Submissive or sub, dominant or Dom

[MissTaken]

I often refer to myself as having a submissive nature. I seldom call myself a sub unless joking with someone about BDSM stuff.

Now, I don't believe I need a label.
I am not a sub.
I am a sexual being with many roles to play outside of BDSM. I may be many things and identify with many roles, but generally, I don't feel being a submissive is one of them.

For me, there is a delination between being submissive and being A submissive.

What about you?

Or am I off my rocker?

 

[TantaLiza]

Hey MissT...

Don't know if this is exactly what you're looking to hear but it's my opinion of my situation...I have a very submissive side but won't be labeling myself as a sub unless I get into that type of a relationship...I'm just me...many facets of my personality can come thru at any given time...until then, I need no labels 'cept my name....

Liza

 

[Cirrus]

No, not off your rocker in the least. I consider myself the same, if I consider myself anything at all.

In all aspects of my life outside the bedroom, I am anything BUT submissive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not boorish or bossy, just opinionated, and if I feel strongly on a topic I WILL say what I think, be it popular or not, and I will say it so that there is no room for confusion. I'm an overachiever in school, anything less than an A really frosts me even if I know I'm doing my best.

But in the bedroom, with the right person, I'm submissive, even a little bit passive. Maybe it's a compensation of sorts for being such a control freak in everything else. So I guess I am sexually submissive, if we must classify.

 

[lost]

I often refer to myself as having a submissive nature. I seldom call myself a sub unless joking with someone about BDSM stuff.

Now, I don't believe I need a label.
I am not a sub.
I am a sexual being with many roles to play outside of BDSM. I may be many things and identify with many roles, but generally, I don't feel being a submissive is one of them.

For me, there is a delination between being submissive and being A submissive.

What about you?

Or am I off my rocker?

Can you say what the difference between the two?

 

[Freya]

Being submissive implies, to me, submission in sexual matters only.

Being A submissive implies, to me, a more frequent or constant submitting of yourself to another - (I so know this isn't making sense today) as in decisions made for you or by another person ie: a Dominant.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I often refer to myself as having a submissive nature. I seldom call myself a sub unless joking with someone about BDSM stuff.

Now, I don't believe I need a label.
I am not a sub.
I am a sexual being with many roles to play outside of BDSM. I may be many things and identify with many roles, but generally, I don't feel being a submissive is one of them.

For me, there is a delination between being submissive and being A submissive.

What about you?

Or am I off my rocker?

That av indicates to me that yes, you are off your rocker. ~smile~

On topic though and in my opinion, a sub indicates a sexual personality trait as does the term Dom.

One can be submissive in other areas of their lives and/or in their sexual lives, too. That is not the case with me, however. I have a more dominate personality in most other areas of my life, except sexually. I am spending a lot of time soul searching the reason for that, too.

Sub and submissive, as Dom and dominant, can and do often overlap in meaning.

Good thread, Miss T.

 

[Little Girl]

Miss T

You bring up a good point. Most people who work with me and see me out and about would find it unbelievable that I am looking for a relationship where I can submit to the man in my life. A few of my friends have read my poetry on my web site and more often then not the first thing they ask about is the one "Slave to her Master" and why I wrote it. When I say I think that would be the ideal relationship for me they immediately start laughing and remind me that I am way to strong, independent and opinionated to be happy in a relationship like that.... I guess if nothing else, I have learned how well my friends know me

 

[Desdemona]

Some people find labels useful, others find labels offensive. I'm pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. I think of myself as a sub in the bedroom. It doesn't make me any less powerful in my career or other areas of my life.

I am what I am. The label doesn't matter. I'm too lazy to write out "submissive personality trait" on a regular basis anyway.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I often refer to myself as having a submissive nature. I seldom call myself a sub unless joking with someone about BDSM stuff.

Now, I don't believe I need a label.
I am not a sub.
I am a sexual being with many roles to play outside of BDSM. I may be many things and identify with many roles, but generally, I don't feel being a submissive is one of them.

For me, there is a delination between being submissive and being A submissive.

What about you?

Or am I off my rocker?

Nutty as a fruitcake! but I luvs ya anyway!

Eb <who is sane as...well as she needs to be>

 

[zipman]

You say tomatoe

and I say tomato.

I use Dom to describe myself as I am dominant only in the sexual arena. There is no right or wrong on this one, I think it is a matter of individual preference and semantics.

 

[MissTaken]

In the beginning

it was helpful to say, "I am a sub." It helped give some tangiblility to something that had so niggled at the corners of my mind.

Now, I am simply who I am, good or bad.

However, sometimes it seems people use labels as a badge. You are this, x, y and z. Or you are not. Those who aren't into y and z, aren't real BDSMers. Those who are, are "serious and to be respected."

And yada yada yada, I think we have all heard this.

Labels serve a purpose, but also serve to isolate, segregate or destroy unions or communities. They also serve to destroy reputations.

I am NOT a bi fem maso sub.

I am just me. If you enjoy what I share of myself with you, why should the tags or labels matter?

I can just be me, whatever that "me" package entails.

 

[Little Girl]

Re: In the beginning

it was helpful to say, "I am a sub." It helped give some tangiblility to something that had so niggled at the corners of my mind.

Now, I am simply who I am, good or bad.

However, sometimes it seems people use labels as a badge. You are this, x, y and z. Or you are not. Those who aren't into y and z, aren't real BDSMers. Those who are, are "serious and to be respected."

And yada yada yada, I think we have all heard this.

Labels serve a purpose, but also serve to isolate, segregate or destroy unions or communities. They also serve to destroy reputations.

I am NOT a bi fem maso sub.

I am just me. If you enjoy what I share of myself with you, why should the tags or labels matter?

I can just be me, whatever that "me" package entails.

Miss T

I could not have said it any better. You are right about labels and how they can have a negative impact. I am just me, good, bad or indifferent.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I thought "lost" 's picture was that of an amazing set of ass-cheeks, a real bubble-butt with strange synmetrical bruises on the outer hemispheres at about 3:30 and 8:30.

 

[P. B. Walker]

I thought "lost" 's picture was that of an amazing set of ass-cheeks, a real bubble-butt with strange synmetrical bruises on the outer hemispheres at about 3:30 and 8:30.

LMAO... gawd


PBW "Nice set of ta-ta's, lost."

 

[lark sparrow]

I don't mind labels, and think they are helpful identifiers of general concepts. It also has to be understood that people are individuals, and under each heading will come a wide variety of interpretations and anomalies.

I feel comfortable labeling myself as a submissive, but I would feel uncomfortable saying I have a submissive nature. I don't really have a submissive nature in general, but it's a need to have One in my life that I can work towards fully submitting to within the scope of our combined needs.

I feel comfortable labeling myself a lesbian because every single one of my romantic relationships have been with women exclusively. I've never been in love with a man, and as far as I can see for the predictable future, I never will - I am not wired that way. But I have played with men occasionally within the frame of BDSM. And I don't necessarily relate more strongly in general to other women who identify as lesbians. It's a sexual orientation, and although it affects my life being in the miniority, I don't consider it a "lifestyle" - I have a *life*, just like everyone else living on the planet.

Of course there is also the down side of "helpful idenitfiers of general concepts" in misconceptions; lesbian = man-hater. Being identified by what one is not, rather than what one is - loving women does not equal hating men. Or submissive = low self-esteem, sheep, doormat. Or Dominant - sadist, egomaniacal, control freak. As "men" and "women" there are also many base stereotypes. What confusion it causes on the internet when one is not sure of the gender of someone else!

As long as it is remembered that people are individuals, and perhaps even more importantly, simply and complexly *human*, labels are handy ways to begin to know the shape of someone's world, but the sights, sounds and scents within are individual.

 

[MissTaken]

Great post, lark sparrow!

I must say that I enjoy seeing you about the forum.

 

[Grvdigger]

very good thread Miss T. and I agree completely. E/everyone must find what is comfy for them..not what others pick for them. I do agree that some have a submissive side or a dominant side...but that does not make them a sub or Dom. The basic thing is to be what you are comfortable with and not some pigeon hole that someone sticks you in

 

[suthernhunny]

So many questions......

I feel like I may have found someplace to discuss feelings I have been struggling with!!
Just recently, I have discovered the erotic passion of sexual submissiveness.....
I am very outspoken and in charge in every aspect of my life. Including all other sexual relationships. Except for this one man that has cast a spell over me. His presence mesmerize me into submission... into wanting to please him. Deep, throbbing orgasms surge through me from when I take him into my mouth. His pleasure pleases me.....
As, the lady stated.....
there IS a difference in being submissive or being A submissive.
And if I am being graded by a "label", I would fail. All I know is......
IF IT FEELS GOOD........DO IT!!!

Thanks for such a great thread!

 

[MissTaken]

Welcome, suthernhunny!

I have to agree completely!

I should have named this thread, "If it feels good, do it!"

 

[suthernhunny]

 

[TheWanderer]

Well said!

I don't mind labels, and think they are helpful identifiers of general concepts. It also has to be understood that people are individuals, and under each heading will come a wide variety of interpretations and anomalies.

Agreed. I've come to realize that one of the things holding me back in my personal growth was not taking the time to reexamine my own labelling system. Once I realized the 'BDSM' label didn't just stop at tying people up and whipping them in intricately-built personal dungeons, it opened this wonderful world of knowledge.

That goes for everything in anyone's life. Just taking a label, examining what you *think* it means, then taking time to research what something really is... I think it's the most effective method of personal growth. It takes subtle hesitations and old habits down to their roots, and like tracing back the power cords of your PC, makes it easier to figure out where it connects and how to unplug it.