so fuckin tired of lies n bullshit.

[AgonySceneGirl]

for starters - i know i'm a sad person and quite pathetic at that...so - if you bash me - good for you...i really dont care anymore.
i honestly have no friends that i can talk to about this shit - - all of my friends are his friends and with the way this town of backstabbing whores is - he'll know within an hour.
this is more bitching n venting with a few questions mixed in so bare with me.

2 years ago i worked up n finally left a severely abusive asshole. Had a kid with him<who hasnt seen him in over 2 years. And now i am with someone i thought was a sweetheart and now i really dont know why i stick around.
I still do have a lot of mental / emotional issues that i need to work out. According to him i try to control him by wanting more than 1 night a week with him, and that when i dont get more than 1 night - i bitch when he does stuff with his friends. <DUH! obviously gonna happen. If you cant spend time with the person you supposedly care about because your too busy, then you shouldnt be able to go hang out with ur friends. <Just my opinion on that one.
So - about 2 weeks ago we decided to take a break. Not break up but not see eachother at all...Was his idea - cant ya tell?
Well - saturday last weekend he calls me up at 3pm and says he wants me to come up to his place later but he had to work on his car for a bit n didnt know when he'd be home - said he would call me when he got back into town. So - me being the stupid lil ignorant person that i am - i believed it n sat here waiting. Around midnight i sent him a text saying i'm going to bed. lol go figure - took him till 1:30 to message me back saying "bad reception meet me at my place"....again being the ignorant lil person that i am - i rush up there, just to sit untill about 2:15, so i decided to go over to the bar because somethin told me he'd be there. and low and behold! HE WAS! got in town at 9 that night - and 'forgot' to call me till it was time to get his dick wet.
so - i tell him to go back to his place so we can talk and figure out why the fuck he lied to me and ignored me. We get out there and he rushes me out the door. Found out later that one of his friends got in a slight vender bender and he was worked up about it... Yeah i didnt get a wink of sleep that night - up all night crying my eyes out because he actually had the gul to treat me that way. i was humiliated and dumbfounded that yet another person could treat me like that...
HE called me about noon the next day and asked me to come up - - - wow i really am stupid -- - -and i rush up there with no second thought. just to sit there and comfort him all day because of what happened with his friend the night before.
Next day - he called me when he got off work n asked me to come up again - so i did and yet again completely refused to even give me an appology saying "i'm still shaken up from the weekend, can we talk about this later"
i stood my ground and said if he didnt give me an answer we were done....i still havent gotten one. just lame ass excuses that he lied because i wanted to much time with him... 1 FUCKING DAY A WEEK! wow....

so - - saturday night <<the following weekend. He asked me to come over friday but i couldnt because of my kid... Said he was going up to some arm wrestling thing with his friends sat night n that he would call me when he got back so i could go up there.. I didnt have a problem with that.
lol so - - -11 rolls around and no call so i said fuck it, i'm going to the bars alone to hang out with my cousin. I get up there, and again LOW AND BEHOLD! he's sitting there. been there for almost 2 hours according to my cousin. WOW! So - - he said he intended to call me but didnt want to because he knew i'd be pissed he was at the bar. well wtf - why would i be pissed when we had planned earlier that day to go to the bar together. He admitted later he wasnt even gonna call me till he went home from the bar - to get his dick wet i'm sure. I stayed the night over there - and of course, got dragged into sex somehow. not really sure how that happened considering i was fuming all night and during. Get up sunday mornin - and i'm rushed out the door because what do ya know - one of his friends called n wanted to go 4 wheeling so - he rushed to get dressed n leave. wasnt even awake 20 minutes before i had to leave. and now - every time i try to ask him why the fuck he keeps lieing and ignoring me and not wanting time with me - - - he says its cuz i'm trying to control him and that i'm smothering him....well fuck how can ya smother someone when ya only see them 1 fuckin day a week? I push him for more time with him and bitch when he spends every night with his friends n none with me - - i guess thats how i'm "tryin to control him"


UGH!

ok i guess what i'm wanting out of this rant is a "what the fuck do i do" type thing. I have no willpower to leave him because i cant stand to be alone. I keep thinking "i've had worse, much worse. may as well just stick it out."
what the hell is wrong with me? seriously here - i am so fuckin tired of getting stepped on and yet i cant force myself to leave. Every thing i do in life is a mistake, everything that goes wrong in my past relationships and this one - is my fault.
blah i dont know atm. Sorry everyone if you hate listenin to people bitch.
i jsut want someone to fuckin care about me for once... i didnt realize caring about me would be that fuckin difficult.

 

[akazie]

Oh hun, big ((((hug)))). You have a lot of anger but given what you have been through in your life that is understandable, you need to get help for the past abuse you have suffered and work on being a more assertive girl with self esteem.

I know that you fear being alone but that is a lot better than being walked on by an arsehole and that time will give you more time to work on yourself. I care about you and if you ever want to talk just PM me.

www.drirene.com

 

[Paxter]

I don't know if this is much help to you but, it seems to me your boyfriend is using you just for sex. He is a selfish, self centered asshole. You probably have that figured out already! I know you say you don't want to be on your own, but staying in this 'relationship' is crazy. Dump the jerk and get on with your life. You will meet someone else who will appreciate you for who you are. Just don't go looking too hard, things have a way of happenning when you least expect them to.

A big (((HUG))) to you. Feel free to PM me too if you want a chat.; I hope it works out.

 

[missgizmo]

Unless you get out of this mentally abusive relationship and start to sort yourself out you are never going to be happy. You have a child so do it for them. Get yourself some professional help and get some girlfriends. Hang out with your girlfriends and get to know who you are, get to like yourself. Only after that can you start to get into any sort of relationships with someone.

I know this isnt what you want to hear but it is the truth and said with caring.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm very sorry you're being treated so poorly. It seems like there's a lot of that going around these days.

Honestly? You're going to keep seeking out the users and abusers if you can't start loving yourself and believing you can be on your own. If it's not the current jerk, it's going to be another asshole. We repeat behaviors, making the same choices, over and over again, and things keep coming back to haunt us, until we truly learn the lesson(s) and make the change(s) we need to. That's one of the simplest but most difficult/painful facts of life.

It sounds like you need to take a break from romantic relationships entirely (and definitely this asshole!) for a good amount of time and work on yourself. Learn to truly love yourself, think, say and feel good things about yourself, connect with people in non-sexual/romantic ways, enjoy all of the things you can do alone and with your son, build better friendships, and, yes, even make love to yourself!

You can't expect someone to love you and treat you well if you don't love yourself and treat yourself well. When you're really good to yourself and learn to be happy on your own, you'll be able to find partners who treat you as good as you deserve.

It all starts with you and is going to be hard work, but you CAN do it because you are clearly a very strong young woman who is able to get out of bad situations and improve herself. That's the bottom line, babe!

When I'm facing something that's very difficult for me, a big change or fear, I find it helpful to break it down into smaller steps. I'll use the big, scary task of breaking up with someone who's treating me poorly for an example of some of those step/smaller tasks:

- Think of all the mean things I say to myself and write down nice things for each one, then read the list out loud several times a day.

- Every time I think or say something bad about, or criticize, myself, I consider whether that's really true (a good test is to see if I'd say the same thing about/be so hard on a loved one), and replace the negative thought with a positive one.

- Tell my partner I'm ending the relationship. I can say, "I appreciate much of the time we've spent together, but I'm not happy and I need time alone to work on myself. I wish you the best of luck in your future relationships." [Practicing what I'm going to say ahead of time helps me a lot.]

- Return any of his possessions, delete his info from my contact list, remove all traces of him in my home.

- Tell myself I'm doing what's best for me, I made a good decision, I'm proud of myself and I'm going to be okay A LOT.

- Ask people who care about me for support or anything specific I might need.

- Set myself up with hobbies, time out, volunteering, doing nice things for myself and others, and generally keep myself busy.

...stuff like that.

It's hard at first, but when a person is wrong for me, I never feel bad about it for very long because deep down I know I'm much better off without them (and all of that stress), getting out sooner saves me a lot more pain later and I'll have the opportunity to meet some really right people in the future. I'm upset for a little bit, but overall, I'm very relieved and feel good about it ending since I always get more than I lose when a crappy relationship ends.


This guy doesn't sound like a good catch or worthy of your time and attention at all! He sounds like a loser who spends way too much time in the bar, doesn't care about you at all, is disrespectful, using you and there's probably a pretty good chance he's cheating on you. You can do much, much, MUCH better by creating a good relationship with yourself. And when you have that, you're going to see that much better people come along, and you'll be all set to have happy, healthy relationships with them.

Keep telling yourself you deserve better and can be happy on your own. You absolutely can. I believe it 100%. Now how can we get you to agree with me on this?

 

[Bandit58]

#1. Get rid of the dropkick "boyfriend". He's treating you like crap and you're letting him by running to him every time he deigns to call you.

#2. Really, you don't need a man right now. What you do need is some counselling and to take some time to build up your self esteem, and also concentrate on your child. Time alone is time well spent. I spent nearly two years as a single woman after being married for 23 years. I had time to read and help myself to be a better person.

#3. You are worth so much more than you think....really, the boyfriend is abusing you just as much as the abuser you left - just in a different way. And in a way, emotional abuse can be worse than physical, because the damage isn't visible like bruises are. My ex husband was an emotional abuser. No one could see how damaged I was because of that, and even after six years it still affects me.

 

[SweetErika]

#1. Get rid of the dropkick "boyfriend". He's treating you like crap and you're letting him by running to him every time he deigns to call you.

#2. Really, you don't need a man right now. What you do need is some counselling and to take some time to build up your self esteem, and also concentrate on your child. Time alone is time well spent. I spent nearly two years as a single woman after being married for 23 years. I had time to read and help myself to be a better person.

#3. You are worth so much more than you think....really, the boyfriend is abusing you just as much as the abuser you left - just in a different way. And in a way, emotional abuse can be worse than physical, because the damage isn't visible like bruises are. My ex husband was an emotional abuser. No one could see how damaged I was because of that, and even after six years it still affects me.

Excellent post, Bandit! You summed everything up perfectly.

I'm glad you took the time you needed to heal and learn to love yourself so you and Gil could find each other and have the wonderful relationship you both deserve. Your story is such a valuable example for ASG and all of us, IMHO.

 

[elib257]

Hello you. You're far too angry and upset and it cannot be good for your health. The trouble is, you know what to do (get rid of him) but you feel like you can't do it. How long were you on your own?

I'll admit I haven't got any experience in this, not being a single parent or really knowing anyone in that situation closely at the moment however, I did have one best friend who was a single parent with a child from an abusive relationship:

She had a lot of issues but had been separated from him completely for five years before she even began to think about other relationships. It was hard for her, really hard - I know she struggled emotionally, socially and financially. So she, at the age of 26, got herself back into college did really well in A-levels and has moved on to do a law degree and I believe she graduates this Summer. About three years ago she had another relationship with a man who was an absolute arsehole and another few ridiculous short-term flings that did her no good. She nearly gave everything up but, as a last resort she joined a dating agency and met a lovely man whom she's about to marry.

Anyway, that's a lot of information but the most important thing is what I learned while talking to her. She was adamant that those five years she spent on her own were the best in her life. Hard? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Lonely? Yes. But she tranformed herself into the epitome of a 'strong, independant woman'. Looking after a child is hard enough in itself but looking after yourself and healing your emotional wounds makes then job ten times harder. Time and patience is the most important thing you can give yourself - god knows you need it.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's hard and it's scary but you need to give yourself time to heal, by getting involved with abusive and/or messed up men you're not letting those wounds heal and they'll get worse and worse over time. You need to respect and love yourself enough to give yourself that time. It might help to get out and meet friends - take up a hobby etc but if that seems like too much how about going on a site like okcupid.com where you can specifically request just friendships and build it up from there.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I know you'll get there but please give youself time. . Also, like everybody else has said if you want to talk... or just need a friendly chat my pm box is always open.

 

[Bandit58]

Excellent post, Bandit! You summed everything up perfectly.

I'm glad you took the time you needed to heal and learn to love yourself so you and Gil could find each other and have the wonderful relationship you both deserve. Your story is such a valuable example for ASG and all of us, IMHO.

Thanks Erika Like you, I am still a "work in progress", self confidence is something I still have to work on, but getting there slowly

 

[VelvetDarkness]

#1. Get rid of the dropkick "boyfriend". He's treating you like crap and you're letting him by running to him every time he deigns to call you.

#2. Really, you don't need a man right now. What you do need is some counselling and to take some time to build up your self esteem, and also concentrate on your child. Time alone is time well spent. I spent nearly two years as a single woman after being married for 23 years. I had time to read and help myself to be a better person.

#3. You are worth so much more than you think....really, the boyfriend is abusing you just as much as the abuser you left - just in a different way. And in a way, emotional abuse can be worse than physical, because the damage isn't visible like bruises are. My ex husband was an emotional abuser. No one could see how damaged I was because of that, and even after six years it still affects me.

Exactly.

ASG, I posted on this thread you started about this and I'm not going to say all the same things to you again. I think you know that it's time to get rid of this creep. You're not even getting 1 day a week anyway, you're getting 1 lousy fuck in the middle of the night a week. WTF are you even thinking of staying for? You never see him anyway and even that one night he lies through his teeth. Next time he wants to 'get his dick wet' tell him to shove it up his own ass.

 

[subwannabe]

You have to like yourself first before you can get anyone else to like you.

 

[NotNowHunny]

All this is excellent advice so there's nothing I can add to it. I wish you all the best.

 

[ero_dream]

http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/images/products/COLORED/SHE-SAID_RK.gif

 

[baronvonschtupp]

Hi.

I am truly sorry you are having such a hard time with your situation. I don't think anyone on this board hasn't run afoul of an asshole or bitch in a relationship. The world is full of them.

We all have a wonderful gift. It's called choice. Choice gives us so much power when we decide to use it. There is no right or wrong choice. Whatever way the choice turns out it is a learning experience. Sometimes we go through a rough period because of them, sometimes everything works out. No matter what happens, we continue.

A couple of things stuck out... grabbed my attention in the last paragraph of your OP.

Every thing i do in life is a mistake, everything that goes wrong in my past relationships and this one - is my fault.

We all make mistakes. That's how we learn, darlin. For years I kept running into bad relationships. I was 'bout ready to swear off relationships altogether. When I finally talked to someone, he said that I was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Life was handing me the same old shit in a different sack every time. "Do somethin' different, bro." he encouraged. So rather than look for that perfect woman, I got involved in something greater than myself. I volunteered rather than sit at home and brood. Shortly the funk was gone, and the world looked a lot rosier.

i jsut want someone to fuckin care about me for once... i didnt realize caring about me would be that fuckin difficult.

Ok, I'm gonna get real and serious here. No matter how much we care about you, how much we try to help, how much we hope, pray, meditate, and give you our experience, it's not going to do or mean squat unless one thing happens..... You have to care about you first. You are now and will always be your own best friend. You have to want to change in order to change. Nobody here can do it for you.

I had to cultivate that best friend, find out who Schtupp was and cut him some slack. I had to quit beatin' myself up. I had to realize that not everything is my fault. I had to learn to deal with my stuff and not pick up anybody else's stuff. I had to not care about what others said or did. It took a while, but I'm pretty comfortable in my skin now. It was a journey I had to take, but I found I didn't have to make it alone if I didn't want to.

Most folks in this thread have offered up very profound and sound experience.

I want you to know you are not alone. I dare say everybody here has had their heart or pee-pee stepped on at least once in their lives. So we all look pretty ridiculous walkin' around with boot prints on our chests and flat pee-pees.

Let me assure you it gets better from here if you want it to be and are willing to put some effort into making it be. Believe in yourself.

I wish you luck. I wish you everything you need.

 

[bailadora]

ASG: I'm so sorry you are having difficulties yet again. I have to admit that when you posted that he didn't want anything to do with your kiddo, that sent up a red flag in my mind. Based on all you've told us, he sounds like a user and honey, you just don't need that kind of individual in your life.

I have no willpower to leave him because I can't stand to be alone

This statement really bothers me, so as a good friend of mine likes to say, "Listen up, girl 'cause this is your momma talkin".

There's a big difference between can and will. You can leave him, but you don't want to leave him because you're afraid of being alone.

You have to want to change in order to change. Nobody here can do it for you.

Re-quoted for truth and emphasis. Honestly, as much as we want to help you with this, YOU are the only one who can do anything about it. You've been given excellent advice thus far on how you can affect this change. The only question that remains is this - "How badly do you REALLY want change"?

I wish you the courage to reach deep within your soul to find the strength you need to make the right decision for you and your child.

 

[Plainly_Jane]

I don't know you, but I'm gonna take a stab at addressing some of your post:

2 years ago i worked up n finally left a severely abusive asshole. Had a kid with him<who hasnt seen him in over 2 years. And now i am with someone i thought was a sweetheart and now i really dont know why i stick around.
I still do have a lot of mental / emotional issues that i need to work out.

a) good for you to leave the severely abusive asshole. That shows that you won't stay in a truly horrible relationship and I'm glad to hear it. You thought your current guy was a sweetheart, but by the actions you describe later in your post -- he's not.

b) It does sound like you've got some issues that you definitely need to sort out. I suggest that you seek some therapy - and no, this is not a rude or smart ass comment. See more about that below.

Yeah i didnt get a wink of sleep that night - up all night crying my eyes out because he actually had the gul to treat me that way. i was humiliated and dumbfounded that yet another person could treat me like that...

Guess what? It took two of you to work that intricate dance of crappy treatment. Him to try to pull that crap, and you to go along with it.

On top of that, when he repeats the process, you repeat your behavior of giving in, going over to his place at any late hour he might finally call you, and even though you know he's treating you like crap, having sex with him.

she's sitting there. been there for almost 2 hours according to my cousin. WOW! So - - he said he intended to call me but didnt want to because he knew i'd be pissed he was at the bar. well wtf - why would i be pissed when we had planned earlier that day to go to the bar together. He admitted later he wasnt even gonna call me till he went home from the bar - to get his dick wet i'm sure. I stayed the night over there - and of course, got dragged into sex somehow. not really sure how that happened considering i was fuming all night and during.

Again, it happened because you're allowing yourself to put up with this bullshit.

i jsut want someone to fuckin care about me for once... i didnt realize caring about me would be that fuckin difficult.

I wish you would be the one to care about yourself. Because if you truly liked yourself, you wouldn't put up with this for one second longer. That's why I suggested trying to locate a counselor or therapist that you feel comfortable with, someone who could help you work through the issue of why you feel you are not worth more than this. What is so scary about being alone?

To attract a decent guy, one who won't treat you like the mud on his boots, you need to first treat yourself much better than you have been. You don't know me, and I don't know you -- but I wish you luck. This guy will never treat you better than he is now; because he's learned he doesn't have to, and also because he sounds like a jerk and a loser anyway. Dump his ass, work on treating yourself decently, and when you do that, you're gonna attract a much better class of guy. Not some fuckwad that sits at the bar every night, and then gives his girlfriend a booty call at 2:00 a.m. when last call come around.

 

[TheLamb]

I've been in this situation before, and I'm telling you to just get the fuck out of it.

He's using you as a booty call, and that's pretty much it. He's trying to push you away because he's just not interested anymore. Men don't know how to convey this properly, so this is pretty much the route he's going to continue to take. The lying won't stop, neither will the avoiding/ignoring, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was messing around.

I'm not trying to be cruel or harsh. I've seen it a million times with my friends, and at the end of a 4 year relationship with my ex.

You don't deserve that kind of treatment, I don't even know this guy and I know you can do so much better. Don't be pulled back into it. I KNOW how hard it is not to go over there when he calls, but DON'T. You deserve better. And hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's a decent guy that's dealing with some shit....but then give him what he wants: space. Don't go there, don't call him, ignore HIM. He wont be able to handle it when the shoe is on the other foot. Maybe it'll get his act together.

 

[Noor]

Okay I don't see why he should stop being a lying scumbag.
He gets your complete attention, support and laid so he has no incentive to change.

If you can't just drop him like a hot potato I suggest you work on some positive reenforcement. Only give him attention when he does something right, and give him none when he doesn't. He lyings, you don't even notice him. He wants you to come back to his place? "no thanks, I have other plans" DO NOT step foot in that man's place until he is 100% better behaved than he is now. If it were me down on his knees begging with chocolates, strawberries and offering lobster for breakfast would be starters before I would consider him.

Normally when women see men to this to other women we think to ourselves "gosh he must be great in bed" because we can think of no other reason why a woman would put up with this. Unfortunately nothing you have said has lead me to believe this is the case.

If you are willing to take this crap, there are plenty of smooth talkers, who are great in bed, will give you presents, great make up sex, and really nice dinners out, no reason to stick with this one, plenty of scum out there where he comes from.

Also think of the example you are showing your own child, do you want them to think this is ok behavior?

You are worth so much more than this, I just wish you knew that.

Good Luck

 

[cloudy]

great advice you've been given here. But, there's something that no one has addressed yet: the effect on your child.

See, kids learn everything about romantic relationships from what they see their parent(s) do. If he sees a happy, giving relationship, with give and take on both sides, and true intimacy, that's how he perceives marriage/partnership to be.

On the other hand, if he sees you let yourself be treated as unimportant, as a booty call only, as a woman who will take any kind of crap a guy decides to dish out, then chances are that's going to be the way he thinks of relationships: men do whatever the hell they want, and women take it.

Abuse is self-perpetuating, and children do as they are taught by our actions. If you can't leave this fuckwad for yourself, leave for your baby. Don't teach him to treat women the way you're letting yourself be treated - yes, that's what I said. Sure he dishes it out, but you have to shoulder part of the blame, because you tolerate his behavior.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Good luck.

 

[SusyQ]

He's not that into you...

Is the title of a really good book. It doesn't take that long to read -- you don't even have to buy it if you've got half an hour to spend at the bookstore. However, given that this seems to be a pattern, you might want to buy a reference copy. The thing that I like best about it is the reassurance -- OK, this guy is not that into you, but out there somewhere is a guy who will be.

ASG, looking at your posts, this guy is sending you all kinds of signals that he's just not that into you. He's into getting laid when it's convenient for him. You're not going to ever, ever change that.

Instead, you can do one of two things:

1. Believe this is because there is something wrong with you, that if you just do things differently you CAN change it or just find the right guy, and continue to put up with this crap, either from him or from some other jerk; or

2. Realize that what's wrong with you is that you don't care enough about yourself. The world is full of jerks, you have to learn to sort them out. But first, you have to really believe you deserve better. Not just tell yourself that you deserve better or agree with your friends when they say it, but deep in your heart realize that you don't have to take this from anyone. When you've come to to that realization, you'll be willing to be alone before you put up with another abusive moron. Therapy is really, really good for this.

In the meantime, focus on yourself and your child. There is NO guy out there who is going to fix you. This is not because you're irreparably broken, it's because nobody can fix anybody else.

And remember, every SECOND you spend with this guy is a second you could be working on yourself and then, if you choose, spending with a man who is truly good for you. By continuing to put up with this garbage, you make yourself unavailable for healthy, nurturing relationships. And, until you finally just do the hard work on yourself, you will be repeating this same pattern forever.

This is the same stuff everyone else has been saying, but sometimes we need to hear things different ways before it finally clicks.

 

[subwannabe]

Good point Cloudy. If she won't do it for herself maybe she would do it for her child, otherwise, you are 100% right, the child will grow up thinking this is the way life is.

 

[Jenny_Kawaii]

I've been in this situation before, and I'm telling you to just get the fuck out of it.

He's using you as a booty call, and that's pretty much it. He's trying to push you away because he's just not interested anymore. Men don't know how to convey this properly, so this is pretty much the route he's going to continue to take. The lying won't stop, neither will the avoiding/ignoring, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was messing around.

I'm not trying to be cruel or harsh. I've seen it a million times with my friends, and at the end of a 4 year relationship with my ex.

You don't deserve that kind of treatment, I don't even know this guy and I know you can do so much better. Don't be pulled back into it. I KNOW how hard it is not to go over there when he calls, but DON'T. You deserve better. And hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's a decent guy that's dealing with some shit....but then give him what he wants: space. Don't go there, don't call him, ignore HIM. He wont be able to handle it when the shoe is on the other foot. Maybe it'll get his act together.

That advice is spot on!

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

I think the fact that you are always available is something that he is taking advantage of. If you want to continue seeing him dispite the advice to dump his ass (which I second) my advice is don't be available. Make plans, go out, even if it is to the movies by yourself, taking the baby to the park on weekends.

If he says that he will call by 9 and doesn't, shut your phone off and do something else. If he is of the mind that you two are seeing eachother but not exclusively go ask someone else out. Even if it is just a guy from work or what not. It doesn't have to be mind blowing romance for you to have some fun.

He will either figure it out or he won't but you will have some fun in the meantime.

You need to work on your own self image. He is not going to respect you untill you respect yourself.

There are a lot of ways to get some help with that without paying an arm and a leg. A pastor a support group. Be aware though that it will take work for you to start feeling better about yourself.

Hopefully you will get a leg up with the self image while he figures out that he is going to have to work to keep you.

He may decide that he doesn't want to make the effort but hopefully by then you will have a support group with new friends and such that it won't be the devastating experience that it could be.

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

I think the fact that you are always available is something that he is taking advantage of. If you want to continue seeing him dispite the advice to dump his ass (which I second) my advice is don't be available. Make plans, go out, even if it is to the movies by yourself, taking the baby to the park on weekends.

If he says that he will call by 9 and doesn't, shut your phone off and do something else. If he is of the mind that you two are seeing eachother but not exclusively go ask someone else out. Even if it is just a guy from work or what not. It doesn't have to be mind blowing romance for you to have some fun.

He will either figure it out or he won't but you will have some fun in the meantime.

I like these ideas a lot. Making yourself less available in general and unavailable when he doesn't stick to his word will transfer much of the power back to you and show him he won't be rewarded for walking all over you, like he is now.

When YOU start taking control of the situation by standing up to him and not allowing him to use you physically and abuse you mentally/emotionally, you'll feel A LOT better about yourself. I guarantee it.

And once you realize you actually do have a lot of power, feel good about yourself and are not a victim to his bad behavior, you'll see you don't need him and you can do MUCH, MUCH better on your own or with someone who truly cares about you AND your son.

You just have to take that first step of empowering yourself, and the rest will fall into place for you. Even if you don't feel in control, confident, secure, worthy, etc., you can start acting like you do, and the feelings will come in time when you see how much better it feels to stand up for yourself.

 

[tammytoodles]

/////////////