so what if your wife wants to leave?

[teninchesorod]

the other day I got home from work and my wife is depressed so I ask her,Honey whats wrong? She comes back with, Do you ever think about our future.Of course I do,why what are you thinking? She says,when I think of "My" future your not in it.But I love you maybe we need a trial separation.I dont know what the fuck to do I love her with all my heart,and I know she loves me,but I dont think she has any idea what a good man she has.What the hell do I do?

 

[Black_Bird]

Very very hard to say, guy. I don't think anybody here can tell you which way to turn...

The only thing any of us can advise you to do is to listen to your insticts.

 

[floridaguy64]

Well now, lemme think.........

I don't know what to say that is right for you..............

But as for myself, I added a fourth bedroom to the house, furnished it the way she wanted, and gladly helped her to move into it.

Two years now. She has her "new" life, I get the joy of watching and participating in the growth process of our son. Perfect? Far from it! But, at the same time........***** will go on.

As for your situation my friend......... you need to decide what you can deal with on your most personal of levels.

As for me, I do love my wife, yet I have not been in love with her for many years..........go figure!


P&L from who knows where...........

 

[Roy Batty]

Depressing.

 

[Debbie]

the other day I got home from work and my wife is depressed so I ask her,Honey whats wrong? She comes back with, Do you ever think about our future.Of course I do,why what are you thinking? She says,when I think of "My" future your not in it.But I love you maybe we need a trial separation.I dont know what the fuck to do I love her with all my heart,and I know she loves me,but I dont think she has any idea what a good man she has.What the hell do I do?

This is a toughie. My advice would be to talk to her about what is making her feel so unhappy.
If she agrees maybe you could both go talk to a counselor or if you think she is depressed, talk to her first and make a doctors appointment to get her help.
Sometimes people say things when they are feeling down that they don't really mean. Kind of like a sad blurt that they didn't mean to say.
Good luck.

 

[Lost Cause]

Been there....

I needed my wife to be happy, love doesn't do it all. When she told me she wasn't happy, and felt unfulfilled in life, the only thing I could think of is to help her achieve what she needed, with or without me. That was the extent of how much I loved her. I don't regret the marriage, or the divorce. She and I are still good friends, living our lives out, and trying to both achieve fulfillment. Give it time, away or together.

*"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."

 

[fgarvb1]

I may catch hell for saying this.

Show her the door. She may want to come back after she has "sampled" some of the other men out there and maybe not.

As soon as you can start a new life. You might want to do a little "sampling" of your own while you are at it. You may want her to come back and that again you may find that you don't.

If you have kids don't raise them in a unhappy home all that does is fuck them up.

It sounds to me as if she doesn't love you on the level that she needs to to be your wife and that she wants to leave.

Whatever you do be a man about it. Win, lose, or draw.

Starting over is a bitch i know well. It takes awhile.

I've had to do it a few times.

Good luck to you.

 

[takingchances42]

Life is too short to be spent with someone who does not love or appreciate you. Tell her you love her -- enough to let her go, if that is what she really wants. Agree to the trial separation, if that is what she wants.

And let her go. Be there to treat her with love and respect when you do see her, but not to pressure her to come back.

If the love is a healthy one, she may be back. The real world of being yet another divorced woman in her 30s or 40s (?) can be a very different place than some women think. But, you can't tell her that, you can't try to convince her what a good thing she has, she needs to find out for herself.

If she doesn't come back... then she wasn't the right person for you... and the sooner you are free to meet someone who is, the better off you will be...

Just my opinion...

 

[Sillyman]

Try the trial seperation and see what happens.

 

[SatinIce]

I'm writing this reply as a woman who is feeling the same way. I married when I was young...never having really been a child or a young woman who has tasted life or had the fun involved. That marriage didn't last long.

I was scared and lonely after the marriage ended. I didn't and couldn't talk about it with others because I felt like a failure. I failed my family who supported me...I failed my husband because he found solace in the arms of another. I failed myself because I thought I wasn't good enough.

Then I met someone else...I figured this could be it for me. There might not be another man who will love me ever again. I married him after knowing him for several years...he was a bit older than I was and in a way I can see now that maybe I was still seeking the acceptance that I hadn't received from my father when I was a little girl. He passed away when I was very young.

I am going through something similar now. I am with my husband of 22 years, but I'm not happy. It's like living a lie every day. But I have a wonderful child that I love and adore more than my own life to a degree. I go through the motions every morning when I wake up. And each night when I lie down in my bed I cry myself to sleep because I still don't know who I am or what I'm doing with my life. It's such a terrible way to go through life. It is so very painful.

Don't shut out your wife. Maybe she is going through a very severe depression. Maybe she doesn't know who she is. Maybe she is in need of finding herself. This is not to say that she doesn't love you...but in the end we need to love and know ourselves before we can truly find the happiness and love of another. Don't be angry with her, please. This is a very difficult time for her. She needs your love and support...not your anger.

I can't really say more now because I'm crying and I'm having difficulty typing this.

Thank you for reading this and I wish you both well. She does need you at this time...don't allow her to leave you completely...always talk to her and let her know you love her and are there for her.