Soul Mates

[Eilan]

I was thinking about this after reading the one of the threads on the HT Board (you probably know which one I'm talking about).

How do you define a soul mate?

Do you think it's possible to have more than one soul mate?

Discuss.







(I'll post later; I have to think about this one.)

 

[CountryBoy20]

I consider a "soul mate" as one whom is perfect for someone. Almost as one whom you can share your soul with, your deepest thoughts, dreams, and passions. Complete uninhibited trust. As for two soul mates? well I'm trying to figure out if even one exists right now.

 

[EJFan]

personally, i can't grasp the idea of a "soul mate" because it forces me to think that there's one perfect person for everyone... and then the math doesn't work out.

seriously though... i don't accept it because, for me, it'd make me think that as soon as there was any amount of discontentment in a relationship it'd indicate that i'm not with the right person... that she's not my soul mate... and i should leave and go look 'round again.

 

[muddpuppy]

If i were to believe in my definition of a soulmate that means i would have to believe in fate, i dont believe my life is prewritten. Does that make any sense?

I do have another question somewhat on topic to throw your way...
Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time???

 

[Eilan]

Okay, I've given this a little thought. . .

I'm not sure that I would confine the term "soul mate" to the partners in a romantic relationship. I think it could be applied to friends/family members as well, not that I have any family members who fit into this category.

My idea of a soul mate as someone who "gets" me, if that makes any sense. It's the person who finishes my sentences. It's the person who knows me every bit as well as I know myself.

People can love each other without being soul mates. Similarly, people can think they've found their soul mate when they really haven't.

I'd like to think it's possible to have more than one soul mate. The idea that there's only one person out there that you may or may not ever find is too disheartening.

 

[Eilan]

i dont believe my life is prewritten. Does that make any sense?

It makes perfect sense.

I do have another question somewhat on topic to throw your way...
Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time???

I don't know that it's possible for ME, but I won't say that it's impossible for others.

 

[AngelicAnguish]

This one got me thinking because I've always considered my SO my soul mate but another close friend my life mate. The difference not so much so between the two other than with my soul mate there is a relationship there, a bond and a willingness to share our souls with one another. With the life mate, we will be appart of one anothers lives forever though the degree of the relationship will change and alter through the course of things. The soul mate completes me, the life mate is a part of me. Neither would really need to be sexual, though that aspect of it can come naturally also.

Do I believe in the fact there is only one soul mate, no, I think that can vary depending on where you are at in your life. I do believe there are limited life mates though, someone who is a part of your life but not in the SO or Family position. Friends tend to come and go, to me a life mate is more than a good friend, more than family... someone that for some reason is tied to you.

Hard to explain, hope it made some sense.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Okay, I've given this a little thought. . .

I'm not sure that I would confine the term "soul mate" to the partners in a romantic relationship. I think it could be applied to friends/family members as well, not that I have any family members who fit into this category.

My idea of a soul mate as someone who "gets" me, if that makes any sense. It's the person who finishes my sentences. It's the person who knows me every bit as well as I know myself.

People can love each other without being soul mates. Similarly, people can think they've found their soul mate when they really haven't.

I'd like to think it's possible to have more than one soul mate. The idea that there's only one person out there that you may or may not ever find is too disheartening.

I like this definition - it feels right. Someone who really gets you, and vice versa.

I totally believe there are plenty of soul mates out there. I have a friend (guy) from college, another friend (girl) I grew up with, and my sister. There are probably others I haven't met yet!

I do have another question somewhat on topic to throw your way...
Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time???

Absolutely. 'In love' is a state of mind. If you think you're in love, you are. Love, on the other hand, isn't about thoughts. It just is. You can love two people at the same time, too, each in their own way, but equally well.

 

[SweetErika]

I was thinking about this after reading the one of the threads on the HT Board (you probably know which one I'm talking about).

How do you define a soul mate?

Do you think it's possible to have more than one soul mate?

I believe some people match better than others, sometimes so perfectly that they form an unbreakable bond. If you want to call them soulmates, that's fine, but I don't subscribe to the concept that there's one (or even just a few) perfect people out there for you. That's just too depressing...what if my husband's not really my soulmate? What if he is, but he dies young? It would seem I'd be sentenced to a life of less than full happiness if I believed in "the one."

I do have another question somewhat on topic to throw your way...
Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time???

For me, yes, and I'd venture to say it's possible to be in love with more than two, though logistics can get difficult. It's odd because I never would have given that answer a year ago, but I've come to believe you can get different things from different people (just as you do from your spouse, friends, and family), and relationships can be symbiotic (in either a positive or negative way). I don't think this is true for everyone (in fact, my husband doesn't feel it's right for him), but it feels natural to me and is working well for us.

 

[silverwhisper]

yes, i subscribe to the idea of soulmates. yes, i've found mine.

i disagree that it necessarily requires a belief in fate or predestination as an adjunct, however. why is it so extraordinary that on a planet of 6 billion+ people, there are 2 who are so perfectly complementary in personality that they're an ideal fit? so similar in tastes to make things easy, but not identical, thereby making the differences interesting? so alike in spirit that they can flow together as water down the mountain, yet different enough at times to form eddies and swirls in the river of life?

yes, i believe in soulmates. and for that belief, my life has been enriched beyond measure.

ed

 

[SweetErika]

yes, i subscribe to the idea of soulmates. yes, i've found mine.

i disagree that it necessarily requires a belief in fate or predestination as an adjunct, however. why is it so extraordinary that on a planet of 6 billion+ people, there are 2 who are so perfectly complementary in personality that they're an ideal fit? so similar in tastes to make things easy, but not identical, thereby making the differences interesting? so alike in spirit that they can flow together as water down the mountain, yet different enough at times to form eddies and swirls in the river of life?

yes, i believe in soulmates. and for that belief, my life has been enriched beyond measure.

ed

Well said, Ed, and I certainly agree with the idea of people being a (near) perfect fit. So do you believe in one soulmate, or can there be more than one? Does everyone have one?

I'm not sure if you are able to or want to answer this, but I'll give it a shot because I find it fascinating: You said you're of Asian descent, and your wife's Chinese (I think?)...is the concept of soulmates cross-cultural at all?

Q for all: As Eilan said, we hear this term used frequently here, often by younger people. Assuming you believe in soulmates/almost-to-perfect matches, etc., how do you know when you've found one?

 

[FriskyVagina]

This is my personal opinion only: I think soul mates are like the Easter Bunny.

 

[silverwhisper]

well said, ed, and i certainly agree with the idea of people being a (near) perfect fit. so do you believe in one soulmate, or can there be more than one? does everyone have one?

thanks, erika. i believe that people change over time. therefore, my belief is that people can be soulmates at [x] point in their lives but not necessarily at [y] point. the goal therefore is to try to weather the changes in life together to ensure that there isn't much divergence.

i'm not sure if you are able to or want to answer this, but i'll give it a shot because I find it fascinating: you said you're of asian descent, and your wife's chinese (i think?)...is the concept of soulmates cross-cultural at all?

funny, i don't recall saying that except once, very early on...either my memory is even worse than i thought or you've got a particularly good memory. :> sorry to disappoint, but while i'm of korean descent, my wife's family is almost exclusively german. my family immigrated 3 years prior to my existence; hers has been here for a number of generations. therefore, i'm afraid i can shed no light on the universality of this concept. :>

as eilan said, we hear this term used frequently here, often by younger people. assuming you believe in soulmates/almost-to-perfect matches, etc., how do you know when you've found one?

i don't know what constitutes "younger people": i'm 34. :> to me however, it's rather a lot like asking "how do you know when you're in love"? at some point, a confluence of information forms the conclusion in a form of alchemy.

ed

 

[emap]

Actually you never really know, as silver said people evolve over time so it's very possible to have a different soulmate day to day.

My guy disagree's with this however, as he puts it, a soulmate is someone who you can never let go, you can never stop talking to, and you are always thinking about. I swear he won't stop talking.

He's going on to say that a soulmate is also someone you trust completely, and totally, you listen to everything they say and usually do it. This is usually not a lover or spouse, but can be.

Excuse me, I have to go jump someone's bones, he just said I'm his soulmate.

 

[SlyKitten]

This is my personal opinion only: I think soul mates are like the Easter Bunny.

LOL
Loved your poem btw

I almost completely agree with you. I don't believe in a soul mate or the prince charming or that a woman needs a man to be complete, or that a person needs another one to be complete, so when I hear 'my other half' (or worse, 'my better half'!) I just don't understand.

For the sake of the argument, I'll say a soul mate is a very good friend. Someone you relate to, someone who relates to you. I could quote SweetErika's entire post here and say 'Ditto'.

So if a soul mate is a very close friend, I think it is possible to have more than one. Loving them all equally but in very different ways. (I hope I am making sense, my translation skills aren't good today.)

 

[SweetErika]

thanks, erika. i believe that people change over time. therefore, my belief is that people can be soulmates at [x] point in their lives but not necessarily at [y] point. the goal therefore is to try to weather the changes in life together to ensure that there isn't much divergence.

That makes an awful lot of sense to me, Ed! I've always found it interesting how some relationships not only weather, but seem to thrive with change and adversity. I'm not sure why that is...sometimes it seems like a mysterious force holding us together and forging another bond when everything else is falling apart, but it's remarkable, and I'm lucky to have it.

funny, i don't recall saying that except once, very early on...either my memory is even worse than i thought or you've got a particularly good memory. :> sorry to disappoint, but while i'm of korean descent, my wife's family is almost exclusively german. my family immigrated 3 years prior to my existence; hers has been here for a number of generations. therefore, i'm afraid i can shed no light on the universality of this concept. :>

Good memory, poor comprehension obviously. Now that I'm thinking about it, I must have gotten your facts mixed up with another good guy who posted a little awhile back.

i don't know what constitutes "younger people": i'm 34. :> to me however, it's rather a lot like asking "how do you know when you're in love"? at some point, a confluence of information forms the conclusion in a form of alchemy.

Well, I was thinking more in the 18 (or even younger)-25 range, but was curious to hear if there was anything in particular that made a person stand out as a "soulmate" or if it was just a feeling.

 

[bisexplicit]

Too cynical and too scientifically minded to believe in the idea of soul mates.

 

[silverwhisper]

[sighs]

bi, you're too young to be that cynical. please do me a personal favor and read some poetry, ideally some romantics: william blake, samuel taylor coleridge and his buddy william wordsworth, maybe some keats.

sometimes it seems like a mysterious force holding us together and forging another bond when everything else is falling apart, but it's remarkable, and i'm lucky to have it.

as am i, erika. :>

...was curious to hear if there was anything in particular that made a person stand out as a "soulmate" or if it was just a feeling.

i'll be honest, i don't believe in true love at first glance: i think loving someone requires knowing that someonem so for that reason, i don't think it's just a feeling, in the sense that it might strike like a thunderbolt from above out of the clear blue sky. so if pressed, i'd have to say c, none of the above. :>

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

silver: You don't have to be old to be cynical. You just have to go through bad shit. I have met people much younger than I who are way more cynical than I am.

 

[LadyJeanne]

i'll be honest, i don't believe in true love at first glance: i think loving someone requires knowing that someonem so for that reason, i don't think it's just a feeling, in the sense that it might strike like a thunderbolt from above out of the clear blue sky. so if pressed, i'd have to say c, none of the above. :>

ed

First glance...it's a crush, an infatuation, a rush of emotion and admiration and desire.

Later, once you know them better, you might fall in love or not, depending on whether your initial crush is sustained when you find out more about who they really are, and what they're really like.

Love, that comes with time. In love may fade, but love is just there. You can fall back in love with someone if you love them.

Soul mates are people who just naturally become a part of your life as if they were always there, without you even noticing when or how it happened. They may be lovers or not, but they become part of who you are and vice versa.

 

[silverwhisper]

you don't have to be old to be cynical. you just have to go through bad shit. i have met people much younger than i who are way more cynical than i am.

if you said: "you just have to go through enough bad shit to kill your hope" then i'd agree.

ladyjeanne: that was well said, i thought. :>

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

Yeah...but mostly for me its just all science. Its about mate selection, brain chemistry, and, of course, cultural influences.
I mean, I don't believe we're different from animals...and thus, would animals have soul mates? *shrugs*
But, I don't care to talk people out of their beliefs, 'cause thats silly and wrong. Just trying to explain mine some.

 

[Ezzy]

I mean, I don't believe we're different from animals...and thus, would animals have soul mates? *shrugs*

So you believe that some animals have soul mates, there are a number of birds and some mammals that are monogamous, how could they pick one mate for their lives without there being more than chance involved?

Before anyone thinks I am pushing a theist doctrine, let me just say I follow an eastern philosophy not a religion. The circles of birth, life, death and rebirth that one can see in nature, lead like to like.

In my thoughts there are many soul mates in each life, you may meet two, three or twenty, but you will not feel the pull as strongly if you are with one already, though you would likely to be attracted in friendship.

When there is a connection, it can be on one of many levels, but you will only connect on one level at a time with anyone you are meeting, there may be a strong connection that feels good (or bad) and we react accordingly. The connections can all be either good or bad, the best (good ones) will be with soul mates or life mates, the worst will be their antithesis, anti-soul mates so to speak.

The wheel of life rolls where the wheel wills.

 

[Undomiel]

Well I don't really know what to believe but I do know I've found the right person for me. He does complete me, always knows what I'm thinking and we do everything together.

 

[Vixandra]

First glance...it's a crush, an infatuation, a rush of emotion and admiration and desire.

Later, once you know them better, you might fall in love or not, depending on whether your initial crush is sustained when you find out more about who they really are, and what they're really like.

Love, that comes with time. In love may fade, but love is just there. You can fall back in love with someone if you love them.

Soul mates are people who just naturally become a part of your life as if they were always there, without you even noticing when or how it happened. They may be lovers or not, but they become part of who you are and vice versa.

I'm with Lady Jeanne on this one.

Yeah, I'm only 22, but I believe I've found the one that matches so closely with me, the term soul-mate works well. It was a sudden friendship, something that shocked me because I'm not good with new people, yet the first time we talked on the phone it was for two hours. My hubby's more open then I, more willing to talk with and greet strangers and yet between us, he felt as if he'd known me for a long time.
That was at 16 when we met.
Married three years now after dating for a year before that- if soul mates do exsist I feel safe in saying he's one of mine. A deeper understanding of someone I could not imagine short of literally merging my soul with his on a perminant basis.

Odd but before I met him, my DH (dear husband), I figured my first marriage was doomed. No one in my family, except my father's parents and one sibbling, have managed the whole first marriage being the only one thing. After watching both of my parents marry thier fourth partner, I gave up on happily ever after. Was that jaded, cynical, whatever you wish to call it.

I believe a soul mate can over throw a belief like that, a self-destructive belief that won't help anyone.

Okay, I'm done rambling. Good topic, btw.