Spartacus: Blood and Silliness. A Review

[3113]

So Starz network has put out a new version of Spartacus: Spartacus: Blood and Sand.
Alternate title: "I Didn't Know there were Boob Jobs in Ancient Room!"
Alternate, Alternate title: "Is Frank Miller Gonna Sue?"

If you've seen "300," HBO's "Rome," "Troy," and/or "Gladiator"....you've seen SBS. In fact, it's such a rip-off of "300" in style, look and such, that I really do wonder if Frank Miller's gonna sue.

So why should you watch it? For the acting? Sorry no. Your local High School play is going to have acting that looks like the Royal Shakespeare Company by compare. Actually, make that an elementary school play. The acting is worse than juvenile. Historical accuracy? http://bestsmileys.com/lol/1.gif Um...why yes, it could be a good history lesson (NOT!) (I can see VM and other history scholars here raising swords to their history books and saying, "We who are about to die, salute you!" as they go into battle with it). Originality? (see above). The story? ...go back to that high school. You see that 14 year old kid sitting alone over there writing up his graphic novel...no, not the smart one, the creepy one. Yeah. that guy. The one who, as an adult, will be leaving dumbest comments you ever got on your lit stories.

That's the guy who wrote it.

So. Should you watch this? Well. There are two things that make it worth a gander: (1) Naked/Near-Naked women (I knew the ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans had amazing medical techniques, but boob jobs?) and naked/near-naked men (can't have too much beefcake!). (2) Buckets of blood splashing out in slow motion. This show excels at presenting artfully splashed blood. Jackson Pollack would be proud.

Let me put it this way: remember that scene in Monty Python's Holy Grail with the black knight? That's what this show is channeling. And that does make it worth a look. As limbs go flying off and blood fountains, you will laugh your ass off. I certainly did. Enjoy!

 

[cloudy]

I don't remember a damn thing about the plot from the first episode except that he was captured by Romans, and then killed six or seven of them in the gladiator ring....but I sure as hell remember that body he had.

 

[TE999]

There are only flesh wounds in this epic I presume.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

There are only flesh wounds in this epic I presume.

Well, it's hard to depict realistic wounds on marble and concrete!

 

[3113]

There are only flesh wounds in this epic I presume.

But of course! My favorite "flesh wound" in episode one was the guy who gets both legs looped off in the arena. He goes crawling off. Assuming one could get over the shock and blood loss of such damage to crawl away, one wonders where he thought he was crawling to? It's a gladiatorial arena, there aren't many places to hide. Maybe he left the oven on?

Oh, and the show has the chutzbah to warn at the beginning that the language, sex and gore is all an attempt to realistically depict what it was like back then. Uh-huh. You know what that is, that's STARZ saying to all the guys, "Just tell your wife the show's being historically accurate--"

Yeah. Right. It's all for educational purposes.

 

[3113]

This week on Gratuitous...

Plenty of breasts, including a half naked Lucy Lawness. AND, full frontal hairless male nudity (whoo-hoo!). A reprise of last weeks blood bath (still hilarious).

Oh and lots of dreadful dialogue and terrible acting. And a very silly semi-bdsm montage sequence of hard and tough gladiator training.

 

[lil_elvis]

Comic book violence, soft porn and bad acting...a cult following will develop after the show is cancelled

 

[Verdad]

Comic book violence, soft porn and bad acting...a cult following will develop after the show is cancelled

LOL, that sounds about right.

But, are there any evil drag queens in this one? That was the best part in 300, after all.

 

[3113]

Comic book violence, soft porn

You've just insulted comic books and soft porn. Take it back!

But, are there any evil drag queens in this one?

As a matter of fact there's an effeminate gay bookie with a gimpy leg. It has the same leatherman's prejudice that 300 did against anything that doesn't hit the Tom of Finland watermark

 

[ketalia]

I found it, um, enjoyable in the eye candy sort of way. Too much blood though.

 

[marie_julie_200]

The first episode was one of the worst pilots in recorded history, however I've just finished watching the episode that originally aired on the 26th of February and I must say that it has improved dramatically over time. After the first, laughable episode, it gets a lot better (or I just used to the way in which they spin the plot to be able to show off sex every few minutes).

I'm pretty sure they signed for a second season already, though I could be wrong. I'm definitely following this for now.

 

[3113]

Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.

it gets a lot better (or I just used to the way in which they spin the plot to be able to show off sex every few minutes).

Better? http://bestsmileys.com/lol/14.gif With lines like "The ladies will moisten to see him!"

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/7.gif

This show hasn't improved much at all in regards to story, acting or dialogue. But hey, I ain't complaining. It knows what it is, and it is unapologetic about it: muscled naked or near naked men fight each other in homoerotic fashion with cool, ancient Roman gear. They get stabbed, sliced, and hack off limbs. Blood fountains and bathes the viewers, and in-between, women run around topless and there's lots of soft-core sex.

Ridiculous plot lines that lead to such gratuitous violence thread these scenes together. Quite marvelous. You don't have to excuse the fact that you like it by trying to convince us that it's the "articles" you're interested in (and that they've gotten better) and not the dirty pictures.

 

[marie_julie_200]

Well it was worth a try.

 

[bronzeage]

It's a strange choice of title. "Blood and Sand" is the title of a bullfighting movie that has been remade 3 times. The first was in 1922 and the last in 1989.

 

[3113]

It's a strange choice of title. "Blood and Sand" is the title of a bullfighting movie that has been remade 3 times. The first was in 1922 and the last in 1989.

Um, well, I imagine that bullfighting IS descended from gladiatorial games (Spain was occupied by Rome for quite a while there), but that just makes this show really deep and layered doesn't it? Men as bulls and bullfighters--masculine nature against masculine nature...with women flashing their breasts to keep things interesting.

Very complex, historical and intellectual.