Submissive 'Thought for the Day' Calendar 2007

[catalina_francisco]

how can there be quotes for the 11th up already? im confused... is this a collection what will end up being 365 submissive quotes, or is it a quote pulled out of discussion on that given day, for each specific day? (didn't mean to inturupt the calender if this isnt the place to ask)

It doesn't necessarily have to be a quote from the day that is dated, I just found it easier to keep track of them so I didn't repeat one by trying to do that last year. Sometimes there are days when all that happens on the forum is chat so then you have to look further. As to doing it in advance, sometimes it happens and given our past performance of not getting them finished or done consistently, it is probably a better option. Feel free to put any submissive quote here that you like or think has something to say from a submissive POV.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 12th - words of liberatedslave

"Then of course there are switches, who play around with their 'rules' all the time. You don't have to be limited to one role if you don't want to. Personally I'm a true sub and I'd feel ridiculous trying to dominate or control anybody but it's all different strokes for different folks. Whatever your personal mix of D/s, there'll be somebody out there who's happy to complement you."

I Have A Question

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 13th - words of bustyblondebombshell

"I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoyed Woodenspatulas making me cry, but it has happened on more than one occassion. sometimes through pain, sometimes through frustration... BUT when I do cry, its like a release - or an emotional orgasm as mentioned above. I also find it seems to make me more perceptive to anything that is going on in scene. The tears almost always represent a boundary being pushed and my acceptance of that.

The other thing that chokes me is the tenderness in his eyes when he removes the blindfold to feel the damp fabric and see my eyes, wiping the tears and kissing my eyelids.... makes me cry even more....."

Made To Cry, How Do You Prefer It?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 14th - words of subtleone

"I do it, but then I am slightly better with money mangement.
And on a slightly lighter note; how can you leave the finances to someone who is used to getting there own way all the time, there'd be none left"

Finances

 

[subtleone]

January 14th - words of subtleone

"I do it, but then I am slightly better with money mangement.
And on a slightly lighter note; how can you leave the finances to someone who is used to getting there own way all the time, there'd be none left"

Finances

*blushes* Thank you Cat - maybe one day I will be included for something insightful rather than a quip!!! *giggles*

 

[the captians wench]

January 15- words of nowgirl


it's nice to hear you're still hanging out with the original man in question. and as to the other online dishonest "boys" - well... sadly, it's just part of the dating experience, isn't it??? someone used the "you've got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince" - at this point, i'd settle for an honest frog.


Am I really a shallow bitch?

 

[chris9]

January 16th - words of ownedsubgal

but you brought up a good point...how could i hand over power to my Master if i had none in the first place? well, that is why i don't like to use the term "power exchange" to describe our union, because there truly was no exchange of power. He took control, and i accepted his control. He did not want a slave who was independent, caring for herself perfectly well, but who made a choice to hand that control over to him. He'd been there, done that, and found it just didn't fit his needs. it sounds cliched, but he needed someone who needed him, not just wanted him. so in that way we were a perfect fit for one another. He values my intellect, he needs a slave he can talk to and respect, someone who'll even teach him a thing or two every now and again. He will sometimes ask for my input/opinion regarding various things, running of the house included, but it is his place alone to make the decisions.

also you must realize something...there is a difference between having a mind of your own, and putting your own will first. for me, my Master's will is law, therefore i obey him always, without question or hesitation. so while i still have my own mind, HE and his will come first, period. personally, i don't see the point in having or wanting a Master if in the end, you're just going to do whatever you please anyway. you can't own yourself and be owned by another at the same time...you must choose which way you're going to go.

finances

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 17th - words of serijules

"... this is why I usually avoid discussions like this. It often comes back to these far fetched examples of why lack of consent can't be "real" and whatnot.

Slavery isn't "real" in the BDSM sense either when compared to slavery in history, but most of us involved in it don't knit-pick the obvious to death because it's pointless. Some things just need to naturally be assumed as a given. In slavery, it is a given that the BDSM slave has more rights and are treated more humanely than slaves of history. It doesn't even need to be said, most understand that unspoken assumption.

Besides, aren't we speaking of "blank check of consent" within a relationship of some type? My Owner has a blank check of consent. Some top in a gay bar most certainly does not. If you are speaking of blank check of consent to any tom, dick and harry out there, I agree, the concept is ridiculous. However, that wasn't how I read the discussion or phrase to mean, so I'm commenting based on that. Apologies if I am misunderstanding.

I have no limits. I have given all consent to my Owner. If she wanted to fuck me in the middle of a serious fight, I would be upset and angry and whatnot, but I would submit to it without protest (although I can't guarentee without attitude, heh). If she wants to shave my head, pierce me, cut me, tie me up and lock me in a room for a day alone....I wouldn't like all of it, but I would accept it without crying abuse.

Does that mean if she wants to kill me or amputate my leg, I am going to allow it? No. The consent I gave was under the realization that I trust this person, I trust her judgement even when I may not agree with it or understand it. Of course there is a line where that consent no longer applies, but it is also a very far-fetched line that won't come up for most normal, well adjusted people. If someone is using a BDSM relationship to torture people by removing their fingers and has plans to kill them, the relationship no longer falls under a BDSM category so is redundant as an example. We are talking of crimes and psychos now. That line of consent is a basic human one that any sane person is going to automatically accept.(or else they wouldn't qualify as sane).

So I disagree, total consent is very possible in a BDSM relationship, assuming neither person is fucking crazy.

I think Marquis' post summed up the topic very well. There are tons of grey areas here that are defined by the relationship itself and the people in it as others have said. For myself and my relationship however, it is pretty clear for me. Ma'am does what she damn well pleases, and I accept it because I trust her judgement and intentions. The consent I gave was based on that judgement and trust. I don't always do well at remembering how solid that trust is when she is doing something that scares me or that I do not like, but it is still there. For us, my consent is pure and my limits nonexistant. I consented knowing that HER limits are in the same realm as mine."

The Blank Check Of Consent

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 18th - words of shy slave

"The cat brush we have is wonderful, I really love it. But sometimes it relaxes me to the point of feeling sleepy not erotic lol

Maybe we need to look at firmer brushes!

My back can take far more punishment and abrasion than any other part of my body. Having him drag that brush down my skin and feeling each prick digging into my flesh is heaven.

As a child I used to love the feel of stubble on my hands, even now I enjoy the sensations of touching his face when he has not shaved for a couple of days."

A Brush With Bite

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 19th - words of Etoile

"It means whatever you want it to mean. Maybe it means you like a little spanking now and then. Maybe it means you do whatever your partner tells you, but only in the bedroom. Maybe you do what your partner tells you all the time, but you're allowed to take a break, or give your opinion on a command. Maybe it means you do whatever, whenever, anytime. It's up to you."

Quick Cover-All Definition

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 20th - words of chris9

"That's how I understood it. It's a very interesting question to me. I have to figure out in what way to deal with situations like these before them happening or I'm dumb-struck. I posted somewhere in the café that a joined friend of me and my ex 'offered' me to bring me a whip as a gift from India where he's staying in a town that's famous for its leather works. I didn't react at all, just saying I'd prefer a handbag or something like this. But I really did not know what to do or say. So getting other people's ideas/solutions how to handle such situation is quite interesting. And I'm forced to really think about what to do."

What Do You Say When...?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 21st - words of tenedaves_pet

"It didn’t work out…before i met my Master, i was “in training” with someone who i had expressed my interest in learning more about being a sub. We agreed that he would train me and it started out fine, but then i found that there was time that i didn’t want to do the things he wanted me to…and i didn’t do them. i believe that this was because there was no emotional bond…there was no love between us. Another time came that i was given an assignment and i was to report back to him, but something in his life changed and he had no time for me anymore. Again…no bond…no love between us.

Then i met my Master…we talked about just this sort of “training” i was having with this “so called” Dom. Master told me to “get out now” which i did. And, asked if it made me feel better, that i could “report” to him on the results of the assignment i had been given by this “other” Dom.

Now, when Master requires something of me, even when i really don’t want to do it, i do it because i do love him and we do share a bond but mostly because i love Him….with all my heart. Besides, i usually find that after i've done whatever was asked of me (even if i didn’t want to do it) i feel good about having done it and was glad that he gave it to me to do in the first place. i hope that makes sense "

Introduction To BDSM Training A Sub

 

[shy slave]

January 21st - words of catalina

While I appreciate that is your way of doing M/s EG, it isn't ours, nor does it make me an automaton. For us, I understood perfectly and gave up my right to choice of my own free will and because I wanted to when I committed to taking our relationship to TPE. If not I may as well have remained in the position I was in with our relationship where I did have a choice, I was able to leave if things went belly up, and I could withdraw consent at any time....that is what for us makes the difference between submitting with limits and TPE. I gave up the right to decide I didn't like something so withdraw my consent at whim, just as I gave up my right to walk out the door if I decided my needs were not being met. Actually just before reading your post I was thinking 'Sheesh, give me TPE any day, it is so less complicated than what others are speaking of where they have to decide continuously what is OK, what is not, and on what day and in which way'!

I just never get why someone would enter into TPE if they believe they still have the option to leave etc.,....why bother, it then becomes no different to submitting with limits except they may dress it up to look otherwise on the surface? I understand for you it is still an option for your slave to end the relationship or withdraw consent on a daily basis, but that is your agreement and understanding and I don't see why you feel it then applies to all others in a M/s TPE relationship or they are deemed to be robots or fakes. For us it was TPE we wanted, not TPE on the days it suits, and the rest is then up to me to decide what it will be..where is the TPE in that? I understood the terms, I accepted them, and I live them...it may mean my life is at times more difficult and that if I stil had a choice I might choose to withdraw consent, but bottom line is I no longer have a choice and I am more than happy to accept that was my choice of my own free will..IOW, I chose to give up my free will to choice because that was the only way I could relate to TPE. I am under no illusions as to what would happen if I decided to change my mind and assert my right to choice....that does not make me stupid, but it does make me responsible enough to take the committment seriously.

The Blank Check of Consent

 

[graceanne]

January 22 - words of shyslave

For me, this line sums up TPE, the grey areas and everything else that is involved with D/s.

In order to know you have to have had several conversations about your views, wishes, morals, ideas, limits. They are not all easy conversations and people change.

Limits are not always about practical items: whips, floggers, anal, age play. It much more about reactions in situations, belief structures and subjective issues.

OSG, Cat and I all use the term 'slave' but we all use it differently. However we have PYL's who have the same understanding as 'slave' as we do.
It is not about how upset or angry we would be in the situation given by RJ or the situations given by Marquis, it is about our limits being within the same realm as our PYL It is also accepting that we trust the decision of our PYL with regard to us and the relationship as a whole.

The blank check of consent

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 23rd - words of the captains wench

"I don't understand the problem here. This forum is always talking about the difference in BDSM and abuse, and quite honestly I think it's a good thing. It's made me stop one or two times and think "okay is this really as safe as I oringinally thought" and "is this person really looking out for my best interest". And I'm sure there are others out there that can say the same thing. As a newbie it helped me to look deeper rather than just off the bat doing everything some one told me to do just because I am sub and he was Dom.

I think it's good when we do travel so close to that obsure line between D/s and abuse that we do talk about where we personally set the line. It makes others think about where they should set the line, and I think giving out this type of opinion could very well help stop some of this abuse.

And you know, my ex was a feeder on some levels. He's atracted to bigger women, and women with self esteme issues. He went shoping with me, and he would veto the healthy foods to buy more sweets and junk food.

I'm an emotional eater, so when ever I was upset, he took me for ice cream. When ever I would complain about my size he would say "you look beautiful to me".

It hurt me on so many levels, and while I didn't get up to 800lbs, I did get up to 375. I would sit and cry some times because I didn't have the energy to do simple things like load the dish washer with out taking 3-4 beaks. I felt ugly, I felt like no one could possibly love me. I felt worthless and I just wanted to die. And so he took me for ice cream.

I started to become a burden to him and he started looking for another girl and a way out of our marriage.

It took me a long time to feel like I was worth something, and a lot of incouragement to loose 150lbs (and still dropping ). It only took 4-6 months for me to gain 200lbs, and it took 2 years for me to drop that 150.

I wish some one would have shown me about feeders, I wish some one would have talked about abuse with me. But they didn't, and I spent the last year of my marriage feeling like I was nothing, and knowing he was on the hunt for my replacement.

I have a personality and an upbringing that lend me to be taken advantage of fairly easily. Granted I've learned a lot in the past 2 years to help keep me safe, but if it weren't for conversations like these I don't think I would have half the since to say "fuck off psyco" that I do now.

But that's just my pov. "


Feeders - a new form of 24/7 bondage?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 24th - words of ammre

"....So, i don't think that this i bad, and i do.
It's like a masochist, It's ok in moderation.
Yay, feed a girl with the thought of touching her chub whoo!
Yay, beat a girl with the thought of causing her pain!
Boo, feeing a girl to the point where she becomes immobile and suffers health wise
Boo, beating a girl until she becomes unconscious, in shock, or dies.

Yanno, everything in bdsm comes with moderation, and the line between fantasy and reality. It's dangerious when peole step over some of those lines in any areas of the kink. (Ok so i've never heard of a death due to tickle torture...)

also, something that cuaght my eye as i was skimming/scrolling was that someone commented "well she didn't become 800lbs overnight"
one could also say:
"Well she didn't start to get beaten by her husband overnight"
"Well he allowed the molestation to go on for longer then jsut a night"
"patty hearst didn't decide to rob a bank overnight"
I mean heck, there's lots of cases where there's truely something else iphychologically in the works. You can know something is not good for you, but due to some glitch in your brain you go back. Not everyone has the strength, support, understanding to pull away, and it only gets tougher and tougher.

Now overall, i mean if it's a fetish for some and they've figured out how to live their lives including this fetish and it's not hurtinganyone really, then power to them.
I find this absolutelly repulsive. I have issues with being touched because in my mind my fat is akin to leprosy and why the heck would someone want to touch that... It totally squiks me out. I get pissed of when i can't find a partner becasue they all want thin people, when the thought of someone who wants a BBW makes me wonder what's wrong with them... I mean truely it's the western puritanical notion of body type... but heck, apparently i've mentally fallin into that sinkhole of a paradigm."

Feeders - a new form of 24/7 bondage?

 

[subtleone]

January 25th - words of D's mariposa

I don't care if people know, but in general, it's none of their business. I don't understand why some people have the need to be "proud" of being kinked, or to show it off. Competitive BDSM bores me. We are what we are. Being proud of my kink seems silly, like being proud that I'm left handed, or being proud that I have freckles. What's the point? Now, my Master is a very skilled Sadist, and sometimes "shows off" his skills a bit at the club, giving fireplay demos and flogging seminars, but that's not quite the same thing. Because when you work to attain a certain level of skill, that's something be to proud of. But being proud of whatever quirk of fate made you kinky is kind of silly.

How private are you about your lifestyle?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 26th - words of BiBunny

"I don't think anyone has the right to say that something "shouldn't" offend others. That kind of thing turns into a slippery slope really quickly. As far as expressing oneself--well, there's a predominant school of thought which says that my rights end where they begin to infrige upon yours.

I'm sure someone else can address this better than I can. I know what I want to say, but I can't get it to come out right. Vanilla or kinky, we're all human beings. We all have rights, but with those rights come responsibilites. So many want to take the rights, but leave the responsibilities. It just doesn't work that way. We're all people, whatever kind of varied (or not) sexual practices we choose to indulge in, and concern for oneself at the expense of others is not usually the best way to go.

And introducing my lifestyle to the vanilla world? Meh. I don't care one way or the other. It's like I say about being bisexual--if someone asks me, I'll tell them. I don't expect straight people to run up to me and say, "Hi, my name is Sally, and I'm straight," so I don't run up to others and say, "Hi, my name is Randi, and I'm bi." Same goes for being kinky. I don't expect people to proclaim at the tops of their lungs that they're vanilla. There's no reason for me to broadcast how kinky I am. There are things, in my mind, which are truly none of other people's business and should be kept private. I can express myself well enough in the appropriate venues; I don't have to be in-your-face about it at the inappropriate ones."

How Private Are You About Your Lifestyle?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 27th - words of SinnOcent1

"RJ, the answers you get will vary from one relationship to the next. The agreements and degrees of consent vary from one to the next. For many, it's not even about whether or not we are talking about those who live their D/s (M/s or O/p ... whatever, ...*pyl, please*) 24/7 or those who play in the scene at play parties and public dungeuns or the likes..... the definition of and the lines of demarkation regarding the limits of or lack of consent, WILL vary.

The agreements regarding consent between INSIDEYOURMIND and myself have always existed as the following:

The day i became 'His property' i gave Him the blank check of consent. This means that i am expected to obey Him absolutely, and unconditionally, period. As in just do it, and if the need arises, ask questions AFTERWARDS ...... just obey without noteable hesitation, REGARDLESS. *Most* times i have been successful in doing just as is expected of me (meaning since June 2004, i can count on one hand the number of times i have hesitated or failed to *just do*).

In this relationship i am property. It's a given that as His property, He is not limited or restricted in His use of me (within reason... we are NOT talking about silly examples such as outright killing me..... just for the record). It could be compared to owning a car: If i were looking to buy a car but the salesperson expected me to agree to a limitation of say... never drive it on weeknights between the hours of 5pm and 9pm... i'd not be able to enter such an agreement and really FEEL or BELIEVE that i really own that vehicle. i'd have to tell the salesperson that their expectations are unreasonable and not at all what i was looking to sign up for in buying a car.

When i agreed to be InsideYourMind's property, i consened to allow Him unlimited, absolute use without interuption nor restriction as my Owner.

For us, *in this relationship* consent is not ever something that is to be turned on or off. Doing so could be a deal breaker all on it's own...
It has happened that we have been in the heat of a disagreement of sorts and He had demanded a blowjob (just as i had been in midsentence with trying my best to get my point across,). At that moment, i was quick to shut my trap, get down on my knees and simply o-b-e-y.

This is what we both wanted. This is what keeps us both happy in this relationship. "

The Blank Check Of Consent

 

[graceanne]

January 28th - words of Kajira Callista

I dunno, I am kind of simple...no long post...no debates.
It is not about serving dinner first, it is about how and why you do it. You do it because it pleases him or don't do it because it annoys.
It is not about decision making, it's knowing your opinion matters but the decision comes from Him.
Submission is more then doing what someone wants. It is about doing what someone needs...expects...orders you to do etc. without question (and within reason so no nonsense about what if he told you to kill him and eat him).
It is not about being a people pleaser or a "natural submissive". It is about the ability to devote yourself fully and completely to the person you BELONG to.
It's not about "Yes Sir" with a cute curtsy to follow then scurrying off to do as told. It is about "Yes Sir" that comes from inside... someplace deep inside, and when you say it you feel whole and right and where you belong.
It is about two people completing each other. In some way you are an extension of him....his left hand maybe... and by you being that for him you are both fulfilled.
Thoughts on submission . . . what is it really???

 

[myinnerslut]

January 29th - words of Serijules

I think the line for defining abuse lies within a relationship and the people in it. In other words, I don't think there is any across the board way to define abuse any more than there is any across the board way to define TPE. It is defined by the people living it, and if it comes to a point where that agreement differs, the relationship is probably not something anyone involved is going to care to preserve anyhow.

For ME...abuse equals harm. Not hurt. Harm.

If Dawnie slapped me across the face until I was shuddering on the floor, cowering in fear of more slaps and bruises on my face...I would not consider that abuse because although I may be physically hurt by that scene and likely a bit shook up mentally, I wouldn't be harmed because my flesh would heal, my heart trusts her reasons for choosing to do that action, and my mind accepts that while I may not enjoy or like the scene, it is not harming me to the point of abuse. The freak in me would find something very powerful in that exchange.

If she went further than that and started kicking my head in to the point where I was in serious danger of permanent injury or death....that is harm. I am not going to recover from that and still be functional. My heart and mind knows there is no fathomable reason for her to be treating me like that and regardless of consent, regardless of submission or ownership or whathaveyou, it is harmful to me; she no longer is respecting my value, and it is ridiculous to worry about consent/submission at this point. The only important thing right then and there would be to get out of harms way.

For some people, my first example would be well into the realm of abuse. For others, it's perfectly acceptable. So for *ME*, the line where consent falls away and abuse presents is drawn when real, actual, permanent harm is being done, be it physical or mental.

Abuse: is there such a thing in the 'lifestyle'?

 

[graceanne]

January 30th - words of catalina_francisco

I can relate, or at least I think I can. There seems to have been periods in my life when these things have happened with greater impact than others, times I look back on now and wonder what happened to the people who were in my life before the 'time shift' for want of a better term. It used to get me very upset, the lack of being able to keep up communication with people especially used to have me beating up on myself majorly. I am still going through similar moments, though at the moment many of them I think have to do with a combination of the huge changes I have made in my life coupled with menopause approaching..or here.

I have no magic answers but a few things I learned are:

* you can never go back to who you were because it was a different time, different circumstances, different people in your life, different age, different time in the world...similarities can be found but the past can not be recaptured totally.

* be kind to yourself no matter how much you feel you don't deserve it...as the years pass it becomes easier to accept perfection and living up to our own expectations cannot always be what we want, and as much as others might try to understand, many do not always understand because it is not them in that space, time and place with all the things that make you you and your situation uniquely yours.

* with each phase of our lives, no matter how difficult or pleasing, it has good value simply because it is part of who we are, it is our story, and it is what shapes us for the future. The answers may not always be clear, they may not always come to us in a way we understand or see or acknowledge, but somewhere I believe we gain a better understanding of who we are meant to be, if not more tolerant of who that is with all our shortcomings.

* and most important, we can improve ourselves, we can make things better, we can try and treat others better, but most of all we are human and as such are bound to stumble from time to time, rant and rave for no reason at all, but through it all we are who we are meant to be and accepting that makes life a little more pleasant at times and celebrates we all count in this crazy mixed up world we live in.

Catalina

Changes in Who You Are

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

January 31st - Words of the captains wench

This whole episode of tone in posts reminds me of something my senior english teacher said to me.

He always told the class that we needed to write to our audience, and as he was our intended audience that meant that we needed to write up to his standards. But I found I was terribly frustrated because when we did peer editing my peers tore apart my writing and turned it into something more simplistic than I had written it. And 99% of the time he enjoyed my first draft more than my peer edited draft, and when it came to pieces that we were peer graded on I nearly failed every time.

When I expressed this frustration to him he said this to me. "While most in the class will have to write up to reach their intended audience, you very well may need to write down to yours when it comes to peer writing." I was in total shock to hear this. The very idea of dumbing down my work was, well unthinkable. So I had to decide, did I want to continue my writing style to maintain the integrity of my work, or did I want to dumb things down so they understood it and would get a better grade.

In the end I decided to stay true to my style and take the lesser grade when it came to peer writing assignments. Seems to me there is a similar choice here.

Dominant - Love Involved

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

February 1st - Words of Irony Sinclair

I think there are two different conversations going on in this thread. One seems to be about the perceived and/or real conflict of being a submissive while holding an employment position of authority. The other seems to be about how to make the transition from that position of authority into the submissive role. Related yes, but different things. At least as how I am reading this thread.

First...Your career path or even your everyday life interactions can or cannot have anything to do with what end of the whip you land on. Contrary to what some might believe, dominants and submissives do not always carry out this role in all aspects of life. In fact, some of the most diabolical dominants might be quite reserved outside of their D/s journies and some of the most willing subserviants may be the most acclaimed people of responsibility. Now, those factors may be a motivator in their D/s roles or they may not.

Some people actively seek out the opposite of what they portray themselves as to the outside world. Think the quintessential, but hopefully not stereotypical, high-level executive who in, in a male case, craves being stuffed into panty hose and taken by a strong woman with a strap-on. Or, in the female case, desires to be bound and treated like a complete slut. On the flip side is the demure housewife who can become a raging torent of supression and control. And so on and so on...

I've led men in times of war. I've directed men under fire. I'm a natural leader. Be it a meeting, a party, or mass chaos, I have a natural ability to take control and direct others. It isn't something I really think about, it is just something I do. To the outside world, I'm very much the Alpha-Male. And in truth I am that person. But that is not all of me. That isn't all of who I am. That side of me is not my only defining charactertistic. I run deeper. I think my avatar might be hint.

This part of the discussion goes far deeper than that. I know for a fact that I can own many who claim themselves to be dominant. Perhaps they are dominant with those of a weaker and unchallenging character, but I can see through them and I can make them very uncomfortable. Men mostly. Women are tougher. I find a truly dominant woman is quite humbling indeed. I seek out weakness and will expoit it if I find it. I'm a sub who fights the bit. If you desire my submission you have to show you're able to handle it. Not all submissives are such in every facet of their lives. For some of us, it takes incredible trust and an almost indescrible connection to pull it from us. That doesn't make any kind of submission or any kind of sub any more or less genuine, it just means that D/s is NOT a one-size fits all thing.

Now, as to how to shed the "9 to 5" and fall into the role, that's tough for some of us. As this thread has pointed out. We do not live a "classic" 24/7 TPE life. But that doesn't mean that it isn't always there. Of course it is. And with my personality combined with my job stresses it can make me quite a pain in the ass.

I don't always have to instantly transition because of how we live our lives and I'm thankful for that. But, that doesn't mean I don't have to find my place. Someone mentioned slapping. Oh slapping...There are times when she can slap me and I fall right into my place. But there are times when she slaps me and all my fibers tense up for a fight, resistance. The key is how we handle those times. I have to swallow down my learned behavior and she has to see what I'm experiencing. It's a dance. A dance between knowing and loving partners.

I find just breathing and relaxing and telling myself that I don't have to be in charge any more the best way to make the transition. Kisses and reassurance from her help a ton and at some point, whatever point, I just go there.

Career vs Submissve Nature

 

[TheEroticWoman]

I think the professional leader and the sub at home roles can work absolutely beautifully together, and actually strengthen each role seperately.

The pressure of decision making, people management, accountability can take a toll, building tension that if not released can be deadly in its most extreme form.

Taking the role of sub allows the absolute release of control, and if the dom is potent and capable enough, can allow that tension and pressure to be forcibly drawn out, resetting the tension level in a person back to roughly neutral.

BDSM for therapy...we should look into it