Should I be worried and what is going on?

[Bound2u]

A friend said there's some good advice here and she showed me your great website.

Don't know how to start. I'm in my 20s and have this great dominate, I guess you'd call him that. He's in his 30s. Now I feel I'm ratting on him and maybe I shouldn't say this, but I've got to say something. So here goes. I love him so much, but sometimes he does f**k me pretty hard. The girls where I work can see when I'm sore the next day. They razz me about it, but after that I'm fine. There aren't any bruises or nothing on my honeybun. Yes, maybe I egg him on and we do other stuff I won't go into right now except saying its bondige.

This is what went down and it's really bugging me. He's a linesman for the power company, and when a tower collapsed, some of his buddies were killed. It was sh*t awful how they were burned. He was ok, but the union rep wanted him to get some tests and managment paid. Said they were medical tests but they were by a psyciatrist, I think.

I asked how they went and he goes OK. But the other day, I saw this envalope and I looked. It’s to the doctor at the power company. I'm going to try to type it here, but as He says, I was never hired for my typing which is the crappy.

"Dear Dr. XXXXX

As a result of the recent series of psychometric assessments, including one interview with XXXXXX we find as follows.

The subject has undergone a recent trauma involving the death of friends, and in general is having a common grief reaction. At the same time, the event seems to have uncovered more profound tendencies. Evident in the subject's Rorshach and dream material is a strong element of what might properly be called "sexual rage," which takes the form of both the inclination to hurt women, and, unfortunately, to respond erotically to signs of such hurt. Notwithstanding the fantasy nature of the material, broader psychic leanings toward sexual agression may well be present.

The subject has recounted childhood incidents of humiliation at the hands of a female grade 1 teacher, who according to him said, "Little boys are evil. You're going to be punished for that. I don't care if you go around pretending you're 'good.'" He’s told of his enraged reaction at the time, smashing the teacher’s favorite vase.

We emphasize that we know of no evidence of antisocial forms of sexual agression in practice. Subject denies any criminal record, but alluded to some ‘scrapes’ in his adolescent years. In some responses, he has suggested 'rough' tastes in sexual encounters, but apparently subject's partner has not, according to him, ever complained of abuse, to anyone. She has never, he says, had to undergo any medical interventons related to sexual activities with him, though he has declined to go into detail as to their nature.

Therefore while we do not believe he likely will be of danger to her or other women in normal sexual relations. He appears to have excellent controls in place, but we have some concerns, given the abundance of stressors currently in his immediate environment. His own subjetive well being, at least, may be an issue, including possible guilt over said tendences. We believe they could be abated, if conscientiously dealt with over a course of psychotherapy, especially a therapist with experience in handling those who have undergone precipitating events of the sort he has.

Let us know if we can help in any way in the manner of referral.

XXXX MD
Xxxx Psychometrics and Consulting"

-----

Is this wierd bs? I know a little about dreams tho, and I took a psych course once at the community college, and all this is freaking me. I wouldn't mind hearing if someone really knows about these things. Should I be worried? Don't say "Talk to him about the tests and the results" I can't let him know I read the report. I don’t even know if he understands it, since he had to drop grade 12 and start working his butt off. Also, he's already said that he won't discuss the testing. He says it's mostly 'hocus pocus' and 'other bullshit'. Sorry to go on and on, I’m going to shut up now.

Bound2u

 

[UKBen]

That post is an obvious fabrication

There is absolutely no way in the world that a psychiatrist would present supposed clinical findings in those terms.

There is absolutely no way in the world that a psychiatrist would ever reveal such information to a company doctor.

There is absolutely no way in the world that a doctor in possession of such a letter would allow the employee to see it.

If you are a genuine person who has real concerns or is seeking advice, then simply tell the truth and people will help. But this is either a VERY silly way to ask for advice about a genuine fear, or is a piece of attention-seeking or trolldom.

Ben

 

[MissTaken]

I am stopping in to first, welcome both of you to the forum and to lit! Lit is a veritable smorgasbord of personalities and conversations, so enjoy!



Okay, in terms of the thread.

Where are you located Bound2U? (You may answer in PM if you wish or not at all.) In any event, I don't doubt the clinical veracity of the letter or that it was sent to an employer. With a signed release of information, it is entirely possible. I do know of people with copies of records and letters from their psychiatrists and counselors, so I am going to post as though what Bound is asking is perfectly legitimate.

First, Bound? Are you concerned? Besides fucking you very hard, has he ever taken you without consent? Has he ever struck you in anger, fucked you in anger? Those would be signs that you may need to be concerned. It is possible that he may have some of this "sexual rage", and it is possible that he may not. IT would depend on the context of the interview. Certainly, many Doms who would be questioned by a psychiatrist would be found to be "raging" because they do enjoy bits of sadism in their play.

I can't answer for you, as I don't know your Dom. You need to look at the situation and think about a few things. Does he frighten you with his physcial power? Does he threaten you verbally when he is angry? You know better than anyone how handles his anger and his sexuality.

Were you ever afraid before now? I am not referring to that anxiety that comes with being tied up and teased or wondering whether he will tickle or spank you....I mean that fear that tells you you need to run fast for your safety.

Do you feel safe?

 

[RisiaSkye]

I would also remind people that whether or not this letter's legit, sadism and masochism weren't removed from the DSM (the psych Bible) until the mid 90's. Many shrinks still consider S & M to be mental disorders in need of treatment.

To many shrinks we are all crazy. Factor that into your thoughts as well.

RS

 

[UKBen]

First, thanks for the welcome.

It is perfectly possible for someone to consent to release of their records, agreed, but it is stretching credibility rather dramatically to suggest that the subject consented to this letter being sent to his employer.

But leaving that aside, look at the language of the letter. It was clearly not written by a psychiatrist or psychologist.

However, ignoring the alleged letter and assuming a genuine person who has concerns about her partner, I would underline the advice you have offered.

I would only add to it that I am a great believer in trusting one's intuition. If the letter story was invented because the author felt silly saying 'I don't know why, but I just have a feeling', then I would recommend listening to that feeling.

Ben

 

[jon.hayworth]

Hi Bound2U,

I would echo others questions - before you read the report did you feel in any danger?

You said your partner dropped out to go to work. Maybe (I do not mean to be insulting about him) when he saw the Shrink, he did not fully realise the ramifacations of being honest. I am sure that many of us Doms would get an adverse report if we opened up to a Shrink. Equally I am certain that many of us just do not tell everything. In fact in the UK we have to be very carefull not to do so - see my comments to UKBEN.

However if in light of what you have read you feel unable to trust him, then maybe you will have to rethink / renegotiate your relationship, because the Sub / Dom relationship has to be founded upon trust.

UKBEN is being very naive about the doctor / patient relationship. - If he takes a look at the background to the Spanner Case he will see that it was a doctor who initially called the police. This resulted in a prosecution and conviction for Assault causing Greivous Bodily Harm on the grounds that under UK law one cannot consent to being assaulted. Furthermore this ruling was upheld in the European Court.

jon

 

[Bound2u]

To Ben. I simply can not say how I got to see the letter. Don't be mean about that. You are right that 'He' was never supposed to see it, but I don't think he understands much. Me neither. Maybe it's like psycoanalisis or something.

bye

 

[UKBen]

Jon, you are mistaken.

If you read the history of the case at the official Spanner Trust website, you will see that the investigation was triggered by the discovery of a videotape of the events, not by a doctor's report:

"During a raid in 1987 the police seized a videotape which showed a number of identifiable men engaging in heavy SM activities including beatings, genital abrasions and lacerations. The police claim that they immediately started a murder investigation because they were convinced that the men were being killed. This investigation is rumoured to have cost £4 million. Dozens of gay men were interviewed. The police learned that none of the men in the video had been murdered, or even suffered injuries which required medical attention. However the police may well have felt that they had to bring some prosecutions to justify their expensive investigation."

From http://www.spannertrust.org/documents/spannerhistory.asp

Doctors do indeed have legal duties of disclosure that can over-ride their duty of patient confidentiality in certain limited circumstances, but those circumstances are very specific and not relevant to the alleged letter.

But the real giveaway here is the wording of the letter. I do not know how to put it more simply than this: those words were not written by a psychiatrist.

Ben

 

[UKBen]

To Bound2U, I am not being 'mean', merely taking the view that if yours is a genuine plea for help, the advice you will receive will be more relevant and useful to you if it is based on the actual situation, not a fiction.

Ben

 

[jon.hayworth]

Ben,

Yes I saw that on the Spanner Site, but in the law reports background to the case - it was stated that the initial search was as a result of a doctor's tip-off to the police. The doctor had been treating the guy for something not related but ing an examination saw a healing wound where a nail had pierced the man's foreskin.

I was studying law and we had to look at the case from the aspect of when can the victim consent and when can the victim not consent. About the same time as Spanner, a man branded his girlfriend and this was held to be OK because it was for body ornementation - believe that if you want the judge did! Of course that opened up the question of was Spanner a homophobic ruling.

jon

 

[MissTaken]

But the real giveaway here is the wording of the letter. I do not know how to put it more simply than this: those words were not written by a psychiatrist.

Ben

The only thought I can offer here is that perhaps the letter was written by a social worker and signed off by a psychiatrist.

Those are the circumstances I have seen such letters.

Bound? Are you sure an MD wrote that letter?

Some of the conjecture just seems out of bounds for a genuine or at the very least, skilled psychiatrist.

Very few doctors will go on a limb and make a sincere safety assessment based on psychometric testing with no addtional treatment. Or that is my experience.

It really isn't the issue, Bound. The issue is, "Do YOU feel safe?"

Feel free to PM me if you like.

MissT

 

[Pure]

Hi UK Ben,

I partly agree with you about the letter, in that it's too godamm literate to be written by one of the ordinary shrinks who graduated in the last 25 years in US or Canada. It would definitely take someone rather 'old school' to draft sentences like that; but that is just my 'lay' opinion. The pill prescribers of the last decades definitely do NOT write like that, and my impression is it's often the secretaries who put on the patina of literacy.

J.

PS. Miss T, I've never run across a social worker old or young who wrote like that, though I don't personally know any ones who hang around the psychiatric community.

 

[slvjenn]

OK, lets assume for a minute that the good doc is real...

He was hired to evaluate someone about an on the job problem. (death of a coworker) Why would he get into a first grade teacher? Why would he even ask?

I've taken some of...err..nevermind...

anyway, from what you posted, you have some rough sex. If you are ok with that then I don't think there is much reason to get worried. If you DON'T like it you should talk to him about calming it down some.

Unless he strikes you in a threatening way I wouldn't get too freaked out. I would have a nice sit down with him tho. See what his views are. I know quite a few people who would love to get to "fuck with" a psychiatrist on someone elses dime.

 

[Bound2u]

Thanks to all for your concern. I don't mean to have troubled you. About the way I had to disgise the exact situation, and the manner I've protected the identity of the letter writer. Thanks Miss T for your concern. You are helpful and smart. What you have seen and guessed is not far off since a team of assessers has been involved over a period of time. The paragraphs are from a recent report.

For those concerned, I don't feel in grave danger now. I'm not getting hit. But it's unsettling to wonder How stable is this person I live with?

 

[MissTaken]

Here is a link that outlines some of the behaviours that are red flags to domestic violence.

It isn't a great list, nor is it complete.

Also, remember that some of these behaviors do occur in BDSM within the parameters of the negotiated power exchange.

This list and some of the questions I posted above should help you make a detemination for your safety.

http://www.cybergrrl.com/fs.jhtml?/views/dv/

As far as teh rest of this site goes, I wouldn't surf it. Personally, I didn't find it helpful to victims or women, but can you provide you with information if you feel you need more than the basic list I lnked.

Also, check out the link in the "Welcome" sticky..."Safe, Sane and Consensual"

 

[AvaAdore]

honesty is very important in a relationship. if i were in your position, i would tell him what you read and have a talk with him about it. it may settle your worries. if you are worried about him getting angry if he knew you read it, have your talk in a public place such as a restaurant. that helps avoid any unpleasant situations.

 

[Bound2u]

My friend looked at this thread and said your getting criticized because you did not use your own words for the problem--people would respond to your direct story of your experiences. So I thought a while, and yes I have my own words besides the drs view (that is what he does call himself). Maybe Miss T or a couple other helpful people want to hear them. There are some things I can say that don't identify me. About what worries me.

It used to be--before the accident and many events since and all that therapy, he'd get pretty crazy just for a minute in our hard fucking. But I thought probably every guy pounds into your nook when he cums, yells etc. Now the frenzie starts early. I'm laying there with nothing at all on. He will come up and slap me a bit; not to hurt. "Hey you, wana fuck, tell me how bad you want it you little .." There are the names I wont repeat but 'bitch' I will say. I go yeah I want it honey, do it. Then he binds my wrists to the bed and sometimes my ankles. I'm not weak but now recieve a real slamming from early on. Like theres no tomorrow. I tell him. Ease up on that honeynook, babe, and just then he shoves that battering ram up to my cervics. It's as if he wants to rape me there with his big thing or something. Don't go off on that word, since if he's left my legs free, I wrap my them around him and bang into his ass with my heels. I'm in extacy but I nook is almost split open. I don't tear because I'm getting so fucking wet I can easily take the pounding for a few mins. He's just not aware of anything then he drops that load way deep in me. Keeps pounding which makes it leak out. I cum like crazy then. He comes around and give me a little slap which means open up. He takes our cum and smears ti on my face and into my mouth. What I really want is his tonge and he won't kiss but nuzzles my neck and pulls out. Its so fucking hot down there but yikes its tender. Sometimes, after, once a little blood. It's soreneness reminds me the next day. I get a little warm and sticky all over.
You wonder if I'm disrepected but I think I mean a lot. He says--your so special to me, babe. He lately talks more about women as hores and sounds angry. I don't think they did anything to him. Not since I've known him. I asked him and he didn't say. I'm sure real sure he doesn't think I'm no street hooker. Even though the insults during sex are pretty dirty. Yes and they make me hot too, I guess I am his little slut.

 

[MissTaken]

Okay, does he scare you?

Is he out of control or in control and using you?

 

[AvaAdore]

i will re-emphasize my last post after having read your last one: you're relationship really needs more communication!! tell him that's he's fucking you too hard at some point outside the bedroom, let him know how you feel, ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about. i always thought that sort of communication is a given in a relationship. you are there to support each other.

 

[Bound2u]

No. I don't think you can get killed by fucking.
In control. Does not loose his temper or hit me (a few slaps during sex).

Okay, does he scare you?

Is he out of control or in control and using you?

 

[MissTaken]

No. I don't think you can get killed by fucking.
In control. Does not loose his temper or hit me (a few slaps during sex).

That is good.

It is possible that he has rage issues that he manages.

Or, it is possible simply that his BDSM tendencies and perceptions clouded the assessment.

As has been said, I doubt there are many psychiatrists who can comprehend BDSM to the degree to which they can accept or stamp a "seal of approval" on what appears as violent stirrings.

Frankly, I think that many subs would "Fail" such a test as well. Haven't we heard all about how our submissive nature and sexual preferences mean that we have low self esteem?

Ha!