Should Parents Be Held Responsible...
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bluntforcemama
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Yes, the apple never falls far from the tree.
Innocencefound
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In a way yes they do need to be held responsible, BUT not all parents know what their kids are up too.
Look back on your own childhood/teenage years and try to think if you let your parents always know what you were doing and where you did things, I know I didn't, but then again I didn't do anything outrageous. Yes that was due to the fact that my parents taught me right from wrong.
Just yesterday my son was caught kicking another student, now little did the letter I received home say that the boy had not only picked on my son but then kicked him in the groin, I would have kicked back too had the kid kicked me in the groin. However I agreed with my son receiving detention because he really shouldn't have kicked the boy back but reported it back to a teacher. My son is only young and didn't really know any better.
My point is that I wasn't aware of what was going on until I got the note from the teacher, so parents aren't always aware of what is going on.
Besides that, yes I do agree that parents need to be held responsible, and each and everything that my son does in life I will be there to either praise him or discuss what he did wrong and try to fix the problem.
I guess not all parents agree with my point of view, I try to teach my child right from wrong, sadly some parents only teach there children wrong, and they do that by acting the way that they do. Kids only learn by what we teach them.
I think that was a yes they should be held responsible LOL.
Look back on your own childhood/teenage years and try to think if you let your parents always know what you were doing and where you did things, I know I didn't, but then again I didn't do anything outrageous. Yes that was due to the fact that my parents taught me right from wrong.
Just yesterday my son was caught kicking another student, now little did the letter I received home say that the boy had not only picked on my son but then kicked him in the groin, I would have kicked back too had the kid kicked me in the groin. However I agreed with my son receiving detention because he really shouldn't have kicked the boy back but reported it back to a teacher. My son is only young and didn't really know any better.
My point is that I wasn't aware of what was going on until I got the note from the teacher, so parents aren't always aware of what is going on.
Besides that, yes I do agree that parents need to be held responsible, and each and everything that my son does in life I will be there to either praise him or discuss what he did wrong and try to fix the problem.
I guess not all parents agree with my point of view, I try to teach my child right from wrong, sadly some parents only teach there children wrong, and they do that by acting the way that they do. Kids only learn by what we teach them.
I think that was a yes they should be held responsible LOL.
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HARDKOREBJ
sweet southern guy
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responsible
i think it is the company the kids keep.parents should be more strict.
i think it is the company the kids keep.parents should be more strict.
p_p_man
The 'Euro' European
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I think kids should be...
taken out of the present legal system.
A good lashing across their backs with a cat o' nine tails will soon sort the little sods out.
And if the parents complain, the same for them.
Let's bring discipline back into society.
taken out of the present legal system.
A good lashing across their backs with a cat o' nine tails will soon sort the little sods out.
And if the parents complain, the same for them.
Let's bring discipline back into society.
OUTSIDER
Devil's in the detail
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Re: I think kids should be...
Bring back National Service....eh.....PPM.
p_p_man said:taken out of the present legal system.
A good lashing across their backs with a cat o' nine tails will soon sort the little sods out.
And if the parents complain, the same for them.
Let's bring discipline back into society.
Bring back National Service....eh.....PPM.
nasty
yeah, baby, yeah
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I think that Parents should be a little responsible. I believe that as a parent, you should do your best to teach them the difference between right and wrong. I mean, when the child is young,(before preschool,) they look to YOU as role models. I KNOW that I USED to get angry REALLY EASILY, which I get from my Dad. I'm working on it, and I'm MUCH MORE PATIENT!!!!!!!!! I also got my slight shyness from my Mom.
LadyDarkFire
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There are parents blaming schools, schools blaming parents, and society blaming whoever is handy. Why not stop blaming and hold responsible those who actually do the damage? The Kids, Teenagers, or whoever it may be. Now, if the parents were overlooking something fairly obvious (like scars and open cuts from cutting, signs of drug use, guns, stuff like that) or were showing their kids how to use weapons, then they should have part of the responisbility, because they were part of the cause of the Damage. If you punish the parents for the kid's behavoir, and leave it to parents, who you think are doing something wrong (assumed since you punish them) what good does that do?
Debbie
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Yes parents should be held responsible, I just hope the court system and necessary authorities would take into account wether the kid involved had been in trouble before, how the parents have interacted and tried to raise the child well. You know go by the merits of the situation.
Some kids are just plain troublemakers no matter how good the paernts are.
Some kids are just plain troublemakers no matter how good the paernts are.
Laurel
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debbiexxx said:
Exactly. How many families do you know in which one of the kids causes everyone all sorts of grief, yet the other kids are kind, considerate, and responsible?
Should parents be responsible? Depends on the situation and the degree of their involvement. If the kid's beating up other kids, and the parents have been approached about the issue before but the kid's still being aggressive, then it IS the parent's responsibility - just as it's my responsibility if my dog bites someone. As guardians, they need to do their best to protect their kids from the world AND the world from their kids. The parents should be required to do what it takes to make sure their child doesn't hurt others.
However, if the kid is caught carjacking with thugs after he told his parents he was spending the night at a 'good' friend's house, then I don't think you can hold the parent responsible. Parents can't lock their kids up in a box till their 18. (And until you can, I'm not having kids. Only jokin. sort of.) If you do what you can to teach them morality, then they go off with their friends and do something stupid, that's a choice they as human beings made. Kids make stupid choices. As a parent, the best thing you can do is try to minimize the severity of the consequences, so when they DO mess up it doesn't cost them their lives.
I do think it's your responsibility to do what you can to make sure it doesn't happen again - for your kid's sake, as well as the sake of whoever might be his next victim. But parents can't be held accountable for every mistake their child makes, every character flaw their child may bear.
Bigdog
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Laurel, for someone with no kids you have the right attitude for parenting.
I am a Toughlove parent. I have a 13 year old daughter who despite growing up in a good home has gone down the wrong path. One of the things I have learned in the last six months is that as parents we can only change our own behaviour and the way we react to what our children do. Their mistakes are not always our fault, even good parents can have bad children. This does not mean we give up on them, we just learn to take care of ourselves. It doesn't do any good to burn yourself out when they are screwing up, there won't be anything left if the opportunity arises to guide them back on track.
Unfortunately, the resources available to parents are pretty slim pickings. In cities such as mine, there are very few programs to help troubled children. Often, help only becomes available when they hit bottom and get into drugs or commit a crime. By then it may be too late to really have much effect.
When I hear someone say parents should be held responsible for their children, I just want to scream "WE ARE!" Sometimes being responsible means letting them take their lumps for what they did. If I have done everything in my power to raise a decent human being, why should I be punished because character flaws inherent in my child were more powerful than parenting skills? I will provide everything I can to my child but I will NOT ruin my life in the process.
I am a Toughlove parent. I have a 13 year old daughter who despite growing up in a good home has gone down the wrong path. One of the things I have learned in the last six months is that as parents we can only change our own behaviour and the way we react to what our children do. Their mistakes are not always our fault, even good parents can have bad children. This does not mean we give up on them, we just learn to take care of ourselves. It doesn't do any good to burn yourself out when they are screwing up, there won't be anything left if the opportunity arises to guide them back on track.
Unfortunately, the resources available to parents are pretty slim pickings. In cities such as mine, there are very few programs to help troubled children. Often, help only becomes available when they hit bottom and get into drugs or commit a crime. By then it may be too late to really have much effect.
When I hear someone say parents should be held responsible for their children, I just want to scream "WE ARE!" Sometimes being responsible means letting them take their lumps for what they did. If I have done everything in my power to raise a decent human being, why should I be punished because character flaws inherent in my child were more powerful than parenting skills? I will provide everything I can to my child but I will NOT ruin my life in the process.
BlondGirl
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<<<"
Some kids are just plain troublemakers no matter how good the paernts are.
">>>
And many parents still think that offerring cable TV and happy meals are the answer to parenting no matter what is going on.
If a child is having difficulty, the parent has to be involved in the first place to have a clue. If the parent knows and does nothing except whine about not knowing what to do, then that parent is very responsible.
I saw my son headed for trouble and I jerked him away from the source of his "learning" such negative things. Now, he is ALWAYS the best behaved kid--when people ask me how it is done, I reply that I don't expect anyone else to raise my kid. My kid is not perfect, but my kid is not an asshole either. Being an asshole was NEVER EVER tolerated or encouraged.
(I am a single full-time working parent--sometimes working 2 jobs--and I keep very good tabs on my son. I am currently planning and preparing to have another.)
By the time a kid is 4 or 5, he is set for life--an evil young kid will be an evil older kid. A kid at that age who thrives on conflict will love conflict all his life. A child who can really be trusted at that age will grow into a trustworthy adult. There are exceptions, but that is pretty much the rule.
How do these children develop trustworthiness and morals and understanding of power? From their primary caregivers. If it is the preschool or government school or private school or daycare or anyone who has to be paid to be with your kid--then you are screwing yourself and your kid. If it is you, give your kid daily chances to learn and practice these skills. I used to work in child care and you would not believe the number of kids left there for more than 10 hours a day--that plus 8-10 hours sleeping a night showed those kids exactly who loved them and us exactly who was to raise them.
(Also--for those who don't know much about me, I have posted about where I came from--welfare success story here--when we were dirt poor and I was in college, I did work--BUT--I choose jobs where I could be with my child. That was not an option. And my son is a familiar face with my coworkers and patients also.
I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow and parents most cetainly should be responsible for the children they create.)
Some kids are just plain troublemakers no matter how good the paernts are.
">>>
And many parents still think that offerring cable TV and happy meals are the answer to parenting no matter what is going on.
If a child is having difficulty, the parent has to be involved in the first place to have a clue. If the parent knows and does nothing except whine about not knowing what to do, then that parent is very responsible.
I saw my son headed for trouble and I jerked him away from the source of his "learning" such negative things. Now, he is ALWAYS the best behaved kid--when people ask me how it is done, I reply that I don't expect anyone else to raise my kid. My kid is not perfect, but my kid is not an asshole either. Being an asshole was NEVER EVER tolerated or encouraged.
(I am a single full-time working parent--sometimes working 2 jobs--and I keep very good tabs on my son. I am currently planning and preparing to have another.)
By the time a kid is 4 or 5, he is set for life--an evil young kid will be an evil older kid. A kid at that age who thrives on conflict will love conflict all his life. A child who can really be trusted at that age will grow into a trustworthy adult. There are exceptions, but that is pretty much the rule.
How do these children develop trustworthiness and morals and understanding of power? From their primary caregivers. If it is the preschool or government school or private school or daycare or anyone who has to be paid to be with your kid--then you are screwing yourself and your kid. If it is you, give your kid daily chances to learn and practice these skills. I used to work in child care and you would not believe the number of kids left there for more than 10 hours a day--that plus 8-10 hours sleeping a night showed those kids exactly who loved them and us exactly who was to raise them.
(Also--for those who don't know much about me, I have posted about where I came from--welfare success story here--when we were dirt poor and I was in college, I did work--BUT--I choose jobs where I could be with my child. That was not an option. And my son is a familiar face with my coworkers and patients also.
I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow and parents most cetainly should be responsible for the children they create.)
The catholic church has adapated the view of Thomas Aquainus to paraphrase the guy "Give me the child till seven I give you the man". It is a time the church feels the child has reached the "age of reason". I had a sister who was the "trouble maker". She was mean and a liar at seven and she is today. I watched my parents and the other adults react to her screaming and fits of rage with frustration and distaste. She pulled their strings with skill and cunning. Even at seven she was calculated and us other kids knew it. She wanted their attention badly and she was needy enough to do all kinds of nasty things to get it. Things she would then attribute to the rest of us. I do hold my parents responsible for not setting limits on her behavior. She needed that attention and direction more then some of us.
I think it is important to have accountability. But, I think a lot of adults fail to take it for themselves. Their kids are just modeling the behavior right back. I was in line at the grocery store one day. A kid kept running the cart into me. I politely asked him to stop and he gave me this smug look and pushed the cart into me again. His mother was standing right there and didn't say a word. He got a bit more aggressive and hit me hard enough to bruise my whole hip. I was pissed and grabbed the cart and yanked it forward until it was clear of the passage and he was right in front of me. I got right into his fat little face and said "you hurt me with the cart". His mother lept to his defense and was patting her nasty little child and offering treats. Her response to me was "he is just a child". Mine to her was "yes and whatever are you teaching him". It is my response still. Blonde is right it is up to us to direct kids and by doing so show them we are accountable for all that we set our hands to do. So sad that this has to be made a law.
I think it is important to have accountability. But, I think a lot of adults fail to take it for themselves. Their kids are just modeling the behavior right back. I was in line at the grocery store one day. A kid kept running the cart into me. I politely asked him to stop and he gave me this smug look and pushed the cart into me again. His mother was standing right there and didn't say a word. He got a bit more aggressive and hit me hard enough to bruise my whole hip. I was pissed and grabbed the cart and yanked it forward until it was clear of the passage and he was right in front of me. I got right into his fat little face and said "you hurt me with the cart". His mother lept to his defense and was patting her nasty little child and offering treats. Her response to me was "he is just a child". Mine to her was "yes and whatever are you teaching him". It is my response still. Blonde is right it is up to us to direct kids and by doing so show them we are accountable for all that we set our hands to do. So sad that this has to be made a law.
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