Suggestions for BDSM session??

[1dom_b]

Just looking for suggestions..... Specifically, what can you suggest for making a session last longer?

Can try and stretch things out a bit with some teasing, some punishment, etc..... but looking for ways to extend the session once the excuses for punishment have expired? I'll admit I don't have the most creative mind, so even finding reasons worthy of punishment can be a challenge.

We both enjoy our roles, and want to increase the length of the session, but am hoping to find something other than punishment, just for the sake of punishment. Maybe a way to incorporate 'punishment just for the sake of punishment', but in a way to have it play as though it is done for a reason. Ie, I need a way to justify, or explain why the punishment continues, when there is none. We want to continue the scenario, but it loses the effect without an ability to justify the actions..... Just doesn't work the same for us.

Thanks!!

 

[Daxaeha]

My only suggestion (though it depends on the limits and dynamic) is to make it so that these "punishments" are more of a task. Things that you need from her before any "rewards" are given. Have her choose between two or more things she may not be a big fan of in order to attain whatever she IS a big fan of, and if she wants it again or wants more, up the stakes.

Being punished requires reason to be punished (unless you just like hurting people), whereas task and reward can open more doors. It adds to the humiliation too, I think.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Perhaps it could be something like an interrogation scene where the bottom has to guess what they are being punished for-- not guessing right, of course. Torture to force a confession.

I admit this is something that I wouldn't do, but there might be other people here who are more cognizant of this dynamic.
And of course, there is always google to help out

 

[BiBunny]

Why all the mental gymnastics to make it about punishment? Why not just do shit because you want to do it? No other reason necessary.

 

[incubus'_sub]

exactly, bi bunny.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Why all the mental gymnastics to make it about punishment? Why not just do shit because you want to do it? No other reason necessary.

Well, he says;

We want to continue the scenario, but it loses the effect without an ability to justify the actions..... Just doesn't work the same for us.

That kind of statement is worth respecting-- at least at the time it's being made.

 

[BiBunny]

Well, he says;
That kind of statement is worth respecting-- at least at the time it's being made.

But he said he wanted "excuses to extend the session." Is because I fucking want to not a good enough excuse?

I really don't understand this.

 

[Micklesko]

Why all the mental gymnastics to make it about punishment? Why not just do shit because you want to do it? No other reason necessary.

You got it. As the dominant you need no reason to do anything you wish.
You do it simply because you want to.
Yes, when your sub/slave errors in any fashion, you instantly have a reason to discipline and that discipline can take any form you wish. It could be punishment like spanking, flogging, gentle controlled torture like with a tens unit, or an extended period of extreme stimulation of any number of body parts during which your slave is denied the privilege of orgasm. Orgasm denial can be wonderfully torturous. Of course if your slave orgasms without permission then discipline must be carried out for being disobedient...which can be more stimulation and one or more of the other disciplines mentioned.
Typically, I bind my slave during discipline to enhance the experience for her. Being bound with rope or chain or shackles or whatever may be handy at the moment makes her all the more helpless before me and that turns her on even more.
I have my slave keep a journal of her "offencess", and there are always pages of offences that she has yet to be disciplined for, so there is never a lack of them for me to enjoy giving.
Trust me on this. As you become more accustomed or practiced at seeing or hearing or just catching something being done incorrectly or that you just don't like, the journal just gets fatter and fatter.
When a discipline is completed for an offense I check it off and then move on to another.
** I make her read the offense; multiple times if I am enjoying hearing it, and then teasingly explain why it was wrong and what I intend to do about it. By the time I close the journal she is dripping and I have yet to even touch her.

I you like the dominant role then BE DOMINANT.
Make it a "Lifestyle" for you and your sub/slave.
If she truly likes the role as your sub/slave, the more dominant you are the more she will happily sink into her new life as your sub/slave and she will absolutely love you for it and will do anything for you.
Your wish will be her command.

Keep in mind that with power comes responsibility, accountability, and absolute attention to safety.
This MUST all be done in LOVE.

Not everyone is built for this type of lifestyle, but you will never know unless you jump in and test the water. For those of us who are built and wired this way, it is the most incredible and satisfying lifestyle imaginable.

Anyway, those are a few thoughts on the subject.
I wish you and you potential slave good will.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Just looking for suggestions..... Specifically, what can you suggest for making a session last longer?

Can try and stretch things out a bit with some teasing, some punishment, etc..... but looking for ways to extend the session once the excuses for punishment have expired? I'll admit I don't have the most creative mind, so even finding reasons worthy of punishment can be a challenge.

We both enjoy our roles, and want to increase the length of the session, but am hoping to find something other than punishment, just for the sake of punishment. Maybe a way to incorporate 'punishment just for the sake of punishment', but in a way to have it play as though it is done for a reason. Ie, I need a way to justify, or explain why the punishment continues, when there is none. We want to continue the scenario, but it loses the effect without an ability to justify the actions..... Just doesn't work the same for us.

Thanks!!

Why all the mental gymnastics to make it about punishment? Why not just do shit because you want to do it? No other reason necessary.

I'm going to weigh in on Bunny's side of this one.

BDSM stands for a spectrum of three individual dynamics that can overlap in a number of ways:

• BD - Bondage & Discipline
• D/s - Dominance & Submission
• S/m - Sadism & Masochism

BD can, and often does, overlap into some aspects of D/s. D/s can, and often does, overlap into some aspects of S/m. S/m can, and often does, overlap into some aspects of BD.

Examples:

• A couple who *primarily* practice BD are often also practicing D/s, to some extent, with the person *doing* the bondage often - but not always - being dominant to some extent. And likewise, the person *being* disciplined is often - but not always - being submissive to some extent.
• A couple *primarily* in a D/s relationship may also practice bondage, discipline, sadism, and/or sadism & masochism at various times. There may be occasions when the s spanks or canes the D at his/her command, because s/he wants, for whatever reason(s) of his/her own, to experience the pain. Etc., etc., etc.
• A couple *primarily* in an S/m relationship certainly may include in their activities any or all of bondage, discipline, dominance and submission.

The reason for all this exposition and explication is to point out that you might be making things unnecessarily difficult for yourselves. If you like giving pain to your partner, and your partner likes receiving that pain, that part of your relationship, at least, is S/m. If you want to role-play it to be "punishment" while keeping the S/m factor predominant, it's not really that difficult. Headmaster(mistress)/teacher-student. Mommy/Daddy-daughter/son. Boss-subordinate. Priest(ess)-altar boy/girl. Cop-criminal. The possibilities are nearly endless.

One thing, though, I'd like to "warn" you a little about. If there is an actual strong element of Discipline in your relationship, where one partner performs actual physical punishment on the other (regardless of the form of that punishment), using "punishment" as a play dynamic could be very harmful to the overall dynamic of your relationship, because it can be emotionally confusing, no matter how clear the differences are in your head(s). For more of my view on this topic, I would suggest that you read my "How To" article on the difference between sensual ("play") and disciplinary ("real" punishment) spanking.

I'll also note that if the spankee in your relationship has elements of a SAMmy (Smart-Assed Masochist) in his/her makeup, and s/he can get what s/he wants (pain) as discipline, you're both in trouble.

LOL (at myself) - Bunny said almost precisely the same thing in about 500 fewer words!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Oh.My.God. Where do I start?

You got it. As the dominant you need no reason to do anything you wish.
You do it simply because you want to.

Oy.

Yes, when your sub/slave errors in any fashion, you instantly have a reason to discipline and that discipline can take any form you wish. It could be punishment like spanking, flogging, gentle controlled torture like with a tens unit, or an extended period of extreme stimulation of any number of body parts during which your slave is denied the privilege of orgasm. Orgasm denial can be wonderfully torturous. Of course if your slave orgasms without permission then discipline must be carried out for being disobedient...which can be more stimulation and one or more of the other disciplines mentioned.

Okay. I'll buy this paragraph. Well, no, I won't buy it. It's free.

Typically, I bind my slave during discipline to enhance the experience for her. Being bound with rope or chain or shackles or whatever may be handy at the moment makes her all the more helpless before me and that turns her on even more.
I have my slave keep a journal of her "offencess", and there are always pages of offences that she has yet to be disciplined for, so there is never a lack of them for me to enjoy giving.
Trust me on this. As you become more accustomed or practiced at seeing or hearing or just catching something being done incorrectly or that you just don't like, the journal just gets fatter and fatter.
When a discipline is completed for an offense I check it off and then move on to another.
** I make her read the offense; multiple times if I am enjoying hearing it, and then teasingly explain why it was wrong and what I intend to do about it. By the time I close the journal she is dripping and I have yet to even touch her.

Please look up the term "SAMmy."

I you like the dominant role then BE DOMINANT.
Make it a "Lifestyle" for you and your sub/slave.
If she truly likes the role as your sub/slave, the more dominant you are the more she will happily sink into her new life as your sub/slave and she will absolutely love you for it and will do anything for you.
Your wish will be her command.

Keep in mind that with power comes responsibility, accountability, and absolute attention to safety.
This MUST all be done in LOVE.

Not everyone is built for this type of lifestyle, but you will never know unless you jump in and test the water. For those of us who are built and wired this way, it is the most incredible and satisfying lifestyle imaginable.

Anyway, those are a few thoughts on the subject.
I wish you and you potential slave good will.

Meh. Platitudes, clichés and romantic bullshit. If that seems a little harsh, well... it is. I'm tired of people coming in here and declaring their particular brand of BDSM to be the ONE TWUE WAY.

 

[Micklesko]

But he said he wanted "excuses to extend the session." Is because I fucking want to not a good enough excuse?

I really don't understand this.

Bunny, your point is well taken, however, as the sub/slave you have no say whatsoever in what is done in training or discipline or just play. That is entirely up to your dom/MASTER.
He may choose to ask you what you desire or not.
Of course, not all sub/dom or MASTER/slave relationships are built the same.
Some are more "purist" than others. The relationship is what he and you agree upon.
Deep & frank discussion up front, and with total honesty (don't leave ANYTHING out) is required regarding likes, desires, limits, etc, Writing it down on paper item by item can be very helpful. Especially later if one of you forgets & needs reminding.
Set the ground rules up front, then jump in and enjoy the interactions.
When setting the rules, you as the sub/slave, needs to be able to speak absolutely freely.
Once set, however, you have no power. You just obey and enjoy the lifestyle.

 

[NikiCole]

Just looking for suggestions..... Specifically, what can you suggest for making a session last longer?

Can try and stretch things out a bit with some teasing, some punishment, etc..... but looking for ways to extend the session once the excuses for punishment have expired? I'll admit I don't have the most creative mind, so even finding reasons worthy of punishment can be a challenge.

We both enjoy our roles, and want to increase the length of the session, but am hoping to find something other than punishment, just for the sake of punishment. Maybe a way to incorporate 'punishment just for the sake of punishment', but in a way to have it play as though it is done for a reason. Ie, I need a way to justify, or explain why the punishment continues, when there is none. We want to continue the scenario, but it loses the effect without an ability to justify the actions..... Just doesn't work the same for us.

Thanks!!

I am completely new to this and there is a possibility I am wrong. I've read Bunny's statement; while that may work for you, his brand has to have an excuse for punishment.

This is just an off the wall idea, have a list of all offenses she has committed during the day. As your play goes on, read each offense off and decide what the punishment would be for each one. Something different for different offenses. i.e. flogging for forgetting to wipe a counter down. Whatever floats your boat.

Someone told me, whatever you both feel comfortable with is right. If you need an excuse, find one in the little things, who knows, she might even forget to put the ice trays back in the freezer and you can do all sorts of things with ice just to make her remember.
niki

 

[DVS]

Just looking for suggestions..... Specifically, what can you suggest for making a session last longer?

Can try and stretch things out a bit with some teasing, some punishment, etc..... but looking for ways to extend the session once the excuses for punishment have expired? I'll admit I don't have the most creative mind, so even finding reasons worthy of punishment can be a challenge.

We both enjoy our roles, and want to increase the length of the session, but am hoping to find something other than punishment, just for the sake of punishment. Maybe a way to incorporate 'punishment just for the sake of punishment', but in a way to have it play as though it is done for a reason. Ie, I need a way to justify, or explain why the punishment continues, when there is none. We want to continue the scenario, but it loses the effect without an ability to justify the actions..... Just doesn't work the same for us.

Thanks!!

Don't you have the gift of gab? Actually, if she's tied up, the session can last as long as you want it to, right? I'd say that the main idea is to keep her interest up, which means don't let her cum. Take her to the edge from time to time, and then back off. Talk to her in that domly voice of yours and keep her swooning.

The thing is, if you don't have "it", you're going to end up with a script of our ideas and check it periodically, to see if you're on schedule. If you have "it", I don't think you need to ask for ideas. And I'm sure she wants those nasty ideas to come from your mind.

 

[Primalex]

But he said he wanted "excuses to extend the session." Is because I fucking want to not a good enough excuse?

I really don't understand this.

Oh come on, don't tell me you didn't figure out by now that people like fantasy to get off.

 

[BiBunny]

Oh come on, don't tell me you didn't figure out by now that people like fantasy to get off.

Deliberate obtuseness isn't normally your style, my dear.

 

[knot_sweet]

Roleplay can be effective if you need the 'infraction / punishment' type of play.

Naughty schoolgirl / Headmaster

Nurse / Doctor

Heck, any scenario where one person has a position of authority over another would work.


If roleplay isn't your thing, set up tasks you know she will fail at then punish her.

For instance; Stand her up with a glass of water on a book balanced on her head. Tell her if she spills the water, she will be punished. Then tease her however you like until she spills it.


Straight up competition works well too. Play a simple card game where you give her the low cards, you keep the high cards. Each of you randomly picks a card. whatever the value difference between the cards is how many spanks she gets or minutes she is tortured.


There are endless variations on any of the three themes above.

Good luck finding the ones that work for you.

 

[1dom_b]

Thanks for the input... Great site here...

 

[Micklesko]

Oh.My.God. Where do I start?

Oy.

Okay. I'll buy this paragraph. Well, no, I won't buy it. It's free.

Please look up the term "SAMmy."

Meh. Platitudes, clichés and romantic bullshit. If that seems a little harsh, well... it is. I'm tired of people coming in here and declaring their particular brand of BDSM to be the ONE TWUE WAY.

s_w

I know where to start.
You may not believe what I write but IT IS from my own personal experience. Your believing or not believing is of no concern to me. That is your privilege. Mine is to choose to share or not, as I desire.
Regarding "platitudes" ... I have not claimed to be ALL KNOWING as your comment suggests, I simply state my opinion and leave to anyone who reads my remarks to agree or not, take it or leave it. Nothing more.

Are there any other judgements you would like to share ?