Something that Needs to be Said

[scheherazade_79]

I like the AH because it's enlightened, friendly and more signficantly, a very civilised place to hang out. More recently, though, I've noticed a surge in the number of negative and completely destructive posts.

We've always had the Political-Debates-Gone-Wrong, where someone leaves in tears, but these days it seems that rows, arguments and vendettas are being conjured out of thin air. And when there are no personal reasons to tear someone to shreds, it seems the fashion is to pick up someone else's axe and grind that instead.

I came back yesterday evening and surfed the threads for a while, only to discover that in the space of one day, two people had been ripped up to small pieces.

It's ok not to agree with someone. It's ok to completely object to something they've said or done. But it's not ok to turn it into a personal attack, where you get as many of your friends as possible to join in with you slinging the insults and trying to cause some kind of public humiliation for the person you disagree with.

Come on, guys - we have the GB at our disposal for that kind of behaviour.

Because to be honest, if we carry on with the Lion's Den treatment of anyone we disagree with, and pretend that behind-the-scenes shit-stirring is ok... we're going to end up with a situation like this:


http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l16/scheherazade_79/nobody.jpg

 

[English Lady]

*hugs you so tight*

I agree 100 % with this.

 

[scheherazade_79]

*hugs you so tight*

I agree 100 % with this.

Thank you, EL

 

[glynndah]

Me, too.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Me, too.

 

[cloudy]

This is not aimed at you, Zade:

What a bunch of hypocrites you all are. Especially you, EL.

You jump me, Dar, and SSSarahh because we defended ourselves against an attack. You gang up in numbers to tell us how horrible we all are, how awful, how childish, etc., etc. Start threads about it - even over in the GB.

Never realizing that you are doing the exact same thing you accuse us of doing.

Look at yourselves in the mirror. Hypocrites.

 

[English Lady]

This is not aimed at you, Zade:

What a bunch of hypocrites you all are. Especially you, EL.

You jump me, Dar, and SSSarahh because we defended ourselves against an attack. You gang up in numbers to tell us how horrible we all are, how awful, how childish, etc., etc.

Never realizing that you are doing the exact same thing you accuse us of doing.

Look at yourselves in the mirror. Hypocrites.

I am sorry Cloudy, if this is how you feel.


I'm not ganging up on you -I never once said a name in my post made on dar's thread. I encompassed all the nasty sniping thats been going on and its not just you.

I apologise if it came over as that. As far as I know, I was out there on my own, well okay, liar stood up for me, blesshim, but otherwise I was on my own in what I said, completely and utterly on my own.


I'm not calling anyone names, I'm not trying to stop them posting on the boards and all I am doing is voicing my opinion and hoping that we can sort this out because as Scheh has said here, its hanging a gloomy cloud over this beautiful place that is so often so claring and accepting.

Yes, I called the behaviour childish, yes and nasty because quite frankly the bahaviour is, no two ways about it, I can't stay quite and condone (with that silence) something that I find offensive. But I definitely haven't picked out people, I've purposely stayed away from that.

I like all of you, every single one of you. I don't want this argument to split this forum into two or more factions as it seems to be going right now.

Maybe I'm not going about this right, I'm only human. Maybe I've reacted in anger, but I'm only human, maybe I should have found a ay to express myself better but i am only human. I'm doing my best to do what I see as right. I'm sorry if I've offended or hurt anyone in doing that.

tell me, how we sort this, how we bring about peace. I want peace, thats all I want.

I'm going to be offline for therest of the day, but I'll come back and check in here this evening. I'm tempted to just stay away because I'm not good at confrontation and I just really want to run away and sit in a corner and cry but I won't. I love this plac and the people in it too much. I will do what I can to make things better, I wish oh I wish I knew how to do it with one word, with a shake of a wand but I don't. So confrontation it seems, it shall have to be.

 

[Guest]

It doesn't have to be a confrontation, but sometimes it is imperative to clear the air.

My sister and I are still estranged. We fought constantly (privately) the summer we lost our brother. During that time I promised my mother I would not fight with her, I would try to make peace. So I did, even though we had resolved nothing. And now I bite my lip at family gatherings, I don't bring up any topics that could turn into disagreements, and I keep her away from my kids so she won't bully them any longer.

We needed a good row then. We still need it today. And eventually, if we want to preserve our relationship (which used to be wonderful) we will have to open this up. And there will be angry shouting and then hugs and tears but sometimes that's how you fix what needs fixing.


Generally, EL, you don't stay around for the fixing part. You've lectured to me often, usually when I disagree with Joe W., and you have no problem dispensing your opinion of my childish actions. Then you leave, having said your piece, and you loudly state you won't hear anything else about it.

This won't fix a thing. It just causes simmering resentment in the parties who've been given the lecture. And I held back until last night.

Now I've angered some folks, damaged other relationships, whatever. Fine. I'll deal. But I'm tired of the pretending.

 

[cloudy]

It doesn't have to be a confrontation, but sometimes it is imperative to clear the air.

My sister and I are still estranged. We fought constantly (privately) the summer we lost our brother. During that time I promised my mother I would not fight with her, I would try to make peace. So I did, even though we had resolved nothing. And now I bite my lip at family gatherings, I don't bring up any topics that could turn into disagreements, and I keep her away from my kids so she won't bully them any longer.

We needed a good row then. We still need it today. And eventually, if we want to preserve our relationship (which used to be wonderful) we will have to open this up. And there will be angry shouting and then hugs and tears but sometimes that's how you fix what needs fixing.


Generally, EL, you don't stay around for the fixing part. You've lectured to me often, usually when I disagree with Joe W., and you have no problem dispensing your opinion of my childish actions. Then you leave, having said your piece, and you loudly state you won't hear anything else about it.

This won't fix a thing. It just causes simmering resentment in the parties who've been given the lecture. And I held back until last night.

Now I've angered some folks, damaged other relationships, whatever. Fine. I'll deal. But I'm tired of the pretending.

Thank you.

I'm past tired of it, myself.

 

[Just-Legal]

Ok, can someone either direct me to where the heck everything exploded, and the preluding fire or whatever, so I can find out what the hecks going on.

Or tell me to shut up and piss off. That works too

 

[Guest]

Ok, can someone either direct me to where the heck everything exploded, and the preluding fire or whatever, so I can find out what the hecks going on.

Or tell me to shut up and piss off. That works too

(I'm not sure, really.)

The first one was the debate thread - I wasn't really a major player there.

The other one Dar started - Have you ever - something?

Anyway.

 

[cloudy]

Ok, can someone either direct me to where the heck everything exploded, and the preluding fire or whatever, so I can find out what the hecks going on.

Or tell me to shut up and piss off. That works too

It's not worth the time, to be honest.

 

[FatDino]

Just jump in to say, World Peace, everyone.

Well, at least for this morning, that is. I can be snarky later, but right now my mood does not allow me to.

 

[Just-Legal]

Yeah I found the latter first Sarah then the former. But you're probably right Cloudy. It just irritates me sometimes that I miss stuff like this then get all confused when it spills into other threads. I can't keep track of all the comings and goings and who's friends / not talking / shagging / broke up or whatever.

I'm always worried I'll say the wrong thing to the wrong person >.<

 

[Guest]

Yeah I found the latter first Sarah then the former. But you're probably right Cloudy. It just irritates me sometimes that I miss stuff like this then get all confused when it spills into other threads. I can't keep track of all the comings and goings and who's friends / not talking / shagging / broke up or whatever.

I'm always worried I'll say the wrong thing to the wrong person >.<

No worries.

 

[cloudy]

Yeah I found the latter first Sarah then the former. But you're probably right Cloudy. It just irritates me sometimes that I miss stuff like this then get all confused when it spills into other threads. I can't keep track of all the comings and goings and who's friends / not talking / shagging / broke up or whatever.

I'm always worried I'll say the wrong thing to the wrong person >.<

Oh, that's easy. I'm always the bad guy.

If someone jumps on me, well, then...I deserve it. But if I say something back, I get an instant lecture about how horrible I am, and numerous threads started about it.

See? Sorted it right out for you.

 

[rgraham666]

Oh, that's easy. I'm always the bad guy.

If someone jumps on me, well, then...I deserve it. But if I say something back, I get an instant lecture about how horrible I am, and numerous threads started about it.

See? Sorted it right out for you.

I like bad girls though, cloudy.

 

[cloudy]

I like bad girls though, cloudy.

You're the exception, Rob. You appreciate honesty.

 

[FatDino]

Totally unrelated:

I love your new AV, cloudy.

 

[cloudy]

Totally unrelated:

I love your new AV, cloudy.

Thank you.

(you know you'll be branded as one of my "fangrrls" for saying that, right?)

 

[Just-Legal]

Oh, that's easy. I'm always the bad guy.

If someone jumps on me, well, then...I deserve it. But if I say something back, I get an instant lecture about how horrible I am, and numerous threads started about it.

See? Sorted it right out for you.

I disagree. You're thoughtful, intelligent and proud of who you are. you also don't tolerate BS and call it out where you see it, at least from my POV.

Also, Nomad was making *no* sense. I'm refraining from replying on that thread cause I don't wanna bump it back up and start the whole thing again but I'd just like to agree with you that he wasn't making sense.

*toddles off back to her sewing*

 

[FatDino]

Thank you.

(you know you'll be branded as one of my "fangrrls" for saying that, right?)

So what? I am.

How's it going, woman?

 

[scheherazade_79]

ENOUGH!​

This thread was never intended as another outlet for hurling insults at each other, but unfortunately that's what it seems to have become.

I deliberately didn't apportion any blame. I'm sure we've all had our moments when we've felt angry and we've crossed boundaries. We're human - we're never going to act perfectly all the time.

I just wanted to draw people's attention to a trend that seems to be growing - in the hope that we all might think a bit about our responses before lashing out.

The problem with online interaction is that there's HUGE scope for misunderstanding. And because of that we need to be more tolerant than we are in RL, not less.

One thing I totally do object to, though, is the labelling of EL as a hypocrite. I don't have much patience with Christians, because I see an awful lot of them preaching one thing and acting in a completely different way. EL is one of the few Christians I've met who lives out her ideals and is a 'good person' in every sense of the phrase.

She's also a ray of sunshine day after day, regardless of what's going on in her life - which, when you think about it, is pretty fucking awesome.

And I like EL, and I'm not happy when she's dissed like that, because it isn't true.

 

[Just-Legal]

ENOUGH!​

This thread was never intended as another outlet for hurling insults at each other, but unfortunately that's what it seems to have become.

I deliberately didn't apportion any blame. I'm sure we've all had our moments when we've felt angry and we've crossed boundaries. We're human - we're never going to act perfectly all the time.

I just wanted to draw people's attention to a trend that seems to be growing - in the hope that we all might think a bit about our responses before lashing out.

The problem with online interaction is that there's HUGE scope for misunderstanding. And because of that we need to be more tolerant than we are in RL, not less.

One thing I totally do object to, though, is the labelling of EL as a hypocrite. I don't have much patience with Christians, because I see an awful lot of them preaching one thing and acting in a completely different way. EL is one of the few Christians I've met who lives out her ideals and is a 'good person' in every sense of the phrase.

She's also a ray of sunshine day after day, regardless of what's going on in her life - which, when you think about it, is pretty fucking awesome.

And I like EL, and I'm not happy when she's dissed like that, because it isn't true.

Sorry Zade.

*bows head*

 

[cloudy]

And I like EL, and I'm not happy when she's dissed like that, because it isn't true.

Sorry you don't like it, but from where I sit, it IS true.

Shouldn't have started the thread then, babe. Surely you didn't expect Sarahh and I to sit back and take it. No, you didn't mention any names, but none of us are stupid.

eta: it's rather unreasonable to say whatever you want, but not expect people "you're not naming" to respond, don't you think?

See my post #16 in this thread. Thank you for proving my point for me.