Submission is a gift

[the captians wench]

Thank you for the assist. You're an Audi: refined, reliable, well-constructed, good sense of design, odd in a very useful and admirable way, and efficient.

I think I'm a new Beatle. cute, perky and cheap.

 

[ecstaticsub]

*giggles* You're more likely to hear the first out of me as well. And I'm also one of those people who feel like I could be submissive to just about anyone, which is why I never really thought of it as a gift before,


And this is exactly why. I have always been of the same impression. And it really bugs me that I now see some logic in the whole thing. Kind of like realizing "hey I do like cheese pizza" when the entire time you're known about pizza you've been on the "just cheese is just wrong" side of things.

But like I said, I don't like the over romantisized vertion that we see more often either. I gave him me, all of me, wrapped up in a not so neat kinda cheap wrapping package. My trust, my love, my submission, all of it. I gave it once, because I think he is a really good person and deserving of it. It's not something that I can take away because he doesn't use it the way I think he should. And as far as the submission part, well that's not something I really held to only give to "the one" either. But I think more importantly, I view it as a gift, because that's the value he put on it, not me.

The part in bold--that is a very very big part of it for me. he referred to it as a gift before I did.

 

[BiBunny]

I guess I don't spend enough time in chatrooms to notice.

Nor do I. But I have to deal with it a lot at work. Maybe it's jaded me, I dunno.

However, please keep in mind that there are those of us who aren't "princessy do-me bottom "subs" " who get a little tired of seeing something we believe in ridiculed over and over again.

The gift analogy probably doesn't fit most of the relationships on this forum. But it does mine.

Thanks for answering.

I have no idea how to reply to this without offending someone, so I think I'll let it go.

And you're welcome.

 

[the captians wench]

The part in bold--that is a very very big part of it for me. he referred to it as a gift before I did.

It's actually one of those things I have faught against accepting. There really ahven't been many with Jounar, but anything that puts value into myself, well it's just hard for me to swallow sometimes.

 

[midwestyankee]

Is Audi German? If so...No.

It is, but that's not the characteristic that stands out to me, the way it does in Mercedes or BMW cars. In my view, the Audi is more like an English car that actually runs well and doesn't leak oil or electricity.

 

[LilyBart]

Back to the intent of the thread (I think)...

I believe (in my antique brain) that anytime you give up your true self to someone else, it is a gift. And I think the gifting goes both ways, whether you are a sub or a Dom. Although I am speaking from the perspective of an ongoing and loving relationship. I mean, if you really love someone, you "gift" them with something that no one else can see.

I think Wenchie articulated nicely, though, that it is something you do once (although in some relationships reinforcement might be appropriate) . The gifting doesn't need to keep occurring. And I am totally agnostic to whether it is the top or the bottom, sub or dom, doing the gifting.

The bottomline, for me, is that the gift is your heart.

~LB

 

[Kajira Callista]

IMO, submission is a gift that is given to the Dom freely; out of love and caring, and mutual pleasure.

If someone would try and take my submission, that wouldn't be giving it freely; and then it wouldn't be a gift. It would be in the lines of theft, blackmail, or rape.

It is partly a spiritual bonding between Him and i. By giving Him my submission, i am showing that i completely trust Him and that we connect in a way that no other would.

It is a gift given freely to Him with love and trust.

how exactly do you completely trust a person you don't even know....heck there are days when i dont even trust me with myself

 

[SierraMoon]

Sex is a gift
BJs are a gift
Allowing spankings is a gift


WTF??


Someone pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee explain all this to me.

What does it matter what people in their own relationships call it? My impression of BDSM is that it is whatever you and your PYL/pyl make of it in. Outside of that, who cares what anyone calls it?

 

[Betticus]

Sex is a gift
BJs are a gift
Allowing spankings is a gift


WTF??


Someone pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee explain all this to me.

The gift part is just what you have to tell yourself in order to justify really liking it when I pin you down over my knee, spank your naughty bottom, pull your mouth down onto my cock with your hair in my fist and then holding you down on the sofa and fuck you until I have a wonderful orgasm.

 

[Betticus]

I see it like, by submitting to him I am giving him power over me. And yeah, that's giving him something, but its not like "Happy birthday, here's a gift!" It's more like, "Hey, you see that new car across the street? The really nice shiny new one? Yeah, that's for you, because I think your awesome, and you deserve it. Take it, its yours."

I'd like to steal your car!

 

[00Syd]

I'd like to steal your car!

Good luck! haha

 

[Betticus]

Good luck! haha

And by steal I mean spank and by car I mean you.

 

[00Syd]

And by steal I mean spank and by car I mean you.

Uh-oh!

*runs*

 

[Betticus]

Uh-oh!

*runs*

I just got this picture in my head of you running around in a circle giggling.

 

[00Syd]

I just got this picture in my head of you running around in a circle giggling.

You'd be surprised how often I do that

 

[catalina_francisco]

After years here and this continually raising its ugly head, I have to say I have arrived at the point, who cares? As long as those involved know how they view and interpret it, why should anyone else care or feel it is a point for ridicule...I can see how it can be seen both as a gift and also not, and have a various times felt one or the other view, but to tell the truth, when in a full on relationship which changes day to day, month to month, year to year, there are much bigger fish to fry, much bigger issues to deal with than whether my submission is a gift or not in the eyes of others.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

SAABs are intelligent, quirky, long-lasting, shaped slightly oddly, built with unusual and user-friendly features, and they trace their lineage to fighter planes. I like that in a woman. If submission truly were an automotive gift, Id want a SAAB.

Were. Now they are a GM product with unearned reputation that breaks every six seconds. (T knows, but won't give up on 'em.) I try not to be that. I don't really know what automotive metaphor would be me other than Transformers, robots in disguise...

 

[Netzach]

The submission is a gift analogy fits my situation. Since, I too have strong feelings about this subject I am going to stay out of this converation. (well, at least I'll try )

I do wonder though....why does it matter to those who don't refer to submission as a gift that some of us do?

Simple - in the mainstream of the BDSM community, it's the first MUST SUBSCRIBE TO myth you are indoctrinated with, lest you be BAD DOMINANT WHO CARES NOT.

After being beaten with this particular metaphor, especially as a Dominant, it gets very cloying, very annoying, and very precious, in a way that wedding cakes for other people are just stupid but your own is positively beautiful.

Also - I've put my ass in the air to be whacked, licked boots, had my mouth taped shut for 48 hours (physically and metaphorically) and done a ton of *stuff* and I never considered it giving of myself *submission* - it was contractual if only in my head and about me. With T, yes, submission is a gift, but it's a gift to me, too. All the platitudes apply, all the nauseatingly trite stuff, but that trite and nauseating stuff is really important, really personal, and really rare. I think what bothers me is that I *know* what it's like to be slapped with a hard endorphin high and I see a lot of people basing love and relationships on that, as much as they base vanilla relationships on "nice tits, nice car."

Is it just me, or is this romanticization of casual biology (SM) part of WHY we have a bad realism track record as a community, why we end relationships so publicly and immaturely, why we see as many velcro collars?

Maybe getting a spanking isn't a "gift" at all, but an exploration deserving of respect as much as any other, maybe licking boots is an opportunity, not a "gift." When people think about submission, they're literally thinking about things like the above half the time.

I'm babbling and I'm probably sounding self-aggrandizing about a relationship I wouldn't recommend that has myriad endemic problems, but I rather treasure.

 

[BiBunny]

Simple - in the mainstream of the BDSM community, it's the first MUST SUBSCRIBE TO myth you are indoctrinated with, lest you be BAD DOMINANT WHO CARES NOT.

After being beaten with this particular metaphor, especially as a Dominant, it gets very cloying, very annoying, and very precious, in a way that wedding cakes for other people are just stupid but your own is positively beautiful.

Also - I've put my ass in the air to be whacked, licked boots, had my mouth taped shut for 48 hours (physically and metaphorically) and done a ton of *stuff* and I never considered it giving of myself *submission* - it was contractual if only in my head and about me. With T, yes, submission is a gift, but it's a gift to me, too. All the platitudes apply, all the nauseatingly trite stuff, but that trite and nauseating stuff is really important, really personal, and really rare. I think what bothers me is that I *know* what it's like to be slapped with a hard endorphin high and I see a lot of people basing love and relationships on that, as much as they base vanilla relationships on "nice tits, nice car."

Is it just me, or is this romanticization of casual biology (SM) part of WHY we have a bad realism track record as a community, why we end relationships so publicly and immaturely, why we see as many velcro collars?

Maybe getting a spanking isn't a "gift" at all, but an exploration deserving of respect as much as any other, maybe licking boots is an opportunity, not a "gift." When people think about submission, they're literally thinking about things like the above half the time.

I'm babbling and I'm probably sounding self-aggrandizing about a relationship I wouldn't recommend that has myriad endemic problems, but I rather treasure.

I say this all the time, but I'm reminded once again of why I you.

 

[Kajira Callista]

What does it matter what people in their own relationships call it? My impression of BDSM is that it is whatever you and your PYL/pyl make of it in. Outside of that, who cares what anyone calls it?

Obviously I did and thats why I started a thread to figure it out.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Simple - in the mainstream of the BDSM community, it's the first MUST SUBSCRIBE TO myth you are indoctrinated with, lest you be BAD DOMINANT WHO CARES NOT.

After being beaten with this particular metaphor, especially as a Dominant, it gets very cloying, very annoying, and very precious, in a way that wedding cakes for other people are just stupid but your own is positively beautiful.

Also - I've put my ass in the air to be whacked, licked boots, had my mouth taped shut for 48 hours (physically and metaphorically) and done a ton of *stuff* and I never considered it giving of myself *submission* - it was contractual if only in my head and about me. With T, yes, submission is a gift, but it's a gift to me, too. All the platitudes apply, all the nauseatingly trite stuff, but that trite and nauseating stuff is really important, really personal, and really rare. I think what bothers me is that I *know* what it's like to be slapped with a hard endorphin high and I see a lot of people basing love and relationships on that, as much as they base vanilla relationships on "nice tits, nice car."

Is it just me, or is this romanticization of casual biology (SM) part of WHY we have a bad realism track record as a community, why we end relationships so publicly and immaturely, why we see as many velcro collars?

Maybe getting a spanking isn't a "gift" at all, but an exploration deserving of respect as much as any other, maybe licking boots is an opportunity, not a "gift." When people think about submission, they're literally thinking about things like the above half the time.

I'm babbling and I'm probably sounding self-aggrandizing about a relationship I wouldn't recommend that has myriad endemic problems, but I rather treasure.

I would never think of bottoming as a gift. The physical aspects of my relationship, the S&M part of our relationship is really so small in our case that I never thought that others would think of that part as being the "gift'.

Other than this forum I do not interact with anyone else in the BDSM community. I have never been to a munch, I don't go on Fetlife, or CM or attend play parties. So I guess I haven't been around enough to get annoyed in the way you and others seem to be.

It just seemed odd to me that for a bunch of people who tend to accept other people's kinks to be so condemning of something that to be shouldn't really matter to others outside of an individual's relationship.

(and are BDSM relationships not allowed to be romantic? )

 

[Netzach]

It just seemed odd to me that for a bunch of people who tend to accept other people's kinks to be so condemning of something that to be shouldn't really matter to others outside of an individual's relationship.

Again, it doesn't. Unless and until you are a Big Fat Meanie because you don't see it that way. Or all people who aren't thus enlightened don't Get It.

 

[Homburg]

Simple - in the mainstream of the BDSM community, it's the first MUST SUBSCRIBE TO myth you are indoctrinated with, lest you be BAD DOMINANT WHO CARES NOT.

After being beaten with this particular metaphor, especially as a Dominant, it gets very cloying, very annoying, and very precious, in a way that wedding cakes for other people are just stupid but your own is positively beautiful.

Spot. On.

100%

 

[nh23]

Only speaking for myself here. I don't know how others feel.

It bugs me because it tends to represent a stereotype of a "sub" in my mind. Most (note the use of "most" here) of the people I've heard use this terminology are the princessy do-me bottom "subs" or the kind of doms who attract them. I don't have a whole lot of respect for people who do this just because they think it makes them look cool.

It also tends to be something people run in the ground. The same old bullshit from the same kind of people (pussy-whipped Interwebz "doms" and whiny, needy, insecure "subs") gets old in a hurry. If you doubt me, start a thread here about a sub not getting her way and watch most of the posts be about how the dom is soooooo abusive and horrid, etc., etc., etc. It's exhausting.

I'm not saying all people who look at it that way are like this. But there's an obnoxious contingent that is. They generally don't have much experience outside of chatrooms, and they tend to ram it down your throat, too. After a while, you just get sick of it.

That and the fact that most of the time the same people saying submission is a gift are the first people to say I'm a submissive through and through, no choice, it's who I am. So then I suppose my sarcasm is a gift, oh and my big butt.

 

[Breaker_Morant]

So then I suppose my sarcasm is a gift, oh and my big butt.

I've experienced both and I liked 'em.


As far as the gift idea goes, I've reached the conclusion that the "gift" is the the pyl's loyalty and all that. However, for every pyl out there, there has to be a PYL to fullfil the need and vice versa.