Subconscious Manipulation

[SweetGigi]

I've always found that passive, underhanded manipulative thing that a lot of "submissive women" have to be very attractive, in a fucked-up chemical way. I don't seem to be able to maintain a constant interest in anyone who doesn't have the seductive, fickle trickiness. Keeps me on toes.

hey how you doin'?


*wiggles*

 

[rosco rathbone]

hey how you doin'?


*wiggles*

must....resist.....the....tricky....chickie

 

[SweetGigi]

must....resist.....the....tricky....chickie

Hey now!


I'm not that bad.


I'm just that good.


(come on you know you wanna taste)

 

[rosco rathbone]

Hey now!


I'm not that bad.


I'm just that good.


(come on you know you wanna taste)

You ARE good! I successfully resisted you, but I was white knuckling for a minute there.

 

[SweetGigi]

You ARE good! I successfully resisted you, but I was white knuckling for a minute there.

*snaps*

curses, foiled again.


*pouts*

 

[rosco rathbone]

*snaps*

curses, foiled again.


*pouts*

The pout is good. *nods*

 

[SweetGigi]

The pout is good. *nods*

*adds whimper and big sexy pouting eyes and lips*

 

[SweetGigi]

I'v never really thought about it. I mean, I feel like manipulation itself is just a bad word, a negative action, and I don't think what I'm doing is with any mean intentions. I'll be with my bf and say something that I know will get him to kiss me. I think everyone does that, but is that manipulation? Is that a bad thing even though it ends with something good?

well, from what i can tell, the biggest way i manipulate others is self deprecation. I will beat myself up or put myself down or twist comments to be pitiful to suit me if I need a pick me up from someone. If I feel like I am burdening someone I will play on the friendship to prove that they care; for validation. I don't know if this sort of manipulation translates to you, but this is how I see it. My tendency isn't hurting anyone (but myself) but in the end it gets bad all the way around.

 

[00Syd]

well, from what i can tell, the biggest way i manipulate others is self deprecation. I will beat myself up or put myself down or twist comments to be pitiful to suit me if I need a pick me up from someone. If I feel like I am burdening someone I will play on the friendship to prove that they care; for validation. I don't know if this sort of manipulation translates to you, but this is how I see it. My tendency isn't hurting anyone (but myself) but in the end it gets bad all the way around.

Well, shit. Now that I think about it I think I do that too. That just makes me even more angry with myself.






(Edit: did I just do it??)

 

[YourCaptor]

well, from what i can tell, the biggest way i manipulate others is self deprecation. I will beat myself up or put myself down or twist comments to be pitiful to suit me if I need a pick me up from someone. If I feel like I am burdening someone I will play on the friendship to prove that they care; for validation. I don't know if this sort of manipulation translates to you, but this is how I see it. My tendency isn't hurting anyone (but myself) but in the end it gets bad all the way around.

Ha, we should get together, that what I do, except to other people. I am skilled at making people feel like shit and then building up a wall around them so they cant get out of it. Sometimes I do this out of spite, although when things get serious I can control myself and not do it. I also sometimes do it just to hurt them, I get a kick out of it. Their something really hot about a pitiful little thing that doesn't know right from wrong anymore.

 

[SweetGigi]

Well, shit. Now that I think about it I think I do that too. That just makes me even more angry with myself.






(Edit: did I just do it??)

I don't think so, but then again I'm probably not a good person to ask. *Shrugs*

When I say that it turns out badly in the end I think I mean that when I do this sorta thing, it just grinds on people and wears them down. Eventually, they don't want to put up with it any more and they distance themselves from me or end the relationship entirely.

Ha, we should get together, that what I do, except to other people. I am skilled at making people feel like shit and then building up a wall around them so they cant get out of it. Sometimes I do this out of spite, although when things get serious I can control myself and not do it. I also sometimes do it just to hurt them, I get a kick out of it. Their something really hot about a pitiful little thing that doesn't know right from wrong anymore.

While I can see how this could be a beneficial trait to have in a D/s setting, do you really feel that it is an emotionally healthy way to live day to day?

 

[00Syd]

I don't think so, but then again I'm probably not a good person to ask. *Shrugs*

When I say that it turns out badly in the end I think I mean that when I do this sorta thing, it just grinds on people and wears them down. Eventually, they don't want to put up with it any more and they distance themselves from me or end the relationship entirely.

I've been afraid that I've been grinding down and wearing on my bf the last few months, but I think it has more to do with my constant depression than any manipulation on my part. But then again, I'll find myself making myself feel crappy about myself on purpose to cry and have someone comfort me... I don't know. I think a lot of that sort of thing is subconscious, until I realize that I'm doing it, anyway. Its all pretty ambiguous.

 

[YourCaptor]

I don't think so, but then again I'm probably not a good person to ask. *Shrugs*

When I say that it turns out badly in the end I think I mean that when I do this sorta thing, it just grinds on people and wears them down. Eventually, they don't want to put up with it any more and they distance themselves from me or end the relationship entirely.



While I can see how this could be a beneficial trait to have in a D/s setting, do you really feel that it is an emotionally healthy way to live day to day?

Ehhh… short answer no, long answer yes with a but

And because I’m young and stupid Ill try to compress it all into a few lines anyway.

I did the 24/7 D/s thing, so yes its healthy provided the right two people are involved for the right reasons. I suppose what it comes down to is if you do it to be the victim or if you do it for some other reason.

May result in not being in tune with society, with lots of effort even that can be dealt with.

I think that says it ok, but then again thats probably so because it really doesn't say anything at all.

Sorry, not enough sleep,

Here

 

[SweetGigi]

I've been afraid that I've been grinding down and wearing on my bf the last few months, but I think it has more to do with my constant depression than any manipulation on my part. But then again, I'll find myself making myself feel crappy about myself on purpose to cry and have someone comfort me... I don't know. I think a lot of that sort of thing is subconscious, until I realize that I'm doing it, anyway. Its all pretty ambiguous.

I do this as well. I focus on the negative and harp on the bad in order to either gain sympathy or to drum up pity. It works for a while but in the end, people just get tired of it. I know I am not doing it in a malicious way, but I do it none the less. If you feel this is something that is negative in your life, then you are in a perfect place to make a change. Don't wait till you are set in your ways, trust me.

 

[00Syd]

I do this as well. I focus on the negative and harp on the bad in order to either gain sympathy or to drum up pity. It works for a while but in the end, people just get tired of it. I know I am not doing it in a malicious way, but I do it none the less. If you feel this is something that is negative in your life, then you are in a perfect place to make a change. Don't wait till you are set in your ways, trust me.

I'm working on it!

 

[SweetGigi]

Thats all you can do.


Try try try try try!!

 

[Homburg]

There is also this thing of winning the argument just to win.

I am ridiculously guilty of this. I'm horribly argumentative, and will cheat like a motherfucker in an argument if I get really annoyed at the person I'm arguing with. I've a few friends that know me well enough to catch me when I'm being purposefully tricky, and have met a few folks that caught on to it as well (usually in the legal profession, certain religions, or fellow philosophical types). It's tough for me to catch, as I get into a certain mindset when I get like this, and the argument is all that matters.

Really bad habit.

----

I have to imagine that I must be a very frustrating person.

I've not gotten that impression at all.

----

*adds whimper and big sexy pouting eyes and lips*

Pouts like that are so hot. Unfortunately, my gals know this...

 

[00Syd]

I've not gotten that impression at all.

Thank you. Im trying to be less wearisome.

 

[Homburg]

Thank you. Im trying to be less wearisome.

Oh, I think that you're being too hard on yourself. I know quite a few people that think they're difficult, and I've never seen it. It's more relational. You have people around you that inspire whatever feelings cause you to be difficult. Around those that don't, you aren't. Seen it time and again.

That said, I do know some bloody difficult people. They almost always describe themselves as "easy to get along with" =P

 

[SweetGigi]

Oh, I think that you're being too hard on yourself. I know quite a few people that think they're difficult, and I've never seen it. It's more relational. You have people around you that inspire whatever feelings cause you to be difficult. Around those that don't, you aren't. Seen it time and again.

That said, I do know some bloody difficult people. They almost always describe themselves as "easy to get along with" =P

Hmmmm, I have never thought of it on this level. That my manipulation might be relational and situational. This is an interesting concept.

 

[Homburg]

Hmmmm, I have never thought of it on this level. That my manipulation might be relational and situational. This is an interesting concept.

I noticed it with myself. I react differently towards different people. Some people rate, some don't. It modifies how I act towards them. It gets complex, and I'v epaid enough attention to it to understand it, but the details aren't really germane here. Suffice to say that being aware of how I tend to relate towards various types of people makes me more aware of my behaviour towards them.

 

[SweetGigi]

I noticed it with myself. I react differently towards different people. Some people rate, some don't. It modifies how I act towards them. It gets complex, and I'v epaid enough attention to it to understand it, but the details aren't really germane here. Suffice to say that being aware of how I tend to relate towards various types of people makes me more aware of my behaviour towards them.

I will have to keep an eye on this and see how it pans out in me. To a degree, this information makes me want to experiment with it.

 

[TenJed69]

I've always found that passive, underhanded manipulative thing that a lot of "submissive women" have to be very attractive, in a fucked-up chemical way. I don't seem to be able to maintain a constant interest in anyone who doesn't have the seductive, fickle trickiness. Keeps me on toes.

Gotta agree. It's not essential, there's other 'things' equally hot, but it is hot. Especially when you realise she's trying to manipulate you, and then she realises you realised and there's a moment of common realisation of what is about to ensue

 

[Homburg]

I will have to keep an eye on this and see how it pans out in me. To a degree, this information makes me want to experiment with it.

Experimentation can be fun

 

[FuckMeEyes]

I am skilled at making people feel like shit and then building up a wall around them so they cant get out of it.

I used to do the same through manipulation or general passive aggressive behavior and I always did it out of spite. I had a lot of negativity surrounding me and emanating from me at that point in my life. Somewhere along my lifeline, I lost all reason to be that way and ended up searching deeper for who I am. I'd make them feel like dirt and even then, it didn't feel like I was doing enough to push them down lower. I loathed life and as much as I wanted to end it, I was too angry to let anyone beat me down anymore. Anyways...

My experiences on the receiving end of manipulation haven't been good ones. When I catch it, I feel like that person is being selfish and inconsiderate. That should go without saying that I abhor people who try to eliminate my choices in life, through being manipulative, just so they can try to illicit a specific reaction from me. I've done some screwed up things in my life and I've wronged my fair share of people, but I've grown from that into someone who enjoys a sense of honor in my existence and I find it much more honorable for someone to believe in what they want enough to outright request it. There's something admirable and desirable about someone who can stand up for what they want, but now i feel like I'm heading off into a tangent.

One thing I enjoy about not being manipulative, in order to get what I want, is that feeling I get when someone makes the decision, of their own accord, to do something for me or offer something to me. It makes me see, more and more, the quality I possess as an individual. It's also how I differentiate acquaintances from friends and further more as best friends, their willingness to go the extra mile for me, because they want to and not because they feel like they should make me feel better.

I've had some wonderful friends grace my life throughout all the places I've lived and I can't find a way to imagine what those relationships would be like if I tricked them into being the way they are to me. I don't know. I just feel those people are intelligent enough and give them enough credit for it that I would think at some point they would see through the facade and then everything would come tumbling down. Poof! No more friend. I may be subjective in thinking that, though, since my experiences make me feel like I've been taken advantage of; and not in a good way. *wink* I've yet to come across someone who actually likes being swindled out of something, even choices.