Shay...

[graceanne]

Well, I'm glad that she showed her true colors. Not to mention she's not too bright. She's bashing litsters, but wants them to come to her group. Did she think we can't read, and didn't know what was going on?

Beyond that, I'm sorry she hurt you all, but I really haven't noticed her much. She seemed trollish to me from the beginning, so I've pretty much ignored her as much as possible. *shrugs*

And I can just imagine how she's gonna whine about this post. Drama queens and all that.

 

[nh23]

I am sorry if m posts are hard for you to understand, my english is not that good as i would like too and i find it hard to express what i would really like to say, i am a bad speaker i know that, but i am trying. Peeps like Cat just dont make it any easier for me.

But yes i see her reply as advice from experienced person IMO, i never said different! I am just sayin its hard to find a sub female friend here, at least for me its hard, guess i suck

Ahh..That explains it. I wouldn't say a bad speaker. Maybe it's just me. I live in a very small community (population 900 woo hoo!), and I'm only ever exposed to English. We don't have any diversity to speak of here. Thank You for trying so hard and I'm sorry if I was offensive. I wouldn't say that you suck...just that it takes time to get to know people. Same as it does in RL.

 

[serijules]

I like some people here. I dislike some people here.

That's pretty standard of anywhere you go I think. I do think there is a higher instance of snobbery and bitchery on this board than any other BDSM board I've ever posted on or moderated, but that's simply because this is by far IMO one of the more active forums for BDSM out there. More people equals more snobs, more bitches, more assholes, more drama queens, more horny net geeks.

And more good people. I stay here for the good people.

Threads like this annoy me because I will never understand the fueling of the fires thing. I'm a huge fan of ignore. I also don't tend to get as up in arms as many people seem to. When stuff annoys me enough that I actually start pondering spewing it all over the place, I leave for awhile. Lit aint going anywhere. My integrity has room to fall if I let it.

Saying something nasty with subtle wording and a smile doesn't make it any less nasty.

I don't really care if Shay is what she says she is or not. Her threads are ignorable if they really bother you that much. I answer some of her threads with the mind that even if SHE doesn't get anything out of my input, maybe someone else will. Heck, maybe *I* will.

Every single forum out there is exactly the same. The same issues, the same various ways of handling those issues, the same complaints and whines and problems. It's a lot more fun if you just accept that, find a productive way to deal with it, and let it be.

 

[nh23]

My unexpert opinion is she's a classic Narcissist. I have encountered and recognized it in only 2 others, one my husband's youngest brother and the other my sisters first husband.

They are fascinating to observe but infuriating to actually try and interact with in a meaningful way.

Alot of the info about Narcissistic Personality Disorder on the net is not totally accurate and would seem to indicate a sub could never be one. That is not true. Narcissists are all about using other people and their reactions to them as mirrors. They constantly remake themselves then look in the mirror (ie the other person's reactions to them) for gratification. Dr. Sam Vaknin has written some good info and I believe you can find several chapters of his book "Malignant Self Love" for free on the web. He is a Narcissist himself and has a unique perspective.

Best thing to do...walk away and completely ignore it. Its all about attention and that's pretty much the bottom line. It's also considered to be incurable by the psyche community.

I pretty much stopped communicating with her shortly after we became "friends" and she was "mentoring" me which was really just a joke.

The other board is for people less clueless than herself to worship her. In time they will figure it out as well if they haven't already.

Anyway just my 2 cents.

Very interesting..and much appreciated.

 

[nh23]

I like some people here. I dislike some people here.

That's pretty standard of anywhere you go I think. I do think there is a higher instance of snobbery and bitchery on this board than any other BDSM board I've ever posted on or moderated, but that's simply because this is by far IMO one of the more active forums for BDSM out there. More people equals more snobs, more bitches, more assholes, more drama queens, more horny net geeks.

And more good people. I stay here for the good people.

Threads like this annoy me because I will never understand the fueling of the fires thing. I'm a huge fan of ignore. I also don't tend to get as up in arms as many people seem to. When stuff annoys me enough that I actually start pondering spewing it all over the place, I leave for awhile. Lit aint going anywhere. My integrity has room to fall if I let it.

Saying something nasty with subtle wording and a smile doesn't make it any less nasty.

I don't really care if Shay is what she says she is or not. Her threads are ignorable if they really bother you that much. I answer some of her threads with the mind that even if SHE doesn't get anything out of my input, maybe someone else will. Heck, maybe *I* will.

Every single forum out there is exactly the same. The same issues, the same various ways of handling those issues, the same complaints and whines and problems. It's a lot more fun if you just accept that, find a productive way to deal with it, and let it be.

I wasn't trying to fuel the fire. I was very angry, and very hurt. Maybe it was a bad idea to post this thread, maybe not. I'm not trying to be nasty, but she has stirred up a lot of trouble here it seems, and I wanted to reveal what I found to be going on to everyone involved, or soon to be involved. Her threads are ignorable your right, she PM'ed me though and I was just trying to help. I do appreciate your opinion. I wish it was as easy for me to just accept some things as you do..maybe in time. I'm not new to all of this, but still learning.

 

[Netzach]

I am sorry if m posts are hard for you to understand, my english is not that good as i would like too and i find it hard to express what i would really like to say, i am a bad speaker i know that, but i am trying. Peeps like Cat just dont make it any easier for me.

But yes i see her reply as advice from experienced person IMO, i never said different! I am just sayin its hard to find a sub female friend here, at least for me its hard, guess i suck

I disagree with cat on this. I always think about the fact that you're not a native speaker, for one thing, and also you are living in a completely different culture (if I remember right you're in Eastern Europe?) so people around you are all thinking about sexuality and sex in a way that they're not in the US/UK/Australia (and even there there are differences) -- so what works really clearly well in the US may not where you are. And the public scene is different, and there's so much less info floating around and different info...
but I see you actively absorbing and learning from a lot of the questions you ask, when I read what you have to say. I don't get the sense that you're gathering opinions and then just saying to everything you get "well that won't work for me and that won't work for me, and that won't work for me" because you're in love with the idea of being difficult. I don't get that at all.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

<snip>

I am sorry, but i must agree with her on one thing. Sub's from Lit webby aint much friendly to new faces. I totaly agree with Shay on this one!!

And i don't say Lit webby is bad now!! I love this webby, i think its lots of good reading here and some cool peeps around as well. I am just saying its hard to find here someone to talk too, especialy between the sub's.

I think me and Shay are alike, i know i am a sub tho. She's still confused and looking for the place where she would fit, i know that feeling very well.

<snip>
peace

You and Shay took similar approaches on how you entered the threads.. like a ball of fire and the "old hands" have seen this too many times not to be innately suspicious.

 

[serijules]

I wasn't trying to fuel the fire. I was very angry, and very hurt. Maybe it was a bad idea to post this thread, maybe not. I'm not trying to be nasty, but she has stirred up a lot of trouble here it seems, and I wanted to reveal what I found to be going on to everyone involved, or soon to be involved. Her threads are ignorable your right, she PM'ed me though and I was just trying to help. I do appreciate your opinion. I wish it was as easy for me to just accept some things as you do..maybe in time. I'm not new to all of this, but still learning.

I wasn't directing my reply at you, or anyone. Just a general opinion/reaction to the various comments.

 

[Netzach]

I like some people here. I dislike some people here.

That's pretty standard of anywhere you go I think. I do think there is a higher instance of snobbery and bitchery on this board than any other BDSM board I've ever posted on or moderated, but that's simply because this is by far IMO one of the more active forums for BDSM out there. More people equals more snobs, more bitches, more assholes, more drama queens, more horny net geeks.

And more good people. I stay here for the good people.

Threads like this annoy me because I will never understand the fueling of the fires thing. I'm a huge fan of ignore. I also don't tend to get as up in arms as many people seem to. When stuff annoys me enough that I actually start pondering spewing it all over the place, I leave for awhile. Lit aint going anywhere. My integrity has room to fall if I let it.

Saying something nasty with subtle wording and a smile doesn't make it any less nasty.

I don't really care if Shay is what she says she is or not. Her threads are ignorable if they really bother you that much. I answer some of her threads with the mind that even if SHE doesn't get anything out of my input, maybe someone else will. Heck, maybe *I* will.

Every single forum out there is exactly the same. The same issues, the same various ways of handling those issues, the same complaints and whines and problems. It's a lot more fun if you just accept that, find a productive way to deal with it, and let it be.

Spoken like a forum pro.

Actually I find the cultures are interestingly different flavors. CM is much more about OK, -everyone - quick snarkily disagree!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I see it over and over again "thank you kind SIRS" - in a thread in which I've posted advice to the same effect. If you have some male supremacist thing going, please let the rest of us know what we have to say doesn't apply on your magic planet in advance. Thx.

LOL, oh I thought it was just me being over sensitive...nice to know someone else has noticed it. Another one I have noticed are the new faces who say hello (or aska question) and then ignore my welcome/post but respond to 97- 98% of the others...I tend to flag that as a possible alt, maybe troll. OK, OK, tell me I'm paranoid!!

Catalina

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I see it over and over again "thank you kind SIRS" - in a thread in which I've posted advice to the same effect. If you have some male supremacist thing going, please let the rest of us know what we have to say doesn't apply on your magic planet in advance. Thx.

No i don't have any male supermacist thing going, i got alot of female friends, none of them is into BDSM tho, so its hard to talk to them about it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I talk to Lit Doms.

The only MDoms I've ever had really good long conversations with RL or web or anywhere have been guys from lit. Maybe something in the water.

Then again the rarity of male subs/bottoms here is interesting. I've had equally as good convos with guys on a FemDom oriented board, once wading through the piles of "may I kiss your divine ass GODDESS" stuff.

LOL, I talk to them, but I don't talk to them on a regular basis, ask them specifically to answer a thread or PM me, or cross certain lines in that communication which I feel uncomfortable doing...or flirt outrageously either, but that is just the way I am, not to mention time is not on my side to spend online.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

tell me I'm paranoid!!

Catalina

Well, if you insist.

You're paranoid.

Better?

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

You and Shay took similar approaches on how you entered the threads.. like a ball of fire and the "old hands" have seen this too many times not to be innately suspicious.

I entered the threads the only way i know. Is there some manual how to do it right please?? *sigh*

Sorry to hear i gave you that "innately suspicious" feeling......

 

[nh23]

I entered the threads the only way i know. Is there some manual how to do it right please?? *sigh*

Sorry to hear i gave you that "innately suspicious" feeling......

I think he just meant that they were afraid of sub frenzy...

 

[catalina_francisco]

You are the bigest prove of what i said about Lit sub's Cat heh.... nvm, and yes me and Shay are friends. I like her and i dont mind what you think about it. She was the only sub who was easy to start talk with while you are the living prove of the oposite i talk about.

You was the first sub i asked if i could talk with you when i was looking for some sub female friend, thank you for ur reply which never came....

I agree with Homburg on this one - Shay is kinda like a lost dog, living on exile. The reason i understand her is prolly i feel like one too and it honestly does not suprise me that especialy you don't understand it.

OK, firstly I haven't given any time worth counting to think about whether you are friends or not and it doesn't concern me one way or another what you do or who you or anyone chooses to be friends with....sort of isn't my business and I have my hands full keeping up with my own life without worrying about who is who's friend etc. As to her being the first sub willing to talk to you....well when she arrived she wasn't a sub according to her and then went through the roles of switch, Domme, sub, slave, kajira in about a week...not someone I can take very seriously or devote what little time I have to spare to. You on the other hand seem to have a lot of time online as you have said before to webcam with men and chat on IM....good for you, personally I have a life and responsibilities and even a hobby or 2.

Secondly, you never PMed me, but I did see your post last night for the first time in which you suggested we might talk in IM. I can't answer something I don't see and I hadn't seen that post before then....I may be moderator, but I do miss the occasional post when my own life is busy...that is why I have a co-mod to help out. Add to that I rarely talk on IM even with my own daughter overseas as I just don't have the time to sit online, and when I do I usually forget to log into IM these days. That time is reserved for those who I have become friends with at Lit or in real life, F, or family.

As to lost dog personalities...I get paid to professionally to talk to such people, I learned a long time ago that with a few exceptions I do not have the energy, time or responsibility to talk to everyone else who needs counselling or a shoulder to cry on, especially when I have doubts about their reality base. If it is a friend or someone I feel some sort of connection with I am there as much as I can be, but as I said, F comes first and foremost in my life and I don't have a lot of time after fulfilling his needs and caring for my son. If that is aproblem for you it is good we didn't get furthe than posting on the same forum. I am happy you seem to have so much time, but I don't see us having a lot in common nor do I have to give my time to chat when I have very little time to spare.

Catalina

 

[Softouch911]

It's a shame when this sort of thing happens, as it does ... over and over. Most try to give newbs the benefit of the doubt and respond with sincerity to their initial forays ... but when the crap detector goes off three times, I (like Serijules) just ignore from that point on.

Shay hasn't defended herself, but it appears she wasn't worth the effort. Whatever her reasoning and motives, she was rude and, while no one loses anything substantial by her plagiarism, she was offensive in abusing the well-intended support that was offered.

And yeah, it happens .... that said, Literotica -- both here and in the Story Discussion forum where I post -- is nothing if not passionate! I've been understood here and, once, grossly misunderstood and hung out to dry.

But I continued to lurk and recently returned because, even in the heat of the moment, I realized that my inability to explain my position clearly was my own problem. More importantly, the responses that offended me were full of the passion and authenticity and values that I try for in my own life.

If people are offended by that, then so be it. It would be nice if everyone bought into what everyone else said .... or maybe it would just be boring.

Respectfully,
ST

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

For ME, it is not a trust issue, it is a loyality/respect issue. If i want a Dom's opinion on a issue, i can make a post here...or...even better...Ask LC himself. LC is very clear that any "new" close friendships with males need to be approved by him first, especially if they are Doms. That's not because he doesn't trust me. It is because he wants to know who is in my life, and be able to monitor that. After all, HE is the one training me to be the best little one/slave for him....not some random Dom on Lit.

I see. I am alowed to talk with whoever i want too tho. Maybe one day that will change and i will have to ask for his permision too, who knows.

If i want my Dom's opinion about something i always firstly ask HIM what he think about it. I ask him about some things many times untill it sink in sometimes.

I think theres always lots fo things to talk about. With your Dom and with ur friends as well and to me it doesnt matter if the friend is Dom or not. We just talk, thats alowed.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Whats the difference in talking to sub's or Dom's please? cuz i am not looking for men for dirty talk thank you. I got no need to do so, my needs are met. I still have a need talk to peeps tho yes. To peeps who like same things as i do. Reason i spoke with few Dom's was cuz i am trying to understand the Dom mindset better or when i needed some advice about something.

I am in a serious relationship too and i am glad my Master trust me enough to alowe me talk to other Dom's. I got no need to sexchat with the Dom's i talk with, so i dont care how much they are men except being Dom's. It's not what i am looking for when i ask someone for advice. Nuthing exciting about what we talk about, so i am not worried me or them would think different. Every Dom i talk with is told i am owned and they respect that, so do i.

Well you asked. For you it seems there is no difference but then by your own admission you are new to all this. Not everyone is the same either but for me personally, if I am in a relationship with anyone (even in vanilla days), I do not look for other men to talk to other than in casual conversation when it arises. I have spoken to a few Doms here, and F has no problem with it, but I do not seek their advice on what happens in our relationship, nor do I need to know their minds because His mind is the only one I need to understand, nor do I cross lines that IMHO should not be crossed, nor do I chat with them online or have regular contact. If there is something in general I wish to understand more fully, I can ask that on the forum and discuss it to death without going into private correspondence...that way if anyone else is wondering about the same thing they too get to learn from the discussion and even join in with their own questions and P'sOV...it doesn't make sense to me to do it privately as to do it on the forum offers far more diversity in opinion and experience than just one person can ever do.

F has an enormous amount of trust in me...that is one of the reasons he felt so secure in sharing me with someone. Thing is though we are in a relationship and just as I don't talk on a regular basis to male Doms (and when I do he is fully aware of it and even able to check what has been said if he wishes), he also doesn't talk to female submissives or slaves....we simply are not wired that way and unless there is something outside of D/s we have in common, there just never seems enough reason to go down that track especially as our time is limited at best. LOL, for that matter I don't even look for men to talk to at all even though most of my friends when I was single were men, and just friends. If I get a PM from a male I respond just as I do if I get one from a female....if they PM about something specific or mention something we can or wish to both converse about I might continue the conversation through PM, but it usually doesn't go further than a couple of PM's and then I might not hear from them for ages or ever again except on the board. Simple as that. What works for you is wonderful for you, but I just don't have that amount of time and energy to spare.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am sorry if m posts are hard for you to understand, my english is not that good as i would like too and i find it hard to express what i would really like to say, i am a bad speaker i know that, but i am trying. Peeps like Cat just dont make it any easier for me.

But yes i see her reply as advice from experienced person IMO, i never said different! I am just sayin its hard to find a sub female friend here, at least for me its hard, guess i suck

I am sorry you feel I make it more difficult for you but am mystified as to how as I rarely post to your posts, have no connection to you, and are onthe forum a few hours a day at best...sometimes in snippets of 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there. If you want friends you need to make them, not demand them. Friendship begins with having something in common...I don't see that with you and I.

As to using language as an excuse, I am also sorry you feel that way and it has nothing to do with us not being friends. I happen to live in a country where I don't speak the language, though I am trying to learn enough to do so...doesn't stop me communicating with others, even those who don't speak english. I speak to anyone I wish to or need to in peson and online I use babelfish to speak tp people in other languages..it isn't perfect, but w manage to understand what each other is trying to say...just takes a little longer to sort out translations etc.

Catalina

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I am sorry you feel I make it more difficult for you but am mystified as to how as I rarely post to your posts, have no connection to you, and are onthe forum a few hours a day at best...sometimes in snippets of 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there. If you want friends you need to make them, not demand them. Friendship begins with having something in common...I don't see that with you and I.

As to using language as an excuse, I am also sorry you feel that way and it has nothing to do with us not being friends. I happen to live in a country where I don't speak the language, though I am trying to learn enough to do so...doesn't stop me communicating with others, even those who don't speak english. I speak to anyone I wish to or need to in peson and online I use babelfish to speak tp people in other languages..it isn't perfect, but w manage to understand what each other is trying to say...just takes a little longer to sort out translations etc.

Catalina

I am not demanding anything, just said i do understand to Shay on this one and i do.

And yes you are right, you and me don't have anything in common.

I am not using my crap english as an excuse. I talk with lots of english peeps and i have no prob to tell them what i want or need. I said it cuz nh23 said she had a hard time to understand my posts. I am trying to make my post understandable, but guess i gota try harder.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I disagree with cat on this. .

What are you disagreeing with me on? I'm lost on this one.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am not demanding anything, just said i do understand to Shay on this one and i do.

And yes you are right, you and me don't have anything in common.

I am not using my crap english as an excuse. I talk with lots of english peeps and i have no prob to tell them what i want or need. I said it cuz nh23 said she had a hard time to understand my posts. I am trying to make my post understandable, but guess i gota try harder.

They are not that difficult to understand...much better than my Dutch anyday.

Catalina

 

[HottieMama]

Your posts have actually gotten easier to read since you first started posting. Sometimes though they are a bit hard to understand for me still, but i post where i think i can help you in some way...i.e. the pregnancy thread.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Well you asked. For you it seems there is no difference but then by your own admission you are new to all this. Not everyone is the same either but for me personally, if I am in a relationship with anyone (even in vanilla days), I do not look for other men to talk to other than in casual conversation when it arises. I have spoken to a few Doms here, and F has no problem with it, but I do not seek their advice on what happens in our relationship, nor do I need to know their minds because His mind is the only one I need to understand, nor do I cross lines that IMHO should not be crossed, nor do I chat with them online or have regular contact. If there is something in general I wish to understand more fully, I can ask that on the forum and discuss it to death without going into private correspondence...that way if anyone else is wondering about the same thing they too get to learn from the discussion and even join in with their own questions and P'sOV...it doesn't make sense to me to do it privately as to do it on the forum offers far more diversity in opinion and experience than just one person can ever do.

F has an enormous amount of trust in me...that is one of the reasons he felt so secure in sharing me with someone. Thing is though we are in a relationship and just as I don't talk on a regular basis to male Doms (and when I do he is fully aware of it and even able to check what has been said if he wishes), he also doesn't talk to female submissives or slaves....we simply are not wired that way and unless there is something outside of D/s we have in common, there just never seems enough reason to go down that track especially as our time is limited at best. LOL, for that matter I don't even look for men to talk to at all even though most of my friends when I was single were men, and just friends. If I get a PM from a male I respond just as I do if I get one from a female....if they PM about something specific or mention something we can or wish to both converse about I might continue the conversation through PM, but it usually doesn't go further than a couple of PM's and then I might not hear from them for ages or ever again except on the board. Simple as that. What works for you is wonderful for you, but I just don't have that amount of time and energy to spare.

Catalina

You make my talks with other male Dom's sound like i am looking for more men attention, but i am not. If theres something on my mind i want or need to talk about, i talk about it first with my Dom. When he's not around i talk to my friends then and i think its normal.

I know you are owned by F, and if you really don't talk with any other male Dom or Vanilla i owe you one big "WOW"!