so my shrink asks me...

[lavender]

 

[TN_Vixen]

there's is no such thing as lying by ommission. this is something trumpted up by people who don't know how to ask the right questions. the precaution thing is respect. they don't need to know specifics. it's a complication that COULD impede a future if there's a chance of one.

whaa? "no such thing as lying by ommission?"

I disagree. Let's say, I'm married and fuck around on my partner, my partner chooses to "as the right question" as in..

"Hey honey, did you fuck around on me last night?"


and me being the non-lying but adulterous bitch I am, replies, "Why yes honey, I did."

What I left out and (according to you what he failed to ask) was did I do it just once or have I been fucking around for the past 5 years of our marriage? Seeing as he thinks it's only once, he takes me back and we carry on... which he probably wouldn't have done if he'd known I was fucking around on him all the goddamn time.

I think that's one big whopper of an ommission.

 

[Bindii]

Re: bindi

you seem like a realnice person, but try and keep up.

the women DO know i have the option to sleep around. i just refuseto say things like, "oh babe, this saturday night's no good for me cause i'm banging someone else."

i hope now that i've cleared that upyou see where i'm coming from. these girls all know what they're getting into and i have no doubt that at least a few of them are doing the same tings.

I am a nice person.

How do you know that the women you are seeing know that you have chosen to have the option to sleep around? Did you tell them this when you first started to sleep with them and the other girls? Or do you assume that they already know this? Maybe they aren't asking the right questions.....

 

[riff]

Re: riff

how am i being a prick?

i swear i don't understand humans. i got a message from a chick tonight saying that i shouldn't have been so nice and honest and i just should have never called her again.

I hope you understand the concept of irony (see my post again).

I am currently working with a shrink and a psychotherapist on intimacy issues and learning a lot about myself and my behavior triggers in the process. I am all fucked up. I am trying to find a way to live with myself- just who and what I am. At times it is painful, emotionally and mentally draining, and there are times I just feel like saying "I don't give a shit, I am numb."

Part of my being a prick is that through this process, I catch myself projecting all of my inner conflicts onto the people that I meet, even the ones who are closest and dearest to me. When I do that, I am being a total prick.

I went out to dinner with a woman I met a couple of nights ago. I have no doubt whatsoever that if I pursue her sexually, she will give it up. I told her all about my shit (my therapy, etc. etc.). I just want more friends right now. I haven't had sex with anyone since January and as much as I want to get laid, I need to learn more about being intimate without becoming scared out of my pants and into a vagina (literally).

I cannot speak for you because I live in my skin. All I know is that when I project all of my crap onto innocent bystanders, I am being a prick.

Now, I have just enough time to jerk off before I go to work.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Perhaps I don't see the big problem because I also don't equate sex with an advanced level of intimacy. In my past 'relationships', unless there was a spoken agreement of exclusivity, there was none. I didn't need to tell the guys I was seeing that I was also seeing (and sleeping with) others, because I had never told them I wasn't. If we'd agreed we wanted to be exclusive, then other relationships were stopped. Easy.

However, I wasn't looking, or even hoping for anything long term.

 

[Zamdrist]

I didn't need to tell the guys I was seeing that I was also seeing (and sleeping with) others, because I had never told them I wasn't. If we'd agreed we wanted to be exclusive, then other relationships were stopped. Easy.

That's the point isn't? Communication.

Don't assume because you've had sex that that gives you exclusiveness (sp?).

Talk about it, before hand if it's not awkward, come to an understanding. Most guys won't have a problem with it, it would show that she cared and was interested.

 

[VanB]

Paganangel - I would sympathise with your thinking if you were telling the whole truth but partial truths just don't cut it in relationships.

Either you tell everyone involved that you're sleping with others and why or you select one and try and see what happens with the relationship. Whilst you might find it fun to have multiple girlfriends it will certainly confuse the isue for you if you ultimately want to settle down with one person.

 

[hatara]

OK pagan I have to admit to being a bit confused. Are you trying to find a relationship based on the sex alone?

You said you try and limit it to one a day or shower in between. That doesn't indicate a lot of talking to me. If you don't find out who they are as a person how can you tell if they are someone worth being with in the first place?

I am not criticizing just inquiring because I think I might have missed something along the way.

 

[paganangel]

where to begin?!

and me being the non-lying but adulterous bitch I am, replies, "Why yes honey, I did."

What I left out and (according to you what he failed to ask) was did I do it just once or have I been fucking around for the past 5 years of our marriage? Seeing as he thinks it's only once, he takes me back and we carry on... which he probably wouldn't have done if he'd known I was fucking around on him all the goddamn time.

if he doesn't ask for elaboration, then you are not lying. i can also tell why you'd cheat.

How do you know that the women you are seeing know that you have chosen to have the option to sleep around? Did you tell them this when you first started to sleep with them and the other girls? Or do you assume that they already know this? Maybe they aren't asking the right questions.....

how am i not being clear here? yes, i tell hem. "listen by the way, just becaue we sleep together does not mean there's any sort of commitment between us. there's no exclusivity or anything." i try not to mince words. i think that is pretty clear, don't you?

OK pagan I have to admit to being a bit confused. Are you trying to find a relationship based on the sex alone?

You said you try and limit it to one a day or shower in between. That doesn't indicate a lot of talking to me. If you don't find out who they are as a person how can you tell if they are someone worth being with in the first place?

I am not criticizing just inquiring because I think I might have missed something along the way.

that was sort of tongue in cheek. how can i tell if they are worth being with? what does talking have to do with it? i want to be with them for the sex. the talking is what leads to a relationship. too many people think you talk to see if they are worth sleeping with. oh look, they are. they sleep together and pow, suddenly it's a relationship. not me. i know better. a relationship is way more complicated than just sex. equating sex with a relationship is naive.
by the way, if i met your av in real life...she'd be the one. no question!

Paganangel - I would sympathise with your thinking if you were telling the whole truth but partial truths just don't cut it in relationships.
Either you tell everyone involved that you're sleping with others and why or you select one and try and see what happens with the relationship. Whilst you might find it fun to have multiple girlfriends it will certainly confuse the isue for you if you ultimately want to settle down with one person.

partial truths...are we reading the same thread?

and you seem to agree with me. sleep around til i met a girl i like and trust enoughto have an exclusive relationship with.


finally pcg,

you just rock!