Subspace Problem

[rottingdoll]

I've recently realized that I slip into subspace really easily. Too easily. I've started having it happen while sexting with my bf, when there's obviously no one to recognize it and care for me. I feel like this could be dangerous so I need some advice on how to handle it. I have a dissociative disorder which could explain why it's so easy for me to go into a state like that, but the only recommendations I've gotten from professionals involve doing grounding exercises which I'm usually way too out of it to remember. So is there anyway to prepare? Can I bring myself down? Should I (difficult as it is) avoid doing anything without someone else physically there?

 

[IrisAlthea]

I've recently realized that I slip into subspace really easily. Too easily. I've started having it happen while sexting with my bf, when there's obviously no one to recognize it and care for me. I feel like this could be dangerous so I need some advice on how to handle it. I have a dissociative disorder which could explain why it's so easy for me to go into a state like that, but the only recommendations I've gotten from professionals involve doing grounding exercises which I'm usually way too out of it to remember. So is there anyway to prepare? Can I bring myself down? Should I (difficult as it is) avoid doing anything without someone else physically there?

People tend to mean all kinds of things when they talk about subspace, so it’s a bit hard to answer. The disorder you mention makes it even more complicated.

Perhaps if you could be more specific about how it works for you and what risks you see, some people might have ideas.

From what you posted, talk as openly as possible with your health care provider and make sure boyfriend is aware of the problem.
Perhaps it is better to avoid the risk until you know more

 

[rottingdoll]

People tend to mean all kinds of things when they talk about subspace, so it’s a bit hard to answer. The disorder you mention makes it even more complicated.

Perhaps if you could be more specific about how it works for you and what risks you see, some people might have ideas.

From what you posted, talk as openly as possible with your health care provider and make sure boyfriend is aware of the problem.
Perhaps it is better to avoid the risk until you know more

Thanks for your response. As for how it works for me, I get the typical floaty feelings people talk about a lot. I also lose chunks of time and my memory blanks. I say yes to things I wouldn't normally and just generally feel kind of high.

The biggest danger is without aftercare I get really bad sub drop and think irrationally for a period of time. I might also consent to something I really didn't want to do and feel disturbed afterwards.

I went into subspace in person with him once and went non verbal which really stressed him out as he didn't know exactly what I needed. But he got me to drink some water, held me for a while and I was fine.

 

[SissySalina]

One small thing that might help a little. Like a safe work, have a phrase or two preset with your Bf, something not related to sex, so during a sexting or conversation he just say or text the phrase, if you react he may get a read on weather you are is subspace or not.
It may help a little.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I also lose chunks of time and my memory blanks.

This is probably something to bring up with a trusted health care provider.
For me, this would also be a main reason to avoid it happening when alone.

The biggest danger is without aftercare I get really bad sub drop and think irrationally for a period of time.

Perhaps you can avoid that by staying in contact casually or checking in repeatedly as a digital form of after care?

I might also consent to something I really didn't want to do and feel disturbed afterwards.

This is why it’s important for a partner to be informed. They shouldn’t have to fear overstepping lines because of not getting the right feedback.
Sissy’s suggestion could be helpful perhaps, for your partner to make sure you are still connected?

 

[rottingdoll]

This is probably something to bring up with a trusted health care provider.
For me, this would also be a main reason to avoid it happening when alone.



Perhaps you can avoid that by staying in contact casually or checking in repeatedly as a digital form of after care?



This is why it’s important for a partner to be informed. They shouldn’t have to fear overstepping lines because of not getting the right feedback.
Sissy’s suggestion could be helpful perhaps, for your partner to make sure you are still connected?

Thank you for all your suggestions. Really, I appreciate it so much. I found out that my bf cheated on me again and I broke up with him last night so I probably won't be doing anything with anyone for a while. But it'll come in handy in the future. And I'm sorry to dump that info on you I just didn't know how else to explain.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

Just came across this and wanted to share an early experience, not to overtake your thread. Then share how I overcame it with my partner (everyone is different and reacts different so hard to say for sure what works best for others).

I had an online sub and we were sexting/voice with anal play/training over the phone. I was talking her through what to do and how to go about it. It was her 1st time with anal play. We got into it pretty deep and then my phone had died and I was unable to continue the process (due to other personal factors).

The following day we started talking and she was depressed and felt really low. It took another day to realize (for both of us) that she was suffering from sub drop. I was mortified I felt so bad I allowed this to happen. We knew of subspace we talked about it but we both totally unexpected that it could happen without physical contact or in such a fairly light scening.

It took her about a week to finally be calm and we worked through it to the best of our abilities as we were long distance as well.

After that experience and knowing more and the fact of the matter. When we got into future scenes I made sure that my phone was able to be charged and adequate time was available for "aftercare" which was simply just talking, comforting conversation, tons of affirmation. She had a stuffie and water some chocolates and such. It was part of the after care kit we put together knowing that it could happen. She never suffered subdrop with me after that one time.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Thank you for all your suggestions. Really, I appreciate it so much. I found out that my bf cheated on me again and I broke up with him last night so I probably won't be doing anything with anyone for a while. But it'll come in handy in the future. And I'm sorry to dump that info on you I just didn't know how else to explain.

I’m sorry!
I would have wished for a less painful solution to the problem. But as you said, there will be new opportunities.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

Thank you for all your suggestions. Really, I appreciate it so much. I found out that my bf cheated on me again and I broke up with him last night so I probably won't be doing anything with anyone for a while. But it'll come in handy in the future. And I'm sorry to dump that info on you I just didn't know how else to explain.

Sorry I had missed this when I had posted. That's hard and I wish you the best in moving forward and past this difficult time.

 

[rottingdoll]

I’m sorry!
I would have wished for a less painful solution to the problem. But as you said, there will be new opportunities.

Sorry I had missed this when I had posted. That's hard and I wish you the best in moving forward and past this difficult time.

It's okay. I've felt my feelings about it. I wasted two years with the wrong person so I'm not about to waste more time crying over him. I missed pussy anyway lol.

 

[Melanie00]

I really understand what you are talking about. I use to get into subspace so easily and felt like the same things you said. In subspace id consent to anything but always had her there to protect me. I’ve only had subspace a few times being online and found it difficult because afterwards I’d feel really depressed and guilty over something I may have done without being aware I did it. Then freak out over the memory blocks I had. I don’t have any sure way to help but maybe talk to your health care provider or therapist and try to be cautious of getting to that point until you have something or someone in place to help afterwards. I’m here if you ever need to talk or vent.

 

[seekingAlpha]

Subspace is supposed to be the result of the brain dumping chemicals such as endorphins, adrenaline, oxytocin, and dopamine into the body at larger than normal amounts. The response cycle allows you to reach deeper levels when it is intentionally pursued. Try and take the initial stimulus that is putting you there and try and attach an anchor to it such as a specific physical act to serve as a key. It might work for you. I use anchors all the time with subs for other things.