Strangest thing you’ve masturbated with…

I sometimes do it listening or watching things we've made with friends over the year. Sort of like edging for me. Sitting on the edge of my chair legs spread wide with a towel on the floor. You just have to be in the mood it's not easy.

I did do it when I was naked blindfolded and tied to a chair listening to my friend and wife on the bed right in front of me.
 
When I was quite young I had a fish tank. The air pump was basically a vibrating arm attached to a diaphragm which would pump air. I would hold it against my dick which felt good but not enough to get me off so I took off the base plate exposing the mechanism. I would stick my dick in so it beat directly against my dick. I usually came before it burnt me since it did get kinda hot.
 
3. This is similar to 2. but with a high pressure patio cleaner. The high pressure hose on such a device vibrates incredibly intensely if you pull it fairly taut. You can then coil it and hold it against your bits in a totally natural-looking way with one hand, while you shoot the water trigger with the other hand. It makes me cum quicker than a leaf blower, which is something most people never get to say.
Oh my
You're my hero
💋
 
I tried to fuck an aloe leaf a few days ago. The aloe felt really good, slippery, slimey, dripped all over me, but getting the leaf to where you can "fuck" it was a passion. As you can imagine, there's no rebound to it, so once you make a hole big enough, you're just thrusting into a hole with no stretch/resistance it. Kinda a waste of time and effort, had to force my orgasm. Would I do it again? If I'm absolutely bored out of my mind, maybe. But I really like simple situations, meaning best bang for my buck, easy cleanup. Stepdaughter's worn panties do it best.
 
I have a shower jet attachment I like to use on my cock and balls and ass. Its so hot to use it on my shaft when soft. I can feel the jet moving my shaft from side to side as I slowly grow hard.
I introduced a young lady to the pleasures of the hand-held shower head. I soaped up her back, then reached around and washed her breasts, then moved my hand down and soaped up her pussy. Of course then the soap had to be rinsed off. When the stream reached her clit she gasped and gave me a wide-eyed look that said, "Oh...my...fucking....GODDDDD". By the time we were done she was so weak-kneed that I had my arm around her back supporting half of her weight.

Later in our relationship she learned how to have the jet on a hot tub on her clit while I fucked her from behind. Again... weak-kneed.
 
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