Smartass Disclaimer

[LupusDei]

Sounds like they went far beyond David Foster Wallace and his footnotes inside of footnotes. At some point, it's interesting the first time around, then it becomes a gimmick.

Reading a random fragment of that going-on-forever disclaimer I exploded in laughter, admittedly rather by chance more than anything, on a sentence "All apostrophes in this book are used in strict adherence to grammar of Latvian language." Sis was curious what triggered me, and it started a tangential discussion, does Latvian grammar have any use of apostrophes at all. And apparently there isn't any indeed, at least formally (informally, those are sometimes used to signal omitted sounds, usually at the beginning or end of a word). Because of that discussion it's the only sentence from all those dozens of pages of endless stream of mostly cookie cutter disclaimers I remember to a quotable level.

But while it included pretty much some, if not multiple versions of practically any possible disclaimer and/or trigger warning you could possibly imagine and many, many seemingly nobody should have ever thought of, the instantly forgettable nature of the whole was pretty much the point.

 

[KeithD]

Well, on this site "Mods" mostly or entirely means Laurel. Other sites have multiple volunteer mods, often with their own unpredictable quirks. So the content of the story, if that is what he means, is definitely important. Did I understand you correctly?

Sorry, Laurel is the submissions editor here. I don't think of her as a mod, and in a decade and a half haven't heard her referred to as that until you did so now. It's pretty clear to me that whenever a user is talking stories here and mods, they just don't understand who does what here.

On disclaimers, other than ones that assure the reader the work is finished and will be posted in a timely manner, I think disclaimers are pretty worthless.

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

Reading a random fragment of that going-on-forever disclaimer I exploded in laughter, admittedly rather by chance more than anything, on a sentence "All apostrophes in this book are used in strict adherence to grammar of Latvian language." Sis was curious what triggered me, and it started a tangential discussion, does Latvian grammar have any use of apostrophes at all. And apparently there isn't any indeed, at least formally (informally, those are sometimes used to signal omitted sounds, usually at the beginning or end of a word). Because of that discussion it's the only sentence from all those dozens of pages of endless stream of mostly cookie cutter disclaimers I remember to a quotable level.

But while it included pretty much some, if not multiple versions of practically any possible disclaimer and/or trigger warning you could possibly imagine and many, many seemingly nobody should have ever thought of, the instantly forgettable nature of the whole was pretty much the point.

There's a website where I actually got the idea to write a parody disclaimer. It's a historical military website hosted in Germany with a disclaimer saying that it isn't meant to glorify war or extremist political ideologies or so on, as required by German law (apparently on every single page?). Here's the short disclaimer:

"The information presented here is intended for historical and research purposes only. The author has no intention to glorify war, nor does he promote or support any extreme left or right political, neo-nazi, socialist, or revisionist beliefs, or subscribe to any politically-correct philosophy, or, frankly, to any other ideologies whatsoever. I do like bacon, though."

And here's the long one:
https://niehorster.org/000_admin/0032warning.htm

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

My prediction is that the readers are going to think you’re being a dick, one bomb you and give you a lot of nasty comments, and next week you’ll be back here starting a thread about how the readers suck.

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.

BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR
per
G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

Vanned by the pigs? Far out!

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F2b%2F20%2F1d%2F2b201d05307927b15f493920d7b7d240.jpg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=d089fbf0c71561d7ea8d7059e8fb96821ab56ace842b425ab2d8d52ea3f9c7b1&ipo=images

(Abbey Hoffman)

 

[gunhilltrain]

Sorry, Laurel is the submissions editor here. I don't think of her as a mod, and in a decade and a half haven't heard her referred to as that until you did so now. It's pretty clear to me that whenever a user is talking stories here and mods, they just don't understand who does what here.

On disclaimers, other than ones that assure the reader the work is finished and will be posted in a timely manner, I think disclaimers are pretty worthless.

Each forum or "board" has a moderator, although they don't intervene very often. About two weeks ago the one for AH removed some posts related to a "flame ware" that had broken out between two people. I know sirhugs over on Story Ideas pretty well.

 

[gunhilltrain]

(Abbey Hoffman)

RIP Abbie. "Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger." Also, "Free speech is the right to to shout 'theater' in a crowded fire." I think I get that one? Anyway most theater fires are pretty crowded which is why they are so deadly. Don't think he meant it that way.

 

[gunhilltrain]

There's a website where I actually got the idea to write a parody disclaimer. It's a historical military website hosted in Germany with a disclaimer saying that it isn't meant to glorify war or extremist political ideologies or so on, as required by German law (apparently on every single page?). Here's the short disclaimer:

"The information presented here is intended for historical and research purposes only. The author has no intention to glorify war, nor does he promote or support any extreme left or right political, neo-nazi, socialist, or revisionist beliefs, or subscribe to any politically-correct philosophy, or, frankly, to any other ideologies whatsoever. I do like bacon, though."

And here's the long one:
https://niehorster.org/000_admin/0032warning.htm

I think it is legal to be a Nazi in the United States, although Nazis are pretty much passé in this country. It was a European concept anyway, and whatever is coming here will be something very different. It definitely is not legal in Germany.

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

I think it is legal to be a Nazi in the United States, although Nazis are pretty much passé in this country. It was a European concept anyway, and whatever is coming here will be something very different. It definitely is not legal in Germany.

It's... complicated. Glorification of Hitler, the Third Reich, and their political beliefs are illegal. Espousing the tenets historically in line with that of National Socialism is not necessarily illegal. At least I don't think so.

I mean, say what you want about the tenets of national socialism, dude, at least it's an ethos.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It's... complicated. Glorification of Hitler, the Third Reich, and their political beliefs are illegal. Espousing the tenants historically in line with that of National Socialism is not necessarily illegal. At least I don't think so.

I mean, say what you want about the tenants of national socialism, dude, at least it's an ethos.

Tenets.

You’re welcome.

Em

 

[alohadave]

Tenets.

You’re welcome.

Em

Be sure to watch it with subtitles. Nolan made the audio so quiet that you can barely hear any dialog.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Be sure to watch it with subtitles. Nolan made the audio so quiet that you can barely hear any dialog.

I like Nolan. Just didn’t like that movie. Felt he was covering old ground in an uninteresting way.

Em

 

[ElectricBlue]

Be sure to watch it with subtitles. Nolan made the audio so quiet that you can barely hear any dialog.

Didn't he ever! For a director who takes such care with his technology, I have no idea why he fucked up that voicetrack so badly, especially given the rest of the soundtrack was okay.

The soundtrack to Dunkirk, by comparison ( IIRC), was very good. I recall reading somewhere an analysis of the score, the way elements of it have some demonstrable psychological effect (although I can't remember the details).

 

[gunhilltrain]

Already finished the first chapter. Having a cooling off period before the second. I want at least three or so chapters finished before I try to submit, just to make sure that I'll stick with it.

No one likes an abandoned series, least of all those of us who are rather bad about doing it.

I was wrong, you only have one chapter done. Well, you only joined - this morning? - and you've been shooting the breeze quite a bit about the disclaimer here already. No law against that, if that is what you want to do with your time. It does strike me that you aim to have more than three chapters eventually, which is a pretty ambitious way to start, and yet there are doubts about whether any of it will be accepted. I don't know what to advise you to do, but keep that issue in mind. Getting rejected - it's happened to me more than once on another site - can be quite discouraging.

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

Tenets.

You’re welcome.

Em

Fixed.

Hey, I taught reading, damn it! Writing is someone else's problem!

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

I was wrong, you only have one chapter done. Well, you only joined - this morning? - and you've been shooting the breeze quite a bit about the disclaimer here already. No law against that, if that is what you want to do with your time. It does strike me that you aim to have more than three chapters eventually, which is a pretty ambitious way to start, and yet there are doubts about whether any of it will be accepted. I don't know what to advise you to do, but keep that issue in mind. Getting rejected - it's happened to me more than once on another site - can be quite discouraging.

*shrugs* Shit happens. Don't let things get you down.

I have a slow-paced job and too much time on my hands, at least at this particular time of year.

 

[KeithD]

Each forum or "board" has a moderator, although they don't intervene very often. About two weeks ago the one for AH removed some posts related to a "flame ware" that had broken out between two people. I know sirhugs over on Story Ideas pretty well.

I have no idea how that relates to what I've posted. The story side or the Web site and the discussion board site are two separate parts. The mods on the discussion board site frequently point out they have nothing to do with the story side. The question, citing "mods," was about the story side. It's confusing and an indication of not knowing how this Web site works to refer to mods in the context of the story side.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I have no idea how that relates to what I've posted. The story side or the Web site and the discussion board site are two separate parts. The mods on the discussion board site frequently point out they have nothing to do with the story side. The question, citing "mods," was about the story side. It's confusing and an indication of not knowing how this Web site works to refer to mods in the context of the story side.

It's a division of labor. The way I understand it, Laurel (or her rumored bots) have full control over every story posted. The forum moderators are only concerned with messages put up on AH and elsewhere on the forum. (The one for AH is simply called AH_Mod, and whoever it is can be contacted on the top of the forum.) The only problem I see with the setup is that Laurel has too much work to do and surely can't read every story all the way through. Thus the rumors that she uses bots to look for certain words or phrases.

Oddly, another site is much smaller and yet has a dozen or so "Laurels" who split up the workload. They really proofread everything and make grammatical changes as needed. They also have the power to reject a story and they will tell you why and how you might fix it.

 

[KeithD]

It's a division of labor.

Continued irrelevancy. The poster related a story to mods. The mods don't operate on the story side. I was only trying to help keep these separate. Wherever else you are taking this is beyond the simple issue I was addressing. So, this is the last I'll post on it.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Continued irrelevancy. The poster related a story to mods. The mods don't operate on the story side. I was only trying to help keep these separate. Wherever else you are taking this is beyond the simple issue I was addressing. So, this is the last I'll post on it.

Well, I am going to answer this. Our friend AndersonsBiographer here (not offense to him) joined this morning. Thus he doesn't know anything about this site. He doesn't know that Laurel is the only person who matters. He says "mods," because he doesn't yet know that Laurel is the sole arbiter who will care about his disclaimer.

He's confusing you, not me, because he is confused himself. How much plainer can it be? Anybody here want to back me up?

P.S.: Up there on post 27, you accurately told him exactly what he needs to know.

 

[gunhilltrain]

*shrugs* Shit happens. Don't let things get you down.

I have a slow-paced job and too much time on my hands, at least at this particular time of year.

You can see that in your first 24 hours here, you've already caused quite a stir. It's almost comical. I wonder what they are paying you to do on that job. Can I get hired there too? I am sort of looking forward to that first story of yours - if it gets accepted - because I feel like I've heard so much about it already.

 

[CyranoJ]

Would this piss off the Mods? Would readers find it less amusing than I do?

I notice a lot of writers put up the standard disclaimer: that all fictional characters are consenting adults, that everyone is above the age of 18, that they don't condone or encourage illegal/immoral/unethical activities.

I think I'm going to kick off my story by deviating from that script a little. I'm going to say that my story takes place in a fantasy world where any human being below the age of 18 years old (21 years in some jurisdictions) is completely, physically incapable of having sex, taking part in sexual activities, or even knowing of the existence of sex. Underaged humans in this world are largely invisible from the time they enter kindergarten up until the 18th or 21st birthday. I'm also going to say that I do not in fact condone my readers doing anything which is likely to get the entire zip code I live in carpet-bombed by the Air Force, which was what would likely happen if anything in this story were to really occur.

There is a fine tradition of using the disclaimer to poke fun at things. The dadaists managed nearly a whole book devoted to the trope, which I think I saw someone mention earlier in the thread. I've contributed my own piece to the subject, which you can see represented among the stories linked in my signature.

I don't know that I would use the idea to go jousting with Laurel about the under-age rule. (She's the site admin, not a "mod," and she will ultimately make the call on whether it makes the cut.) If you're using it for that purpose, I guess you'd best try to make it extra-funny. Maybe the results will be spectacular, although if I'm honest this seems basically like a version of coming to AH to bitch about the under-age rule and that usually doesn't end well. Good luck on bucking the trend.

 

[CyranoJ]

I actually am kind of minded to do a Humor piece about the endless Bitching About the Under-Age Rule on here, formatted like a post from AH. "What if I made the FMC 18 years old by Greenwich Mean Time but she was still 17 by Mountain Standard Time? What if she was the equivalent of 'eighteen' according to an alien species biology but like, two years old by our calendar, like Kes in Voyager? What if I joked super-aggressively about it in a way that tried to convey I'm being oppressed by this horrible rule?" It would be kinda funny... but I think it would mostly be depressing.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I actually am kind of minded to do a Humor piece about the endless Bitching About the Under-Age Rule on here, formatted like a post from AH. "What if I made the FMC 18 years old by Greenwich Mean Time but she was still 17 by Mountain Standard Time? What if she was the equivalent of 'eighteen' according to an alien species biology but like, two years old by our calendar, like Kes in Voyager? What if I joked super-aggressively about it in a way that tried to convey I'm being oppressed by this horrible rule?" It would be kinda funny... but I think it would mostly be depressing.

All of those have been done already, I reckon.

The OP's thread title says all we need to know - trying far too hard to be clever, but no, not funny, and definitely not Dada.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I actually am kind of minded to do a Humor piece about the endless Bitching About the Under-Age Rule on here, formatted like a post from AH. "What if I made the FMC 18 years old by Greenwich Mean Time but she was still 17 by Mountain Standard Time? What if she was the equivalent of 'eighteen' according to an alien species biology but like, two years old by our calendar, like Kes in Voyager? What if I joked super-aggressively about it in a way that tried to convey I'm being oppressed by this horrible rule?" It would be kinda funny... but I think it would mostly be depressing.

The irony of it is that the essay / story itself would probably be rejected!