Such a powerful tool. From the giddy exhilaration of doing something traditionally known as "taboo" or "forbidden" to the deep cringing horror from public humiliation, shame ranks very high to quite a few of us on the list of Arousal-Inducing Emotions.
I personally fall into all sorts of categories with shame. Although I realize that the majority of this crew puts humiliation as a hard limit, I thrive on it. Verbal degradation, face slapping, other physical gestures of contempt--love it. And yet...I have all sorts of things that should be degrading but aren't, and silly things that I tell myself I should get over but can't.
Assfucking has never been dirty or illicit to me. I am almost 100% comfortable being nude in front of my partner, even if he is completely clothed.
Yet I can't even bring myself to say "asshole," let alone to natural processes resulting there. God forbid he plays stupid when I ask to use the restroom--I honestly have no idea how I would react. I think that's the "bad" shame, but then again it's something I'd really like to overcome. Biological functions, blah blah blah. Shouldn't be so damned difficult for me to deal with, because, y'know, shit happens.
Even on a non-sexual level, there is good shame and there is bad shame. I could dress like a slut and flaunt it; ask me to dress in tacky, nonmatching clothes and I would absolutely shrivel up.
What's goin on? How do you use shame or embarrassment or discomfort to either establish a greater level of trust in your partner or to arouse them by the very fact that the shame is there? Where is the "good" shame and where is the "bad" shame for you?
I personally fall into all sorts of categories with shame. Although I realize that the majority of this crew puts humiliation as a hard limit, I thrive on it. Verbal degradation, face slapping, other physical gestures of contempt--love it. And yet...I have all sorts of things that should be degrading but aren't, and silly things that I tell myself I should get over but can't.
Assfucking has never been dirty or illicit to me. I am almost 100% comfortable being nude in front of my partner, even if he is completely clothed.
Yet I can't even bring myself to say "asshole," let alone to natural processes resulting there. God forbid he plays stupid when I ask to use the restroom--I honestly have no idea how I would react. I think that's the "bad" shame, but then again it's something I'd really like to overcome. Biological functions, blah blah blah. Shouldn't be so damned difficult for me to deal with, because, y'know, shit happens.
Even on a non-sexual level, there is good shame and there is bad shame. I could dress like a slut and flaunt it; ask me to dress in tacky, nonmatching clothes and I would absolutely shrivel up.
What's goin on? How do you use shame or embarrassment or discomfort to either establish a greater level of trust in your partner or to arouse them by the very fact that the shame is there? Where is the "good" shame and where is the "bad" shame for you?
