Should anyone Dom over you?

[Cmay]

After a very recent conversation, I had to ask myself, should anyone Dom over you? General rule is, it is considered rude. However, general rules and working rules are different.

So, should anyone be able to Dom over a sub?

 

[Stella_Omega]

The thing that makes BDSM different from regular old abuse is informed consent.

So, no, not anyone should be able to "Dom a sub." ONLY the Dom/me/s that the sub accepts as their Dom/me/s. Might be only one, might be one or two, might be a hundred and fifty four. The quanitity is really no one else's business.

Please read the essay link in my sig.

 

[Cmay]

First, I loved your little essay. I want to print it out and hand it to people along with some other pointers and insights when they have no idea what they are talking about or just too new.

Secondly, I thought that was the way it was, but then I began to wonder if it was just a local thing. I haven't had many play partners, but I am involved in my local BDSM community. So thank you.

The thing that makes BDSM different from regular old abuse is informed consent.

So, no, not anyone should be able to "Dom a sub." ONLY the Dom/me/s that the sub accepts as their Dom/me/s. Might be only one, might be one or two, might be a hundred and fifty four. The quanitity is really no one else's business.

Please read the essay link in my sig.

 

[Stella_Omega]

First, I loved your little essay. I want to print it out and hand it to people along with some other pointers and insights when they have no idea what they are talking about or just too new.

Secondly, I thought that was the way it was, but then I began to wonder if it was just a local thing. I haven't had many play partners, but I am involved in my local BDSM community. So thank you.

See, there's this incredibly sexy fantasy that we are the poor little slavie that everyone wants, oh woe, and we can't go anywhere without being raped in the sexiest possible way...

Don't we wish!

But that's not how real people really work.

In a group setting, for the duration of a play party, or a weekend cooped up in some hotel somewhere, or whatever-- sure, it's possible to arrange that everyone in your designated group is your dominant at any time all the time. But it has to be arranged. Someone has to take the responsibility to say; "This is what she-or-he wants." And when the weekend is over, sad-but-true, that's it for that particular scene.

 

[Cmay]

I love your antics!
That has been my experience. The time, dates and people involved would be pre-aranged, along with whatever limitations the parties may have. after that every thing else was fair game. I am a masochist, doesn't mean I want some stranger walking up and slapping me. I'd go crazy sub bitch on them. lol

[/LEFT]

See, there's this incredibly sexy fantasy that we are the poor little slavie that everyone wants, oh woe, and we can't go anywhere without being raped in the sexiest possible way...

Don't we wish!

But that's not how real people really work.

In a group setting, for the duration of a play party, or a weekend cooped up in some hotel somewhere, or whatever-- sure, it's possible to arrange that everyone in your designated group is your dominant at any time all the time. But it has to be arranged. Someone has to take the responsibility to say; "This is what she-or-he wants." And when the weekend is over, sad-but-true, that's it for that particular scene.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

There is a woman here on Lit. Who has the following as her sig. line.

"I am a submissive, but I am not your submissive."

Just because she is submissive to me does not mean she is submissive to everyone who calls themselves a PYL.

Mike

 

[njlauren]

Basic protocol is a sub is not your sub...until they are your sub.

Seriously, if someone is someone else's sub, it is a major breach of protocol to assume they have the right to treat that sub as their own. A dominant may or may not have the right to share their sub with others, allow them to play with others, but the key there is you ask, period.

An unattached sub likewise is not fair game, a dominant cannot assume anything with a sub, any more then a vanilla person can assume the right to go up to someone and touch them, kiss, them, etc.

I have run into some bad apples in the BD/SM world, usually it is some stupid sack of shit, self proclaimed to be a 'dominant', 'goddess', whatever, who pulls that crap. Friend of mine told her subs that if another dominant ever came on to them, started bossing them around, or telling them (the sub) to obey, that if they didn't immediately either grab her *my friend*, another member of their circle of friends, or tell the person to fuck off and die, that she would personally use a bullwhip on them for not protecting her property *she would, too*.


It should be self evident, that dom/sub relationships are that, to assume a sub is yours is like assuming as a straight guy that any woman is fair game for you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There is a woman here on Lit. Who has the following as her sig. line.

"I am a submissive, but I am not your submissive."

Just because she is submissive to me does not mean she is submissive to everyone who calls themselves a PYL.

Mike

Brag and boast, Mike we know...

 

[leighannste17]

I had a male dom for a night one time. It was interesting I learned alot about ropes, candles, glass dildos. He was sexy, I trusted him because we talked about our limitations. We made agreements before it happened. And come to find out he was a rare type. He put my needs before his needs. Yes I engaged in cock worship. BUT he held himself back. It was different, and if I had to take on the role of sub agian he would be the only one I'd trust. He never tied me up. Because I didn't trust him that far at all. So he respected it. He just put the ropes on my body which was kindof hot.


I don't understand why so many women assume the role as a sub. It takes alot of trust in a man. I'd be to scared to be tied up. I have way to many sensitive areas on my body. I've had them forever. And alot of guys take advantage of this, i've seen it.

For me I much rather be the dominant one, because when this happens I know i'am safe.

 

[eric60red]

I had a male dom for a night one time. It was interesting I learned alot about ropes, candles, glass dildo. He was sexy, I trusted him because we talked about our limitations. We made agreements before it happened. And come to find out he was a rare type. He put my needs before his needs. Yes I engaged in cock worship. BUT he held himself back. It was different, and if I had to take on the role of sub again he would be the only one I'd trust. He never tied me up. Because I didn't trust him that far at all. So he respected it. He just put the ropes on my body which was kind of hot.


I don't understand why so many women assume the role as a sub. It takes alto of trust in a man. I'd be to scared to be tied up. I have way to many sensitive areas on my body. I've had them forever. And alot of guys take advantage of this, i've seen it.

For me I much rather be the dominant one, because when this happens I know i'am safe.

Its each to his own, it is true that one has to trust, there are lots of kind understanding Dons out there, its just that when a sub finds one shes doesn't want to let him go.. I'm free right now

 

[eric60red]

Basic protocol is a sub is not your sub...until they are your sub.

Seriously, if someone is someone else's sub, it is a major breach of protocol to assume they have the right to treat that sub as their own. A dominant may or may not have the right to share their sub with others, allow them to play with others, but the key there is you ask, period.

An unattached sub likewise is not fair game, a dominant cannot assume anything with a sub, any more then a vanilla person can assume the right to go up to someone and touch them, kiss, them, etc.

I have run into some bad apples in the BD/SM world, usually it is some stupid sack of shit, self proclaimed to be a 'dominant', 'goddess', whatever, who pulls that crap. Friend of mine told her subs that if another dominant ever came on to them, started bossing them around, or telling them (the sub) to obey, that if they didn't immediately either grab her *my friend*, another member of their circle of friends, or tell the person to fuck off and die, that she would personally use a bullwhip on them for not protecting her property *she would, too*.


It should be self evident, that dom/sub relationships are that, to assume a sub is yours is like assuming as a straight guy that any woman is fair game for you.

Here here, I could not have put it better myself. it is also a fact that when somebody says they are a sub, but have not submitted to a Master, what that they realy mean is that they want to be told what to do, not be tied up or controlled.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

... So, should anyone be able to Dom over a sub?

Good heavens, no! I'm (mostly) submissive and I can easily tell you that there are very few people that I would submit to let alone be able to submit to because for ME it takes the right sort of character, personality and body. I only state body because I've yet to run across a guy who's my height or shorter that was able to make me feel submissive. Hope this makes sense.

 

[Bramblethorn]

After a very recent conversation, I had to ask myself, should anyone Dom over you? General rule is, it is considered rude. However, general rules and working rules are different.

So, should anyone be able to Dom over a sub?

Adding to the chorus of "hell no". It is entirely the sub's choice (which they may opt to delegate to somebody else).