Shyness

[Ezzie]

I met my new husband through our job and we had a whirlwind romance. By that I mean we dated only a month before we decided to get married. Now, I love my husband and I am willing to do anything with him except let him see me naked. When we have sex, it's lights out, I don't let him in the bathroom when I'm bathing and I close the bedroom door when I'm getting dressed.

I've always been a shy type of person, but, it seems worse than ever with him. He's young, very attractive and more experienced sexually than I am. I'm 27, pretty, but, overweight, and very private and selective when it comes to sex.

I know he loves me no matter what I think of myself, but, I can't help thinking he'd change his mind about me if he saw me completely naked.

Does anyone have any tips on overcoming my shyness? I'll gladly accept any and all advice.

 

[SexyChele]

You didn't say how "new" your new husband is - that might help a little.

I, too, am rather shy when it comes to baring it all, even in front of a lover. However, there is one thing to keep in mind: clothes only cover so much. Your basic shape is probably something he has already seen. His hands have probably explored every curve. He probably already has a mental image of you in his mind. And I'll bet that image isn't as good as the real thing.

I will admit to not being in the greatest of shape. Hey, gravity sucks, ya know? Yet I've been told throughout the years that I look much better without clothing than I do dressed. You might just be surprised at the reaction you will get if you just have sex with the lights on.

Your husband married you because he loves you. That's all that matters. I'll bet if you came to bed wearing a sheer nightie, and the lights on, you'd drive him crazy! And I don't care how overweight you think you are. (Most of the time men never think we women are as overweight as we imagine ourselves to be anyway!)

For this, I'd say you may have to bite your lower lip and dive in. But I would suggest getting a pretty piece of lingerie - something that makes you feel pretty and comfortable. There are lots of styles out there to choose from. Once you feel pretty, even if slightly covered, you'll feel more comfortable being in front of your husband.

Good luck!

 

[Ezzie]

We were married July 6th ... so, he's a little over a month new.

 

[CuriouslilQT]

Well Put

Well Put Chele.

 

[peachykeen]

aww sweetie, I'm feelin' for ya.

I'm with chele on this one - your husband wants to be with you, all of you. I am far from in 'perfect' shape myself but you know what I have realized is that I am a woman of many deep appetites, I love to cook, I love to eat, and I love to fuck. So I will be damned if I am going to say no to an ice cream cone in August, you know?

Your body should not be your enemy, it should be your best friend.

Get a nice sexyish nightgown and some lacy panties and start easy - maybe just a couple of candles, a bottle of wine, some soft music - do the whole romance thing. It might seem a bit of a cliche but hey, the reason it's around is because it works.

Can I suggest you also might want to find a yoga class? Not neccessarily with weight loss as a goal, but it will help keep you flexible and also help you start to get in touch with how your body is feeling/working in a very low-pressure environment. I started about a year ago and I have found that my relationship with my body is much more intense now than before - I 'feel' all the parts of myself much more, i dunno, more keenly than before and often if I have had an evening class, I find I am quite 'ready to roll' when I get home!

 

[Ezzie]

I've considered taking some form of exercise or yoga classes, but, between work, school and child, I just can't squeeze it in anywhere. Maybe I can make some time when my little one and hubby go back to school later this month.

I joined Weight Watchers and have lost about 14 pounds thus far, but, it's a far cry from where I want to be weight wise. I honestly do not believe that I'll ever be comfortable with my body. I feel like an amazon woman sometimes. I'm 6' tall and over 200 pounds. I usually don't care what people think about me, but, we're talking about my husband. I've talked to him about my issues, too. He told me that he married me for me. He said he took me for better or worse and he's sticking by that. He said if he can handle the tattoos and the eyebrow piercings, he can deal with something so simple as weight.

I'm going to take all of your advice and get something sexy to wear. I'm gonna start revealing myself a little at a time and see how that goes.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my post, I appreciate it.

 

[princessa]

try it one part at a time... like if you wear long pjs to bed, wear short ones... or if you wear a nightshirt, wear a shorter shirt and sexy underwear... just gradually remove the amount of material you wear and if you do it slow enough, he probably won't notice for awhile unless you draw attention to it by being nervous... ever gone swimming with him?

 

[Ezzie]

try it one part at a time... like if you wear long pjs to bed, wear short ones... or if you wear a nightshirt, wear a shorter shirt and sexy underwear... just gradually remove the amount of material you wear and if you do it slow enough, he probably won't notice for awhile unless you draw attention to it by being nervous... ever gone swimming with him?

I've gone boating with him, but, I wore a shirt and shorts over my swimsuit.

 

[SexyChele]

At 6', I'd say you have your height working in your favor.

Stick with WW - it does work. Also, the suggestion of a yoga class is a good one. You could also learn a few basic positions and then find some quiet time to do it at home. But, be careful - hubby might see you in that leotard, doing all sorts of positions, and get completely turned on!

You are one month wed. (Best wishes, btw!!) This should be a time when you are both exploring each other, finding out what makes each other "tick", so to speak. Enjoy yourselves!

I agree with your hubby. He married you for you, plain and simple. And besides....pssst....c'mere, got a secret for ya! Your hubby knows you are 6', and has probably already guessed at your weight, and he still doesn't care - he wants YOU!

Now, off to Victoria's Secret, Frederick's of Hollywood, hell even Lane Bryant has some great stuff these days, and get something sexy to cover that bod of yours that he thinks is so HOT! Also, if you go to Frederick's, you might want to buy a little something for him - lighten the mood, make it fun. I'm betting this guy will do almost anything to see the woman he loves in all her beautiful glory!

 

[Ezzie]

Thanks for the well wishes and support, Chele. We are having a great time exploring each other, even if it's in the dark for right now.

When we get the scanner hooked up, I'll post a pic from our very rushed wedding day ... then you can see how adorable he really is.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I spent a good deal of my life listening to people tell me that no one would ever find me attractive. And then I met my first real boyfriend. He and I didn't have sex, but he did see me naked. And what he did one day, cus I was so shy, is.. he took me and stood me in front of a full-length mirror, fully dressed. He described to me how he saw me. And he was honest. And then he slowly removed each piece of clothing, telling me what he saw and what he thought, and how he thought I was beautiful, as he removed each piece.

When he and I broke up, I felt ugly all over again, and I thought it was because I let him go. But then I realized that I don't need a man to be beautiful. Beauty is in ME, not what I wear, not who I date, not what songs I like, etc.

I was so shy about my body, and over the years, struggled terribly with letting people get intimate with me, because I was afraid that my "monstrous shape" would scare them away. But then I sat back one day and thought to myself... "why not? If someone's going to be attracted to me, they're going to like ALL of me. They're going to want to be with ALL of me. And if they don't, they aren't worth my time". And since then, I've taken a new love for my appearance,and so have many of the people I know.

Confidence is everything, hun... trust me. Ask your husband if he'd like to see you with the lights on. He'll say yes. And then tell him your concerns. And then slowly, maybe start with candlelight, begin showing yourself to him.

Believe me, he'll love the treat!

 

[deliciously_naughty]

you can use dim lighting at first...make love by candlelight. Or ask him to surprise you with a seduction one afternoon...it's light outside, but even with the shades drawn it's going to be somewhat light inside. The other girls are right...he loves you and wants you and nothing will change that. Good luck honey

 

[Ezzie]

Thank you, ladies. You are honestly making me feel much better and giving me ideas that I would have never thought of.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

glad to be of service. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.

 

[Ezzie]

Thanks Vixenshe, I may just take you up on your offer.

Edited to add: Judging by your AV, you're a very attractive woman. Don't ever believe that you're not.

 

[Puppi]

Married? Wow. A lot happens when a friendship falls out. Good luck in your life, Ezzie. May you and your little one be happy with this man.


~Puppi

 

[Ezzie]

Thank you, Puppi. Yes, things have happened rather quickly. Wish you would have believed me when I told you I did not do what you think I did. Then you could meet Justin.

By the way, I hear you're to be married. Good luck to the both of you.

 

[StevenWill]

it will happen

You will get more comfortable over time. My philosophy is, you find people attractive based on your interactions with them when they have clothes on, and you will not be bothered in the least by what's under their clothes. We see so much, even on here, about cock size, breast size, butts, foreskins, nipples, etc. we think that is what sex is about. I had the reverse experience two years ago. A woman 25 years younger than me wanted to have sex with me. I am a big guy, over 6 feet 2, over 230 pounds. I was mortified. I said, "why would you want to have sex with with a much older, much bigger guy like me. She said, "I can see where all the bulges are, I'm not blind. It's only a problem for you. It's not a problem for me." Well said, I think. While we are all worring about ourselves, the other people are all worrying about themselves. Ironic.

Steve

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Ezzie, I saw your pic. You're beautiful!

 

[Ezzie]

Ezzie, I saw your pic. You're beautiful!

Thank you, hon. I just don't see it that way.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thank you, hon. I just don't see it that way.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... I see you as beautiful, kinky sees the same, and I'm sure your husband, as he knows your personality better than we do, KNOWS you're much more beautiful than I could ever hope to know..

 

[Ezzie]

Thanks for the kind words. I've always enjoyed your pics and posts. You truly are as nice and smart as you seemed before we even talked.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thanks for the kind words. I've always enjoyed your pics and posts. You truly are as nice and smart as you seemed before we even talked.

*blush*

Thanks, gorgeous.

 

[lilpriss]

Ezzie, I'm incredibly modest myself. I've weighed almost 300 pounds... at the towering height of 5 feet 5 inches... I felt ugly and nasty. I've been working on my weight for a long time, and it hasn't been a bowl af cherries. I've heard the hurtful comments and seen the sad stares. It sucks. But I've lost ALOT of weight and I'm feeling better about myself... I have a way to go but it's' happening.

Anyway, the point is... your man isn't worried about your weight. I'd suggest you get to know what you like, as far as what feels good and all. When you realize how much pleasure your body can give you you'll want to be naked ALL THE TIME.

I LOVE SEX. I love having orgasms. I love how a lover's body feels pressed against me. The texture, the taste, the smells, his muscles... At my heaviest weight I made the decision to worry about him, and not me. I was too busy focusing on him to even remember I had issues. I get tons of pleasure from feedback, though.

You'll also see as you lose weight you'll want him to see your progress... So get naked for crying out loud!!!! You only live once, why waste your youth worrying about body issues?

 

[millieteases]

I'm only jumping in because I've got an idea. It's a little different from the ones above - which I think are great.

I was less than wild about my body. A close friend at the time was less than wild about hers as well. For some reason we got interested in nudists. Neither of us thought we'd ever dare to go to a nudist resort - our bodies were just not good enough and all those people had to be perfect.

Well, after much daring back and forth and discussion we found the American Association for Nude Recreation web site (http://www.aanr.com), found a nearby resort, and visited.

We learned a lot. They weren't all hardbodies - most of them weren't even close. They were all ages. We saw all kinds of sizes, shapes, scars, and what have you. By the end of the day I was a lot more comfortable with my body.

This may be an extreme suggestion. But it really helped me.

Good luck. We share a wedding anniversary, to the day and year. I hope your marriage is long and wonderful.