Should I be worried?

[StondTmplPilot]

OK here's the deal....

I have been dating a woman now for about a month, and when we started dating, I was under the impression she was divorced.
This past weekend I learned that the divorce was not yet final, and will not be for about another month. Her ex-husband called her while I was there to tell her he knew that I was there and if she kept seeing me there would be trouble for her in court. When she told me what he said, I offered to leave for the time being, we could see each other again in the near future. Today I got an e-mail from her telling me that she doesnt believe that we should see each other until this has all blown over. I want to believe that she truly does want to continue to see me, but in the back of my mind, I am worried that she will move on. The reasons she gave me were all very legitimate concerns, but I still worry that in the next month that I will be forgotten. What strikes me as totally out of whack is the fact that, they are getting divorced, because he had a girlfriend, and it is my understanding that she stays with him. So, what business does he have telling my lady who can stay with her and who can not?
I guess I'm not asking advice as much as ranting, and getting this off my chest, thanks for your time....

 

[kiwiwolf]

Brother you sound like you are in a pretty shitty situation. I wouldn't worry about her forgetting you in the next month STP. From your posts on the boards it seems like you have a lot going on. You are a damned interesting guy with a great sense of humour and intelligence. No I'm not trying to get into your pants... I prefer child bearing to ball bearing. The thing is she is being pressured by ex-hubby and you offered to stay away. Give her time man and keep things going with phone calls and emails. She'll probably appreciate you all the more for it.

All the best buddy...

 

[Weird Harold]

The reasons she gave me were all very legitimate concerns, but I still worry that in the next month that I will be forgotten

From the sparse details you have provided here, there is something about this that reminds me of an abandoned fish market.

Yes, I think you should be worried -- worried that she might take you back.

 

[Elizabeth]

Oh, sweetie. This is such a bad situation for you. You did the right thing by offering to stay away. Her ex can say all he wants about trouble but, in reality, there is very little he can do about the relationship you have with her. My ex had moved in with his girlfriend and totally blew a gasket when I started dating my now DH. AND we were already divorced! You are such a gentleman and you strike me as the kind of guy who is careful with matters of the heart. Just give her the time and I think she will see what a good thing she has in you.

 

[StondTmplPilot]

Kiwi, thanks for the support here, I appreciate it. This is the approach I am trying to take, to e-mail her, and call her on a regular basis, so she knows that I still want to be with her. I really believe she wants me to be there too. I don't want to make getting out of her current marriage any more difficult for her, so I have agreed to stay away for now. The thing is that we enjoyed being together so much, and it seems unfair that we should have to put our-selves on the back burner because her soon to be ex doesn't like the fact that she has found someone who truly cares about her.

Weird Harold, I am assuming that was an attempt at humor that I just didn't get, I am sorry.

 

[Debbie]

I think that you have been a gentleman by offering to stay away for awhile. That shows you respect her. She may have had time to think about what you have said and just wants peace.
Personally, if I was her, I would be telling the ex to mind his own business.
You are a nice guy. I know it will work out alright.

 

[kiwiwolf]

Mate trust me, you don't have to worry about her forgetting you. I had a similar situation with my lady. Her ex is a bit psycho and tried to run things in her life for ages after they split. Maybe she needs a bit of room to sort out the baggage. It's a damned hard time for her, but if you give her the support she needs or wants you will both reap the benefits.
Stay cool man.

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: Should I be worried? - YES!

 

[modest mouse]

STP,

There is some good advice above. Its a tough situation for you. I can understand your doubts but i think you have done all that you can.

I would maintain contact through email and IM. Spend the month getting to know each other in correspondence, with more physical contact down the road.

Best Wishes.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

As they say... if you love something set it free... if it comes back to you, it's yours.. if it dosn't then........

Let here sort her S*** out and if it's meant to be she will come back.....

sending Hugs

 

[celiaKitten]

STP - I won't attempt to comment on what you should/should not do .. or any of that. But if you need to rant, my ears can take it And bonus of bonuses - it's a local call!

 

[Saturn Return]

A month can fly by in no time.

Meanwhile, you two are creating a “paper trail” which shows..if it comes to that in court that you two are doing the right thing if he tries to press for adultery charges..

Well, I’m assuming this is about adultery otherwise what could he do to her in court?

If one month apart cools either of you two off..look at it for the groovy experience that it was.
You wouldn’t take a moment of it back..and that in itself is worth the entire thing.

But you know, many relationships go on without two people being in physical contact..for way longer than a month.

Is she up for email?

Might be fun to only have your words to caress each other…by the time the month is over…well, think of the night you two will have.

All pent up with raging passion.

Btw…Not sure a girl worth her salt could/would just give you up.
~smile~

 

[StondTmplPilot]

Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement, it really means a lot to me. I don't have many people i can talk to in RL, so it is nice to know that I can rely on all of you to help me out. I have no intentions on giving up on this woman, the time we have spent together has been wonderful. She is smart. She is funny. She is self motivated. She is everything I have been looking for in a lady.

Saturn, you are correct, and he is threatening to sue for custody of her son. For this reason, I did NOT pressure her to keep seeing me. Her son is her LIFE. I do not want to be responsible in any way for her losing custody. He is a great kid, and she loves him dearly.

Celia, thank you very much for the offer, I may one day take you up on it!

Bratcat...god I hope you are wrong too! But, in the event that you are not...well, it would be fun to hangout with the two of you! I think you both are terrific ladies!

 

[TWB]

Don't Know

if she will come back, but even if she doesn't, there are many psychos out there who still want to control their ex-spouse's lives. Sometimes it is better to wait a while than to get your head blown off. I had a client (I'm an atty) who was shot at by his girlfriends ex hubby, who was drunk. Almost got killed.

She may know something about her spouse that you don't . . .


Good luck.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Weird Harold]

Weird Harold, I am assuming that was an attempt at humor that I just didn't get, I am sorry.

Not really an attempt at humor. One thing that concerns me is that your relationship seems to have started out with her not being honest about her divorce status.

Like I said, the details you've provided are sparse so I may be getting the wrong impression.

However, to me this situation just doesn't sound like she's being completely honest with you. The threat from her husband that "it will cause big trouble with the divorce" could easily have been confirmed or refuted by her lawyer -- It really depends on who is filing and the grounds for the divorce whether her morals and/or adultery after they separated make any difference.

I just don't want to jump on the "everything will be happily ever after" bandwagon and make you look closely at how honest she's been in the past and whether she's trying to shift blame for dumping you onto her husband.

Being involved with the one participant of a messy divorce is NOT a good idea.

 

[PowerOfOne]

Will she forget you?

Sweetie, if she forgets you in a month then you do not need her anyway. You cannot hold on to someone that does not want to be held on to. And believe me, you DO NOT want to be in the middle of an ugly divorce.

Keep contact via email but do as she wishes. In a month, if this relationship was meant to be, she will be there for you. But it is my experience that every newly divorved person needs at least a year before settling on any one person so please keep that in mind. She is probably on the rebound and it will not last because at this point she has no idea what she really wants. Give it time.

 

[OUTSIDER]

Don't walk....RUN!!!

 

[Guest]

 

[TWB]

Huh?

Yaiti wrote:
_____________________
OK here's the deal....


U r a cunning liar. Do not lie. You have never dated anyone in the last year or EVER for that matter. please, u cannot use deception hear. thanx,

________________

Do you know something we don't, or are you just an asshole?

 

[YogiBare]

STP

I'm afraid that I agree with what Weird Harold said. I know that you are very excited about this woman, but I see major red flags in her behavior.

First, it does appear that she lied to you about her marital status in order to induce you into seeing her. It doesn't say much for her honesty or her respect for you and your needs and wishes. Basically, as events have proven, she dragged you into the midst of her messy divorce.

Second, this woman is so on the rebound that there is no way that she's ready for a stabile relationship with a really good and worthy guy such as yourself. Right now, and until she heals from this mess of a divorce, she will only mess with your head and stick daggers into your heart. Not because it is her intent to hurt you, but because that is all she is capable of right now.

STP, you're a really good man, and I don't want to see you get hurt. Please leave it alone. Let some other guy be her "rebound" and check back with her in a year.

 

[StondTmplPilot]

Not really an attempt at humor. One thing that concerns me is that your relationship seems to have started out with her not being honest about her divorce status.

Like I said, the details you've provided are sparse so I may be getting the wrong impression.

However, to me this situation just doesn't sound like she's being completely honest with you. The threat from her husband that "it will cause big trouble with the divorce" could easily have been confirmed or refuted by her lawyer -- It really depends on who is filing and the grounds for the divorce whether her morals and/or adultery after they separated make any difference.

I just don't want to jump on the "everything will be happily ever after" bandwagon and make you look closely at how honest she's been in the past and whether she's trying to shift blame for dumping you onto her husband.

Being involved with the one participant of a messy divorce is NOT a good idea.

Thanks for clearing that up Harold, I understand now what you meant. You raise very valid concerns. I don't believe that she intentionally decieved me though, as she has told me, willingly, of other facts concerning their marriage, that had the potential of making me turn and run then and there. I chose not to because I felt that she was being completely honest with me. I can't go into detail, but believe me, alot of men would have ran right away when told about this.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for their input, and you harold, for explaining to me what it is you meant.

 

[PowerOfOne]

Re: Huh?

Yaiti wrote:
_____________________
OK here's the deal....


U r a cunning liar. Do not lie. You have never dated anyone in the last year or EVER for that matter. please, u cannot use deception hear. thanx,

________________

Do you know something we don't, or are you just an asshole?

TWB, Yayati is Literotica's asshole. Just skip over anything that you see him post and you will do fine. If someone could buy Yayati for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth they would be the worlds richest person.

 

[morninggirl5]

STP,

My first reaction was a question, are there children and custody issues involved. If so, it's completely plausible that your presence could cause problems for her in court. Judges tend to be particularly nitpicky when it comes to the custodial parent and relationships.

I agree with the advice you've been given. Use this month(s) to look at the relationship and then evaluate if you were misled or simply misinterpreted the information you were given about the divorce.

 

[TWB]

Thanks

Nice to know who Lit's #1 smelly sphincter is.