so my shrink asks me...

[paganangel]

"are you saying you wanna 'get together' (romantically) with everyone you are attracted to?"

well duh.

is there something wrong with me? i mean if i acted on it when i was commited to another i'd be pretty scummy, but otherwise, what's the big deal?

 

[Bindii]

I think what he means is 'would you go through with it?'. We all are attracted to other people whether in relationships or not, and when we are sexually attracted then obviously we think about 'getting with them'. But we wouldn't all go through with it.

 

[lavender]

 

[paganangel]

lav

some people have issues...i have subscriptions.

that's exactly what we were talking about. basically it's like this, i want agirlfriend, but i don't want to commit to exclusivity until i'm fairly sure there's a future. in the mean time i wann date. it increases my chances of meeting the right person. i should mention that i never lie.

 

[Bindii]

Personally I can't see anything wrong with dating a few woman at the same time as long as it isn't serious.

If you like a woman and want to take your relationship to the next level (sex perhaps) then seeing other women at this time is not only insulting but its down right nasty! You'd be flat out getting a woman to stay with you inder those circumstances, and I suspect that you would probably find it difficult to deal with if she was seeing other men when she was sleeping with you?

But when it comes to dating on a basic level, go for it! They will respect your honesty. I know I would.

 

[KillerMuffin]

THPTPHTPHTPH What do shrinks know.

The thing is that we've got this societal ideal about "healthy" sexuality and "healthy" relationships that don't always match the individual. I mean jeez. We're talking about a culture that still prosecutes its military personnel for having oral sex with someone of the opposite gender with no marital complications involved.

So what, you want to get together with everyone you find attractive. Do you do it? Is it keeping you from getting into a relationship that you find healthy with someone? Unless this behavior is detrimental to you in some way-- and speaking as a shrinkee myself, we usually can't tell that we're hurting ourselves with our behavior-- then there's nothing wrong with it.

Ask el shrinko why this is something s/he finds notable. There may be some insight. There may just be major morality issues with a guy that moonlights as a church deacon or something. The bottom line? Who has to live your life? Who has to be happy in your skin?

I had a shrink that tried to put me on medication for "nymphomania" or whatever the hell they call it just because I remarked that he had a seriously nice ass and grabbed it.

Shrinks. Go figure.

 

[xMorganx]

that's exactly what we were talking about. basically it's like this, i want agirlfriend, but i don't want to commit to exclusivity until i'm fairly sure there's a future. in the mean time i wann date. it increases my chances of meeting the right person. i should mention that i never lie.

My philosiphy too!

 

[paganangel]

If you like a woman and want to take your relationship to the next level (sex perhaps) then seeing other women at this time is not only insulting but its down right nasty! You'd be flat out getting a woman to stay with you inder those circumstances, and I suspect that you would probably find it difficult to deal with if she was seeing other men when she was sleeping with you?

see, that's where it gets sorta sticky. sex for me isn't intamacy. as i said, i never lie. i make sure the girl knows i don't equate sex with exclusivity.

i think this is fine. woul i have a problem if i knew she was sleeping with someone else. i'd never find out. i'd never want to and they'd know this. i'd expect them to have enough respect for me to take the same precautions i do to keep them from finding out.

 

[Zamdrist]

If you like a woman and want to take your relationship to the next level (sex perhaps) then seeing other women at this time is not only insulting but its down right nasty!

So. Humor me. Does sex imply an explicit exclusivness of all other partners? Or, just all other sexual partners?

Or can it be agreed upon prior and maybe it should be, if that is one's wish.

Having sex with someone you've been seeing for a while, implies, or is, a new level. But does it have to?

Am I making any fucking sense?

 

[Bindii]

But generally speaking sex for women is an intimite experience....some women are happy with the arrangment that you are talking about - I have been in the past myself, but now have different views. The majority of women would be insulted to think that you are sleeping with other women as well as them.

I also don't understand that you say you never lie yet you state that you take precuations to keep them from finding out...isn't this lying by ommision?

Its not a stable base for a relationship, wondering if and with whom your partner is sleeping with. You want a girlfriend, someone to share your life with, your thoughts, dreams and fantasies yet you also want to fuck other women. Over here they call that 'Having your cake and eating it too'.

If you are happy just flitting around getting sex where and when you can then don't change a thing, but if you seriously want a long term commitment then you need to accept that the best chance you have of it working is to make some major changes to your way of thinking. Don't end up like those married men who run around telling anyone who will listen that your wife doesn't understand you.....they aren't happy.

On the other hand some married couples are more than happy to share their partners. Who am I to throw stones.

 

[Bindii]

So. Humor me. Does sex imply an explicit exclusivness of all other partners? Or, just all other sexual partners?

Or can it be agreed upon prior and maybe it should be, if that is one's wish.

Having sex with someone you've been seeing for a while, implies, or is, a new level. But does it have to?

Am I making any fucking sense?

Your making perfect sense!

It depend on what sort of relationship you want, of course both partners can agree prior......I myself have been in this type of relationship before, and at the time it suited me just fine! Hell no sex doesn;t have to be the next level......it can be the first if so wished, most of us have had one night stands before I'm sure.

What I'm trying to say is that the majority of relationships are exclusive, and most women prefer it that way.

 

[paganangel]

But generally speaking sex for women is an intimite experience....some women are happy with the arrangment that you are talking about - I have been in the past myself, but now have different views. The majority of women would be insulted to think that you are sleeping with other women as well as them.

hey, that's not my problem, they don't have to sleep with me. i'm not raping them.

I also don't understand that you say you never lie yet you state that you take precuations to keep them from finding out...isn't this lying by ommision?

there's is no such thing as lying by ommission. this is something trumpted up by people who don't know how to ask the right questions. the precaution thing is respect. they don't need to know specifics. it's a complication that COULD impede a future if there's a chance of one.

Its not a stable base for a relationship, wondering if and with whom your partner is sleeping with. You want a girlfriend, someone to share your life with, your thoughts, dreams and fantasies yet you also want to fuck other women. Over here they call that 'Having your cake and eating it too'.

this is just a silly phrase and i never liked it. it makes no sense.
look, i wanna eat all the cike i can until i find the one worth having. how do i know what i want to have unless i eat around. (i'm sure you can see how the further one carries this metaphore the sillier it gets.)

i don't wanna be one of those guys either. hence the therapy.

 

[Zamdrist]

What I'm trying to say is that the majority of relationships are exclusive, and most women prefer it that way.

True words.

I just got out of a relationship, that which a stray glance or even (chuckle) a hot commercial, say Victoria's Secret was enough of a digression to warrant a cold shoulder or a nasty look.

I'm OK with exclusivness, so long as it doesn't mean I must avert my eyes, or thoughts from all other equally beautiful women

Paganangel: I don't mean to hijack your thread, I think though you brought forth a good topic for discussion.

I know for one, I want to sleep with *every* woman I find attractive, it just may not be reality.

 

[Bindii]

hey, that's not my problem, they don't have to sleep with me. i'm not raping them.
But would they sleep with you if they knew that you were sleeping with other women?


there's is no such thing as lying by ommission. this is something trumpted up by people who don't know how to ask the right questions. the precaution thing is respect. they don't need to know specifics. it's a complication that COULD impede a future if there's a chance of one.
Not asking the right questions? Are you expecting an inquisition with every women you sleep with? Your right about respect, and sleeping around without telling your sexual partners is not showing a lot of respect is it? Yes it could impede a possible future, depending on how serious you were before you fessed up.


this is just a silly phrase and i never liked it. it makes no sense.
look, i wanna eat all the cike i can until i find the one worth having. how do i know what i want to have unless i eat around. (i'm sure you can see how the further one carries this metaphore the sillier it gets.)
You got me here! It is a silly phrase But it comes down to the old respect word again doesn't it?

i don't wanna be one of those guys either. hence the therapy.

Ok, so you don't want to be one of those guys. So why do you insist on justifying this behavour to yourself? I'm not saying its right or wrong, just my personal thoughts is all

 

[riff]

You got intimacy issues, dude. I got them bad too. There's no need to be a complete prick about it.

~aside: Irony is a bitch.

 

[PrincessSalome]

some people have issues...i have subscriptions.

OMG, can I quote that? I love you already.

 

[paganangel]

bindi

you seem like a realnice person, but try and keep up.

the women DO know i have the option to sleep around. i just refuseto say things like, "oh babe, this saturday night's no good for me cause i'm banging someone else."

i hope now that i've cleared that upyou see where i'm coming from. these girls all know what they're getting into and i have no doubt that at least a few of them are doing the same tings.

 

[paganangel]

riff

how am i being a prick?

i swear i don't understand humans. i got a message from a chick tonight saying that i shouldn't have been so nice and honest and i just should have never called her again.

 

[Zamdrist]

Re: bindi

...i just refuseto say things like, "oh babe, this saturday night's no good for me cause i'm banging someone else."

You do? Hell, I use that line all the time, especially when I'm looking for some quality 'Me' time.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

[freescorfr]

You seem to me to be confusing relationships, Pagan, and doing the thinking for other people as well as imagining what the girls are feeling.

Be dead honest with yourself, get to know yourself well - that's the big intimacy issue - and put everything of your self, dead straight into every relationship. Have as many as you like and you'll find they soon narrow down, probably to one, since in practical terms forming more than one really serious relationship demands huge time and financial input, and bingo - she's hooked you.

 

[paganangel]

You seem to me to be confusing relationships, Pagan, and doing the thinking for other people as well as imagining what the girls are feeling.

please clarify. i thought i was letting the girls think for themselves. you know, giving them the same options, and eventually, hopefully, limitations, i have.

Be dead honest with yourself, get to know yourself well - that's the big intimacy issue - and put everything of your self, dead straight into every relationship. Have as many as you like and you'll find they soon narrow down, probably to one, since in practical terms forming more than one really serious relationship demands huge time and financial input, and bingo - she's hooked you.

i really can't comment on this until i understand the former.

 

[freescorfr]

please clarify. i thought i was letting the girls think for themselves. you know, giving them the same options, and eventually, hopefully, limitations, i have.



i really can't comment on this until i understand the former.

Pagan - I've just got up so I've probably not been at all clear. I got the impression, I now think wrongly, that when you said the girls knew what they were getting into, that you were imagining that it was as clear for them as it was for you.

I'm still not awake and your thread is too good to have posted to withour a cup of coffee.

What I'm saying is just go for them all and really put yourself into every relationship and you'll find it's self-organising.

 

[lavender]

 

[paganangel]

i agree lav

while taking the pepsi challenge one needst o have water between samples to clear the pallete. that's why i always shower between dates. i also try to see only one girl a day. this is pretty hard, but i manage. any other suggestions?

 

[paganangel]

tired, goodnight

we'l pick it up tomorrow if ya want. thanks to all.