Smartass Disclaimer

[SimonDoom]

Already finished the first chapter. Having a cooling off period before the second. I want at least three or so chapters finished before I try to submit, just to make sure that I'll stick with it.

No one likes an abandoned series, least of all those of us who are rather bad about doing it.

OK. Since you've already written multiple chapters it's a bit late, but my general suggestion to new authors is to write short standalone stories, publish them, and see how things go, rather than to get invested from the get-go in long series. Just write and publish and don't overthink it. Try things and see if they work. You will profit far more from that attitude than from overthinking things like disclaimers. I almost never have disclaimers or warnings or prefaces to my stories. I personally think that going into a new story blind is part of the fun of it. You don't see the New Yorker usually prefacing its stories with disclaimers and warnings and such.

 

[CyranoJ]

The OP's thread title says all we need to know - trying far too hard to be clever, but not no, not funny, and definitely not Dada.

Yeah, it's a fucking drag.

 

[CyranoJ]

But... but what if I did a story where the FMC turned eighteen at the precise moment she was crossing the International Date Line while joining the Mile High Club in an airplane bathroom?

Surely that would be okay... right guys? Right?!

(Oh wait... this scenario has probably been tried too, hasn't it? Dammit.)

 

[gunhilltrain]

There is a fine tradition of using the disclaimer to poke fun at things. The dadaists managed nearly a whole book devoted to the trope, which I think I saw someone mention earlier in the thread. I've contributed my own piece to the subject, which you can see represented among the stories linked in my signature.

I don't know that I would use the idea to go jousting with Laurel about the under-age rule. (She's the site admin, not a "mod," and she will ultimately make the call on whether it makes the cut.) If you're using it for that purpose, I guess you'd best try to make it extra-funny. Maybe the results will be spectacular, although if I'm honest this seems basically like a version of coming to AH to bitch about the under-age rule and that usually doesn't end well. Good luck on bucking the trend.

I finally couldn't deal with it and I put stories on other sites if they wouldn't fit here. (I wasn't writing pedophilia.) Not that I'll ever leave Literotica.

I once described how on another site I had a story rejected, not because of age, but because of another reason that would make for a bit of satire. Not Jonathan Swift level, but it was weirdly funny anyway. I've already told that story, so I'l let it go now.

 

[gunhilltrain]

But... but what if I did a story where the FMC turned eighteen at the precise moment she was crossing the International Date Line while joining the Mile High Club in an airplane bathroom?

Surely that would be okay... right guys? Right?!

(Oh wait... this scenario has probably been tried too, hasn't it? Dammit.)

The problem is that it's such an inside joke. People in the "normal" world wouldn't know what we're talking about. Erica Jong would be baffled but would eventually appreciate it. Her heroine was way underage when she gave that handjob to a guy next to the avocado plant. Anybody who's read the book knows the scene I'm talking about.

 

[Bramblethorn]

But... but what if I did a story where the FMC turned eighteen at the precise moment she was crossing the International Date Line while joining the Mile High Club in an airplane bathroom?

Surely that would be okay... right guys? Right?!

(Oh wait... this scenario has probably been tried too, hasn't it? Dammit.)

Relativistic twin paradox story where the MC is eighteen in stationary observer time but 17.999 in the travelling frame of reference.

 

[CyranoJ]

Relativistic twin paradox story where the MC is eighteen in stationary observer time but 17.999 in the travelling frame of reference.

Oho! Bulletproof, that one. No way Laurel detects that. LOL.

 

[ElectricBlue]

But... but what if I did a story where the FMC turned eighteen at the precise moment she was crossing the International Date Line while joining the Mile High Club in an airplane bathroom?

Surely that would be okay... right guys? Right?!

(Oh wait... this scenario has probably been tried too, hasn't it? Dammit.)

I vaguely recall a thread with that scenario, yes. Very inventive, these "how far can I push the line?" jokers.

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

You can see that in your first 24 hours here, you've already caused quite a stir. It's almost comical. I wonder what they are paying you to do on that job. Can I get hired there too? I am sort of looking forward to that first story of yours - if it gets accepted - because I feel like I've heard so much about it already.

It IS comical. I was literally LOL by the end of yesterday, though I was also quite heavily stoned by then.

I'm glad people are enjoying themselves in here, and I'm flattered to see them taking interest in my idea, even if their opinions aren't always positive.

Yesterday was mostly me waiting for other people to do what should have been done a week ago. Today and until Saturday I actually do have work to do, and I probably won't be quite so active until then. I work in shipping/logistics, don't really want to go into more detail than that. Not ideal for everyone, but I (usually) like it.

Well, if people are looking forward to it, then I guess I have to finish... eventually. Chapter 2 is pretty much done. Will work on Chapter 3 when I have time, will try to work out an idea of how future chapters are going to go.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Would this piss off the Mods? Would readers find it less amusing than I do?

I notice a lot of writers put up the standard disclaimer: that all fictional characters are consenting adults, that everyone is above the age of 18, that they don't condone or encourage illegal/immoral/unethical activities.

I think I'm going to kick off my story by deviating from that script a little. I'm going to say that my story takes place in a fantasy world where any human being below the age of 18 years old (21 years in some jurisdictions) is completely, physically incapable of having sex, taking part in sexual activities, or even knowing of the existence of sex. Underaged humans in this world are largely invisible from the time they enter kindergarten up until the 18th or 21st birthday. I'm also going to say that I do not in fact condone my readers doing anything which is likely to get the entire zip code I live in carpet-bombed by the Air Force, which was what would likely happen if anything in this story were to really occur.

Do it! LOL.

I do some weird disclaimers sometimes. Sometimes they even get a comment back! Case in point....
"The author asserts a moral right to be identified as the author of this story, although she's really not sure she wants to admit to that." The wickedly creative meets the hilarious, right at the beginning.

I wrote a 2500 word disclaimer for one of my stories once, which was really fun. (I won't post it here, but it's at the start of "A Troll is Haunting Tex's" if you want to take a look. It was a lot of fun.

 

[ChloeTzang]

But... but what if I did a story where the FMC turned eighteen at the precise moment she was crossing the International Date Line while joining the Mile High Club in an airplane bathroom?

Surely that would be okay... right guys? Right?!

(Oh wait... this scenario has probably been tried too, hasn't it? Dammit.)

You could play that one for humor, where you cross the dateline the other way and go back to yesterday - so as you go towards the dateline, its legal but once you cross, it's illegal... and do it around a court case.....rotflamo. That has real potential, Cyrano. Do it!!!!

 

[gunhilltrain]

It IS comical. I was literally LMAO by the end of yesterday, though I was also quite heavily stoned by then.

I'm glad people are enjoying themselves in here, and I'm flattered to see them taking interest in my idea, even if their opinions aren't always positive.

Yesterday was mostly me waiting for other people to do what should have been done a week ago. Today and until Saturday I actually do have work to do, and I probably won't be quite so active until then. I work in shipping/logistics, don't really want to go into more detail than that. Not ideal for everyone, but I (usually) like it.

Well, if people are looking forward to it, then I guess I have to finish... eventually. Chapter 2 is pretty much done. Will work on Chapter 3 when I have time, will try to work out an idea of how future chapters are going to go.

One of the things that's funny is how often I've seen all this before. (déjà vu all over again, attributed to Yogi Berra.) The international date line idea has appeared before, I think. The comparisons to print publishing (Jong, Roth, many more) is another perennial favorite. The possible legal repercussions to Laurel is yet another, although most of us are not lawyers and are mostly guessing. The situation on other sites is one more.

By the way, it's Laurel only, not "mods." I got myself into trouble about that issue yesterday. I wonder how long this is going to go on this time. I wish there was a facepalm emoji.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I vaguely recall a thread with that scenario, yes. Very inventive, these "how far can I push the line?" jokers.

I'm almost sure the International Date Line has been proposed before, although I don't know if anyone actually used it.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I don't know who here has read Fear of Flying. The scene is a flashback to Isadora's youth. (I'd say that about two-thirds of the book is autobiographical. Compare it to Jong's later real autobiography.) Isadora gives her age as thirteen years and ten months when she first jerks off Steve Applebaum - and many more times over the course of weeks or maybe months. He in turn rubs her body until she comes too. Only fair, I suppose.

By the way, she is a high school freshman. I guess high school makes it okay.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Relativistic twin paradox story where the MC is eighteen in stationary observer time but 17.999 in the travelling frame of reference.

That is one I've never heard before. It's Swiftian in that it proposes a complex answer to a relatively trivial issue.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Do it! LOL.

I do some weird disclaimers sometimes. Sometimes they even get a comment back! Case in point....
"The author asserts a moral right to be identified as the author of this story, although she's really not sure she wants to admit to that." The wickedly creative meets the hilarious, right at the beginning.

I wrote a 2500 word disclaimer for one of my stories once, which was really fun. (I won't post it here, but it's at the start of "A Troll is Haunting Tex's" if you want to take a look. It was a lot of fun.

I took a look at it. I think the best is the Safe Space Warning. If I get the plot correctly, you and other Lit writers are going out to shoot Lit trolls as if you were culling an excess deer heard. (The "monsters" are symbolic of the trolls? It's in the title.) A 1911 .45. handgun. I might use a Sig Sauer, not sure which of many models. They have one for cops with a 17 round magazine, and I think it can fire .40 ammunition. Very reliable and it might be easier to handle than a 1911. Anybody who knows more about weapons can correct me. Maybe I shouldn't get into the long gun issue. A mini M-14 is sort of interesting (made by which company?) because it has real wood parts. Some people are partial to various AK-47 variants. I've heard that they are very reliable and there must be millions of them around the world. Then there are shotguns . . .

Note that no one dared comment on it. I'll read it more thoroughly later; I hope I've been correct so far. I haven't even gotten to the interracial love angle yet.

 

[Bramblethorn]

That is one I've never heard before. It's Swiftian in that it proposes a complex answer to a relatively trivial issue.

I aim for impracticality.

Joe Haldeman's "The Forever War" makes more serious use of the twin paradox in fiction - it's a sci-fi story about soldiers who are doing a lot of high-speed travel, and so end up aging slower than their loved ones left behind. But in his case I think it was more of a metaphor for the alienation felt by soldiers returning from Vietnam, and less of an attempt to skirt Literotica rules.

 

[djrip]

Be sure to watch it with subtitles. Nolan made the audio so quiet that you can barely hear any dialog.

I watched it on an airplane without headphones so it was all good.

 

[alohadave]

I watched it on an airplane without headphones so it was all good.

Just look at the pretty pictures.

 

[Lovecraft_Lore]

I had as my sub title "A completely true story about a blowjob." They changed it to "story about a blowjob."

 

[ruddygore]

This makes me tempted to write a story with the disclaimer, "No chickens were choked in the writing of this story".

 

[gunhilltrain]

I aim for impracticality.

Joe Haldeman's "The Forever War" makes more serious use of the twin paradox in fiction - it's a sci-fi story about soldiers who are doing a lot of high-speed travel, and so end up aging slower than their loved ones left behind. But in his case I think it was more of a metaphor for the alienation felt by soldiers returning from Vietnam, and less of an attempt to skirt Literotica rules.

Well, science fiction is an entirely different matter. I'll have to check out that one; I haven't heard of it before.

 

[Sanzas]

Well, science fiction is an entirely different matter. I'll have to check out that one; I haven't heard of it before.

Forever War is a classic. It's excellent!

 

[CyranoJ]

You could play that one for humor, where you cross the dateline the other way and go back to yesterday - so as you go towards the dateline, its legal but once you cross, it's illegal... and do it around a court case.....rotflamo. That has real potential, Cyrano. Do it!!!!

That's actually a very funny idea.

Goddamn, Chloe. I really want to like you. It would be easy to like you. I wish like Hell that the fascism shit hadn't happened, I really do. Just so you know.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I aim for impracticality.

Joe Haldeman's "The Forever War" makes more serious use of the twin paradox in fiction - it's a sci-fi story about soldiers who are doing a lot of high-speed travel, and so end up aging slower than their loved ones left behind. But in his case I think it was more of a metaphor for the alienation felt by soldiers returning from Vietnam, and less of an attempt to skirt Literotica rules.

I heard Haldeman speak at a con once, and he said that The Forever War was originally a realistic novel about his experiences during the Vietnam war, but when he could not find a publisher for it, he rewrote it as science fiction, and not only got it published, but won the Hugo and Nebula for it.