Submissive/Slave Haven

[BiBunny]

I agree with HM. You're definitely not a hopeless cause. Nowhere near it. I wouldn't say that I'm in the same situation as you. But I can really relate to this statement:

"What would someone like x, who's so experienced and awesome and wonderful, want with someone with issues and walls like me?"

I've asked myself that question so many times. And I'll probably be making a thread later on about it.

But I really hope everything works out for you. I don't post much around here, but I read a lot of your posts and I really respect you.

*Blush* Thank you.

I hope everything works out for you, too. I think everybody (well, most everybody, LOL) deserves to be insanely happy at least once in their lives.

 

[HottieMama]

I think everybody (well, most everybody, LOL) deserves to be insanely happy at least once in their lives.

I agree...but i can think of a few jackasses that don't deserve to sap happiness off of anyone anymore!

i'm having my own round of insanely happy right now...let's hope it doesn't go away....

 

[BiBunny]

I agree...but i can think of a few jackasses that don't deserve to sap happiness off of anyone anymore!

Oh, I know! The desire to start naming names here is overwhelming.

i'm having my own round of insanely happy right now...let's hope it doesn't go away....

I hope it doesn't, either.

 

[HottieMama]

Oh, I know! The desire to start naming names here is overwhelming.

i will be a good girl
i will be a good girl
i will be a good girl
i will be a good girl

 

[intothewoods]

Bunny, I think that you will eventually find a place within yourself where you share that side of you at a safe pace. It will take time, and the right person or persons.

And as for who would want you with all of your walls? Oh please. Doms love a challenge.

 

[SweetGigi]

Bunny, you and kitty need to just come live here in ATL. We could use a few hotties here to straighten out the male populas. I say we start a movement!!

 

[BiBunny]

Bunny, I think that you will eventually find a place within yourself where you share that side of you at a safe pace. It will take time, and the right person or persons.

And as for who would want you with all of your walls? Oh please. Doms love a challenge.

I hope you're right. I have my fingers crossed, anyway.

Bunny, you and kitty need to just come live here in ATL. We could use a few hotties here to straighten out the male populas. I say we start a movement!!

You have a point. Kitty does graduate in the summer. Hook us up with some jobs, and we'll be on our way!

 

[HottieMama]

Wichita, Bunny....WICHITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[intothewoods]

Wichita, Bunny....WICHITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's all about Wichita.

 

[HottieMama]

It's all about Wichita.

And Shankie lives here too!

 

[SweetGigi]

*rolls eyes* D'aint no place can compare to da 404, ya heard?

What sorta jobbie jobs y'all lookin' for?

 

[BiBunny]

*rolls eyes* D'aint no place can compare to da 404, ya heard?

What sorta jobbie jobs y'all lookin' for?

Ummm, you know, the kind that pay money and give you health insurance? We're not picky folks around here at all.

Kitty's an accounting major. I have a totally useless degree in psychology. She's employable anywhere we go. Me, not so much!

 

[SweetGigi]

gotcha, so no specifics on a field. Hmmmm, well... there are tons of jobs here... its just all in where you look.

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, maybe I'm attention whoring here, but I'd love some more input. I kinda feel like I'm sitting out on a limb here.

 

[Bi_Kitty]

The submissive needs are different, though. I'm afraid of them. They've already gotten me in trouble once.

It is okay to be afraid of them (being your submissive needs) right now. You have had only one person to experiment them with (and we all know how that ended). If I was you I would be scared of them, too. Not that is a bad thing but in time and once you can find someone that can make your submissive side available maybe your mindset will be different.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Ok, so I promised myself after the fiasco with the Domly-type person that I wasn't going to get in another relationship with another Domly-type person. But, six months after the fact, if I'm totally honest with myself, I miss being someone's pet. I miss the simplicity of just doing what I'm told for awhile. I miss having someone to fuss over and worry about and take care of. I tried to fool myself that playing with subs would suffice to fill the empty space, but...not so much. (And, no, gentlemen--I use the term loosely--, this is absolutely not an invitation for you to fill my PM box with "Kneel, bitch" messages.)

The truth is, I've always been able to keep my submissive desires and my painslutty desires separate. The need for pain has never bothered me. I've always just known that it takes pain to get me off. So what? *Shrug* The submissive needs are different, though. I'm afraid of them. They've already gotten me in trouble once.

There are two major fears there. Number one is that I just hate the idea of needing someone that much. I've been there and done that too many times. It never ends well. And I know it's easy to say, "Well, you don't HAVE to be that way. A sub can still be independent, blah, blah, blah." But I know how I am in that situation. Yes, still independent and strong, but I get caught up in my devotion, I guess. I let myself be walked all over just because of the way I feel for the other person. Of course, this may be more of a testament to the kinds of men I fall for, rather than any real problem in my submissive nature. I haven't learned how not to be taken advantage of, I guess.

The other thing that worries me is tied directly into the first thing. I tend to be viewed by men as some sort of creature to be conquered, I think. They want to have the bad-ass switchy bitch on her knees for them. I know I'm a hard nut to crack, and I've worked hard to be that way, but once I truly open myself to someone, I'm so gooey and submissive and devoted and obedient that it's probably damned annoying. Once I'm to that point, I no longer present a challenge, so they take advantage of me for awhile and then quit me altogether when it ceases being fun. Again, I know this is more about my taste in partners than my brand of submission.

So I want to do this again, but I'm scared. I'm not the kind of girl who falls at just anyone's feet, or else I'd be going through the above every other week. I've gotten pretty good at avoiding the idiots, and I tend to blow off all but the most consistently kind and non-pushy bids for my attention. And then I find myself wondering "What would someone like x, who's so experienced and awesome and wonderful, want with someone with issues and walls like me?"

Blech. I don't know. Maybe I'm worrying for no reason. Maybe it's just something stupid inside my head. My friends tell me to just loosen up and let my guard down just a tiny bit, but I'm afraid to. *Sigh* Am I a hopeless cause, or what?

ETA: This one may or may not stay up for awhile.

Bunny--Take this for what it's worth. You may not agree with anything but thought I would throw it out to you anyway. (since you asked) I tend to be a non-confrontational sit in the back and observe kind of person and I have read your posts since I started here last May.

I think you are about 20 years younger than myself. Slow down. I totally understand wanting things the way you want them now...but life--all of life--is a process.

I know that there are many young submissives here. I knew about my submissive tendencies (sexually at least from a very young age) But as a 20 something-there was no way in hell I would let any man tell me what to do in any way shape or form. Yet..I was married at 23 to my high school sweet heart and took care of him. No, he didn't "own" me, nor did I obey all his demands but I fussed over him, made his meals, never ever said no to anything he wanted sexually, I was adventuous and willing to do anything to make him happy. I was "submissive" in the relationship without ever really knowing what D/s was.

What I am trying to say is maybe you aren't a Domly type or a subbie type. Maybe you are a painslut who likes to fuss and serve a man she loves. Looking just at men within the D/s community eliminates all potential vanilla men with Domly tendancies. And there are plenty of them!!

I agree with your friends..let your guard down. Try not to be such a bad-ass switchy bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way) You can feel strongly about things without the walls. You can let someone in a little at a time. look for someone who you can grow with and develop a relationship. It can be very rewarding to instead of finding Mr Awesome, Experienced and Wonderful to find someone who because of knowing you becomes Mr Awesome, Experienced and WOnderful. And makes you feel really awesome, too.

Whether you listen to any of what I wrote or totally ignore it i do wish you happiness.

 

[intothewoods]

Excellent post, ecstaticsub. I know everyone on Lit hates when we say, you're only 20something. But you're only 20something!!!

My little sister hates it too. I'm sorry, but you will not have it figured out this year, or next year, or the year after. I don't have it all figured out!

Do you know what happened when I hit my 30s? I didn't figure it all out. I just became okay with not having it figured out. Life is really and truly a journey.

 

[HottieMama]

Do you know what happened when I hit my 30s? I didn't figure it all out. I just became okay with not having it figured out. Life is really and truly a journey.

That's the best gift i have received recently...becoming ok with not having it figured out. (i'm 32.)

 

[HottieMama]

It can be very rewarding to instead of finding Mr Awesome, Experienced and Wonderful to find someone who because of knowing you becomes Mr Awesome, Experienced and WOnderful. And makes you feel really awesome, too.

Wise words, right there....

 

[SubKekiLee]

I agree with Estatic Sub.... she makes alot of sense...

 

[BiBunny]

Bunny--Take this for what it's worth. You may not agree with anything but thought I would throw it out to you anyway. (since you asked) I tend to be a non-confrontational sit in the back and observe kind of person and I have read your posts since I started here last May.

I think you are about 20 years younger than myself. Slow down. I totally understand wanting things the way you want them now...but life--all of life--is a process.

I know that there are many young submissives here. I knew about my submissive tendencies (sexually at least from a very young age) But as a 20 something-there was no way in hell I would let any man tell me what to do in any way shape or form. Yet..I was married at 23 to my high school sweet heart and took care of him. No, he didn't "own" me, nor did I obey all his demands but I fussed over him, made his meals, never ever said no to anything he wanted sexually, I was adventuous and willing to do anything to make him happy. I was "submissive" in the relationship without ever really knowing what D/s was.

What I am trying to say is maybe you aren't a Domly type or a subbie type. Maybe you are a painslut who likes to fuss and serve a man she loves. Looking just at men within the D/s community eliminates all potential vanilla men with Domly tendancies. And there are plenty of them!!

I agree with your friends..let your guard down. Try not to be such a bad-ass switchy bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way) You can feel strongly about things without the walls. You can let someone in a little at a time. look for someone who you can grow with and develop a relationship. It can be very rewarding to instead of finding Mr Awesome, Experienced and Wonderful to find someone who because of knowing you becomes Mr Awesome, Experienced and WOnderful. And makes you feel really awesome, too.

Whether you listen to any of what I wrote or totally ignore it i do wish you happiness.

Excellent post, ecstaticsub. I know everyone on Lit hates when we say, you're only 20something. But you're only 20something!!!

My little sister hates it too. I'm sorry, but you will not have it figured out this year, or next year, or the year after. I don't have it all figured out!

Do you know what happened when I hit my 30s? I didn't figure it all out. I just became okay with not having it figured out. Life is really and truly a journey.

Thanks, y'all. I don't truly expect to have everything figured out right now. My whole life is just kind of turned upside down at the moment, and I guess my thoughts are reflecting that. I'm just one of those people who can't just sit back and watch things happen. I have to feel like I'm doing something.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

It took me until I was 33 to find mine, BiBunny. Don't give up hope yet. And speaking of my wonderful guy, he'll be here Friday! WHEEEE!!!!! (No, I'm not intending to rub it in, I'm just happy! )

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks, y'all. I don't truly expect to have everything figured out right now. My whole life is just kind of turned upside down at the moment, and I guess my thoughts are reflecting that. I'm just one of those people who can't just sit back and watch things happen. I have to feel like I'm doing something.

I went through the same thing when I graduated from college. I hated it. Everyone kept saying, wow, you're so lucky, these are the best times of your life. And I kept thinking wtf, are you kidding?? I'm a wreck! It sucked ass. I'm much happier now.

 

[intothewoods]

It took me until I was 33 to find mine, BiBunny. Don't give up hope yet. And speaking of my wonderful guy, he'll be here Friday! WHEEEE!!!!! (No, I'm not intending to rub it in, I'm just happy! )

Nice!!

So my PYL is having a rough week. I just want to fix it! Ha. But I have to remind myself that I don't have to fix it (since he's a big boy). We're dating - and by that I mean - he does not have my full attention. I'm a mom and he's not yet met my kid. So when I've got my kid, I can only IM him at various times, mostly after my kid goes to bed. I try to be supportive in the best way I can. But it's hard to see him stressed out. Anyway, this weekend I will be spending with him, so I'm thinking maybe I try this subbie thing on for size, whadya think? I'm kidding. Sort of.

I'm trying to think of some nice things to do for him. He's not an overly detailed Top - I mean, he doesn't really have a desire to work that hard to Top me, kwim? So getting any complicated s&m toys would be kind of ehhh.

He does like service, as in meals, and being served drinks - personal maid, that sort of thing. And hour long blow jobs.

Thinking thinking thinking....

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, I've been thinking, and maybe I should clarify.

Yes, I'm 24. Not old by anyone's standards, I realize. But if the truth be told, I'm more experienced than most people twice my age. I realized who I was and had a general idea about what I wanted pretty much since I started being involved with men.

Most men my age are sadly lacking in the experience department. I've done my best to give them chance after chance, but the spark is lacking. Hell, most men in their 30s don't even have the experience that I have. Maybe it's shallow, and maybe it's stupid, but I hate feeling like I have to "train" someone.

I realized after several failed relationships that I don't want vanilla in any shape, form, or fashion. It simply doesn't work for me. I also don't want to have a boyfriend on one hand and a Dom on the other. I think it's cool that some people can compartmentalize their lives that way, but I can't. I need one person to fulfill all those needs, romantic and D/s, or else they're just another play partner in my mind.

I've found that it's very hard to find what I'm looking for. The kinds of things I need have more or less priced me out of the market, so to speak. It's hard enough to find kinky men who can give me what I need. It'd be impossible to find a vanilla man who can do the same. I'm not idly speculating, either; I'm speaking from experience.

I think I truly do need to be submissive, else I could be happy with the kinked vanillas or the service Top types. I've played with both types pretty extensively, and, much to my dismay, they don't fulfill the needs I have. However, I'm still struggling with that realization, hence my agonizing in the earlier posts. There actually is a reason that I'm having these thoughts, too. It's not just something I'm sitting around worrying about just for the sake of worrying, I promise.