rock certain that there are people out there who call themselves Masters or some other similar title, male and female, that will set a task I can't or won't do, try to go further than they should and push extremes to prove loyalty.
This is the part where you find you are kissing a toad instead of a self proclaimed Prince as it were, IMO.
Hopefully, you have talked with him about your limits. Some of your limits might be soft, some medium and some absolutely rock hard, for now. In time they can change and that's to be expected. It's actually quite exciting to grow in look back on it that way.
However if a Master doesn't honor your hard limits at first, let you speak your mind as an equal with him at least some of the time and give you a feeling of being trusted, respected and cared for, then for me, he is not MY kind of Master. You can and should IMO say no to anything you are not willing to do. Has your Master earned that respect that he insists on? does he treat you with respect? These to me are very important things to keep in mind. Others may differ with my opinion.
To answer your first question on a more personal basis, I have been assigned tasks, that I felt I couldn't do. In fact, this was true of the very first task he gave me. I didn't want to have to tell him I couldn't do it. It was torture to me to have to do so. I told him immediately and we worked out something he considered to be harder but which I felt I could do. I didn't tell him I would do the first thing he said because then I would be lying. My next course of action would be to lie about how it went and that snow ball would just get bigger going down that hill gaining speed all the time until it obliterated anything good that could have come from that relationship. That would invalidate the entire relationship for me. I had to be honest or it was nothing to me. I expected honesty back from him as well. It looks like I may not have gotten that in some key area(s) or he'd still be in touch. *sighs*
Fury
Wha? Come on, say it!
Fury
Hi Miss Alice!
I have no idea which post you meant but I will spend a moment on some thoughts here.
I don't have any interest in some jerk off contacting me, calling me slut, making demands or telling me what he will do to me right off the bat.
I don't have an interest in cyber, phone or cam.
I seek a real meeting of minds. I want to get to know the other person. I want to know they have passions, a full life (no online relationships do not have to be with only people who are missing something in their lives) and I want to love their words, respect them, care about them, like them and get ALL of those things back from them.
Even more difficult, I want them to have experience and be able to figure out the things I need to work on even when I am not consciously aware of them myself. This should be not necessarily be just for their amusement, but at least some of the time, because they value me and want to see me grow, even blossom, under their care. (This may be a pipe dream. If so I am content let it remain a dream. I do not have to settle. Why? Because I have a wonderful, full and good life.)
These thoughts are from my personal ad thread here at lit seeking a new BDSM "guide."
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=410217
I would now expect and require that anyone with whom I forge such a relationship not disappear without reasonable and timely explanation.
Even when there is a good and known reason, absence can kill an online relationship.
On a completely different matter now, (this has nothing to do with anyone who has posted on this thread thus far,) I just need to state the following:
Please understand that I do need the other person to write reasonably well. People who don't bother to use a spell checker, who use short cuts constantly when writing and seem to not know grammar or care for it bother me. I know we all make mistakes in writing and that is not what I'm talking about here.
This may be a short coming of mine but there it is. I like to read things that flow well. If I have to struggle to make out what the other person is trying to say, well, it's just not going to work out between us.
Another thing I look for is consistency, I need the other person to be there on a regular basis.
We could be most compatible, perfect fit and it would be useless if we can never or rarely, connect.
I need the other person to show me who they are and not just in a D/s or sexual way. Who they are has to be pretty constant too. Disparities in what one relates to me from one day, hour, or minute to the next is red flagging stuff.
I must put in another of my two cents here.
Do not be surprised if you soon find you have much more of an emotional attachment to this person than you ever supposed you would.
Online relationships can be full of emotion and attachment no matter where the other person lives or what their living arrangements might be.
Believe me I know this only too well. I've been hurt more than once but worse than that, I've hurt others more than once. Sadly being honest and up front about the fact that I was married and NOT monogamous to ANYONE online didn't help prevent obsession and pain on the part of others.
The idea I had inflicted such pain on anyone hurt me deeply, made me doubt myself, caused depression and an impulse to want to self harm. This is one reason why I don't cyber much anymore. People get emotionally attached despite all common sense and barriers to prevent such things. Now given, these people wanted what I'd expressly told them they could never have with me, (usually exclusivity,) and none of them were Doms. If I GAVE myself to someone in that way, that would be very different.
Human beings have this annoying way of never be satisfied when what you will freely give them. On no, they always tend to look for the ONE THING they can't have and then demand THAT instead.
Perhaps I am not in a good mood this morning. I may be angry and babbling, but anyway, that is my warning to you.
Emotional attachment is likely to occur on both sides of a good (or bad) online D/s relationship.
Meanwhile, I hope you continue to enjoy your new online Master, and he you for a long and happy time.
Fury
Stegral said:Thanks for sharing Stegral!
I'm glad you've found a relationship so fast that you are so excited about but . . .wait, wait, wait!
You have just been collared, cyber collared at that, (I don't know how long you've known him before that but anyway,) he wants you to stroke a guy, any guy to hardness? As one of if not the first thing? If I didn't have a lover, I would so NOT do that but each to their own.
Luckily I have friends that have "open relationships" & some that understand the D/s thing so I could ask for help.
Wow, that sounds like it's moving fast!
Yes it does seem to be...
So how did doing the task make you feel?
Nervous, I didn't want to dissappoint him. but I also felt odd doing such an openly sexual act right away...
Did you learn anything from it?
That my Master is testing my limits very quickly...
Did you feel about you Master when he assigned this, during and after you did it?
I was terrified I would fail... I have a hard time being open about sex... even with a lover...I had a hard time approaching a friend for help even though I knew he would...I felt very happy when I reported back but He was not online until today so I lost some of the excitement.
What happens if a Master sets a task you cannot do? How does it make you look knowing He went further than he should?? Are their Masters out there that will push extremes to prove loyalty???
Steg,
I'm absolutely rock certain that there are people out there who call themselves Masters or some other similar title, male and female, that will set a task I can't or won't do, try to go further than they should and push extremes to prove loyalty.
This is the part where you find you are kissing a toad instead of a self proclaimed Prince as it were, IMO.
Hopefully, you have talked with him about your limits. Some of your limits might be soft, some medium and some absolutely rock hard, for now. In time they can change and that's to be expected. It's actually quite exciting to grow in look back on it that way.
However if a Master doesn't honor your hard limits at first, let you speak your mind as an equal with him at least some of the time and give you a feeling of being trusted, respected and cared for, then for me, he is not MY kind of Master. You can and should IMO say no to anything you are not willing to do. Has your Master earned that respect that he insists on? does he treat you with respect? These to me are very important things to keep in mind. Others may differ with my opinion.
To answer your first question on a more personal basis, I have been assigned tasks, that I felt I couldn't do. In fact, this was true of the very first task he gave me. I didn't want to have to tell him I couldn't do it. It was torture to me to have to do so. I told him immediately and we worked out something he considered to be harder but which I felt I could do. I didn't tell him I would do the first thing he said because then I would be lying. My next course of action would be to lie about how it went and that snow ball would just get bigger going down that hill gaining speed all the time until it obliterated anything good that could have come from that relationship. That would invalidate the entire relationship for me. I had to be honest or it was nothing to me. I expected honesty back from him as well. It looks like I may not have gotten that in some key area(s) or he'd still be in touch. *sighs*
Fury
@}-}rebecca---- said:
Wha? Come on, say it!
Fury
alice_underneath said:Miss Fury,
I have been trying to find a post that you wrote a while ago, in which you talk about the questions you would ask, and stated commitment you would expect, from a prospective online Dom in the future to reduce the chance of something like this happening again.
I can't find that post of yours....... so I am forced to ask.....
If you have time, would you mind re-posting some of your thoughts for the benefit of any newbies on the Board?
Alice
Hi Miss Alice!
I have no idea which post you meant but I will spend a moment on some thoughts here.
I don't have any interest in some jerk off contacting me, calling me slut, making demands or telling me what he will do to me right off the bat.
I don't have an interest in cyber, phone or cam.
I seek a real meeting of minds. I want to get to know the other person. I want to know they have passions, a full life (no online relationships do not have to be with only people who are missing something in their lives) and I want to love their words, respect them, care about them, like them and get ALL of those things back from them.
Even more difficult, I want them to have experience and be able to figure out the things I need to work on even when I am not consciously aware of them myself. This should be not necessarily be just for their amusement, but at least some of the time, because they value me and want to see me grow, even blossom, under their care. (This may be a pipe dream. If so I am content let it remain a dream. I do not have to settle. Why? Because I have a wonderful, full and good life.)
These thoughts are from my personal ad thread here at lit seeking a new BDSM "guide."
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=410217
I would now expect and require that anyone with whom I forge such a relationship not disappear without reasonable and timely explanation.
Even when there is a good and known reason, absence can kill an online relationship.
On a completely different matter now, (this has nothing to do with anyone who has posted on this thread thus far,) I just need to state the following:
Please understand that I do need the other person to write reasonably well. People who don't bother to use a spell checker, who use short cuts constantly when writing and seem to not know grammar or care for it bother me. I know we all make mistakes in writing and that is not what I'm talking about here.
This may be a short coming of mine but there it is. I like to read things that flow well. If I have to struggle to make out what the other person is trying to say, well, it's just not going to work out between us.
Another thing I look for is consistency, I need the other person to be there on a regular basis.
We could be most compatible, perfect fit and it would be useless if we can never or rarely, connect.
I need the other person to show me who they are and not just in a D/s or sexual way. Who they are has to be pretty constant too. Disparities in what one relates to me from one day, hour, or minute to the next is red flagging stuff.
Stegral said:<snip>There is no emotional link between Master & I that I can see, other than that he is helping me bring out my "darker side" & I am fine with that. He is not close geographically to me so I don't see anything romantic/emotional coming of it...
I am a "newbie" & When he IM'd me last night we spoke of how I felt & he did not realize he had put such pressure on me... the next task allows for a longer completion time, to which I had asked... he seems to be caring & not wanting to "break me" but wanting to help me explore the parts of my sexuality that I have been conditioned to hide & scared to bring out, yet I secretly desire to...
I thank you deeply for the concern & have my gratitude for expressing concern I may not have realized...
I must put in another of my two cents here.
Do not be surprised if you soon find you have much more of an emotional attachment to this person than you ever supposed you would.
Online relationships can be full of emotion and attachment no matter where the other person lives or what their living arrangements might be.
Believe me I know this only too well. I've been hurt more than once but worse than that, I've hurt others more than once. Sadly being honest and up front about the fact that I was married and NOT monogamous to ANYONE online didn't help prevent obsession and pain on the part of others.
The idea I had inflicted such pain on anyone hurt me deeply, made me doubt myself, caused depression and an impulse to want to self harm. This is one reason why I don't cyber much anymore. People get emotionally attached despite all common sense and barriers to prevent such things. Now given, these people wanted what I'd expressly told them they could never have with me, (usually exclusivity,) and none of them were Doms. If I GAVE myself to someone in that way, that would be very different.
Human beings have this annoying way of never be satisfied when what you will freely give them. On no, they always tend to look for the ONE THING they can't have and then demand THAT instead.
Perhaps I am not in a good mood this morning. I may be angry and babbling, but anyway, that is my warning to you.
Emotional attachment is likely to occur on both sides of a good (or bad) online D/s relationship.
Meanwhile, I hope you continue to enjoy your new online Master, and he you for a long and happy time.
Fury
