Stepping up from roleplay ... A question for the dominants

[ElfKitten]

Forgive me if this is a subject that has been discussed previously.

I have involved a BDSM and Dom(me)/sub slant to most of my relationships (both real life and virtual) to varying degrees; and on both sides of the domination/subservient sides of the fence. But for the first time someone has asked me about becoming an online Domme and carrying the online instruction into real life. I'm not afraid to admit the idea is daunting and more than a little intriguing. I am always extremely aware of the responsibilities I have towards the sub and would appreciate greatly any advice from other Dom/mes on how I should conduct myself, how to make sure limits are established. I rely so much on looking at someone's facial expressions in real life... How can I know if I have indeed gone too far? Part of the fun is to expand boundaries but always hear the mantra "safe, sane, consensual" in my brain and my goal is always to rule by love than fear (I know that would disappoint a few subs lol). I really really do not want advice from subs. I will highly unlikely to respond to those messages.

Thank you to those who read and respond, hello to those who just read... And to the person that kick started this question thank you for getting me into research mode!

 

[CutieMouse]

One establishes limits by deciding what they will be, and enforcing them. (By the way, dominants and submissives are both allowed limits. It's just as acceptable for you to refuse XYZ activity because you dislike it/are disinterested (or disgusted by it), as the submissive party.)

You could use a BDSM checklist (multitudes online) to determine limits, or simply choose your own based upon your own interests and those of your submissive partner.

Re: facial expression as measure; if your D/s is to be done via online exploration, you might look into Skype programs or FaceTime. If it extends beyond time in front of the computer, I'm afraid you'll simply have to trust one another's ability to proceed with common sense. First do no harm... If an order puts a submissive in a risky situation (emotionally, financially, physically), it isn't "un-submissive" to independently alter or otherwise abandon the instructions of an online dominant.

How to accomplish the above without "going too far"? Maturity, open communication and trust.