Starting Over or Just Getting Started

[cellis]

Many of you know me, I have been around for a long time... the prehistoric time before the actually BDSM forum. I found the people to be a tremendous help to me almost five years ago when I started on this journey. I lurked for over 6 months before I ever posted on any thread at Lit.

I find myself today starting over. I thought I would start a thread specifically about getting started in a real life relationship. I know there have been other threads about this topic, but there are so many new people who have come to Lit, I think it would be helpful to open a new discussion.

It is difficult starting over and trying to meet someone you can relate to and trust and be open with. I have changed my approach this time around. Before I was more open and willing to accept some things that today are no longer acceptable. I also have a better feeling of what I am looking for today and what I want my in PLY.

 

[Vixandra]

Best of luck in your search, Cellis.

Not starting over, just plain starting myself, but I can sympathise and understand at least some of what you're looking at.

 

[roosterado9]

I think I started emergence 2 days ago. I had a date with a sub I just met[we went walking,talking thats its]I am not the same LOL

 

[amasterfound]

I am doing BOTH! Starting over in a new relationship and just starting into the BDSM lifestyle. It is a both hard and intriguing journey.

 

[cellis]

Best of luck in your search, Cellis.

Not starting over, just plain starting myself, but I can sympathise and understand at least some of what you're looking at.

That is why I wanted to start the thread so there could be an area for discussion about issues and such.

 

[cellis]

I think I started emergence 2 days ago. I had a date with a sub I just met[we went walking,talking thats its]I am not the same LOL

Wonderful. Taking some kind of action is always a good start.

 

[roosterado9]

I am 49 ? wondering if this is me Is the Pretty sub I met my reason Yes Have I been turned on the the sexual aspect of submissive woman Only for about 25 yrs LOL

 

[cellis]

I am doing BOTH! Starting over in a new relationship and just starting into the BDSM lifestyle. It is a both hard and intriguing journey.

Good luck and feel free to post and let us know how things progress.

 

[cellis]

I am 49 ? wondering if this is me Is the Pretty sub I met my reason Yes Have I been turned on the the sexual aspect of submissive woman Only for about 25 yrs LOL

LOL several of us are in the same age group around here.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'll let the reeeal submissive/slave authorities weigh in with their opinions and advice on this topic.

I just came to say hello to you. And about that phone call...

 

[roosterado9]

Desert Rose Your picture is Gracefully Classy

 

[A Desert Rose]

Desert Rose Your picture is Gracefully Classy

Thank you. You are too kind. ;-)

 

[amasterfound]

well it has been both scary and exciting. Scary because I am afraid to give up control. Eciting because I like the freedom that letting go of the control gives you! I am new to the RL scene and so is my Master!

 

[Lorihw]

Removed by OP

 

[cellis]

I'll let the reeeal submissive/slave authorities weigh in with their opinions and advice on this topic.

I just came to say hello to you. And about that phone call...

Perhaps we could have Shadowsdream weigh in about "real" submissives where you are concerned. I am certain she would have something to say on that topic.


I will call... my turn for the dime... Just let me know the time,

 

[cellis]

So I'm definitely a newbie but have been reading for I'd say 6 months. Here's my question. How do you know on line if someone is for real or just a net geek (I read an article I think Shy Slave posted recently.) Is there a normal progression?

Here's the specific situation. I've been chatting on line with a Dom. One of the first conversations we had was about limits, etc... Basically he told me I'd need a lot of training but I should let him know if I am interested in starting. I haven't met him in person. He has been sending me assignments via email (write a story about our first meeting, dress up in the clothing from your story and take pics, update him daily on my day.) Is this normal or are all the red flags that I am feeling a good warning sign for me?

Thanks in advance!! You all seem so welcoming and honest. It is wonderful.

I encourage you to listen to what your head is telling you. Does it feel "right" to you? You are the only one that can answer that question.

 

[cellis]

Lori brings up a good point in her post... How can you tell if the Dom you are dealing with is just a player or the real thing.

These are some red flags for me...

If the Dom wants a "discreet" relationship is certainly a flag raiser for me.

If the Dom just wants to chat on line and never wants to have phone contact or set up a meeting is also a flag raiser for me.

I try to steer clear of sending personal photos until I am certain that I am going to me said Dom.

For me this is about real life and that means touching and tasting and feeling the sensations. I want to meet the Dom in person. I want to develop a relationship with substance. I am not saying you cannot do that on line. I am saying that on line will not work for me.

 

[navarre]

Good to see you cellis.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I too find myself starting over this week. Hmmm, something in the water? I hate it and I'm grumpy that I have to go thru the whole process again....

 

[BlueBanshee]

When you find yourself starting over is there anything in particular you do to keep that needing-to-be-gentled feeling at bay? Something to keep your head clear so that when you're looking to find a new PYL you don't get bogged down in that hungry edge and end up compromising?

 

[cellis]

Good to see you cellis.

Thank you Navarre.... It is good to see you here, too.

 

[cellis]

I too find myself starting over this week. Hmmm, something in the water? I hate it and I'm grumpy that I have to go thru the whole process again....

I know the feeling. I wish you good luck. Maybe you can share some of the things that you are doing to get back in the groove.

 

[cellis]

When you find yourself starting over is there anything in particular you do to keep that needing-to-be-gentled feeling at bay? Something to keep your head clear so that when you're looking to find a new PYL you don't get bogged down in that hungry edge and end up compromising?

Ah... That is a good question BlueBanshee. I hope others will join in the discussion.

I make a list of what I want. When I talk to a prospective new Dom, I try to listen to what is not being said as well as what they say.

I don't play on line with someone I am getting to know. They might be a Dom, but they are not my Dom.


Oh and you might try masturbating just to take the edge off things....

 

[roosterado9]

What are I mean are there seminars of Classes ? in Minnesota about starting out? How do you start to met people? I met a sub ,but she wants her space now

 

[cellis]

What are I mean are there seminars of Classes ? in Minnesota about starting out? How do you start to met people? I met a sub ,but she wants her space now

Actually, yes. Some groups have classes or seminars. In Houston we have a couple of groups. One meets every Saturday for a class. Another group in town meets once a month and generally has a demo several times a year.

Check your location for a munch or meeting. It is one of the best ways to get started.