So... do all women masturbate...?

[M's girl]

Strange question maybe... I'm sure not ALL women do, but most?

I talked to someone the other day; a woman well in her thirties and she told me she never cared much about masturbating. Not sure why, I must confess, because I did not get the chance to ask much more. I was suprised, however. I know all people (doesn't matter if it's men or women) have different sex drives... but no need to please yourself ever?

I think the Lit-crowd (women) will say "yes" mainly as I suspect since they are on Lit they are sexual beings almost more so than the average women by definition. Maybe I'm wrong. But do you know of women (and not the very young ones who are just discovering sex, but the older ones of whom you would suspect...etcetera) who don't care for masturbation or sex at all? Who don't even know what they would have to do to please themselves?

I saw a documentary a while ago called "The Cat House" (if I'm not mistaken about the name). Actually it was a series and it was set in a whorehouse or something. One day one of the girls went to sort of lecture (outside the whorehouse) a group of women about sex, masturbation and toys. Some reacted as if someone just told them she had discovered life on Mars!

So, Lit women (men can barge in too of course).... Do all women masturbate, as far as you know? Please share your thoughts and experiences so my friend (who is kinda lost and confused) can benefit from your wisdom.

Oh, and I'm a bad example, so to speak, to her. Been masturbating since before I really knew what it was that I was doing anyway I'm afraid
I had one friend (girl) a long time ago who was well in her twenties who did not know much about sex. But I'm not certain that meant she never touched herself...

I'm curious... so tell me...

 

[bobsgirl]

I'm sure there are women (and men for that matter) who don't.

But honestly, aside from the friends I've made here, I have to say that the subject of masturbation is just not a topic of everyday conversation. i have a good friend that I've known for over 30 years, and I cannot even imagine asking her about her masturbation habits.

 

[EJFan]

i have known women who don't masturbate but they're in the minority. i THINK (and this is just a personal guess, founded on nothing) that women masturbate less frequently than men. in all likelihood this is becuase women have less frequent sexual thoughts than men. in other words, we get ourselves horned up more often.

there are so many benefits to masturbation. it releases endorphines that help ease pain, it helps a person get in touch with their own sexuality and makes them better sex partners, it eases tension and so much more. in fact, the women i've known who don't masturbate are less sexually adept (either from my own, or other people's personal experience with them).

i don't know if any of that makes sense. i just wanted to contribute something tangible before recalling a richard jeni quip... "98% of men masturbate; the other 2%... no arms. 70% of women masturbate; the other 30% expect you to believe it takes that long to take a fucking bath."

 

[M's girl]

I know... the subject came up unexpectedly I must say and I don't know a thing about this from most of my friends. I just assume in most cases that since I know they have a sexlife, they must do some masturbation also sometimes. Or at least be known/comfortable with it. That's the point and that's why I'm asking. I just don't know. I know my sister did not care too much about sex for the longest time. I mean, she has kids, but their father wasn't exactly Mr Lover Man if you know what I mean. That much I do know. I assume that sex, at that time, was not very high on her wishlist.

She is single again, but a previous (but after her devorce) relationship showed her that sex cán be fun, hehe. Now she's alone again. I can not, and maybe I'm wrong, imagine she misses sex a lot. For that reason I also assume masturbation is not too high on that same list either... I could be dead wrong of course.

I don't think I will ask her anytime soon

 

[M's girl]

..... i just wanted to contribute something tangible before recalling a richard jeni quip... "98% of men masturbate; the other 2%... no arms. 70% of women masturbate; the other 30% expect you to believe it takes that long to take a fucking bath."

Thank you EJ. And thát was soooo funny!

 

[DrHappy]

Some do, though it doesn't seem to be as popular among women (I'm a guy). I think that it's astounding, especially since I think that one of the greatest things about being a girl would be the wonderful assortment of sex toys! Maybe it's just me, but sex toys for men seem second rate and weird in comparison. I've been surprised by the number of women who have told me that they don't own and/or enjoy vibrators.

M's girl, how about doing a poll about women's sex toys? Maybe inquire about how many women own? or enjoy?

 

[Blitzz]

My favourite topic....
Most of the women that I know do masturbate. I think I may be a compulsive masturbator myself. I honestly think that most people do masturbate and the ones that say that they don't are ashamed of it. Of course, there could be people out there that do not do it. I just couldn't imagine not doing it.

 

[Mazuri]

None of the women in my family did that I know of. Perhaps it's a cultural thing but "that sort of thing" wasn't what 'good girls' did, sex toys were for perverts, etc. I was pushing thirty before I ever masturbated and my sister, who's 10 years older and single, thinks it's a perversion. She believes 'natural sex' (meaning, girl-guy, missionary position, no toys) is the only 'proper' way to have sex. *shrugs*

 

[M's girl]

I think it's very valid to assume that a lot of women do it but will never ever admit it for all sorts of cultural (and religious) reasons. I must say that I don't have a problem in admitting it per sé, but I'm not just going to share that information with people who ask just like that. Here on Lit it's a different thing of course, and that's why Lit is so great!

I'm quite sure the woman I talked to was being honest about it, there was no reason to lie I assume. So..... maybe another question is: should we take culture and religion (being a factor in this) into account if and when women assure us that they never masturbate? Would you? Would you think "yeah, right, you say that because you feel you have to?"

What about women, though, who have sex and have no religious or cultural stigma's... who have sex and enjoy it but still not only claim they never masturbate, but also state, as a matter of fact, that they never feel the urge... come to think of it....

 

[M's girl]

.... I think that it's astounding, especially since I think that one of the greatest things about being a girl would be the wonderful assortment of sex toys!

Well now..... I do like to masturbate and I do own a few sex toys. But honestly.... I hardly ever use them. They don't do that much for me. Especially when I'm in a relationship. Then I just want "the real thing". And I get plenty of that to not crave to be filled up when I masturbate really, if that makes sense?

M's girl, how about doing a poll about women's sex toys? Maybe inquire about how many women own? or enjoy?

I think that has been done before in another thread. But we could incorporate that I guess. But I must say sex toys go far beyond the initial question. We are talking about a woman who does not masturbate (or feels the urge to, or whatever you will call it). What is she ever going to do with sex toys if she does not even feel the urge to get off? Correct me if I'm wrong, and unless many people state that's what she should try I guess I'm lost, since sex toys don't do all that much for me! You understand what I mean?

 

[badattitude]

edited because I don't want advice thrown at me.

 

[Bluesboy2]

I'm sure there are women (and men for that matter) who don't.

But honestly, aside from the friends I've made here, I have to say that the subject of masturbation is just not a topic of everyday conversation. i have a good friend that I've known for over 30 years, and I cannot even imagine asking her about her masturbation habits.

Why not? I'll ask for you if you wish.

 

[bobsgirl]

Why not? I'll ask for you if you wish.

I know you would.

 

[Honeybee80]

In my opinion if a young girl is told frequently enough that her genitals are dirty and not to be touched, she'll carry that with her forever. I have several friends that rarely masturbate and some that do only by rubbing against something but not touching themselves.

Yes, my friends and I have discussed it.

Yes, I masturbate, usually once a day but sometimes as much as 4 or 5 times. Yes, I have an assortment of toys. I get a new one every year for christmas.

 

[rydia57]

I have an aunt that says any God fearing Christian woman wouldn't do such things... and don't. And if you would get married you wouldn't have to. I also have three sisters that don't wanna go near anything having to do with the topic of sex... TMI they always say (too much info) so I was kinda a late bloomer, I learned to late... I'm sure I might've touched myself a few times before I learned how... I think it's 60/40. 60% women do it , the other 40 percent are god-fearing women who wouldn't dare....

 

[M's girl]

See, for some reason I kind of realize this, although it was never something I came across. I was not raised religious, nor do I know many people who were/are. And my parents, well, they are simply from another generation. I know for a fact that my mother could not care less because she told me frequently enough that sex was more like an obligation (and one she did not take too serious too) to her. Like I said; no religious motives here that I know of...

Isn't it awful, though, if women are told that their own body and peasures are dirty? My mother never tried to make me believe that. I think she was more matter of fact like about the whole thing, like "some women do and some women don't: I don't" sort of. Talking about sex in general by the way.

In fact, I kind of remember something about the "good girls don't" message, although not from my parents per se. It was the whole attitude at the time I think. Now I see (very!) young girls rebelling against the whole thing and treating sex like you get yourself a candybar or something. Almost like a second sexual revolution, but this time it's not funny anymore. Or is that what our parents thought exactly at the time? Am I getting thát old?

 

[DrHappy]

A girlfriend that I had in college was brought up in a non-religious household, though her family was very “proper” and her
mother had imposed a very anti-sexual mindset. If sex was ever discussed, it was discussed negatively. According to her mother, sex wasn’t supposed to be “playful”. It was pleasurable, but it was much too serious to be playful. This girl had never masturbated and did not like touching her genitals. She had a chaotic sex drive that she was not comfortable with. Sexually, she was a basket case.

I was brought up in a fairly religious household, and sex was considered to be a wonderful thing, though it was usually discussed in vague terms. Masturbation was never discussed directly, but my mom always made sure that our house had some “educational” books and brochures were available for her four children to read in private. I specifically remember reading that most boys tended to masturbate between once a year to once a day, and that it was okay if they did it more than once a day or if they never did at all.

A woman I know in her early thirties says that she only really masturbated regularly when she was going through a period of depression. She has a healthy sex drive and body image, though her drive is normally suppressed when she isn’t seeing someone.

 

[angelkitty7888]

personally i masturbate anywhere between 1-50 times a week..... and never to come either... just to feel nice (though that might just be because i can never seem to get myself off.....) i've touched myself and filled myself since i was young enough to rub against something

my girlrfiends and i have talked about this before (and one of them even bought me a vibrator lol to help with my "problem" not realizing i'd bought the 'back massagers' to try on my own)

my SO/best female friend i know masturbates at least once a week because she's always happier the day after (unlike after having at it with her boyfriend who is a bastard and emotionally abusing her because i exist.... homophobic pig.... sorry can't help but rant)

my other two friends, one masturbates infrequently because she's loud in bed and afraid of being heard by her mother (but wishes her mom wasn't such a light sleeper), and the one who bought me the vibrator has a lovely selection of toys and masturbates when/where ever she can

so personally i agree that it depends on the woman.... and the background as to how much they masturbate.... Hey if we all did things the same way or were raised to be the same don't you think it would be very boring?

 

[M's girl]

Thanks everyone, so far, for sharing your thoughts and experiences and so on. I know for the woman I'm talking about there are no religious or cultural issues, just that she, like many others, was always told that it was not exactly a thing "nice girls" did. "Older" parenting had something to do with this (so it's more like a generation-gap issue or something).

I just read a reply in the "oral sex" thread by Mr G. who is claiming former (female) partners did not want to engage in or enjoy oral sex for the same reasons: they were told it was dirty.

It's not the same issue, but I liked the way he handled the situation:

It took a long time - months - of semi-regular sex and lots of kissing, licking & sucking on ALL other parts to get them to start thinking that maybe it might feel good in another spot AND that I wasn't grossed out by stickin my face there. I think patience and curiousity WILL win out in the end but heavy on the patience. If they think their vagina is dirty and ugly the LAST thing they want to do is subject you to eating it. Changing that attitude will take a lot of work but - ahhh the meal that awaits. Her doing you is a whole 'nuther story and will likely take even longer.

What I'm trying to say is that slowly going towards acceptation is going to be the way for her to realize she can do this without being considered a slut or whatever. It's a normal (and healthy!) act.

 

[Dirty_dave25]

Ill add my 10pence woth.

My previous SO decided she wanted to go on the pill. So she opted for the injection as it was less hassle trying to remember to take the pill every day.

Within a few days I noticed a change in her behaviour, I just thought it was short term and her body adjusting to the changes. Sadly for a whole 6 months she was an edgy emotional sexless wreck. I think in that whole time she only ever masturbated a few times and that was only because she liked to smoke cannabis on occasions which made her extremely horny. If it wasn’t for that I don’t think it would have crossed her mind.

One thing for sure though that the generations after us are far more open minded and experimental. I think the best part of most young women are doing it! I’ll admit the many I have spoken about on this topic I have never found anyone to say they don’t. (well they did say no, but with a beaming cheeky grin and a look of pleasure in their eyes!!! Liers! Lol)

It is however such a shame that some miss informed people have encaged a fear in some women. I feel so sorry for them not knowing just how a perfect sexual being they are and the amounts of pleasure they can have with themselves. Shame!!

 

[BigM]

I once went to bed with a woman who didn't want me to touch her vagina. Fucking was fine, but fingering her? Forget it.

"Why do you do that?" she asked. "Do do you think women like it?"

Um... yeah, I said, stunned.

"Well, we don't," she retorted. "And any woman who says she does is just saying it."

True story. It was a very brief affair.

 

[M's girl]

I find it amazing to hear all these stories. To me sex, and especially what kind of sex one has, is sort of a stage or level thing. Don't know if there is a word for it but I'll try to explain. I guess it has to do with my perception of the level of intimacy and comfort. I might forget something (or a level) but it's sort of like an example:

1. Kissing and touching
2. Getting naked
3. Touching and each others intimate parts
4. Oral sex
5. Reaching orgasm
5. Intercourse (yes, two times 5)
6. Experimental, starting with anal (although not my thing per se) or introducing toys
7. Extreme(r) stuff starting with (BD)SM and such
​

etcetera

I always want to start (in a new relationship) with number 1 and go upwards from there. We might skip a stage later on sometimes, but I would never be comfortable with 5 if I can't have 1-5 when I want it. Those have to come first because it defines the level of intimacy somehow. A.k.a. I could never fuck someone I did not experience 1-5 with before. Does that make sense?

For that same reason I do not understand people who start at 7 and never do any of the stuff I consider to be the basis for the rest.
I just can't wrap my mind around that...

 

[DrHappy]

I could never fuck someone I did not experience 1-5 with before. Does that make sense?

For that same reason I do not understand people who start at 7 and never do any of the stuff I consider to be the basis for the rest.
I just can't wrap my mind around that...

I'm fairly "traditional" like you, but I can see how going directly to 7 could give a certain adrenaline rush and intensify various feelings of arousal for some people. For some, the rush could be more important that the security needed for intimacy. For someone avoiding intimacy, this might be preferred. I"ll admit that there are certain aspects that makes it a great fantasy, though not something that's likely to ever happen for a number of reasons.

 

[M's girl]

Directly to 7 is not my thing and would never ever work for me. There are some (very light) aspects of the scene that appeal to me if incorporated in a loving session otherwise. Hey, I hardly arrive at 6 because anal (penetration) is also so not my thing and toys (although I own some) do little to increase the pleasure, especially when with a partner.

Guess I am traditional in a way. Or vanilla. Or both. Don't know. I don't mind labels too much. But which ever it is: our sexlife is anything but dull!

We're drifting..... Back to the masturbation question!

 

[rthnck]

Low on the list

Unfortunately for me it's not a big thing for my SO. She actually let me watch one time (in 15 years). VERY HOT. We have a good sex life. She says she only solos a couple of times a year.