Strange Man Interested in CBT, SPH, public humiliation or embarrassment maybe cuckholding

[HeartandCockFailure]

Hello, I'm a man nearing 50 trying to figure myself out, in the past I was more kinky or at least thought I was, there's youthful ideals and youthful fear, sometimes the fear stops you. But as my life situation has changed I'm over coming my fear, but not fully understanding my desires. I'm looking to discuss and explore with someone, much preferably female (although if just discussion), somewhat preferably interested in both online and inperson, maybe I could plan a vacation (if you're not local). I have experience with CBT, and have great interest there, although my experience is mainly self-inflicted. An ex used to make sly, off comments about my cock and while it didn't fully register with me at the time, I found these very sexually exciting. I also now realize that I used be more of an exhibitionist showing off and seeking attention for my 'embarrassing' actions. Also my ex was in cucking, we never did it, but after we broke up it seemed like a missed opportunity.

So looking for friends or more.