Stuff

[Bookishleigh]

What are you supposed to be studying?

I'm vampire colored so I should always go for black.

Oh, I decided my Paralegal Studies certificate just wasn't enough and opted to finish my Bachelor's of Science in Criminal Justice. I won't be using it since I have no desire to actually work in criminal justice and quite enjoy working as a paralegal - it's just what I started my degree in years ago and it's far easier/faster to finish out my degree in the same field. I just want the stupid piece of paper saying I did it.

Well, I guess you'll just have to look for vampire gangs, should you decide gang life is for you.

 

[Recidiva]

Oh, I decided my Paralegal Studies certificate just wasn't enough and opted to finish my Bachelor's of Science in Criminal Justice. I won't be using it since I have no desire to actually work in criminal justice and quite enjoy working as a paralegal - it's just what I started my degree in years ago and it's far easier/faster to finish out my degree in the same field. I just want the stupid piece of paper saying I did it.

Well, I guess you'll just have to look for vampire gangs, should you decide gang life is for you.

Oh cool! I like knowledge for knowledge's sake.

I can see it now "So, can I try on the bloodlust and immortality, return it if I don't like it, or is it no backsies?"

 

[Bookishleigh]

Oh cool! I like knowledge for knowledge's sake.

I can see it now "So, can I try on the bloodlust and immortality, return it if I don't like it, or is it no backsies?"

That's me too - if someone would seriously just pay me to be in school full time I'd be a happy camper. My soon-to-be ex was worried I'd be pursue law school next, and it's something I'm considering.

How does a vampire gang initiate you in? Do you stake a rival gang member?

 

[Recidiva]

That's me too - if someone would seriously just pay me to be in school full time I'd be a happy camper. My soon-to-be ex was worried I'd be pursue law school next, and it's something I'm considering.

How does a vampire gang initiate you in? Do you stake a rival gang member?

As far as addictions go, knowledge is a good one. Yeah, textbooks and tuition are expensive, but it could be SO much worse.

I'm assuming it has to do with hotness factor? Smelling good? A note from the dentist?

I'm probably overthinking it.

 

[Recidiva]

Okay, this definitely belongs here.

I really don't even care if the underlying premise is fallacious. I just don't. I'm not even going to look it up.

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[Recidiva]

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[Bookishleigh]

Okay, this definitely belongs here.

I really don't even care if the underlying premise is fallacious. I just don't. I'm not even going to look it up.

And now I have Britney Spears' "Oops I Did It Again" in my head. Awesome. I feel like I need to go out and hit someone...one more time.

 

[Recidiva]

And now I have Britney Spears' "Oops I Did It Again" in my head. Awesome. I feel like I need to go out and hit someone...one more time.

I love their little spider faces!

It is better I suppose than the species where the female is the size of a mother ship and will eat you after mating.

Mates are friends, not food!

 

[Bookishleigh]

I love their little spider faces!

It is better I suppose than the species where the female is the size of a mother ship and will eat you after mating.

Mates are friends, not food!

I don't know...some mates are probably better off as food.

 

[Recidiva]

I don't know...some mates are probably better off as food.

And knowing the ways of criminal science can make it all work out in the end.

 

[Comshaw]

I don't know...some mates are probably better off as food.

That be true, but I think each of us has a different concept of what the definition of "eat" is, much like what the definition of is, is.


Comshaw.

 

[Recidiva]

That be true, but I think each of us has a different concept of what the definition of "eat" is, much like what the definition of is, is.


Comshaw.

Is is still is!

That's awkward, but true.

 

[Bookishleigh]

That be true, but I think each of us has a different concept of what the definition of "eat" is, much like what the definition of is, is.


Comshaw.

See, you're being all tricky with words - I'm just trying to be bitter

 

[Recidiva]

See, you're being all tricky with words - I'm just trying to be bitter

I just wanted to leave, I never wanted to actually eat them.

Maybe I missed an opportunity.

 

[Bookishleigh]

I just wanted to leave, I never wanted to actually eat them.

Maybe I missed an opportunity.

Oh, no...I never wanted to eat them either - I just meant they probably would have made better food than mates. Have I mentioned I'm a bit of an environmentalist? I'm all about composting....

I swear up there it was mentioned something about we don't eat our mates and that's how it got on this topic. I'm not into cannibalism. In fact, I rarely eat much red meat as it is...let alone people.

AND that one is going in my auto-biography, people.

 

[Recidiva]

Oh, no...I never wanted to eat them either - I just meant they probably would have made better food than mates. Have I mentioned I'm a bit of an environmentalist? I'm all about composting....

I swear up there it was mentioned something about we don't eat our mates and that's how it got on this topic. I'm not into cannibalism. In fact, I rarely eat much red meat as it is...let alone people.

AND that one is going in my auto-biography, people.

Today we learned about vampires and cannibalism.

Composting is important!

 

[Bookishleigh]

Today we learned about vampires and cannibalism.

Composting is important!

Really there is a cycle here if you think about it. Vampires and cannibals should compost. Circle of life, my friend.

 

[Recidiva]

Really there is a cycle here if you think about it. Vampires and cannibals should compost. Circle of life, my friend.

Just don't compost vampires. Potentially toxic if not a risk of turning into one if your heirloom tomatoes have absorbed the unspeakable evil.

 

[Bookishleigh]

Just don't compost vampires. Potentially toxic if not a risk of turning into one if your heirloom tomatoes have absorbed the unspeakable evil.

Speaking of unspeakable evil.....

Yeah, I got nothing.

 

[Magicscreen2]

Vampires or no, NOT composting is evil. All those organics gone to waste.

(You probably shouldn't compost vampires anyway. Medical waste, pet feces, anything that might not be broken down and could sneak back into the food stream shouldn't go into the compost pile. I'd incinerate vampires and spread their ashes on the fields. But no composting. No.)

 

[Jaystorme]

You can always rent a wood chipper, you can pretty much compost anything with one of those.

 

[Recidiva]

Speaking of unspeakable evil.....

Yeah, I got nothing.

Banter fail!

It happens to everyone.

 

[Recidiva]

Vampires or no, NOT composting is evil. All those organics gone to waste.

(You probably shouldn't compost vampires anyway. Medical waste, pet feces, anything that might not be broken down and could sneak back into the food stream shouldn't go into the compost pile. I'd incinerate vampires and spread their ashes on the fields. But no composting. No.)

Depending on which vampire canon we're dealing with, you might just be able to sweep up the ashes.

Still, that's concentrated ANGRY evil.

 

[Recidiva]

You can always rent a wood chipper, you can pretty much compost anything with one of those.

I hear they're also good for cannibalism in the sense that human tartare is easy.

 

[oggbashan]

Okay, this definitely belongs here.

I really don't even care if the underlying premise is fallacious. I just don't. I'm not even going to look it up.

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Which reminded me of a story I started some years ago:



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Copyright Oggbashan August 2004
The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.



The two lesbian spiders are perched on the picture rail in Og’s bedsitting room, resting after a frantic session of leg tangling.

“Ariadne?”

“Yes, Arachne?”

“I’m bored. Nothing happens here. Og sits for hours at his computer and ignores me when I scamper across his keyboard trying to communicate.”

“At least he didn’t squash you, Adne. He could have done.”

“He gave me a headache, Achne, banging his keyboard. I was tumbled about inside with all the fluff and coffee spills.”

“Anything interesting in there?”

“There was this tiny fly. Barely a taste. The rest was just rubbish. He ought to clean his keyboard more often.”

“Don’t say that, Adne. If he started cleaning he might suck us up into a vacuum cleaner. Who knows where we’d go? This is a nice place to be. There are enough insects to feed us and we have no worries…”

“Except that I’d like babies, Achne. I’m three months old. I’m getting past my best. We’ve got each other but…”

“We’ll find a male spider for you soon. Between us we could entangle him in our webs, wrap him in silk, you could ride him and then…”

“Lunch!” They shout together.

The door opens. The spiders duck back out of sight.

Og strides across the room and picks up the telephone, pressing a speed dial code.

“Lisa?”

Only Og’s side of the conversation is heard.

“You haven’t forgotten the dress rehearsal tonight? Shall I pick you up at seven thirty?

“OK. We’ll get a takeaway and then where?”

“Here? You’re sure? I’d be delighted. See you at seven thirty.”

Og puts the phone down and executes a stately pavane across the floor. He pulls out a suitcase from under the bed and extracts his Henry VIII costume, hanging it on a hook so that the creases drop out. He turns on the computer and logs into Literotica’s Author’s Hangout for an exchange of posts.

The spiders creep back to peer over the picture rail. They whisper to each other.

“Boring, isn’t it, Adne?”

“Yes. He spends hours like that. If he isn’t posting he’s writing stories. I like some of them but others, Ugh!”

“I think some of them are good, Adne.”

“You would. You have odd tastes sometimes. What you do with your legs sometimes shocks me. You seem to have no idea of what decent spiders should and shouldn’t do.”

“You enjoy it, Adne. Or at least you say you do.”

“Some of it is nice, Achne, but where you put your third and four legs… If anyone else knew, we’d be outcasts from arachnid society.”

“Don’t tell me – ‘Your mother wouldn’t like it’. She did, you know. She was a real goer in her time. A month ago you were ashamed of her. Last week you said you admired her unconventional behaviour. I admit I was shocked when she let that garden spider mount her. He was SO big.”

“She ate him, though, didn’t she? Just like all the other males.”

“She did eat him but it took her a week.”

“My mother is a game old bird, Achne. She’s over six months old now and still producing babies by the hundred.”

“Look, Adne. He’s logged off and is going to change.”

“Gross, isn’t it? He’s enormous. He’s much bigger than any of the human females we see. How they could eat him I don’t know.”

“I don’t think human females eat their males, Adne. Some of Og’s stories refer to males eating females…”

“Don’t make me vomit, Achne. The idea!”

“I don’t think he means ‘eating’ as we mean it. Perhaps we’ll see what happens tonight. It sounds as if Lisa is coming here.”

“He’s going, Achne. Time for us to explore and see what we can find to eat.”

“He’ll be gone for hours, Adne. We’ve got time for some more legging first.”

“Ooo-eer! Where did that leg come from? Oh, Achne…”

The two entwined spiders slip back out of sight.