Straight men/straight women

[mistressastra]

Do you think men and women can just be friends? I love watching shows and films with 2 people, partners, co-workers, that are friends to the nth degree, without sex being an issue. I hate when they inject sex in because what, we all expect it? For example, I believe Mulder and Scully would die to protect each other, but the strength of that friendship was better before they slept together.

So can we be friends without having to fuck too?

 

[AzureAngel]

I believe so.

 

[mistressastra]

To Azure:

So do you have any female friends that you do not "know" (bliblical reference)?

 

[Juspar Emvan]

I never 'knew' any of my girl friends. But I'd do scully.

 

[alexandraaah]

Absolutely. I have two "best" friends, one is a man.

 

[penguindance]

 

[fanzee1]

ah yes, the "When Harry Met Sally" question

this is something i want to believe so badly. Problem is, my experiences are repeatedly telling me that it's not true, at least not in my case, or in the case of anyone i know. If a hetero man and woman enjoy each other's company and spend a ton of time together, sexual attraction will occur. Once that happens, it's going to be an issue, whether anyone ever talks about it or not.

And if the attraction isn't mutual, then one party is going to end up in serious pain for a long time.

I would love to be more optimistic about this but i have no evidence to support a rosy outlook.

Sorry.

 

[*~sekzee1~*]

I have alot of male friends with whom i have no sexual feelings for... but then again for some reason i tend to open up to men more then women...not to say i dont have female friends.....i do..just im not into the whole girly convo all the time

 

[mistressastra]

I agree, fantzy. I like hanging with the gals, but relate better to men. I always felt they had the coolest toys, the best jobs, etc... And a gay man doesn't have the same insight a straight man does. I am currently trying to cultivate a friendship with a co-worker with whom I have alot in common, a guy, only 27. Not attracted to him, just want to have a movie buddy, a work-lunch buddy. Maybe age would make the friendship thingie easier to obtain and keep?

 

[fanzee1]

I have alot of male friends with whom i have no sexual feelings for... but then again for some reason i tend to open up to men more then women...not to say i dont have female friends.....i do..just im not into the whole girly convo all the time

hmmm, how can i put this: unless they find you physically repulsive, and i highly doubt that's the case, i guarantee you they have sexual feelings for you. I'm not saying they're going to jump you one night but spending lots of time around an attractive woman without having sexual feelings toward her is not something guys do, IMO. Any other guys out there disagree?

 

[penguindance]

 

[badasschick]

Sure, who do you think I drink beer and watch porn with?

 

[mentobex]

It's hard, but it can be done. I was friends with my last girlfriend for almost a year before we actually dated. I had feelings for her, but I never told her about them; turns out she had feelings for me too but didn't speak up either. Once she confessed her feelings to me, we dated off an on several times, but she finally broke it off. Now we're barely even friends... I haven't talked to her in weeks, though I used to talk to her every night. In short, taking our relationship to a higher level only served to screw things up; it's much better to stay friends.

 

[penguindance]

 

[fanzee1]

I have run into that problem, too. But I think that if it is made clear that you love and adore them, but are not sexually into them, that they can probably get over it and be your friend.
I wonder if being in a committed relationship helps that? I mean... a friend probably isn't going to try to get his married friend into bed....is he?

i'm not saying they'll try to get you into bed. Nothing like that. I just think that they are certainly sexually attracted to you and that, at some point, that attraction will hinder intimacy and lead to the friendship growing cold, gradually or abruptly (i have experienced both).

Again, this is based on what i have seen and done. Would love to hear someone tell me they're straight and have been best friends w/a member of the opposite sex for 20 years without either's sexual attraction becoming a problem. Usually, it's the guy. We're the ones programmed from day one to go after it.

 

[fanzee1]

It's hard, but it can be done. I was friends with my last girlfriend for almost a year before we actually dated. I had feelings for her, but I never told her about them; turns out she had feelings for me too but didn't speak up either. Once she confessed her feelings to me, we dated off an on several times, but she finally broke it off. Now we're barely even friends... I haven't talked to her in weeks, though I used to talk to her every night. In short, taking our relationship to a higher level only served to screw things up; it's much better to stay friends.

OK but how do you remain "just friends" once you catch feelings for each other. Holding back romantic feelings absolutely sux. I did that for a looooong time once, all in the name of "protecting the friendship" and damn near gave myself an ulcer. Once those feelings are there, they need to be acted upon or they cause pain. Especially, if you're around the person all the time.

 

[*~sekzee1~*]

hmmm, how can i put this: unless they find you physically repulsive, and i highly doubt that's the case, i guarantee you they have sexual feelings for you. I'm not saying they're going to jump you one night but spending lots of time around an attractive woman without having sexual feelings toward her is not something guys do, IMO. Any other guys out there disagree?

well..i know im not gargoyle material but i am average in the looks department...thats to say that i dont think of myseklf as attractive but others think i am Guys think differently to us i guess...where as we see them as a buddy for movie watching, lunch buddies or just a friend to have a beer with, guys may see us as that girl they cant have. Where as alot of girls think i am nuts to love going to the pub with my partner & his mates....i lvoe it!!! they have alot iof fun that some woman just dont want to have or dont know how to have *shrugs* each to their own i guess

 

[fanzee1]

well..i know im not gargoyle material but i am average in the looks department...thats to say that i dont think of myseklf as attractive but others think i am Guys think differently to us i guess...where as we see them as a buddy for movie watching, lunch buddies or just a friend to have a beer with, guys may see us as that girl they cant have. Where as alot of girls think i am nuts to love going to the pub with my partner & his mates....i lvoe it!!! they have alot iof fun that some woman just dont want to have or dont know how to have *shrugs* each to their own i guess

if it's working for you all, i think that's fantastic, inspirational even (believe me, i'm not being sarcastic). Just don't be surprised if one day, one of them finally admits he's in love or lust with you. And if, at some point, one of those guys becomes distant, consider that this may be the reason why.

 

[AzureAngel]

Re: To Azure:

So do you have any female friends that you do not "know" (bliblical reference)?

Yes.

 

[mistressastra]

To Azure:

LOL man of many words. *hug*

 

[His_kitty]

I have more male friends than women friends ....

So yes, I do believe we can have friendships with the opposite sex, without fucking.


I believe that male/female friendships offer a lot to each other, not only do are we able to gain some insight into the other sexes thinking, but there isn't that silly *competition* thing going on that unfortunately happens far to often with same sex friendships.

I love my male buddies, but I'd love to develop more women friendships.