Some poly, some kink, some other stuff ...

[IslandStyle_44]

He knows what I mean.

Have you tried whitening paste? Btw, you made me laugh at the bedside table inventory blurb.

 

[KimGordon67]

Have you tried whitening paste? Btw, you made me laugh at the bedside table inventory blurb.

Whitening paste? Doesn't that have, like, bleach or something in it? I'm not putting THAT on my lady parts.

 

[KimGordon67]

For some reason, I put marital problems in a different category from everything else. If I'm involved with someone whose married, I want them to either be happy, or talk to their spouses about their problems with their marriage. I tend to see my relationships, even the parallel ones, as complete things in and of themselves, with no real crossover between them. In part, it's because, as I've said, I don't think I've been operating in a truly polyamorous context - which I would define as everyone knowing about everyone and being fine about it, even supportive. In THAT context, I'd probably be OK about discussing various relationships, but as long as situations are more 'affairs' than anything else, it feels somehow disrespectful to the unknowing/unenthusiastic partner to drag their relationship with either myself or the other person into the conversation.
I also expect people to be honest in the things they do say. I don't need people to tell me everything, but I expect to know the things that are relevant/important, and I expect the truth.

Yes... I've experienced this too. Many times actually. Accidents, family deaths, bad health... I don't deal with marital problems too well... in such, sometimes it is better you leave them alone... or even end it. I was building a relationship with a married guy online who was in an open relationship (his wife encouraged him to play). We were planning to meet and then decide where we wanted to go from there... As it turned out, his life was in a complete mess and he was dealing with marriage issues. He had completely hidden it from me (though, I'm not a curious girl, especially when it comes to other people's marriages).

One day I found out all his problems all at once - he finally needed to tell me. I guess before that I made him scared to tell me because I really don't like getting involved with people whose lives are out of control/messed up - I don't want to be dragged into such things and I don't think it is fair to be. But it was crunch time for him - his wife had actually left him because of me (jealousy) and wouldn't return unless he cut off all ties to me. I was gobsmacked! I had NO idea of any of this. (If I did I would have cut off much earlier - but he knew that, I guess.)

At that very moment, I knew it was the end. I had no intension of being his life partner, only a life lover... He was young and needed his wife more than me. (Even though I knew in my gut they wouldn't last, I believed he needed to choose her... at least to learn a valuable life lesson.) I made him say goodbye... It always makes them own it, empowers them... makes it forever. Giving him up really hurt. It's easier when you have yourself to blame, but when it's not your fault... I find it much harder.

Now, I've made it a rule never to get involved with anyone that doesn't have their shit together - their life or their head. It is the logical choice and even though my heart may fall for someone, I need to preserve myself. Yes, I have a responsibility to myself first to have sane and healthy relationships, but I also have a responsibility to my other lovers. If I get caught up in someone else's mess, they are affected too simply because they love me.

 

[Porkwarrior]

For some reason, I put marital problems in a different category from everything else. If I'm involved with someone whose married, I want them to either be happy, or talk to their spouses about their problems with their marriage. I tend to see my relationships, even the parallel ones, as complete things in and of themselves, with no real crossover between them. In part, it's because, as I've said, I don't think I've been operating in a truly polyamorous context - which I would define as everyone knowing about everyone and being fine about it, even supportive. In THAT context, I'd probably be OK about discussing various relationships, but as long as situations are more 'affairs' than anything else, it feels somehow disrespectful to the unknowing/unenthusiastic partner to drag their relationship with either myself or the other person into the conversation.
I also expect people to be honest in the things they do say. I don't need people to tell me everything, but I expect to know the things that are relevant/important, and I expect the truth.

And THIS is why I only dated married women for a few years.

We have our relationship, what happens outside of it if your business, until it intrudes onto 'us'.

 

[KimGordon67]

And THIS is why I only dated married women for a few years.

We have our relationship, what happens outside of it if your business, until it intrudes onto 'us'.

I haven't found single men any problem in this respect.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Paul_Chance]

Having come out of a multi-year open relationship, which was not quite full poly, I think you hit on something that will tell you in the relationship is one of equality and functional in the best sense of the word. When the folks involved hit a difficult spot in life (and we all do sooner or later), the response from all people involved is one of support - either physical, financial, or emotional. That is what I've always thought was the vast strength of both the open and the poly relationships, when they're working.

I immediately thought back a few years ago when my former partners ex-husband had to go through eye surgery. After a discussion, and some persuasion, he came and lived with us for six weeks or so. LOL - he wasn't my ex-husband, but we come to be friends. You support the people you love in this world - and you support the people who love and are loved by the people who you love. You just keep extending that circle and before you know it, there is a whole tribe moving around you.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[KimGordon67]

Having come out of a multi-year open relationship, which was not quite full poly, I think you hit on something that will tell you in the relationship is one of equality and functional in the best sense of the word. When the folks involved hit a difficult spot in life (and we all do sooner or later), the response from all people involved is one of support - either physical, financial, or emotional. That is what I've always thought was the vast strength of both the open and the poly relationships, when they're working.

I immediately thought back a few years ago when my former partners ex-husband had to go through eye surgery. After a discussion, and some persuasion, he came and lived with us for six weeks or so. LOL - he wasn't my ex-husband, but we come to be friends. You support the people you love in this world - and you support the people who love and are loved by the people who you love. You just keep extending that circle and before you know it, there is a whole tribe moving around you.

Yes, what Elle said. I would love my life to be more like this, but unfortunately other people are involved, with all their complexities and quirks and emotional needs, and they keep refusing to feel the way I know they should feel about things. (Engage irony font for that last sentence.) And the 'you can only truly love one person at a time' model is pretty strongly ingrained.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Paul_Chance]

I agree on the complexity of life and complexity of the other folks who are involved in the extended circle. I can't do anything except quietly influence how other people love through example or explanation if they're open to the conversation - I can only love as I love, which tends to be with an open hand and open heart. I get hurt like everyone else, but that's okay, that's just part of life. I've found that if I stay focused on loving as I love, the other parts tend to fall together - and if they don't they don't. Part of being in an open or poly relationship is accepting that not everyone is going to approve, though in my experience most everyone gets curious.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[pplwatching]

.....

 

[KimGordon67]

I have a lot to say about all of the above, but need to get to work, and can't access Lit there except on my phone ... and can't write properly on my phone. I agree with everyone though!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[jjmudd]

After reading through this whole thread, I find it intriguing that not one person has mentioned the elephant in the thread....the Hapless Hubby, who sits in blissful ignorance while wifey explores her sexuality. I suspect, that like everyone else, I was drawn into the sexiness of the tidbits of the OP's life, because of her innate ability to put pen to paper...who doesn't want to hear about toothpaste on the clit and glass plugs being lost in the nether regions....

I find our ability, as humans, to justify and defend any actions amazing no matter how wrong that action might be.

Now, I'm not suggesting that any of the OP's actions are wrong.....other than the dishonesty to the one person she has made a formal commitment to. If he were aware of all her extra play, and accepting of it, then c'est la vie....but this is not the case. This is not an open relationship or a poly relationship. It is one person being deceptive to another person for personal satisfaction.

Now, before you all go ganging up on me for being a negative-nilly....I am the OP to some extent (although she may disagree). For all intents and purposes, I have a fantastic marriage....but recently, I have had some desires that were not met with open arms at home, so I looked for online encounters and RL activity. I found both and they solidified a number of beliefs about sex and relationships for me.

The OP talks about the importance of honesty, and yet is dishonest with HH. It was this acknowledgement in my own behaviour that was at the fore of all of my epiphanies. I decided that I wanted my defining characteristic to be honesty and not have my sexuality define me.

Am I the only one who has any sympathy for HH rather than an erotic interest in reading about what the OP loses where?

 

[pplwatching]

.....

 

[Iamsubmissive]

After reading through this whole thread, I find it intriguing that not one person has mentioned the elephant in the thread....the Hapless Hubby, who sits in blissful ignorance while wifey explores her sexuality. I suspect, that like everyone else, I was drawn into the sexiness of the tidbits of the OP's life, because of her innate ability to put pen to paper...who doesn't want to hear about toothpaste on the clit and glass plugs being lost in the nether regions....

I find our ability, as humans, to justify and defend any actions amazing no matter how wrong that action might be.

Now, I'm not suggesting that any of the OP's actions are wrong.....other than the dishonesty to the one person she has made a formal commitment to. If he were aware of all her extra play, and accepting of it, then c'est la vie....but this is not the case. This is not an open relationship or a poly relationship. It is one person being deceptive to another person for personal satisfaction.

Now, before you all go ganging up on me for being a negative-nilly....I am the OP to some extent (although she may disagree). For all intents and purposes, I have a fantastic marriage....but recently, I have had some desires that were not met with open arms at home, so I looked for online encounters and RL activity. I found both and they solidified a number of beliefs about sex and relationships for me.

The OP talks about the importance of honesty, and yet is dishonest with HH. It was this acknowledgement in my own behaviour that was at the fore of all of my epiphanies. I decided that I wanted my defining characteristic to be honesty and not have my sexuality define me.

Am I the only one who has any sympathy for HH rather than an erotic interest in reading about what the OP loses where?

The story isn't about her husband, how he feels or what he thinks. It's about Kim, her experiences, her journey and discoveries, moments of realizations. We are only getting glimpses of this journey. It doesn't matter what I think...of her choices, of her husband or her lovers, or how she's navigated her journey. No one is perfect. Most situations aren't perfect. Such is life...we're all just stumbling through it, learning as we go. No one can truly judge what's right or wrong, especially for someone else. At least what she's saying is open, honest, and real. What's better than that?

 

[snowhitez]

The story isn't about her husband, how he feels or what he thinks. It's about Kim, her experiences, her journey and discoveries, moments of realizations. We are only getting glimpses of this journey. It doesn't matter what I think...of her choices, of her husband or her lovers, or how she's navigated her journey. No one is perfect. Most situations aren't perfect. Such is life...we're all just stumbling through it, learning as we go. No one can truly judge what's right or wrong, especially for someone else. At least what she's saying is open, honest, and real. What's better than that?

Iamsubmissive, you explained that perfectly.

 

[jjmudd]

The story isn't about her husband, how he feels or what he thinks. It's about Kim, her experiences, her journey and discoveries, moments of realizations. We are only getting glimpses of this journey. It doesn't matter what I think...of her choices, of her husband or her lovers, or how she's navigated her journey. No one is perfect. Most situations aren't perfect. Such is life...we're all just stumbling through it, learning as we go. No one can truly judge what's right or wrong, especially for someone else. At least what she's saying is open, honest, and real. What's better than that?

I agree with most of what you are saying....except this...."No one can truly judge what's right or wrong, especially for someone else." Of course we can judge, it's what we do. It's how we learn. It's what helps to guide us as we "stumble through."

If a manifesto of the young man who just bombed the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester was discovered, that contained details of his life and what led him to his extremist position, it would make for an interesting read and perhaps give incredible insights into the inner workings of how a young man can get indoctrinated into a terrorist cell.......but we would all still judge his acts.

What's interesting to me is our ability as humans to justify and defend any act we deem beneficial., from the simplest thing to the most extreme......"I want a cookie"...I realize it has absolutely no nutritional value, it is full of sugar and other bad things, but it makes me happy...."I think I'll kill a bunch of innocents with an IED."....I realize these people aren't doing anything other than living in a society that is corrupt, so this is my way of taking a stand and promoting my ideologies.

So yes, this is Kim's journey she is sharing, and yes we don't know the intricacies of that relationship. We do know what she has told us and I find it interesting that people are more interested in the juicy bits rather than how she can justify her deceptive behaviour. As sheeple, we tend to follow along blindly if what we are following is sparkly enough. This story is full of sparkle....at the expense of HH.

Like I said before, this story hits close to home for me, as it has resonated with many others. I still struggle with my own demons, as we all do. I am more interested in how the OP justifies and defends her choices as they relate to the one person she has committed to, because this is the struggle I have been dealing with.

 

[pplwatching]

So yes, this is Kim's journey she is sharing, and yes we don't know the intricacies of that relationship. We do know what she has told us and I find it interesting that people are more interested in the juicy bits rather than how she can justify her deceptive behaviour.

There are replies to the details of the sex, but there are also many replies discussing the nature of intimate relationships and love. I don't now which of the two people are more interested in, but in my case it's the latter.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[jjmudd]

[Posting private message content in the forums is strictly prohibited per our forum guidelines.]

 

[numeniusa]

It's not as simple as you think, jjmudd. As Elle said, Kim has shared in other threads about her husband and their choices in their marriage. Here, for example. In this thread she is telling her story, but slowly. She hasn't yet got to the part where she has frank discussions with her husband. Maybe she will choose not to share that here, it's really up to her.

For me it doesn't seem purely salacious, there has been a lot about the why as well as the what and the how. And there have been some very interesting derails, discussions which she has welcomed and encouraged.

 

[purplerosecrab]

So yes, this is Kim's journey she is sharing, and yes we don't know the intricacies of that relationship. We do know what she has told us and I find it interesting that people are more interested in the juicy bits rather than how she can justify her deceptive behaviour. As sheeple, we tend to follow along blindly if what we are following is sparkly enough. This story is full of sparkle....at the expense of HH.

Like I said before, this story hits close to home for me, as it has resonated with many others. I still struggle with my own demons, as we all do. I am more interested in how the OP justifies and defends her choices as they relate to the one person she has committed to, because this is the struggle I have been dealing with.

I have followed this thread from the beginning and have learned a lot and and am really interested in Kim's story.

I really wish you wouldn't make assumptions about what people are getting out of reading this thread. While there are some sexy juicy details sprinkled here and there, that's not why I come here at all. As pplwatching stated, many of us enjoy the discussions about relationships, love, and intimacy. This thread has given me a lot to think about in my own relationship as well as relationships in general. I keep returning here because Kim's accounts are intelligent, insightful, and timely. If I want wank material, there are plenty of other places to get it. If I want intelligent discussion that makes me consider things in new ways, this is one of the few places on Lit that I can get it.

As for judging Kim's treatment of "hapless hubby", Kim has discussed her relationship with her husband and how it has evolved in countless places. My understanding is that they currently are doing well, have worked through some stuff, and they have come to some understandings about her poly nature. I don't feel the need the judge any of that, especially in order to appease my apparent need to consume the prurient details of Kim's sex life.

You have stated that you are struggling with the commitment you made to your marriage, and I'm assuming since you believe everyone who reads this thread is here for the sexy details that you yourself are enjoying those sexy details. If this thread gives you some food for thought and helps you come to some conclusions, that's great. But I would appreciate it if you don't assume that your struggles are somehow a mirror for the struggles of others who enjoy this thread.