So when did you first figure out that you were heterosexual?

[the captians wench]

This was an interesting topic in my Psych of Gender class.

The discussion covered how the outlook of the researcher shapes not only the outcome, but even the direction of the study. In this example the question was asked, "why do we have studies on why a person is homosexual, or bi-sexual? Why not ask ' why are you heterosexual?'."

The answer is of course because the researchers are heterosexual, and so they feel as if any other type of sexuality is weird/different/interesting. We only research things that are interesting to us. Makes sense.

But I thought I would put it out here anyway. Answer the question, or comment on something I said, or gum. What ever, I'm easy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Such a good question!

 

[BiBunny]

Gum!

That is all I can add to the discussion, LOL.

 

[graceanne]

Things that make you go hm.

It never occurred to me to be anything but heterosexual and I never even heard the term homosexual until we moved to Oregon. (Before we lived in a town of less than a thousand in BFE Missouri where half the town had the same last name and the rest were cousins to everyone else. Anything sexual was considered inappropriate before little girls.) But as a little girl I was considered boy crazy (because I didn't think all boys had cooties Once again - small town in BFE Texas that time.) However, it's not like I haven't thought about homosexuality since then, and for me I'm pretty sure it's not a 'cause i'm supposed to' thing. I really am not interested in girls that way. I almost wish I was, cause men annoy me so much.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I almost wish I was, cause men annoy me so much.

How many straight women have I heard this from. It's almost a meaningless sentence to me, being bisexual-- but, there it is. You say it, I gotta believe you.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I think I was in my early teens before I ever realized that there was even the possibility of a pairing other than m/f, and my first thought was, "Eww!" My second thought was of f/f possibilities (and the voyeuristic potential of/for same), and that got a "Hmmmmmm" and an internal smile. I don't recall ever coming into social contact with males who were even semi-openly gay until my mid-20s, though I'm sure I must have met some and simply been oblivious.

So... as far as "figuring out" that I was heterosexual, it was probably at the same time I learned that there was something *other than* heterosexual.

 

[DemianBiros]

There really truly are 100% grade A HETEROSEXUAL people in the world?

 

[Keroin]

There really truly are 100% grade A HETEROSEXUAL people in the world?

Someone had to invent the mullet.

 

[Dyslexicea]

There really truly are 100% grade A HETEROSEXUAL people in the world?

I've hit on enough hetero ladies to say, Yes damn it!

 

[Netzach]

I'm not, though I lean toward XY's and their configurations.

It took me an unusually LONG time to be interested in anyone really that way. Like, 14? 15? It was a boy. Up till then, it really was not on the agenda at all.

Everyone assumed I was in the absence of other information, and I did too.

 

[Ahlam]

This was an interesting topic in my Psych of Gender class.

The discussion covered how the outlook of the researcher shapes not only the outcome, but even the direction of the study. In this example the question was asked, "why do we have studies on why a person is homosexual, or bi-sexual? Why not ask ' why are you heterosexual?'."
...Answer the question, or comment on something I said, or gum. What ever, I'm easy.

The outlook of the researcher certainly can be limiting. Sounds like a cool assignment! It's difficult to answer questions concerning gender preference. I evaluate lovers on a case-by-case basis. I've always been equal opportunity and I do not feel it's necessary to crawl into a category. Whenever I'm asked questions like that, I imagine dogs sniffing each other's butt.

Gum? Tictac?

 

[Loverskitten]

There are so many things I want to say, BUT, my first thought was...

The good thing about having close gay friends is asking those questions which may sound offensive coming from just anyone. "When did you discover you were gay" was one I've asked.
The guys my age (40) and older always have tales of dating girls but my younger friends (mid 20s) have never dated girls.
Times they are a changin....

 

[Stella_Omega]

There are so many things I want to say, BUT, my first thought was...

The good thing about having close gay friends is asking those questions which may sound offensive coming from just anyone. "When did you discover you were gay" was one I've asked.
The guys my age (40) and older always have tales of dating girls but my younger friends (mid 20s) have never dated girls.
Times they are a changin....

Seems like a lot of the younger guys don't express as much resentment of girls as their older bros do, too.

 

[the captians wench]

Such a good question!

Stella, this class has made me think of you from the moment I met the professor.

Things that make you go hm.

It never occurred to me to be anything but heterosexual and I never even heard the term homosexual until we moved to Oregon. (Before we lived in a town of less than a thousand in BFE Missouri where half the town had the same last name and the rest were cousins to everyone else. Anything sexual was considered inappropriate before little girls.) But as a little girl I was considered boy crazy (because I didn't think all boys had cooties Once again - small town in BFE Texas that time.) However, it's not like I haven't thought about homosexuality since then, and for me I'm pretty sure it's not a 'cause i'm supposed to' thing. I really am not interested in girls that way. I almost wish I was, cause men annoy me so much.

The first part of your statement is kind of the point of this exercise I think. Because the m/f relationship seems to be standard, that shapes the questions that we ask, where as if f/f or m/m was the standard, we might ask different questions.

I never really was interested in the whole same sex thing either, but emotions are a very strange thing, and well my whole philosophy on sex is "yes, please" so it opened a lot of avenues I didn't expect.

How many straight women have I heard this from. It's almost a meaningless sentence to me, being bisexual-- but, there it is. You say it, I gotta believe you.

Yeah, see I've always said the opposite to gracie. I've always been, "I refuse to date women cause 'bitches be crazy,' and I know because I am one." I still don't consider myself bisexual (as you know) and what ever this relationship I have is, it's probably more confusing than any relationship I've ever had with a man. Though a lot of that could be because the woman in question comes at it the same way I do.

The outlook of the researcher certainly can be limiting. Sounds like a cool assignment! It's difficult to answer questions concerning gender preference. I evaluate lovers on a case-by-case basis. I've always been equal opportunity and I do not feel it's necessary to crawl into a category. Whenever I'm asked questions like that, I imagine dogs sniffing each other's butt.

Gum? Tictac?

It has been very interesting to ponder upon. You also make another point that was in the reading. Because we can't randomly assign gender to people, experimentation is not fully scientific when it comes to a lot of gender research.
There are many ways that the researcher can influence the results of the experiment, and even the subjects, perhaps even more so than in other areas of psychology which is considered a "soft science" to begin with.

I just like figuring out what makes people tick and/or tock.

 

[the captians wench]

Gum!

That is all I can add to the discussion, LOL.

I thought of you when I added that.

I think I was in my early teens before I ever realized that there was even the possibility of a pairing other than m/f, and my first thought was, "Eww!" My second thought was of f/f possibilities (and the voyeuristic potential of/for same), and that got a "Hmmmmmm" and an internal smile. I don't recall ever coming into social contact with males who were even semi-openly gay until my mid-20s, though I'm sure I must have met some and simply been oblivious.

So... as far as "figuring out" that I was heterosexual, it was probably at the same time I learned that there was something *other than* heterosexual.

I want to comment, but I'm not sure how. *giggles*

The only exposure to homosexuality that I had prior to my separation was the one openly gay boy in my high school. He seemed weird to me then, and I'm not sure how much of that was because of his sexual orientation, and how much was his personality. He was kind of like the gay kid on Glee, only he wasn't as "pretty" but more robust and rough looking.

It wasn't until I was married for what like a year or so that the idea of me being with another woman was even a thought I had fleetingly. And that was due mostly to my then husband's fantasies and the Tomb Raider movie.

There really truly are 100% grade A HETEROSEXUAL people in the world?

There are always extremes on the spectrum.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There are always extremes on the spectrum.

I was at a seminar on bisexuality a while back, and the term "monosexual" got used. The opposite of "bisexual" is "monosexual," which might be same or opposite-sex, but is inflexible. Another useful concept!

 

[intothewoods]

High school, I guess. But didn't meet many lesbians (just gay men) until college. Wasn't interested in women at that time, but wasn't really sexually experienced either. More into the idea of having a boyfriend.

I've been with women, and I'm not into that many, but honestly? I'm not into that many guys either.

From what I've seen in the "bi" female community, there's a (further) limiting factor in that there are women who are bi but prefer a female primary,and then there are bi women who prefer a male primary. So your pool gets teeny tiny.

Whoa, sorry, that was off topic.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I have never really thought about this. It is just something that I have always known. I don't find females sexually attractive at all and never have.

I did experiment when I was younger as I felt that I shouldn't knock something until I had tried it and realistically I was pressured into it but I just always felt that something was missing.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I guess I never really thought about it. When I was young, I was adamant about stamping out ANY perception of sexuality on the part of others (I hated the attention brought on inevitable "do you LIKE HIM?" or "SQUEAL YOU LIKE HIM" or "Is there any boys at school you like?" etc...etc...). When I began discovering my own sexuality privately to myself, and even now thinking about actual sex, it's always been me+male. I've never really had any attraction to vaginas, and skin folds are gross anyway. Seriously, see dermatitis in a shar pei once and you will never see any fold of skin the same again. ew.

That being said, as I've gotten older, I've definitely had dreams and thoughts that, while not involving actual sex because ew skin folds, were definitely of a sexual overtone and involved women.

Then, of course, there's my conflicted friendship with a female friend of mine that some of you may know about but I'm personally still confused enough about that I won't go into it here. With hindsight, I can recognize similar patterns with other female friends, but not quite the same or as confusing to me, which really just confuses the issue further... NOT THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION MOVING ONWARD

So, I guess in some ways, I haven't reached that point where I've "figured out" that I'm heterosexual in the strictest sense of the term (if that even applies to anyone), but as far as actual sex, I never really thought about it involving anyone beside guys from the get-go.

 

[Loverskitten]

Ugh!!!!!! Sooooo many things I want to say. I'm a bit buzzed so here it comes a spewin.... I know, "born this way" and all that, but... Having had several gay and lesbian friends I can confirm that there were things in their past, be it an overbearing or an uber needy mother, an absent/abusive father, or just having all one gender siblings. We have a joke with my gay friends ".....aaaand this is why you're gay" sure we joke, and I'm not about to try to change them AT ALL, but I feel there's a nature/nurture thing happening.
I've done a bit of reading about the research involving epigeneomes (especially studies done with identical twins) and its facinating!!!!! The slightest bit of neglect can change one twin's genomes to make them prone to cancer like little switches, and vice versa.
Don't lambaste me, the things I read weren't sexual in nature but they got me thinking. I just think there's more to "born this way" than we realize.
Just the whole nature/nuture thing. I find it so interesting! Makes me wish I had more formal education

 

[the captians wench]

Ugh!!!!!! Sooooo many things I want to say. I'm a bit buzzed so here it comes a spewin.... I know, "born this way" and all that, but... Having had several gay and lesbian friends I can confirm that there were things in their past, be it an overbearing or an uber needy mother, an absent/abusive father, or just having all one gender siblings. We have a joke with my gay friends ".....aaaand this is why you're gay" sure we joke, and I'm not about to try to change them AT ALL, but I feel there's a nature/nurture thing happening.
I've done a bit of reading about the research involving epigeneomes (especially studies done with identical twins) and its facinating!!!!! The slightest bit of neglect can change one twin's genomes to make them prone to cancer like little switches, and vice versa.
Don't lambaste me, the things I read weren't sexual in nature but they got me thinking. I just think there's more to "born this way" than we realize.
Just the whole nature/nuture thing. I find it so interesting! Makes me wish I had more formal education

And that is exactly why I decided on psychology, because those things facinate me.

I tend to believe that male/female pairings is the standard because it's the biological natural way to reproduce. So when you break things down into Peg A goes into Slot B, well there it is male/female pairings.

But then you add in all of these other factors like society, emotion, hormone slantings,environment, up bringings, etc. etc... that changes the ball game.

I'm not sure that I have a firm grasp on "right and wrong" anymore, or even "normal and abnormal" but I do feel as if sexual orientation was somthing you were born into, then there would be a biological way for same sex couples to reproduce with out modern technology. Now this is not taking into consideration those additives mentioned above, but simply reproduction organs.

Having said that, I think we are conditioned to believe that m/f couplings are the way to go, or at least we have been in the past, and it will be interesting to see how the next few generations develope as sexual orientation becomes a less taboo subject.

 

[Noor]

I suspect most women are bi, and much of what we are is cultural conditioning. I have straight friends who have lesbian lovers when they meet the right person or lesbian friends who have male lovers. I think woman have a general preference but its not absolute.

In answer to your question, I don't think about it much, I just like/love/lust whom I do.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't remember ever thinking about this or questioning it when growing up. I was more confused about my need for kink.

Up until my 40's I would have said I was het but now I'm part of the dreaded bi curious group.

 

[Netzach]

I suspect most women are bi, and much of what we are is cultural conditioning. I have straight friends who have lesbian lovers when they meet the right person or lesbian friends who have male lovers. I think woman have a general preference but its not absolute.

In answer to your question, I don't think about it much, I just like/love/lust whom I do.

Change "women" to "people" and you reflect actual studied reality since Kinsey. "Women are more bi" is a manufactured myth, in my experience, a wish for a scene we're more comfortable with.

Then those categories even get kind of messed up. I can't tell you how many men are "not into gay stuff, but shemales turn me on." They're not going to confess this to any woman they're in the same room with, a lot of the time.

Add in "desires I've been too socially browbeaten to act on" and I think there are more men than women.

 

[Netzach]

And that is exactly why I decided on psychology, because those things facinate me.

I tend to believe that male/female pairings is the standard because it's the biological natural way to reproduce. So when you break things down into Peg A goes into Slot B, well there it is male/female pairings.

But then you add in all of these other factors like society, emotion, hormone slantings,environment, up bringings, etc. etc... that changes the ball game.

I'm not sure that I have a firm grasp on "right and wrong" anymore, or even "normal and abnormal" but I do feel as if sexual orientation was somthing you were born into, then there would be a biological way for same sex couples to reproduce with out modern technology. Now this is not taking into consideration those additives mentioned above, but simply reproduction organs.

Having said that, I think we are conditioned to believe that m/f couplings are the way to go, or at least we have been in the past, and it will be interesting to see how the next few generations develope as sexual orientation becomes a less taboo subject.

"if sexual orientation was somthing you were born into, then there would be a biological way for same sex couples to reproduce with out modern technology"

I disagree, completely, because that's not how evolution and genetics actually work. They're a big snarled mess that don't move neatly toward traits, the way Darwin 101 used to argue - genes move around, that's pretty much it, and some of it works and the pools that avoid genetic disasters go on to mutate another day.

Then again, I wonder about this whole idea of "orientation" as a way to justify heterosexuality as a pure norm altogether, when we're probably running 90 percent flexible and the real human "orientation" is pretty much "slutty fucker." Everything that makes an individual think twice before humping is probably conditioning.

I believe there's a perfectly compelling reason for people and social animals to have a few individuals less likely to reproduce to be biologically insured in a population. You're in trouble when adults get too outnumbered. This is the theory with birds and it makes total sense with humans.

I think nature/nurture of sexual variance is like spark and fire in a way. Whether that spark of inborn desire becomes actual behavior or not depends on factors and conditioning and conditions and the rest of the individual's characteristics. How much misery is caused by derailment depends on how strong the trait, how that derailment is inflicted, how flexible the system is.