Should I kill him?

[FurryFury]

For me it comes down to respect. If you are an ignorant (doesn't know she's in pain, didn't care, didn't ask) and whiny (totally passive-aggressive comment, not at all dominant) - not worth my time.

People who deserve respect, know how to show it. People who demand respect and just want everything their way, no matter what the changing circumstances or needs, are just children. Shouldn't be having sex.

Okay, I'm in pain a lot. I try not to make a big deal about it. I don't want to act like I am or bring anyone down. So I think we both try to ignore it.

Second he wasn't whinny, he was aggressively disdainful. One thing I hate is to be considered a Mom by him because I know what he means by that and it isn't good.

He deserves my respect even though IMO he did a bad and somewhat mean way. He could have said things somewhat differently, with out hurting my feelings and still gotten his point across but he's not perfect.

He is not the sort to always expect or even want things his way. Sometimes I wish he were.

Great, now I'm defending him.

*grr*

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

Fury, if I remember correctly you are working to establish D/s in your marriage - with your husband as the D and you as the s. (Please correct me if I got that wrong.)

Inexperienced people sometimes stumble as they attempt to assert themselves in a relationship. Their delivery comes off as arrogant, aggressive, or insulting in a totally unnecessary and truly counterproductive way.

I don't know your husband, so I have no idea as to his motives. However, giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he was attempting to assert himself by expressing firm preference, my suggestion is that you separate your response to the delivery from your response to his choice of short vs. long.

Giving him feedback on the delivery is extremely important. It really is going to be counterproductive for him to keep hurting your feelings, and he needs to know that.

However, given the circumstances of your particular relationship and the changes you are trying to encourage, it might also be helpful to celebrate his expression of preference by deferring to it in whatever way seems feasible to you.

It is difficult to provide advice to strangers. I will not be offended if you say I am off the mark here, since I acknowledge that I am really just taking a shot in the dark.

JMohegan,

You are right that at one time I had hopes of establishing D/s in my marriage. However as time has gone one I've pretty much given up on that because he has no interest in being a Dom. Just as I have no interest in being a Domme unless there is a lot of money in it. *L*

I have accepted that he will Top me from time to time and that he will enjoy me topping him. We will have a kinky sexual relationship but we are both subs at heart and groin. When we do top it's mostly for the other person.

I can respect and live with that.

He got feedback all right. If you hurt my feelings you are going to hear about it provided you mean enough to me and sometimes even if you don't.

I appreciate your POV and advice. I even like it!

Thanks.



Fury

 

[FurryFury]

but she should still send me all her long gowns, right?

*smiles*

Are your long gowns or robes like friends to you as they are to me?

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

I just can't see you in a relationship with someone tactless enough to say that. Unless they're sammy in a bad way.

This could eventually lead to me doing things to him. Ya never know. It's not usually my way but he should pay.

LOL.

Fury

 

[DVS]

This could eventually lead to me doing things to him. Ya never know. It's not usually my way but he should pay.

LOL.

Fury

I know people have a phobia about electroplay, but there are times when it can be a creative tool for a vengeful partner.

Here's the scenario...
Decide you will top him, some evening. Tie him spread eagle to the bed, nice and tight. Then, get out the TENS unit with the anal probe, plus the alligator clips for his genitals.

You put on the red gown and parade yourself proudly around the bed, allowing him to see you in all angles. Then, as you sit beside him, holding the button in your hand, you ask him to again tell you how you look in the gown.

Of course, he should catch on quickly, but if he doesn't and again says you look like a "mom", you zap his ass and privates with a good dose of juice.

After he's calmed down, you politely ask him again how you look. The answer he gives you dictates if you press the button or not. Eventually, he will learn how to treat you, I think.

Another method would be to add a generous amount of lube to his cock and begin to pleasure him with a hand job. Watch him closely, and at just the moment before he is about to cum, ask him how you look in the red gown.

It'd difficult to lie in that moment, and so he will most likely say what first comes to his mind. If it's the "mom" statement, remove your hands from his cock and press the button. Eventually, he will learn.

Continue either scenario until you get the answer you want, at least two times. Then, leave him bound and hooked up like that, telling him you want him to think about how he disrespects you. Tell him you will return to ask him again how you look in the gown. And tell him you think it would be nice if his answer was sweet and sexy, like you know he can be.

Then, after all is said and done, remind him respect is a two lane street. You respect him and his feelings, so it's only fair that he respect you and your feelings.

And, if you want, you can tell him, "if I have to do this all over again, I might keep the button down until there is smoke coming up from your crotch." After all...hard lessons are sometimes the most difficult to learn.

A word of caution, though. You might have to learn to sleep with one eye open from that point on. That is, unless you like being bound and hooked up to the TENS unit and forced to jerk around when he presses the button, in revenge.

Oh, it would be nice if you could take pictures of any of this. You know how we all enjoy a good punishment that involves pictures.

 

[FurryFury]

GREAT ideas DVS!

He'd probably love that too.

My queendom for a tens unit and the wisdom to use it!

Fury

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Just call me Ober-MILF from now on.

LMAO!

Fury

So ... are we showing our Francophilic or Germanophilic predilections, and if the latter, do we call you the wicked witch of the East or West?

 

[FurryFury]

So ... are we showing our Francophilic or Germanophilic predilections, and if the latter, do we call you the wicked witch of the East or West?

I can't decide since I have both French and German bloodlines. Call me whatever you like Sugah!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

GREAT ideas DVS!

He'd probably love that too.

My queendom for a tens unit and the wisdom to use it!

Fury

I've got one Fury... Wanna borrow it like the violet wand??? *WEG*

 

[FurryFury]

I've got one Fury... Wanna borrow it like the violet wand??? *WEG*

I'd LOVE too! That was so much fun. I keep checking ebay for one!

But we do want something more intense as well!

He's all over the electricity thing.

Fury

 

[Recidiva]

Okay, I'm in pain a lot. I try not to make a big deal about it. I don't want to act like I am or bring anyone down. So I think we both try to ignore it.

Second he wasn't whinny, he was aggressively disdainful. One thing I hate is to be considered a Mom by him because I know what he means by that and it isn't good.

He deserves my respect even though IMO he did a bad and somewhat mean way. He could have said things somewhat differently, with out hurting my feelings and still gotten his point across but he's not perfect.

He is not the sort to always expect or even want things his way. Sometimes I wish he were.

Great, now I'm defending him.

*grr*

Fury

This is where I defend "momdom" and such. And say that if you're in pain, well, you're in pain. Why you'd hide it or why someone who cares for you would want you to, is beyond my ken. I'm in pain a lot too. Denial didn't get me far.

Again, thumbs down for me. Sorry, even you defending him doesn't mean much.

He needs a few whacks from the rolled up newspaper of Doom. Hopefully enough to break his nose.

 

[chris9]

I guess it's too late to kill him now. But I do like DVS's idea.

 

[FurryFury]

I guess it's too late to kill him now. But I do like DVS's idea.

Me too!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

This is where I defend "momdom" and such. And say that if you're in pain, well, you're in pain. Why you'd hide it or why someone who cares for you would want you to, is beyond my ken. I'm in pain a lot too. Denial didn't get me far.

Again, thumbs down for me. Sorry, even you defending him doesn't mean much.

He needs a few whacks from the rolled up newspaper of Doom. Hopefully enough to break his nose.

I'll tell you why. Because I prefer to focus on what is good most of the time. To focus on pain only makes it worse and as part of my pain management I try not to do that.

Fortunately he respects my wishes on that. As a human being he may even be relieved that I don't make it a focus. I know I'd feel that way with someone else. It wouldn't help to bring it up a lot. All he can do about it is what he does anyway because in most respects he is a very loving and giving man.

Fury

 

[Recidiva]

I'll tell you why. Because I prefer to focus on what is good most of the time. To focus on pain only makes it worse and as part of my pain management I try not to do that.

Fortunately he respects my wishes on that. As a human being he may even be relieved that I don't make it a focus. I know I'd feel that way with someone else. It wouldn't help to bring it up a lot. All he can do about it is what he does anyway because in most respects he is a very loving and giving man.

Fury

Okey dokey, I was just trying to talk you down from murder to simple desertion.

 

[FurryFury]

Okey dokey, I was just trying to talk you down from murder to simple desertion.

Thanks for that. I'd hate to go to prison!

Fury

 

[CutieMouse]

Herm...

I can see JM's point about expressing a preference, and preferences are just that - preferences... but the delivery was rather rude. It sounds like y'all worked past it though, and now maybe know how to avoid the hurt feelings (around this sort of thing) in the future.

I will say though, I don't get the idea that long can't be sexy/hot/what-have-you. I hardly ever wear anything short anymore; my college co-ed miniskirt days are waaaaaaaay behind me, thanks so much. The idea that clothing which goes past the knee, can't be sexy is quite simply bullsh*t.

As for the MILF thing... I just don't get it. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept that a woman is sexy because she's a mom. I recognize that I can be sexy (and half the time it's when I'm not meaning to be), but to me that is a state of being that occurs in spite of the fact that I've been a mom, not because of it. LOL

 

[DVS]

I'd LOVE too! That was so much fun. I keep checking ebay for one!

But we do want something more intense as well!

He's all over the electricity thing.

Fury

Something more intense than a violet wand? Have you turned that thing up? Maybe it's the attachments you used. You want something more intense? Try an attachment with a point on it...something like a butter knife, a fork or spoon. Of course you will need to use the body attachment for these . But, the smaller the part that touches the body, it will send all of the juice through that small point, and in effect make the intensity quite strong.

Whatever you use, it must be metal to work, so the current can flow from your hand, through the attachment you're holding, to his body. Many kitchen implements would work. Ever tried a wisk? I've got an icecream scoop that is all metal and the end is a little larger than a wooden spoon. It makes a nasty spanking tool, that gives a nice zap at the same time.

On the flip side, if you use something that has a large surface to it, like the large glass globe, that will be spreading the juice over a large area, and so the intensity will be lighter. Of the normal attachments that usually come with the wand, the large globe is the least intense, and the mushroom or rake would be the most intense, of the glass attachments.

Something like metal banjo picks that fit on your finger, or maybe bend a metal coat hanger so it's got a handle for you, and it comes down to a point for contact to him. Or, if you are crafty with pliars, cut a metal hanger up into pieces and shape those into little circles that fit onto the end of your fingers, kind of like rings. Have a short piece sticking out from each that is about an inch or so long, and you have some nasty zapping fingers.

You might want to use a file or something to dull the ends down, where you've cut them. No need to have any sharp edges that can cut him. And for the best effect of any attachment, don't actually touch his body with any attachment. That will stop the electrical process. It doesn't hurt to touch him, but for a continuous zap, keep just a small space between body and attachment...1/2 inch or less, depending on the intensity setting.

Now, a TENS unit is nice, too. And, it does some nice things that a wand won't. But, I would never say a violet wand is not intense.

Incidently, if you have the cash to purchase an all metal butt plug, there's nothing more um...stimulating than touching something like the mushroom globe to that. It sends sensations through the plug and it's sure to be an attention getter.

 

[Shankara20]

As for the MILF thing... I just don't get it. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept that a woman is sexy because she's a mom. I recognize that I can be sexy (and half the time it's when I'm not meaning to be), but to me that is a state of being that occurs in spite of the fact that I've been a mom, not because of it. LOL

I may have missed the point of the MILF thing, but I always experienced the photo shoots as very hot expressions of real women over the age of, oh say, 40+- . I think it is honoring the turn-on a 18 year-old gets for him best friend's mom. It is not the fact that she is a mom a much as it is that she is real - not totally buff, a little soft and droopy in places and very very hot.

But then for years I thought Clapton was singing
"Captain Midnight, we're gonna shake your tambourine.
Captain Midnight, it's all gonna be peaches and cream."

so what the hell do I know


.

 

[FurryFury]

Herm...

I can see JM's point about expressing a preference, and preferences are just that - preferences... but the delivery was rather rude. It sounds like y'all worked past it though, and now maybe know how to avoid the hurt feelings (around this sort of thing) in the future.

I will say though, I don't get the idea that long can't be sexy/hot/what-have-you. I hardly ever wear anything short anymore; my college co-ed miniskirt days are waaaaaaaay behind me, thanks so much. The idea that clothing which goes past the knee, can't be sexy is quite simply bullsh*t.

As for the MILF thing... I just don't get it. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept that a woman is sexy because she's a mom. I recognize that I can be sexy (and half the time it's when I'm not meaning to be), but to me that is a state of being that occurs in spite of the fact that I've been a mom, not because of it. LOL

Yes, we worked past it.

The MILF thing means they still think I'm hot and want to fuck me. I can live with that. Sometimes the younger men with fixations on older women seem a little too much and too cloying to me but whatever.

Like you I think it is also in spite of being a mom not because of it. I see most moms around me and think I'm not doing too damn bad after all. If I focus just on me and what I see in the media, it gets depressing in a hurry.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

Something more intense than a violet wand? Have you turned that thing up? Maybe it's the attachments you used. You want something more intense? Try an attachment with a point on it...something like a butter knife, a fork or spoon. Of course you will need to use the body attachment for these . But, the smaller the part that touches the body, it will send all of the juice through that small point, and in effect make the intensity quite strong.

Whatever you use, it must be metal to work, so the current can flow from your hand, through the attachment you're holding, to his body. Many kitchen implements would work. Ever tried a wisk? I've got an icecream scoop that is all metal and the end is a little larger than a wooden spoon. It makes a nasty spanking tool, that gives a nice zap at the same time.

On the flip side, if you use something that has a large surface to it, like the large glass globe, that will be spreading the juice over a large area, and so the intensity will be lighter. Of the normal attachments that usually come with the wand, the large globe is the least intense, and the mushroom or rake would be the most intense, of the glass attachments.

Something like metal banjo picks that fit on your finger, or maybe bend a metal coat hanger so it's got a handle for you, and it comes down to a point for contact to him. Or, if you are crafty with pliars, cut a metal hanger up into pieces and shape those into little circles that fit onto the end of your fingers, kind of like rings. Have a short piece sticking out from each that is about an inch or so long, and you have some nasty zapping fingers.

You might want to use a file or something to dull the ends down, where you've cut them. No need to have any sharp edges that can cut him. And for the best effect of any attachment, don't actually touch his body with any attachment. That will stop the electrical process. It doesn't hurt to touch him, but for a continuous zap, keep just a small space between body and attachment...1/2 inch or less, depending on the intensity setting.

Now, a TENS unit is nice, too. And, it does some nice things that a wand won't. But, I would never say a violet wand is not intense.

Incidently, if you have the cash to purchase an all metal butt plug, there's nothing more um...stimulating than touching something like the mushroom globe to that. It sends sensations through the plug and it's sure to be an attention getter.

We did notice that a wand can get quite intense in it's own way. The smaller the point of contact the more intense it is. My nails for instance packed quite a sensation and there was some burnt hair, as well as some marks that faded after a day or so.

I'm not putting down a wand but my husband def is interested in a different electrical sensation as well. He loves those shock machines they have at arcades and such. So I'm thinking a tens unit might be good for him or something else as well as a wand.

Lately we are budgeting so I'm trying to be careful and not spend much or often on anything.

Fury

 

[Wyldfire]

For electrical play.

http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/toys/estim.html

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

Maybe it's the attachments you used. You want something more intense? Try an attachment with a point on it...something like a butter knife, a fork or spoon. Of course you will need to use the body attachment for these . But, the smaller the part that touches the body, it will send all of the juice through that small point, and in effect make the intensity quite strong.
[/QUOTE]

You should try a dental pick... god damn does that hurt...

 

[the_pet]

Okay, I'm in pain a lot. I try not to make a big deal about it. I don't want to act like I am or bring anyone down. So I think we both try to ignore it.

Second he wasn't whinny, he was aggressively disdainful. One thing I hate is to be considered a Mom by him because I know what he means by that and it isn't good.

He deserves my respect even though IMO he did a bad and somewhat mean way. He could have said things somewhat differently, with out hurting my feelings and still gotten his point across but he's not perfect.

He is not the sort to always expect or even want things his way. Sometimes I wish he were.

Great, now I'm defending him.

*grr*

Fury

((((hug)))) if ok

 

[bareman]

Just an idea...

FF--

In reading through this post, I've seen that you and hubby are both naturally subs who take turns topping one another, and that you have chronic pain. Now it seems to me that you could use both of these situations to your advantage.

For instance, get all up in Domme mode and make him enroll in a massage class, even if it's just a community ed type of thing. They still teach some basic techniques for relaxation, etc. Then, when the pain is intense, Domme it up again and make him practice what he has learned...maybe employ some teasing and denial play, and this should appeal to his sub side while you reap the benefits of pain relief. At a later date, you might get your sub self satisfied if he's been denied orgasm and all extra horny.

Just a suggestion, but it could turnout to be a win-win situation.

Just my 2 cents' worth...