Story: Whores In Space

[Shendude]

My new story, which is about, well, exactly what the title says: http://www.chyoo.com/index.php/main.story.page/149049

Comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome.

 

[Torg]

I have to say that your intro surprised me. It was not the trite boring story I thought it would be. Thanks for taking a more intelligent approach to porn.

 

[Shendude]

I have to say that your intro surprised me. It was not the trite boring story I thought it would be. Thanks for taking a more intelligent approach to porn.

Thank you. Now all I have to do is figure out how to keep that level of quality going forward.

BTW, may I ask why you expected the story to be trite and boring? The title? The synopsis? My previous stories?

 

[Torg]

Thank you. Now all I have to do is figure out how to keep that level of quality going forward.

BTW, may I ask why you expected the story to be trite and boring? The title? The synopsis? My previous stories?

The title mostly. The first threads use of future and setting up the memory of the memoir was unexpectedly literary. No the usual CHYOO fare.

 

[Gunde]

Read the intro earlier, it looked good, I guess, but it's probably going to fade into obscurity unless you spent a lot of time actually developing it.

On a side-note, you mentioned in your Porn Disney thread that your stories have performed abysmally. This is most likely due to two reasons:
1. For a pretty long time now, someone has been going through all new CHYOO stories, giving all the threads in them 1-ratings.
2. With a few exceptions, a new story doesn't magically become popular without a lot of effort from its creator. You actually have to continue working on them, keeping them on the front-page, and preferably introducing yourself to other writers by adding to their threads or their stories. To be blunt, most of your stories appear to have been abandoned.

Edit: Oh, and there is no obvious link to this forum from CHYOO, so posting threads on this forum is probably pretty useless.

 

[Shendude]

Read the intro earlier, it looked good, I guess, but it's probably going to fade into obscurity unless you spent a lot of time actually developing it.

SNIP

2. With a few exceptions, a new story doesn't magically become popular without a lot of effort from its creator. You actually have to continue working on them, keeping them on the front-page, and preferably introducing yourself to other writers by adding to their threads or their stories. To be blunt, most of your stories appear to have been abandoned.

Yeah, I'm very good with premises, not so good at follow-up. I am (very slowly) working on the problem.

Which is why I'm asking for suggestions.

Edit: Oh, and there is no obvious link to this forum from CHYOO, so posting threads on this forum is probably pretty useless.

Yeah, why is that?

 

[Gunde]

Yeah, I'm very good with premises, not so good at follow-up. I am (very slowly) working on the problem.

Which is why I'm asking for suggestions.

And you're probably not going that many, particularly not for this story. There's a premise, sure, but no real framework or point of references.

Yeah, why is that?

Because there's nobody who can update CHYOO's frontpage.

 

[Shendude]

And you're probably not going that many, particularly not for this story. There's a premise, sure, but no real framework or point of references.

Cogent point. Obviously, I didn't do as good a job with the exposition as I'd thought.

Perhaps I'll flip over to one of the other Earth Whores for more exposition before transitioning to flashbacks?

Speaking of which, I'm a bit nervous about trying to get into a Latina crack whore's head.

Because there's nobody who can update CHYOO's frontpage.

Ah. Izzat why it still has the the thing about CHYOO 3.0 coming soon from '06?

 

[Gunde]

Cogent point. Obviously, I didn't do as good a job with the exposition as I'd thought.

Perhaps I'll flip over to one of the other Earth Whores for more exposition before transitioning to flashbacks?

Speaking of which, I'm a bit nervous about trying to get into a Latina crack whore's head.

Good or not, it's still relatively short.
Oh, and "And now that he wasn't gone, she didn't know how she'd manage." ?

And honestly, I'm more concerned with how you're going to handle her first coupling with aliens without it turning into a horror story.

Ah. Izzat why it still has the the thing about CHYOO 3.0 coming soon from '06?

Yep.

 

[Shendude]

Good or not, it's still relatively short.
Oh, and "And now that he wasn't gone, she didn't know how she'd manage." ?

Dman it, I thought I'd corrected that. Well, I have now.

And honestly, I'm more concerned with how you're going to handle her first coupling with aliens without it turning into a horror story.

I was figuring on having her first be fairly humanoid, a few months after the inital abduction so she was used to aliens.

 

[Gunde]

I was figuring on having her first be fairly humanoid, a few months after the inital abduction so she was used to aliens.

How are you going to handle her development into a state of mind where she's capable of handling that? You've already implied how she changed physically as a result of her new surroundings and the advanced medical technology, but what about her mental state? How will it have been effected by her having a much more benevolent pimp and a much more secure, drug-free life?

 

[Shendude]

How are you going to handle her development into a state of mind where she's capable of handling that? You've already implied how she changed physically as a result of her new surroundings and the advanced medical technology, but what about her mental state? How will it have been effected by her having a much more benevolent pimp and a much more secure, drug-free life?

That's a seperate question, to which I've already given some thought.

Do you have any suggestions vis a vis presenting "frameworks or point of references"?

 

[Gunde]

That's a seperate question, to which I've already given some thought.

Do you have any suggestions vis a vis presenting "frameworks or point of references"?

I'd argue that they're closely related.

Nothing more specific than that you should show, rather than tell. Things that you might want to deal with is how does the main character interact with her clients, and what sort of relationship does the earth whores have to each other?